159 réponses à ce sujet

[DHKany]

To: Talak (Batarian Soldier)
From: cannibal

Y U NO GIVE ME HUGGSIES

To: Cannibal
From: Talak

CAUSE FALCON PUNCH EXISTS

[atum]

Can you guys help me with this one? For some reason Google Translate was only able to figure out the "PS" part.

=================
To: atum (STG Infiltrator)
From: Marauder (Shields)

ARRGWWWGGwWGWwwwGGRRGwwggg tshirrraggaagaa tshirrraggaagaa. OHRRRIINE. darshmrg drtrcted.

P.S. Don't go into the beam, the ending is terrible.

=================

[BoomDynamite]

To: Latifa (Alliance Vanguard)
From: James (Cerberus Guardian)

YOU MUST THINK YOU'RE SO GOOD, NOVAING MY TEAMMATES! WELL YOU KNOW WHAT, **** YOU! NEXT TIME I SEE YOU CARRYING YOUR FANCY ASARI SHOTGUN, YOU'RE GETTING A PISTOL ROUND TO THE FACE! AND AFTER YOU'RE MAMBY PAMBY INFILTRATOR DOESN'T REVIVE YOU, MY FRIENDS AND I WILL DANCE AROUND YOU LAUGHING WHILE WE DO THE MAYAN WATER DANCE. I SWEAR IF YOU COME DOWN TO MY BASE ON NOVERIA, YOU WILL BE TOSSED DOWN THE PLANET'S SIDE! YOU WILL DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

[landylan]

TO: flashlight face (geth infiltrator)
FROM: cannibal

awawwawawass we's aagghh goo now

[BoomDynamite]

To: Latifa (Alliance Vanguard)
From: James (Cerberus Guardian)

I TOLD YOU NOT TO COME HERE AGAIN!!!!1 I TOLD YOU YOU WOULD DIE! NOW GET READY TO FEEL THE WRATH OF MY TAL- *Swoosh*

*beep* Audio Recording Over *beep*

Modifié par BoomDynamite, 27 avril 2012 - 10:55 .

[Olaf_de_IJsbeer]

To: El Luchador (Human Vanguard)
From: Ravvy the Ravager

--

You! Every time I'm getting kicks out of dropping foolish organics from half a kilometre away when all of a sudden you show up out of nowhere, screaming as you go along? Do you know how it feels to have solely acid as bodily fluids? Let me tell you, pissing acid hurts. Don't laugh (I just know you are right now), how would you react when some human out of hell ruins your day every day?

Do you fancy yourself a dreadnought, flung by a mass relay to oppress us rachni? This foolishness is why all you organics deserve to die. You think you're so great, with your ground-pound shockwave, but you're not. What are you hoping to accomplish with such frivolous manoeuvres anyway? Eroding away your knuckles?

Try me without instantly charging to my side just when I'm about to bring the might of my cannons to bear on you. You scoff because firing my weapons within melee range would destroy me as well (and that you can't say, can you? I'm so awesome, if I cut loose when I'm not careful, I can blow myself right up! How cool is that?).

Also, that biotic punch thing you're so keen on using against us really HURTS! Next time I see you, I'll see to it that my swarmers target you, and you alone! May my burning hatred for you ignite you as if lit by a thousand suns!

Hoping to ****** acid on your corpse soon,

Ravvy the Ravager.

[Hyperion II]

To: Hunter Unit VX5 (GI)
From: Cerberus Guardian

Yo, Scrap-head! I carry this big, heavy, bulletproof shield for a reason, you know!
What's the point of you shooting me and my friends through it! And on our head, no less!
we are not made of scrap-metal like you!
Stop using that damn Widow!

To: Cerberus Guardian
From: Hunter Unit VX5

...It is an efficient model

[Drummernate]

To: Unit 666
From: Cerberus Guardian #242

"Just so you know, I am upgrading my shield to be 3.5m thick just so your Javelin won't be able to kill me through it. How am I going to do it you say? Easy, I just have 2 Atlases hold it for me! We will see how many of us you can snipe when we are hiding behind THAT! Just be sure that next time you try to snipe you don't forget that you ----asdfnnhwertkhhkbnkj"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To: Cerberus Guardian #242
From: Unit 666

Message received, source identified, target eliminated.

Next time do not send messages from a 0.2m thick phone booth.

-Unit 666, N7 Special Operations.

[ObserverStatus]

To: Trixieburg (Alliance Vanguard)
From: Rolf (Cerberus Atlas Pilot)

You annoying little fly.
******************

To: Trixieburg (Alliance Vanguard)
From: Rolf (Cerberus Atlas Pilot)

You are starting to annoy me!
*******************

To: Trixieburg (Alliance Vanguard)
From: Rolf (Cerberus Atlas Pilot)

Stop moving around so I can squash you!

Modifié par bobobo878, 28 avril 2012 - 12:01 .

[M A F I A]

Luv this thread

[comrade8472]

To Steven
From Phantom inc.

Think you're so smug placing a bounty on 1 million phantoms huh. With the pathetic reward of a "victory pack". FYI we get a million creds and a thirty day vacation for any alliance personel that we "impale" and for every failed extraction you add too our numbers. "assuming direct control" "Shepard I know you feel this, leave them where they fall, find Shepard"

[phoneixxineohp]

To: Platform "Arondight" (Geth Engineer)
From: "Mitch" (Cerberus Guardian)

So you think my shield is useless do you? You think you're hot stuff hitting me with your turret from my back do you. And to add insult to injury, you shock me before you shoot me. Why don't you man up and face me in hand to hand combat you damned electronic chicken!!!!!!!!!!!!! And do your own damn fighting!!!!!!!!!

To: "Mitch" (Cerberus Guardian)
From: Platform "Arondight" (Geth Engineer)

This platform is designed to eliminate enemies in the most efficient manner possible. Therefore bypassing your heavy shield with this platform's turrets as well as opening your defenses through electric shock is the most efficient means of eliminating you.

This platform is not organic therefore being able to "man up" is impossible. Additionally, this platform is not consumable fowl and is unable to acknowledge such comment.

[Theghostof_timmy]

To: Asari Justicar
From: Cerberus command

It has come to our attention that you have a tendency to Pull our soldiers, use Biotic Reave on them, then leave them to die on the floor in horrific agony. We strongly urge you to cease and desist in this activity. Do you even know what Reave does? You are pretty much tearing our soldiers up on a molecular level. Survivors are crippled, and usually afflicted with PTSD after one of your rampages. After being released, they are forced to live in agonizing poverty for the rest of their lives. Attached to this message is a testimonial by some Reave survivors, and a personal message from the team here at Cerberus Command. Have a heart: join the movement to stop Reave now.

Sincerely,
Cerberus Command
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To: Alliance Command
From: Occupy Firebase White

We are the 99% of Cerberus that fights the Alliance. In a gesture of solidarity with our Geth brothers who are repeatedly murdered in a brutal fashion when people farm G:FBW, we vow to Occupy Firebase White until change is made. The 1% of people who fight for the Alliance make over 99% of the profits. We go out there, just trying to do our job, and are mercilessly mowed down by farmers spamming overload and biotic explosions. And what do we get paid? Literally nothing. So, we are going to set up camp right on the landing pad on Firebase white, so nobody can run matches there until our situation is improved. We call upon our brothers, sisters, and both robotic and freakishly mutated brothers to follow our example and occupy the other Firebases. If we stand together, we can bring change. WE ARE THE 99%!

Defiantly,
The Occupy Firebase White Movement

[legion999]

To: Raik Aralakh (Krogan battlemaster and leader of Clan Raik)
From: Subject 13387 (Phantom Project); Subject 42 (Project Guardian)
Subject: What in the actual **** have you done to this shield?

Seriously WTF?! I run up to you having shot out your barrier and about to stab you and you decide to ****ing charge me!? And it ****ing works!? Even worse your barrier is somehow back up and you shoot me in the face putting me in a coma for months! When I find you I'll cut your balls off. Some other moron in your ****** poor race will buy them since you're all so stupid you only survive due to dumb luck. **** you.

This is such bull****. Not only did you somehow take out my friend Maria but you broke my ribcage as well! My shield is one of the heaviest ****ing things ever invented and what do you decide is the best course of action? Charge it. Then while I'm exposed you headbutt me in the chest resulting in me needing a machine to breath for me the next four months! Forget lopping your balls off I'm going to use your skull as decor for my shield. Then nothing will get through ityou thick-skulled, moronic ****er.

Note: Subject 13387's remains were found on Tuchanka 1.21 kilometres away from Subject 42. 42 was found with every bone in his body crushed into dust. A post mortem found that 13387 had the upper part of her body blown off by a shotgun blast. 42's port mortem ruled that he had been hit by either a small bomb or a one tonne animal of somekind travelling at 88mph.

Modifié par legion999, 28 avril 2012 - 08:26 .

[thegamefreek78648]

To: 42 (Geth Infiltrator Platform)
From: Cerberus Nemesis Agent #5608709

What the F%^# you walking toaster!?

To: Cerberus Nemesis Agent #5608709
From: 42 (Geth Infiltrator Platform)

Clarification requested.

To: 42 (Geth Infiltrator Platform)
From: Cerberus Nemesis Agent #5608709

You know what I'm talking about you over sized sex toy, how the H#!! did you do that you F@#$^(% cheater!

To: Cerberus Nemesis Agent #5608709
From: 42 (Geth Infiltrator Platform)

This platform is equipped with a Widow anti-material rifle that has been specially modified to defeat armor and cover, in addition this platform is equipped with a sensor system commonly referred to as "Hunter Vision"

To: 42 (Geth Infiltrator Platform)
From: Cerberus Nemesis Agent #5608709

Not that you B*%$&, on Galaxy of Fantasy, my wizard had 20 levels on you and you still beat it. Just so you know I've reported you for cheating!

[KleinerVance]

To: Geth Platform 854E (On loan to the Alliance Engineering Corps)
From: Cerberus Combat Engineer 67-Delta

YOU CALL THAT A TURRET?! Please, my turret can mow down entire squads! All your pathetic floating rasin can do is restore some shields. You think you are so clever overloading my turrets don't you. You're just jealous of my vastly superior turret. My turret could destroy your turret in a heartbeat. Grow some balls learn to turret you walking desk lamp

[Hyperion II]

To: Operative Vanix (Drellguard)
From: Cerberus Phantom

WHAT THE F$#@!
Most of your lame friend run in terror the moment me and my sisters are 10 meters away,
but you, you frogman in a skin-tight suit, charge in like an idiot!
And when I try to cut you afterwards, you insist on using you Kong Fu kicks and cartwheels on me you dumb F&%@!

Stop moving around so I can cut you down!

P.S. You look like Clyde Frog! I hope you'll get Kepral's Syndrome!

[Dashmundo]

**********************************************
To: The Hulk (Human Vanguard)
From: CPW11 - The Cerberus Phantom Wave 11 Squadron

I get knocked down, but I get up again, and you're never going to keep me down.
I get knocked down, but I get up again, and you're never going to keep me down.
I get knocked down, but I get up again, and you're never going to keep me down.
I get knocked down, but I get up again, and you're never going to keep me down.

**********************************************

Modifié par Dashmundo, 29 avril 2012 - 10:56 .

[Raythehat]

To: Reach (TSentinel)
From: Cerberus Combat Engineer

Please stop making my turrets explode in my face.

To: 2012 (G.I)
From: Cerberus Cheerleader Squad

Why the GPS and heavy melee? WHY?!

[filetemo]

To: Human sentinel
From: Husk

Dude, ztop pulling me.Srsly, Can I has hugz on u?

To: Husk
From: Human sentinel

YO DAWG I HERD U LIKE FLYING SO I PULL YOU WHILE BEING LIFTED SO U CAN FLY WHILE FLYING

To: Human sentinel
From: Husk

U arz 1 big meanie

Modifié par filetemo, 29 avril 2012 - 11:04 .

[N7Kopper]

From: Geth Prime Platform #1336
To: Ter'Nadda vas Idenna

Creator, you wonder why we "heretics" still oppose you and your allied forces in the war against the Old Machines. We oppose your use of the Carnifex pistol to obtain headshots upon our platforms. This is not meant to be possible. We also oppose your heavy reliance upon the Scimitar shotgun model - flying completely contrary to your training as an Infiltrator.
*sabotage'd*
We highly recommend that you buy your emergency induction ports at Steve's Requisition Office!KerChunkDerplahfoofsdsd
*wears off*
Also, your insistence on turning our own troops against us, and blowing out the cybernetics of our Old Machine allies in Cerberus and the Husks.

From: Geth Platform "Floyd"
To: Geth Prime Platform #1336
We apologise. Creator Ter'Nadda can't hear you over everyone she's killing with that shotgun. We have decided to fill in with a canned response. It goes as follows.
*plasma heavy melees the Prime to death*
Thank you for listening, heretic.

[gigliani60]

To: Humans with missiles
From: Banshee

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

To: Banshee
From: Humans with missiles

UMAD?!?

[BlackoutOmega]

Luxure wrote...

Moonshadow_Dark wrote...

Luxure wrote...

How do you get these ?

From being awesome.

Haters gonna hate.

You're so constructive. Cut the crap.
Back to my question please :]

You're ****ing stupid.

[holdenagincourt]

BlackoutOmega wrote...

You're ****ing stupid.

If this thread gets locked it would be a sad day here at the BSN....

Anyway, over at my N7 squad's hostel my Drell Adept sat down with a cup of Breathe Fresh Herbal Tea to read his morning email and received this gem:

To: Garahel Indron
From: Chandler ****** [name redacted by Cerberus servers], Guardian Special Tactics Unit

All those hundreds of times you blithely, even carelessly used Pull on me and my Guardian brethren, I was biding my time. For every time you used Pull, Pull, Reave to denigrate us back to Assault Trooper status, I carved a new notch in my shield, keeping score, waiting for when justice would be served. You may have been the darling of your team, sprinting across FB Giant to revive a downed Novaguard while pulling the shields off Guardians as you went, but not only are they easily impressed but they smell bad. Finally I got my chance, when you were preoccupied with an Atlas that spawned in a freak location right behind you. As you got pulverized by its rockets, I took potshots at your back with my sweet baby Talon who I nicknamed The Herpetologist. The Atlas let me have the last shot, and I savored it like a cold glass of water in a sweltering desert, much like the water I'm sure your people wished they had had when the Hanar stupidly rescued you sorry pre-spaceflight lizards. Sure, I may have been one-shotted by a Geth Infiltrator immediately afterward and been in a coma for 72 hours as the Cerberus medics tried to prevent permanent brain damage, but it was so worth it. The doctors may have been able to repair your flesh wounds, but they can never repair your pride. Please, get knifed by a Phantom.

Chandler

P.S. Although, once I got that close to your back I noticed you have some pretty sexy legs. If you weren't such an obnoxious **** I might have considered asking you out. Who knows....

[Fisterbear]

Q: How do you stop a Vanguard from charging?

A: Take away his credit card.