164 réponses à ce sujet

[Inquisitor Recon]

Now I also want to be a DUURGON. Bioware why you crush my dreams?

[ObserverStatus]

Will paragon be encountering the "Indoctrination Theory" folks any time soon?

[The Love Runner]

bobobo878 wrote...

Will paragon be encountering the "Indoctrination Theory" folks any time soon?

Or the Intoxication Theory? I can see Vic putting more stuff in the thing more stuff goes in...

[A Crusty Knight Of Colour]

Galactic Runner wrote...

bobobo878 wrote...

Will paragon be encountering the "Indoctrination Theory" folks any time soon?

Or the Intoxication Theory? I can see Vic putting more stuff in the thing more stuff goes in...

I never even heard of Intoxication Theory before. But after reading the thread and watching the youtube vid, now my eyes are opened.

Modifié par CrustyBot, 03 avril 2012 - 11:52 .

[Kaiser Arian XVII]

Can you please make a PDF or JPG version of it and upload it (them as few pages), so I and many other can download it? Downloading it as one or few files shall be very easier.

I have many restrictions loading the pictures (speed and fails or forbidden sites). It will be very appreciated

[Vincent Rosevalliant]

This thread so is full of
WIN

[Dominus]

Yes. Yes it is.

[A Crusty Knight Of Colour]

Was hoping to have written a bit more, but oh well. Don't always have the time to spend working on this and playing Fallout 2 as much as I'd like. Hope you all like it!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Click here for the full Chapter Index!

The Story So Far:

Paragon and his companion Vic the writer are engaged in an epic quest to save the BioWare Social Network. The two of them, at Paragon's insistence, work together with the local townspeople to help the community of Dragon Age. Anything to help them combat the ever increasing attacks of the Darkspawn, whose negativity pose a great threat to the community of Dragon Age.

Ascorti, the mayor, informs them of an item buried deep in their gold mines that could solve their issues with the Darkspawn - an AWESOME BUTTON. Vic however, is disgusted with the notion and the two nearly come to blows. Luckily, Paragon defuses the situation and the two walk out with their lives, and their instructions.

: Dragon Age 2 was quite the successful game when it came to sales, critical reception, and fan reception when compared to the first game. It provides a solid foundation for good, quality roleplaying games in the future.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 9:

The two walked out of Ascorti's casino with a request and directions. It was imperative that they undertake the task given and bring prosperity back to this formerly thriving mining town. Imperative to Paragon, at least. Vic? Well, our hero wasn't so sure about that.

The moment they exit the build, Paragon pulls Vic over to the side and grills him on his aggressive behaviour shown inside.

: What the hell was that all about, Vic? We're here to help these people.

: Paragon, are you really helping them or are you just enabling them? Getting that device for Ascorti might help them now, but what about the next time this happens?

: What do you me-

: Look Paragon, I was held in Metzger's compound for months. If there's anything I've learned, it's that they only look to the short term. Never the long term. What if we help them here and the Darkspawn come back next time, hmm? What then?

: Well, what about all the townspeople who need to make money? This will help.

: Help who? Help what? It's kicking the can along the footpath, it's not solving the problem.

: Yeah it is, remember how Ascorti said that the Darkspawn were whiny and negative about Dragon Age 2. It's hurting this town, Vic. We need to stop them, or give Ascorti a way to continue production of their fantastic projects.

: No, you're not listening to me! ...We'll talk about this later. I have a hunch about the Darkspawn and I want to see whether I'm right. I'll follow your lead for now.

...

The two head to the east side of town. They quickly come across a pair of buildings. From the Toxic Drums and Barrels they spot from the outside, they quickly surmise that the mine entrance has to be nearby.



: Look at this, Paragon. It seems that they covered the mine entrance with these things.



The two cautiously approach the building, beyond the rows of toxic barrels. As they enter the building, Paragon takes a moment to read aloud the inscriptions on some of the barrels.

: "94/100." They piled up 100 of these things? That's nasty. Oh... "The best RPG of this decade? Nine more years will tell, but for now, yes." So it's a score. Right?

: Ugh. I can see why they used this as a barricade. It's poison. Utterly toxic.

: But I don't get it, it should be "eight more years", not nine. Mass Effect 3 was released this year, not in 2011...

Putting aside their thoughts, the two men focus on the task at hand, walking past the toxic barrels and towards the mine elevator to take them down into the deep gold mines.



...

The mines were dark, as you'd expect. The only sources of light were torches, strategically placed in certain spots. At best, they provided a piddling few meters of sight. Visibility was low, even with the torches.



Our hero wanders for a number of hours, Vic not too far behind.



: It's weird we haven't encountered any Darkspawn yet. I can tell there are plenty around, I can feel it, but we haven't seen any of them up close.

: Maybe they aren't hostile to our presence?

Just as the two of them begin to relax however, they come across group of the Darkspawn. Hideous creatures, pale, monstrous. They looked more like aliens than people. Apparently, Vic and Paragon catch them by surprise - they were in the act of reproducing.



The Darkspawn seemed to be undertaking their usual activities - cursing BioWare and spamming Dragon Age 2's metacritic with negative reviews, reproducing their rants and long essays over and over again.

Unfortunately for our hero and Vic, they don't seem very happy about having unexpected guests dropping by to say hello.



Before Paragon and Vic are able to properly react, the Darkspawn quickly engage our hero and his companion in combat.



The Darkspawn strike savagely, knocking Paragon off his feet, the back of his head crashing onto the small stones and pebbles laid out on the mine's floor.



With Paragon lying flat on his back, vulnerable to attack, and injured to the point of losing consciousness, Vic tries to step in. He jumps, waves and yells at the Darkspawn, hoping to distract them and possibly hurt them in the process.

: Hey! Look over here! Brent Knowles isn't coming back! Mike Laidlaw is getting a promotion! Dragon Age 2 is a bigger commercial success than Origins!

: NOOOO.... NOOOO IT'S SELLING BADLY.... FAILING... SHUT UP, DRONE!

Vic's antics seemed to work. They lashed out at him, moaning in agony over how the town's inhabitants had "betrayed" them for something they called the "CoD audience". Whatever that meant.

Vic, nimble as ever, deftly dodges all of their attacks. The distraction gives Paragon the time to get up and recover with the aid of Stimpaks.

: GIVE US BACK ORIGINS! GIVE IT BACK TO USSSS!

Patched up and raring to go, Paragon charges at one of the Darkspawn.



: Ugh, why can't you people find something else to do? Why do you hold onto such hate?! GARRGGHH I HATE HOW PEOPLE LIKE YOU ALWAYS RUIN FUN FOR EVERYONE ELSE. YOU ARE NOT TRUE FANS!!

: Go for the eyes Paragon, go for the eyes!



Paragon loses himself in the heat of battle, sweat pours from his face as he strikes the Darkspawn, over and over again.

It isn't long until his rage and adrenaline wins them the day. After downing one of the Darkspawn in a frenzy, the rest flee, terrified of what they had witnessed. Drenched with blood, our hero takes a deep breath. The fire in his eyes disappears and it was clear that his mad frenzy had ended.

Paragon turns to Vic and asks for a towel to clean himself up.

Vic, visibly shaking, hands our hero a towel.

: It's okay, Vic. I'm thinking happy thoughts now. Very happy thoughts.



: The feather... squeehehehe...

: I'm not even gonna ask...

...

The two continue their search for the device. Paragon's previous actions seems to have scared the Darkspawn and the two of them have yet to encounter any others. As they tread deeper and deeper into the mines, Vic brings up the underlying causes of Darkspawn and Retakers, which soon becomes an animated discussion.

: So Paragon, you ever give any thought to what I said before about solving the underlying problems?

: No... not really. After we help these people, we're going to fetch the Infinity Engine Creation Kit and bring it back to Jessica Merizan. She said that's how to solve all of BioWare's problems.

: I don't think it will be that easy. The Darkspawn, the Retakers, possibly more groups. Will the Infinity Engine Cration Kit be enough? I've noticed something about all these... "people".

: Yeah. They hate BioWare games because they're sad trolls who are jealous that they can't create such perfect games. Each BioWare game is more perfect that the previous one. They've turned it into an artform.

: Well, not necessarily. They act like addicts who can't get their fix. I think getting them to stop attacking requires more than getting the Infinity Engine Creation Kit. I know someone who can help in that regard, bu-

: I'll keep it in mind, Vic. But Ms Merizan wants the Infinity Engine Creation Kit and that'll be our primary goal.

: Oh... well, umm, okay, I guess... hmmm... (thinking to himself) then this might not end well...

: Hey, Vic! I think this is it!

Paragon stops abruptly. Squinting his eyes, he sees a large machine a few meters away. The device that they are looking for could easily be inside. Vic quickly runs past Paragon and searches the machine. It was clear to our hero that Vic wanted to leave the moment it was possible.



: It could be inside here... what the hell is thi-

: Ohmigod it's a Varric huggy pillow!!

: Is that a button on it's crot-

: Ascorti was right! If you press this button and something AWESOME happens!!

: Ugh... well, we can go now, right?

Vic and Paragon, glad to be finished with their task, return back to the surface.



: It's just a shame that I can't have some personal time with it...

...

After spending some time bandaging and treating some wounds inflicted on them during their expedition, Paragon and Vic make their way back to Ascorti's casino. As they walk happily towards their destination, Paragon reflects on the experiences he had inside the mines. While the descent into the mines and confronting the Darkspawn was exhilarating, our hero knew that he had lost his temper - once again - and had taken it out on trolls.

He was pleased with his actions, since they showed strength, determination and conviction, but he also worried that his temper may become a sticking point in the future. Well, at least he hadn't exploded like Vic.



As the two men walk triumphantly into the casino with pillow in hand, Ascorti immediately greets them with open arms.

: Guys! I didn't think you could do it! This is EPIC! It's AWESOME!

Ascorti turns around to everyone in the casino and joyously bellows that "we're back in business!!". This of course, is greeted with a chorus of cheers and within seconds, the atmosphere within the casino becomes more festive and lively. People offering drinks to one another, discussing their favourite romances.

It warms Paragons heart, to see things had turned around (for the better) for this struggling franchise establishment.

: You know what, guys? As a "thank you", I'mma give you a sneak peak of THE NEXT BIG THING.



...



...

: GIGGLESQUEEEEEE OHMIGOD CAN I PLEASE NOM VARRIC'S HEAD?! THIS IS AWESOME!

: Hah! That's exactly the reaction we want to hear from our fans! It's the theme we're trying to communicate in the deep and mature storytelling:



Meanwhile...

: Hey man, this Lyrium stuff is pretty good.

: I'M HUNGRY.

------------|(End of Chapter 9.)

Hope you all enjoyed it!

Modifié par CrustyBot, 05 juillet 2012 - 01:29 .

[Arcadian Legend]

Oh my god, I can't stop laughing.

[Dominus]

I am incredibly tempted to have this as an avatar...but I won't. One thing people can unanimously agree on with: You've done literally every awesome button joke fathomable to the mind. And that's pretty awesome. If you don't mind me going in nerd-rage critic mode...

One thing that could use some work is making the BioWare references mix more coherently with the storyline. There's sort of a disconnect when it starts going on certain dialogue bits:

Ugh, why can't you people find something else to do? Why do you hold onto such hate?! GARRGGHH I HATE HOW PEOPLE LIKE YOU ALWAYS RUIN FUN FOR EVERYONE ELSE. YOU ARE NOT TRUE FANS!!

It just comes off as a bit too blatant to what the joke's pointing out.

And damn, that's a lot of sex jokes in one chapter.

Modifié par DominusVita, 07 avril 2012 - 02:47 .

[Gabriel S.]

Oh, I need to find my CD's. This thing has pumped me up for FO2 yet again. Keeng Ra'at, here I come!

Modifié par Gabriel Stelinski, 07 avril 2012 - 03:20 .

[Barry Bathernak]

i want to try some of that lyrium stuff.

[Addai]

I don't think there's any problem with the mixing. It's hilarious, well done.

[Inquisitor Recon]

Truly an AWESOME experience.

[ObserverStatus]

Vic is so mean, why can't he just give Paragon some personal time to mash Varric's awesome button?

[A Crusty Knight Of Colour]

bobobo878 wrote...

Vic is so mean, why can't he just give Paragon some personal time to mash Varric's awesome button?

He needed to make sure that it got back to Ascorti in one piece.

[Hexedcoder]

Subbed.

Whether this is finished or not, it is still pretty epic.

[UnstableMongoose]

Crustybot, you are a gentleman, a scholar, and an alcoholic. I salute you, good sir.

[A Crusty Knight Of Colour]

Sorry I've left this to the wayside, guys! To be honest, I was getting kinda bored of the whole Mass Effect 3 thing, so I couldn't be bothered to write up new chapters. But it seems like there's traction and drama again on that front, so I'll try to get this up and running firing off a few chapters!

Enjoy!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Click here for the full Chapter Index!

The Story So Far:

Paragon and his companion Vic the writer are engaged in an epic quest to save the BioWare Social Network. Upholding a pledge Paragon had made, the duo manage to save the community of Dragon Age from the evil, negative Darkspawn. They retrieve the fabled AWESOME BUTTON and deliver it to the townspeople, despite Vic's reservations about the entire situation. They travel along, continuing their search of the Infinity Engine Creation Kit - the one thing that could save BioWare and it's Social Network.

: The only AWESOME BUTTON is the one that increases my Lyrium IV drip.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 10:

Paragon and Vic leave the mining town, having solved all of their greatest problems. Well, in Paragon's mind they did and he walked with his head held high. Vic on the other hand, was a different story. The duo trudge along in the lonely expanse of the desert inbetween settlements, firmly in the direction of the city Vic had alluded to multiple times.

They did not travel in silence however, as Vic was eager to rehash old issues.

: Paragon, you keep ignoring me on this, but I'm telling you simply getting the Infinity Engine Creation Kit won't solve your problems, I'll show you what I mean. I know a gu-

: No, Vic. We're not having this conversation again.

: But the place I'm taking you doesn't have th-

: Vic, Ms Merizan gave me a task and I will carry it out. I will help save the BSN.

: Yes and this will help in complet-

: Shush, Vic! Look over there!

Paragon points to two groups of people nearby. One group were heavily armed and seemed to be giving orders, while the other group appeared to be poor farmers, their clothes patchy and expressions downtrodden. Neither Vic nor our hero was able to make out what exactly was going on, but they could see that everyone was lively.

The duo run towards the groups of people. As they get closer to the commotion, Paragon is able to identify at least one of the groups: a bunch of filthy Retakers. They stay back, taking care not to get in the middle of the confrontation. Both Vic and Paragon are shocked by what occurs next.



: BioWare is announcing Mass Effect™ 3: Extended Cut, a downloadable content pack that will expand upon the events at the end of the critically acclaimed Action RPG. Through additional cinematic sequences and epilogue scenes, the Mass Effect 3: Extended Cut will give fans seeking further clarity to the ending of Mass Effect 3 deeper insights into how their personal journey concludes.

While Paragon could barely contain his excitement for the - free - downloadable content pack, the group of Retakers did not seem to share his sentiment for some inexplicable reason.



: There's a reason why EA is the worst company in America!



: We don't consider this a victory. We wanted a new ending. We wanted a better ending. We don't want a "clarification". It's a bad ending. It's fundamentally brok-

: Comments on this announcement are closed.



Their mission complete, the mysterious armed men leave, but not without delivering Vic and Paragon a chilling warning.

: You two. Download the free DLC and enjoy it. Or else.

: umm... yeah, sure, okay.

...

The duo had been travelling for many hours. It was pitch black, but through their perserverance and Vic's impeccable navigation skills, they eventually reach their destination - a grand city that supposedly shared a past with Paragon's beloved BioWare. The two of them were tired, but also excited at the prospect of entering the place. Though, their reasons for being excited may have been different.

: Holy Space Jesus Vic, aren't you excited for the Mass Effect 3 Extended Cut DLC? I wonder who else would be willing to discuss this amazing news with... Vic?

Vic turns around, grinning.

: ... we're... we're here, Paragon.

Paragon takes a look over Vic's shoulder and glamorous light emanating from the city in the distance. As they walk closer, Vic points out the city's trademark signage to our hero.

: Look at it, Paragon. Glorious, isn't it?

Sadly, Paragon was not impressed - he didn't understand the significance of the sign. He had hoped Vic would be more willing to discuss the Mass Effect 3 Extended Cut, but it seemed that he was more enamoured with the sign and the location they had just arrived at.



: Of course, it's not really Interplay anymore, Paragon. The biggest little publisher in the world. But it's a symbol that many flocked to, including BioWare in the past.

: Symbol?

: "By gamers. For gamers." Interplay built a thriving community on the premise, BioWare was part of that community... long ago... so long ago...

: So you mean they helped make Mass Effect 2?

: Uhh, no Paragon, way before Mass Effect 2.

: Mass Effect 1?! Wow, that was a long time ago. They should make a remake of Mass Effect 1.

: Before that game, too... Anyways it's not really important. The point is that Interplay, along with studios like Origin Systems blazed a trail for upcoming RPG developers with talent, soul and grit. This place stands as a monument to that spirit and those who wish to emulate it. A "New" Interplay, if you will.

: I like Origin Systems.

: Really?! That's a pleasant surprise! So Paragon, which Ultim-

: Yeah, I love how it has all the EA and BioWare games to buy. It's so much better than Steam... Sorry Vic, you were saying?

: ............................................................



Paragon, not wishing to stride into the depths of the dangerous city in the middle of the night, decide to make camp just outside the city and spend the rest of the evening there in relative safety.

...

The two return to the city in the morning.

: So Vic, where's the Infinity Engine Creation Kit? You said it was here.

: ... Whaat? Why don't we look around and enjoy the sites, eh?

: Well, I dunno Vic. Ms Merizan turned to me to save the BSN. It's become a place of such entitled rage and pseudo-producers because they aren't intelligent enough to understand the ending. The sooner I can shut up all the damn whiners and people with wrong opinions, the better.

: Oh, we can do both Paragon. I can get you in touch with some bigwigs who can help save BioWare at this great club I wanna take you. Tell you what, you follow me there and some other places, and I'll talk to you about BioWare games as we see the sites.

: Oh. OH! Sure, Vic!

Excited that his companion was finally willing to discuss the mastery of BioWare romantic storytelling, our hero gladly hops into place, he tilts his head expectantly, waiting for Vic to lead the way.

Ms. Merizan and the Infinity Engine Creation Kit would have to wait. Paragon may be concerned about the downfall of BioWare, but the chance to discuss BioWare romance fantasies and enlighten closed minds is a sign of true fandom and always - always - takes priority.

...

: So I'm thinking Vic...

: Ummhmm?

: Don't you think that the Vorcha are misunderstood? I get how BioWare don't have the resources to make a romancable companion of every race, but I think that Shepard x Vorcha romance would've been very deep and meaningful about how beauty should be more than skin deep.

: Uhh...

: See in my mind, you could have a Vorcha LI. We don't see video games where visually intimidating monsters can actually be sweet and adorable, especially in the tender act of love. It's artistic.



: And the only way you can think of making art and meaningful messages is through romance and a sex scene?

: Well, yeah. How else would you do it? This isn't some porno for horny teenagers and creepy perverts with weird fetishes like the Witcher, Vic. This is penetrating and in your face storytelling that challenges societal norms!

: Depending on how explicit it is, it'd be more like on your face storytel... no, that's not proper. Ignore I said that, Paragon. Well, I'm sure Kotaku would agree with you, but they are- hold on. Here's our first stop.

Paragon looks up. The building Vic points out looms large over the two of them. Two large thugs quietly man the entrance. Vic and our hero don't give the thugs a reason to bounce them off onto the curb, they both cut their chat short and walk inside quietly.



The mood inside however, was completely different. The faint music which barely registered to the duo outside now reverberate in their ears. The music, the laughter and life of the club fill Vic with excitement. He leads Paragon over to the bar and immediately orders two drinks.



: So Vic, tell me about this place.

: So, this place is called the "Desperado" casino, because it's filled with Desperados. It's run by a family who want to Kickstart a revolution in RPGs, bring back Interplay. It's great, right? I also know the owner and head of the family. He's my contact in helping you save BioWare, Paragon.

: Really? He can find the Infinity Engine Creation Kit?

: Probably, I don't know. But if he can't, he will put you in touch with people who can.

: Great! Let's go meet him. What's his name, by the way?

: Well, everybody here calls him "Big Jesus". Don't know where the nickname came from, but it stuck. I'll take you to him now.

...

The two walk upstairs, away from the casino. Vic leads Paragon through a couple of rooms with heavily armed guards. The guards take a look at Vic and shrug, letting the duo pass. Eventually, they reach a large bedroom, complete with gold furnishings and red carpet.



Not wanting to waste any time, Paragon rushes into the room and introduces himself to the man with the audacity to call himself "Big Jesus".

: Uhh, hello! I hear you know the location of the Infinity Engine Creation Kit and...

"Big Jesus" did not respond to Paragon's greeting. He didn't even look like he was listening.

: Ahh, Paragon, I should've told you earlier, Big Jesus, he-

The moment Vic enters the room however, "Big Jesus" springs to life.

: Ahh, Vic. Just the man I wanted to see. I have some work for you...

------------------|(End of Chapter 10.)

Hope you enjoyed reading it!

Modifié par CrustyBot, 05 juillet 2012 - 12:59 .

[ObserverStatus]

lol, Frank Horrigan is the coolest administrator ever!

[Barry Bathernak]

i always enjoys these and i like how paragon just wont listen and the poo award thing.

[Dominus]

How the heck did I miss this?

Yeah, I love how it has all the EA and BioWare games to buy.

I see what you did there.

"...willing to discuss the mastery of BioWare romantic storytelling..."
And you've officially won the prize.

Really good work, CrustyBot. You have successfully mastered the art of spoofing.

Modifié par DominusVita, 29 avril 2012 - 01:12 .

[Kaiser Arian XVII]

lol at EA achievement. Another interesting chapter ...

"Send anyone claiming that their RPG activity is an art form my way, and I'll gladly stick a pin in their head and deflate it just to have the satisfaction of the popping sound that makes….One might play a game artfully, but that makes neither the game nor its play art." Gygax

I should write it somewhere!

[Addai]

Must always challenge societal norms with a sex scene. I don't know why Vic doesn't understand.

[Cyberarmy]

That Vorcha LI will be giving me nightmares.
For a long time....