Staring at the credits in confused disappointment

I am aware that many people on here have very strong reactions to the ending of ME3, ranging from nonchalant apathy to quite intense anger. This is not me just ranting or joining in commenting about the numerous "controversies" surrounding the game, I just feel the need to let people know that this game has, as it has for many others, been a considerable investment on my part. Not just in money and time, but in emotion and social interaction regarding the story. I have been through an interesting journey just to get to this stage, but I shall explain.

Don't get me wrong, I love the games. I did not know what to expect when I got the first one, but I loved it from start to finish. I got all the DLC and waited for the second one. Loved that one even more, it knocked Fallout 3 off the top of my all-time favourite game list. Again, bought all the DLC. I played that game for three days straight. Poor personal hygiene, terrible diet, little sleep. I was addicted, but I loved every minute of it. The work that went into the creative writing, the backstory, the universe as a whole. Bioware were redefining a genre. I had seen it before, in Baldur's Gate, KoTOR and Jade Empire. They never do anything small, it's always grand fantasy, a wonderful story that snags our imaginations and draws us in like only a handful of films, books and games can.

This game was no different.

I wanted it sooner than anyone else, so I was one of the intrepid few that attempted to get a space edition. I set off from Norwich for what would be a bit of a PR failure due to technical issues. In short, I drove past where I needed to be and when we finally got there, I was two places out on receiving an early copy. Instead, I got a hoodie.

A bit disappointing, but I knew it might happen. Instead, I resigned myself to wait to collect my pre-order. Placed well, well in advance, with a wonderful little outlet called GAME. I don't need to tell you guys about the s***storm that followed, but needless to say, I got a little stressed. I know it was only a game, but we're a fickle bunch. We always have been. At the end of the day though, we buy the games and drive the market, so fickle we may be, but we buy what these guys sell and that keeps the industry going.

That issue resolved, I went back and replayed the first two from the beginning. Great games, amazing stories and loveable characters. This series, as with so many games, has replaced books in my life. Whereas I was an avid reader of Raymond Feist, videogames now held a quality of narrative that held my interest more than fantasy novels ever could.

Then it came through the door, with a the familiar "thud" I've come to associate with online orders. The N7 Collectors edition. Brilliant. The art, the collectibles, the case. It was like an Apple product. The style seemed to ooze out of the box. I could not wait. Everything was put on hold. I put the disc in and held my breath as the familiar loading screen promised an adventure I had been looking forward to for so long.

Thirty hours of amazing story telling and gameplay later (with sleep, eating and other primary living needs being met in between) I had come to the end. My feelings and emotions for these characters had felt so real, I had suspended my disbelief and given over to a story that had enthralled me from the very beginning. Something was wrong however.

A distinct change in the style and direction had pulled me abruptly out of the world. I wasn't Shepard anymore, I wasn't saving the galaxy, building relationships or feeling the pressure of the reaper war. I was in front of a screen, playing a videogame, putting off work and real life. This disconnection was not subtle. It felt as if a wire had been cut. The positive feeling of achieving so much in the games was gone, stripped down to the "achievements" boxes that had occasionally popped up on screen.

The last moments of the game, not so much an ending or conclusion, as a confused deus ex machina. I was crestfallen. I waited, but it did not get better. My reinterpretation of what happened, allowing for an alternative in the form of DLC is a moot point. The game, as it is sold, is amazing, but contains an ending that just severs my link with the narrative. I want to understand, to have the closure of having a journey completed and, if not rewarded, then at least acknowledged. For all the choices I have made in the Mass Effect series, I always felt they would have repercussions, whether for good or bad. These final moment took those choices away from me and presented something so contrived, I cannot justify the time to replay the game.

Call this a rant if you want, but I just feel disappointed. If the ending is absolute, then the narrative is, in my eyes, made redundant. If the ending is to be retconned via DLC, then I feel like I am being emotionally blackmailed to pay for closure in a story I love.