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[Larry_McBruce]

And so I was playing Mass effect 3, naively hoping for a truly epic, satisfactory conclusion for Shepard. You know, the kind of conclusion that actually takes into consideration the choices I made over the course of the trilogy, and does not impose on me some cheap symbolism. Silly me, I shoud have known better. It's bioware we're talking about!

It goes whithout saying that pretty much like everybody else if the gaming forums are to be believed, I was baffled by the sheer stupidity and utter incoherence of  the proposed endings. But what struck me the most is how easily the developper could have offered us a fourth decent ending: a simple dialogue, a good old spanking. Something like that:

- Listen, you glowy-vaguely-child-looking-thingy-thing-that-popped-out-of-nowhere-because-hey-it-worked-out-for-battlestar-galactica-so-why-the-f*ck-not-and/or-cr*p-it's-March-already? I've spent three games sorting out all kinds of problems, I managed to get almost every species in the f*cking galaxy to be on my side for the final confrontation and all I get for my troubles are three irrelevant choices based on a cold mathematical assertion?

- Yes, because you see, numbers don't lie and I'm really good at math!  

- Right. See that? That's a hand and it goes bigger by the minute because this hand isn't just mine, it's the hand of hundreds of hangry gamers (take that cheap symbolism!), and right now they're angry at you. Allow me to elaborate:

*SMACK* (insert paragon/renegade QTE/dialogue choice here)

- Hey that hurts! It was really rude of you.

- Sure it was. But maybe not as rude as summarize the future of every organic and synthetic lifeforms down to a simple boring equation. You were probably too busy watching cartoon network the whole time, but basically I prove you wrong at every step over the course of events. Remember the part where I get organic and inorganic species working together to kick your giant space squids out of our galaxy? Disturbing hobby by the way...

- But numbers don't lie, and I'm really...

*SMACK* (insert paragon/renegade QTE/dialogue choice here)

- You might want to reconsider.

- Maybe I do.

- Good boy. Now get your toys out of my planet.

Follows up a nice cutscene, every character lives happily ever after, blah blah.

Seriously, a simple dialogue would have been enough to offer us a satisfactory conclusion, instead of the three terribly lacking and frustrating endings the developers imposed on us. Bioware may have a reasonnably talented team of writers, but ultimately we gamers should have been the authors of our own game experience.

As for those of you who hope for a patch/DLC that would fix the issue, well, don't hold your breath. I doubt it will ever see the light of day. Bioware is not known for admitting its mistakes, especially the obvious ones.

Sorry for any potential spelling mistake, English is not my natural language.

[John Locke N7]

Larry_McBruce wrote...
Good boy. Now get your toys out of my planet

this is full of win

[ammz]

Wouldn't even be haunted by the dumb kid if Renegade Shepard would have yanked his reluctant behind out of the heating vent instead of sweet talking him. The spanking should have started right then. Then the Catalyst could have appeared as something less gooberish.

[Larry_McBruce]

Gooberish I can deal with, albeit reluctantly. I have much more difficulties with incoherence and laziness. And you're right, at this point only renegade dialogue options should be opened. After the spanking comes the stomping, then the airlock tossing.