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[ComTrav]

At unmarked hovel:

Gaxkang! I HAVE COME FOR YOU!



(silence)

C'mon, bring it! "Witness Gaxkang!"



(silence, checks codex)

Uh, we're going to....the Brecilian Lower Ruins I think...no, I just think we should visit it and look around; didn't really get the chance to take in these remarkable ruins when we were fighting undead and werewolves...

[Recidiva]

ComTrav wrote...

At unmarked hovel:
Gaxkang! I HAVE COME FOR YOU!

(silence)
C'mon, bring it! "Witness Gaxkang!"

(silence, checks codex)
Uh, we're going to....the Brecilian Lower Ruins I think...no, I just think we should visit it and look around; didn't really get the chance to take in these remarkable ruins when we were fighting undead and werewolves...

*walking away frustrated* *triggered conversation between Wynne and Alistair*

Wynne:  Gaxkang?  What's a Gaxkang?
Alistair:  Nobody ever tells me anything. 
Wynne:  Do you think blood magic is involved?  Oh dear.
Alistair:  I don't know, Wynne.  I didn't happen to see a sign saying "I'm Gaxkang, ask me how!", did you?
Wynne:  Why is it we couldn't get in?  Don't you warrior types have sharp weapons that could smash......wood?
Alistair:  You totally could have burned a hole in it with your...staff...thingy.
Oghren:  Heh.  He said staff.

[Recidiva]

Me: *staring at Alistair*

Alistair: What? Is there something wrong with my hair?

Me: You are so passive aggressive.

Alistair: What? What does that even mean? Use little words!

Me: You're trying to make me think you have new information about the Grey Wardens. But you don't. You're just waiting for me to say "What would happen if we just left?" and that never ends well.

Alistair: Leave? We couldn't possibly leave! No way! You're not the person I thought you were!

Me: I didnt -

Alistair: I'm not talking to you. LALALALALA.

Me: *sigh*

[IPerrin]

Weylon : "hey, what are you doing here in brother genitivi's house"



Me: actualy I was looking for you, I've got a message for you, from the revered father, you're to return to haven at once. I'll take care of the body in the back.

[ComTrav]

Me: I must, at long last, gain my revenge on my brother Bhelen.

Wynne: Whatever do you mean, child?

Me: Well, you see, Bhelen framed me for killing my other brother Tirion and I was framed as a kinslayer.

Wynne: ...and was this before or after you were sent to the Circle for mage training?

Me: ...wrong character.

[Recidiva]

IPerrin wrote...

Weylon : "hey, what are you doing here in brother genitivi's house"

Me: actualy I was looking for you, I've got a message for you, from the revered father, you're to return to haven at once. I'll take care of the body in the back.

Ooooh.  Smooooth.  I like it.

Alistair:  We have to light the beacon!  Teyrn Loghain is waiting for the signal!
Me:  Oh, you poor bas-
Alistair:  What?
Me:  Nothing.  Beacon.  Check.  Stand over something soft.

[sagevallant]

Recidiva wrote...

*hands out journals at camp*
We are all going to share our FEELINGS today. Keep in mind how cathartic this is when you write it down and how much you appreciate that I'm listening to you. You have 24 hours to all submit all hopes, dreams, secrets and ambitions...or lack thereof *stare at Alistair* in Codex form for me to absorb. I'm very busy. Thank you for your support.
I am accepting bids for romantic involvement, be creative. No, Oghren, limericks do not qualify. But write them down anyway in the margin somewhere, that's fine.

*ON THE MOUNTAINTOP*

Alistair: Ooooh, what's that horn, is it an instrument? I love music. Maybe you could give it to Leliana and she could play -
Me: *hides the horn behind her back* No. Not an instrument. No touching. NO TOUCHING.
*playful scuffle where I lose my grip*
Me: No! Don't!
*sound of a horn*
Me: Dammit...Alistair...oh look, very nice, now Wynne's dead. Are you HAPPY now?

Wynn [still on the ground]: Technically speaking, I've been dead since I started following you around.

[Recidiva]

ComTrav wrote...

Me: I must, at long last, gain my revenge on my brother Bhelen.
Wynne: Whatever do you mean, child?
Me: Well, you see, Bhelen framed me for killing my other brother Tirion and I was framed as a kinslayer.
Wynne: ...and was this before or after you were sent to the Circle for mage training?
Me: ...wrong character.

Wynne:  Perhaps you'd best not...mention this to anyone, child.  This sounds disturbingly close to the heresy of reincarnation.
Me:  You know, for someone who is possessed, you've got a lot of opinions.
Wynne:  I am possessed of many years, much wisdom...ah, that reminds me...
Me:  Does this story have Griffons in it?
Wynne:  Why, I don't know.  Perhaps, if you are good, griffons will manifest themselves.
Me:  Okay, I'll bite.  What does the Chantry do to people who believe in reincarnation?
Wynne:  There was this one time...
Me:  Short version, please.
Wynne:  The chantry takes needles to your skin.  The needles are threaded with lyrium-soaked silk, and the heretical words you spoke in your life become bound to you like a mystical tattoo that slowly strangles you and drives you mad.  This is of course to assure that you'll never under any circumstances be reincarnated in Ferelden.  Why would anyone come back after that?
Me:  This chantry just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?
Wynne:  We all must strive to get better and better.
Me:  Oh, bite me, lady.
Wynne:  You sound hungry, let's go have some stew.

[Recidiva]

sagevallant wrote...

Wynn [still on the ground]: Technically speaking, I've been dead since I started following you around.

Heeheehee...made me snort.

[sagevallant]

Me: What? Teyrn Loghain is running away? I'm absolutely shocked, really. I am. [doesn't look up as invading Genlocks trigger the 357 explosive traps on the stairway]



Alistair: Hah! Who's laughing now, you little green bastards?



Me: Wait for it... ah, there we go. [Army of golems and werewolves come crashing through the forest to the aid of the Grey Wardens.] Big bulky bastards, I told them to show up ten minutes ago. Come, Alistair, we can go back to King Cailan's tent and untie him now. And I need to get to Lothering, because I have a thing for redheads.

[Recidiva]

sagevallant wrote...

Me: What? Teyrn Loghain is running away? I'm absolutely shocked, really. I am. [doesn't look up as invading Genlocks trigger the 357 explosive traps on the stairway]

Alistair: Hah! Who's laughing now, you little green bastards?

Me: Wait for it... ah, there we go. [Army of golems and werewolves come crashing through the forest to the aid of the Grey Wardens.] Big bulky bastards, I told them to show up ten minutes ago. Come, Alistair, we can go back to King Cailan's tent and untie him now. And I need to get to Lothering, because I have a thing for redheads.

Alistair:  I could dye my hair red if you really wanted me to.
Me:  It's not all about YOU, Alistair.

[ComTrav]

Me: I cannot bring myself to kill it. It is the last of its race, and I will not be party to genocide.

Alistair: It's...a big darkspawn evil lady thing, with extra creepiness...what are you talking about?

Oghren: By the nug droppings of the Paragons, Warden! Did you hear nothing Hespith said?

Me: Exactly, this is my Paragon playthrough. I can't kill the Rachni Queen.

Oghren: How does a dwarf get a name like Shepherd anyway?

[Rathengar]

Me: Hey Liliana , may i get a bite of your fruit ?

Liliana: *sigh* I should never have used that expression ... it was .. it was ill choosen words.



*15 min later in her tent after some convincing and sweet words*



Sandal: Enchantment !

Me: Saaandal get out of this tent this instant !

Dog: *Happy bark*

Me: You too !

Liliana: Oh! Shoes .....

Me: Argh ! Fine i give up.

[Emryc]

<whoever is your dad/leader/whatever>  'Hello Player Character, this is Duncan. He is a Grey Warden.'
<me> 'Hello Duncan. You're a Grey Warden. You're here to recruit me. Good. Let's go. Jory and that other guy will die during the Joining. The treaties are held by the Witch of the Wild who will give them to me. Loghain betrays the king. Yadda yadda. Everyone has problems and I'm the only frigging person to save them. Now, do you want me to 'prove' myself and thus extending your life by half a hour excluding cutscenes, or what?'
<Duncan>  'Eh... Excuse me?'

[Alphakiller]

pc: wynne, leliana, i'm going to have to ask you to stay at camp while I seek out the urn.

wynne: is there any reason you won't let me help you? the opportunity...

leliana: I agree with her. I would love to have the chance to see Andraste's ashes...

pc: who's the leader here? i'm taking sten, oghren, and morrigan. end of story.

leliana: but they have to be the least supporting group of the Maker i've ever seen... what good would seeing the ashes do them?

pc: I don't care. they're coming.



*reaver specialization unlocked*



wynne: how did it go? did you find it?

pc: errm... yes. it went quite well. I have a pinch of the ashes right here.

leliana: I wish we could've gone with you

pc: do you wish you were alive?

both: excuse me?

pc: nothing...

[Seagloom]

I wish I could add some witty content to this thread, but sadly I'm feeling uninspired this morning. I just felt compelled to thank everyone for the laughs. Recidiva and ComTrav's posts in particular are cracking me up.

[Boeresmurf]

epic tails....... Recidiva





but the current ones from bioware arent bad either

[Recidiva]

Yay! How nice to wake up to funny things. My thanks to Bioware for giving me so much to work with. And the folks pitching in with their own.



*Take the group aside before entering Orzammar*



Me: Orzammar. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious.

Sten: That sounds...oddly familiar.

Me: What, you guys are the only ones who can be anachronistic?

Sten: I fail to see...

Me: Sten. Zip it. I have the talking stick *shakes staff* And you can't equip it, so no, you don't get a turn. You don't believe in magic, right? Or my leadership skills? How much you wanna bet that within a few moments of stepping foot in Orzammar we're going to see public murder?

Sten: Can I hold the stick now?

Me: No, just answer direct questions when asked.

Sten: I know there's disorder, but there are still guards at their post. I will take your bet, Warden.

Me: Good.



*axe cutscene*



Me: Hah. Pay up.

Sten: That was...improbable.

Me: Stick with me. No, not that close. Stop looming. You're not getting your money back and you have to do my turn at KP for a week at camp.

Sten: My skin will dry out and get all puckery. You are cruel.

Me: That's what they keep telling me.

[IPerrin]

Janar: Atrast vala, stranger, here for armor or conversation?

Me: Haven't you noticed the hole in your shop wall?

Janar: What?

Me :I need to get to the carta hideout, so we're knocking over your new, empty bookcase.

Janar: WHAT?

Me: oh, and I sent your daughter to the surface, I think she'll be happier there.





Allison: T- Traps, did you make any traps?

Me: no, and I'm not going to either.. last time I made you over a thousand traps and it didnt help, lothering still fell to the darkspawn. LISTEN to to the Doomsayer over there, pack your bags and run. Lothering is falling to the blight.

[Recidiva]

Brother Burkel: *patiently standing there with white arrow over his head*

Me: *averting gaze*

Brother Burkel: *white arrow persisting*

Me: DUDE! Stop it. Stop expecting something. You always die.

Brother Burkel: But the Maker...

Me: The maker is NOT going to save you. I don't know how.

Brother Burkel: Have you accepted the Ma-

Me: STOP. Stop with the guilt.

Brother Burkel: Gray Wardens are weird.

Me: Be safe, Brother. And will you turn that light off? It's messing up my map. Thank you.



*LANDSMEET*



"I'm with Loghain!"

Me: Can I...just...for a second...wait.

*silence*

Me: Dude. Who the hell ARE you and who do I have to kill to get you to stop saying that?



*ANVIL OF THE VOID*



Oghren: What was that?

Me: A big wall of metal. How do you miss that?

Branka: *various crazy ranting*

Me: I STILL HAVE ROCKS, YOU KNOW. Shut up, you crazy ****.

Branka: *various crazy ranting*

Me: I can usually escape past that crap, you know. If you keep going I'm going to turn off

Branka: *various crazy ranting*

Me: That's IT. I'm turning off subtitles. Let's move away from the crazy lady. NO...not down the tunnel all at once - oh hell.

[Bali_of_Terenas]

Duncan : The king is holding a strategy session and wishes you to attend.
Me : No problem
(walk to meeting)
King : So Logain what is your grand strategy
Me: (grab nearest sharp object and decapitate Logain, his blood miraculously hits his daughter back in Denerim)
(stunned silence)
Me: What? I just saved us all a LOT of time.

Modifié par Bali_of_Terenas, 30 novembre 2009 - 08:54 .

[Recidiva]

*walking across the bridge toward Lothering*

Me: *unable to suppress giggles* Here they come! They're so funny!
Alistair: "Highwaymen -
Me: Stop interrupting, Alistair. *giggles* Guys! Good to see you!
Bandit Leader: ...the pretty one is the leader!
Me: Yaaaay! Say stuff. Say anything. I love you guys. Refugee tax! Where's the refugee tax!  I wish I could recruit you guys, you're awesome.

Morrigan +10
Alistair -10

Me: Heh. Worth it. Every time.

Modifié par Recidiva, 01 décembre 2009 - 12:20 .

[Bibdy]

Sometimes wish I could reset my memory, just so I could experience certain moments of elation over again.

[Rhys Cordelle]

Alistair: Can we talk for a minute? There's something I need to tell you... My father was King Maric

Me: *fingers her wedding ring* Oh really? I had no idea...

[Rhys Cordelle]

Me: Hey Morrigan, have you decided on a name for your god-baby?

Morrigan: I was thinking about naming it after you actua- Wait, what?

Me: Oh snap.