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Alternate fan endings for Mass Effect 3! Endings complete! Femshep added! Character resolutions in progress! [UPDATED: MAY/30/2012)
Débuté par
M0keys
, avril 04 2012 01:38
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#227
Posté 02 juin 2012 - 09:29
Orumon
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Nice to see that the guy is still working on this. I'm glad to see it. Especially as the work is generally top notch.
Also, pass on our comments, will you. Not all of us can post on livejournal.
Also, pass on our comments, will you. Not all of us can post on livejournal.
Modifié par Orumon, 02 juin 2012 - 10:04 .
#228
Posté 02 juin 2012 - 09:53
grimlock122
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dear god. this thing's better than god!
edit, just finished it. hella good
edit, just finished it. hella good
Modifié par grimlock122, 02 juin 2012 - 12:05 .
#229
Posté 02 juin 2012 - 01:01
Ajensis
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Alright, I've read about half of it now: the first three sections (first obligatory part, then Heroes and Destroy endings) and the last three sections. I didn't intentionally set out to read just the first and last three sections, it was merely a coincidence; the Control and Synthesis endings I skipped because I wasn't interested in them in the original game. I might go back and read them later, however 
but for now, just keep in mind I haven't read it all.
I'm commenting on the female version, by the way, since that's how I played Mass Effect.
First off: there's clearly a lot of work behind this and I'm impressed with the quantity you've presented us with (I'm just going with 'you' instead of 'BSN member who cannot post in this section but might or might not read this feedback'
). And out of respect for the work and time you've put into this, I will give you my honest feelings, since I will always assume that an aspiring writer wants honesty over 'This is perfect!', which is useless in the pursuit of improving your skills.
My overall feelings after reading the above-mentioned parts is that it needs some rewriting/polishing in many parts. There are many times I feel the characters stray too far from their established personalities. Something like:
"TALI (RADIO)
We’ll hold out, Commander!"
Seeing her address Shepard as 'Commander' feels off. I know it's nit-picking, but when it happens with more or less regular intervals, it starts to detract from the overall quality.
Another example where I have trouble hearing the character say the words you've put down:
"JOKER
I’m comin’, honey!"
These are just a few examples. On the whole, I feel there's a lot of work left in ironing out the characters' lines to make them seem fitting.
And it's not just individuals, but races as a whole, like the part where you see a Salarian proposing something to a group of Krogan (while Hackett is giving a speech, can't remember where it was exactly), the Krogan opposing the suggestion we cannot hear, to which the Salarian head-butts one of them. A Salarian wouldn't do that in my head. Shepard did it once (maybe, depending on one's playthrough of ME2), but (s)he's a human and it made sense in that context. Then there's the part where you see Volus (Voli?) cheering inside their dreadnought after taking the Reapers down - I can't imagine a common Volus, let alone their military, show this kind of emotion. But alright, it's a pretty big moment, so maybe it could happen. Just seems a bit cheesy to me. Then there's the elcor ordering his men to fire:
"ELCOR CAPTAIN
With conviction: Hit it again."
Elcor don't communicate like that to each other, only to aliens. And the Hanar military isn't much better:
"HANAR ADMIRAL (RADIO)
This One acknowledges."
It feels more comical (at least to me) than the seriousness that the moment should induce. Maybe a simple "Acknowledged" would suffice here. I don't know, but they're just examples of things that sort of bothered me.
What's more than simple nit-picking, however, is Shepard acting out-of-character:
"(BL RENEGADE: +1 EVIL)
I could use the Reapers to rule the
Galaxy? I never considered that.."
I don't think BioWare could ever include something like this. I appreciate the notion of giving us, the players, a wide spectrum of options in which we can define our own Shepards, but I also think it's important to remember that there are many aspects of Shepard that BioWare have already determined - Shepard isn't Revan. Now, I haven't read the Renegade control ending, but if it builds on from the kind of thought that I quoted above, then I think this goes against some fundamental character traits in Shepard.
There's also the Hero(ine) ending, where the remaining galactic fleet is ready to fire at and destroy the Crucible. Shepard just said goodbye to her crew, but now that she's been told they're ready to fire, she goes on to give a speech to all the races. Which would be fine, except she's holding everyone up, risking their victory to say some final words - not just a sentence or two, but a whole speech? That seems out of place, seeing as the fleet is fighting for their lives out there and they're ready to end it all - there's no time to waste on speeches here.
Then there are the plot lines themselves. I didn't like how Shepard (in Hero ending, I think?) just instinctly knew how much firepower it would take to destroy the Crucible because she had "bonded" with Harbinger. It can make sense, but it seems unnecessary to introduce this when she could more easily have asked Hackett to simply take it down and leave it to him to estimate how much firepower it would require. That way you don't ask the reader (player) to accept the fact that Shepard extracted that kind of information through Harbinger. The same with the part of Magic Woman where Shepard sends out a strategy that will defeat the Reaper forces most effectively (pages 142-3). I would personally prefer to avoid such plot events where the solution (or parts of it) to a problem was given in a non-traditional way. If it had been wits or a sudden realisation that made the protagonist say, 'We need to regroup and fight them like this instead!', then it makes sense to us. But utilising the knowledge of Harbinger, acquired in a too fantastical way, makes it look more absurd than good. I realise it happens from time to time when the writer has no other choice, but I think in this regard, there's room for alternatives.
That being said, much of the plot you wrote is actually quite good. I hope I haven't been unnecessarily harsh in my wording, I merely wish to point out where I personally feel you can improve this writing that you've put a lot of time into. But overall, the endings I've read (Hero and Magic Woman (please consider changing that name
nah, up to you, just sounds a bit silly )) are pretty good. If the flaws I've outlined were to be corrected, mostly the character dialogue and things like Garrus saying 'Scoped... and dropped' when firing his Thannix Cannon (I thought Joker controlled the guns, anyway?), then you've got some high-quality endings deserving of replacing our current ending. I especially liked that you didn't just copy-paste the part where the Normandy has picked up the squad-mates from Earth while the Citadel debris is coming crushing down - despite having Shepard on board in one of the endings I read and not in the other, you could've just copy-pasted that segment. The fact that they're different would make it much more interesting to replay the game, getting unique cutscenes both where your choices made a difference and also where they didn't. Another part I also think was very good was:
"HACKETT
Then the Crucible isn’t a weapon?
SHEPARD
It is -- just not ours. It’s another part of the Reapers’ trap.
That’s why every race that built the Crucible failed.
It’s a distraction from the real threat.
If you’re going to win conventionally against the Reapers,
you need to break their connection to Harbinger."
(p. 31)
This is actually quite a plot twist, but the best part is that it's not being made a big deal out of - they were fooled, but now they know they have to take out the master mind, Harbinger. And it's believable! The Reapers gave us the Relays and the Citadel to make sure our technological advances followed the path they wanted - throwing in a trap like the Crucible to make the organics waste time and resources on it, it's just fittingly devious for them. Now I actually wish this happened in the real game
Lastly, the epilogues. I liked the Tali version, but not so much Garrus'. I would've expected him to challenge the bartender who refuses to serve brandy to Shepard, educated him on exactly whose presence he was standing in, instead of leaving that to the former Councillor. But maybe that's just me. Vega's ending was alright, too but most of all, Tali's. I never romanced her in any of my playthroughs, but I like her a good deal, and helping to build her home is just a great epilogue. I hope BioWare includes that in the Extended Cut, even if you're just good friends.
Woups, did I say 'lastly' before? Well, ultimate-lastly, then your speeches are great! Even though I expressed skepticism about having Shepard give a speech while people are dying outside and just waiting to open fire, the speeches are well-written and powerful. Definitely don't get rid of them 
maybe just relocate the one I mentioned earlier.
Is this the point where I sum up or just allow you to finally get back to whatever you were doing before this wall of text hit you? well, in short: despite not having read all the possible endings you've written, I can safely say I much prefer their general plots to what we have now. It would be truly different paths giving us truly different endings - and I'm saying this without having read the Renegade Control ending if the dialogue is simply reworked and some plot events slightly altered, the result will be a top-notch conclusion to the Mass Effect series. Good job!
Edit: I knew I'd forget something I also have to say that making Shepard the leader of a new galactic alliance is too much. It's easy to be tempted into such grand gestures when you're finishing off an epic trilogy, but it's important not to get carried away and do more harm than good. Shepard isn't fit for a politician's role. Instead, it would be more suiting if she served as an inspiration to stay united, an example for generations to follow, not a political figure that enforces those beliefs. But as with anything else I've written here, this is merely my own opinion and take on it
but for now, just keep in mind I haven't read it all.I'm commenting on the female version, by the way, since that's how I played Mass Effect.
First off: there's clearly a lot of work behind this and I'm impressed with the quantity you've presented us with (I'm just going with 'you' instead of 'BSN member who cannot post in this section but might or might not read this feedback'
). And out of respect for the work and time you've put into this, I will give you my honest feelings, since I will always assume that an aspiring writer wants honesty over 'This is perfect!', which is useless in the pursuit of improving your skills.My overall feelings after reading the above-mentioned parts is that it needs some rewriting/polishing in many parts. There are many times I feel the characters stray too far from their established personalities. Something like:
"TALI (RADIO)
We’ll hold out, Commander!"
Seeing her address Shepard as 'Commander' feels off. I know it's nit-picking, but when it happens with more or less regular intervals, it starts to detract from the overall quality.
Another example where I have trouble hearing the character say the words you've put down:
"JOKER
I’m comin’, honey!"
These are just a few examples. On the whole, I feel there's a lot of work left in ironing out the characters' lines to make them seem fitting.
And it's not just individuals, but races as a whole, like the part where you see a Salarian proposing something to a group of Krogan (while Hackett is giving a speech, can't remember where it was exactly), the Krogan opposing the suggestion we cannot hear, to which the Salarian head-butts one of them. A Salarian wouldn't do that in my head. Shepard did it once (maybe, depending on one's playthrough of ME2), but (s)he's a human and it made sense in that context. Then there's the part where you see Volus (Voli?
) cheering inside their dreadnought after taking the Reapers down - I can't imagine a common Volus, let alone their military, show this kind of emotion. But alright, it's a pretty big moment, so maybe it could happen. Just seems a bit cheesy to me. Then there's the elcor ordering his men to fire:"ELCOR CAPTAIN
With conviction: Hit it again."
Elcor don't communicate like that to each other, only to aliens. And the Hanar military isn't much better:
"HANAR ADMIRAL (RADIO)
This One acknowledges."
It feels more comical (at least to me) than the seriousness that the moment should induce. Maybe a simple "Acknowledged" would suffice here. I don't know, but they're just examples of things that sort of bothered me.
What's more than simple nit-picking, however, is Shepard acting out-of-character:
"(BL RENEGADE: +1 EVIL)
I could use the Reapers to rule the
Galaxy? I never considered that.."
I don't think BioWare could ever include something like this. I appreciate the notion of giving us, the players, a wide spectrum of options in which we can define our own Shepards, but I also think it's important to remember that there are many aspects of Shepard that BioWare have already determined - Shepard isn't Revan. Now, I haven't read the Renegade control ending, but if it builds on from the kind of thought that I quoted above, then I think this goes against some fundamental character traits in Shepard.
There's also the Hero(ine) ending, where the remaining galactic fleet is ready to fire at and destroy the Crucible. Shepard just said goodbye to her crew, but now that she's been told they're ready to fire, she goes on to give a speech to all the races. Which would be fine, except she's holding everyone up, risking their victory to say some final words - not just a sentence or two, but a whole speech? That seems out of place, seeing as the fleet is fighting for their lives out there and they're ready to end it all - there's no time to waste on speeches here.
Then there are the plot lines themselves. I didn't like how Shepard (in Hero ending, I think?) just instinctly knew how much firepower it would take to destroy the Crucible because she had "bonded" with Harbinger. It can make sense, but it seems unnecessary to introduce this when she could more easily have asked Hackett to simply take it down and leave it to him to estimate how much firepower it would require. That way you don't ask the reader (player) to accept the fact that Shepard extracted that kind of information through Harbinger. The same with the part of Magic Woman where Shepard sends out a strategy that will defeat the Reaper forces most effectively (pages 142-3). I would personally prefer to avoid such plot events where the solution (or parts of it) to a problem was given in a non-traditional way. If it had been wits or a sudden realisation that made the protagonist say, 'We need to regroup and fight them like this instead!', then it makes sense to us. But utilising the knowledge of Harbinger, acquired in a too fantastical way, makes it look more absurd than good. I realise it happens from time to time when the writer has no other choice, but I think in this regard, there's room for alternatives.
That being said, much of the plot you wrote is actually quite good. I hope I haven't been unnecessarily harsh in my wording, I merely wish to point out where I personally feel you can improve this writing that you've put a lot of time into. But overall, the endings I've read (Hero and Magic Woman (please consider changing that name
nah, up to you, just sounds a bit silly )) are pretty good. If the flaws I've outlined were to be corrected, mostly the character dialogue and things like Garrus saying 'Scoped... and dropped' when firing his Thannix Cannon (I thought Joker controlled the guns, anyway?), then you've got some high-quality endings deserving of replacing our current ending. I especially liked that you didn't just copy-paste the part where the Normandy has picked up the squad-mates from Earth while the Citadel debris is coming crushing down - despite having Shepard on board in one of the endings I read and not in the other, you could've just copy-pasted that segment. The fact that they're different would make it much more interesting to replay the game, getting unique cutscenes both where your choices made a difference and also where they didn't. Another part I also think was very good was:"HACKETT
Then the Crucible isn’t a weapon?
SHEPARD
It is -- just not ours. It’s another part of the Reapers’ trap.
That’s why every race that built the Crucible failed.
It’s a distraction from the real threat.
If you’re going to win conventionally against the Reapers,
you need to break their connection to Harbinger."
(p. 31)
This is actually quite a plot twist, but the best part is that it's not being made a big deal out of - they were fooled, but now they know they have to take out the master mind, Harbinger. And it's believable! The Reapers gave us the Relays and the Citadel to make sure our technological advances followed the path they wanted - throwing in a trap like the Crucible to make the organics waste time and resources on it, it's just fittingly devious for them. Now I actually wish this happened in the real game
Lastly, the epilogues. I liked the Tali version, but not so much Garrus'. I would've expected him to challenge the bartender who refuses to serve brandy to Shepard, educated him on exactly whose presence he was standing in, instead of leaving that to the former Councillor. But maybe that's just me. Vega's ending was alright, too
but most of all, Tali's. I never romanced her in any of my playthroughs, but I like her a good deal, and helping to build her home is just a great epilogue. I hope BioWare includes that in the Extended Cut, even if you're just good friends.Woups, did I say 'lastly' before? Well, ultimate-lastly, then
your speeches are great! Even though I expressed skepticism about having Shepard give a speech while people are dying outside and just waiting to open fire, the speeches are well-written and powerful. Definitely don't get rid of them maybe just relocate the one I mentioned earlier.Is this the point where I sum up or just allow you to finally get back to whatever you were doing before this wall of text hit you?
well, in short: despite not having read all the possible endings you've written, I can safely say I much prefer their general plots to what we have now. It would be truly different paths giving us truly different endings - and I'm saying this without having read the Renegade Control ending if the dialogue is simply reworked and some plot events slightly altered, the result will be a top-notch conclusion to the Mass Effect series. Good job!Edit: I knew I'd forget something
I also have to say that making Shepard the leader of a new galactic alliance is too much. It's easy to be tempted into such grand gestures when you're finishing off an epic trilogy, but it's important not to get carried away and do more harm than good. Shepard isn't fit for a politician's role. Instead, it would be more suiting if she served as an inspiration to stay united, an example for generations to follow, not a political figure that enforces those beliefs. But as with anything else I've written here, this is merely my own opinion and take on it
Modifié par Ajensis, 02 juin 2012 - 03:13 .
#230
Posté 02 juin 2012 - 01:08
mopotter
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Great job. Amazing what people can do when they care. I've also enjoyed seeing what other people come up with ending that could be incorporated into what we have from BW.
#231
Posté 02 juin 2012 - 04:26
lolerk53
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Dont like the sacrifise below 0 means the best ending.
I think it should be based only on resistance.
I think it should be based only on resistance.
#232
Posté 02 juin 2012 - 06:42
M0keys
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grub speaks...
"Thanks to everyone who has commented, including ajensis's incredible criticism. I won't go and explain my reasoning for writing certain things since that just bores the hell out of people, but I'm definitely taking what you said into account. And not in a sort of 'aren't you cute? i'll put your criticism right here on the fridge' way, but in a serious manner. Thanks a bunch."
"And now I'll be a hypocrite and explain myself![=]](https://lvlt.forum.bioware.com/public/style_emoticons/default/sideways.png)
Neither is intended to be the best ending. They're both supposed to be 'triumphant,' as Bioware likes to say. It just depends on what you feel is right. You think Mass Effect 3 is all about Shepard ending his/her journey in sacrifice, following in the footsteps of Mordin and Legion? That's your choice. And if you think Shepard's supposed to live and settle down or explore the galaxy forever? That's your choice too. I wanted the player's preference to come out based on how they chose to argue against the Starchild, but I'm open to suggestions as to how to make those choices clearer."
"Thanks to everyone who has commented, including ajensis's incredible criticism. I won't go and explain my reasoning for writing certain things since that just bores the hell out of people, but I'm definitely taking what you said into account. And not in a sort of 'aren't you cute? i'll put your criticism right here on the fridge' way, but in a serious manner. Thanks a bunch."
lolerk53 wrote...
Dont like the sacrifise below 0 means the best ending.
I think it should be based only on resistance.
"And now I'll be a hypocrite and explain myself
Neither is intended to be the best ending. They're both supposed to be 'triumphant,' as Bioware likes to say. It just depends on what you feel is right. You think Mass Effect 3 is all about Shepard ending his/her journey in sacrifice, following in the footsteps of Mordin and Legion? That's your choice. And if you think Shepard's supposed to live and settle down or explore the galaxy forever? That's your choice too. I wanted the player's preference to come out based on how they chose to argue against the Starchild, but I'm open to suggestions as to how to make those choices clearer."
#233
Posté 03 juin 2012 - 09:52
Ajensis
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Firstly, I'm happy that you saw it and can seemingly make use of some of it!
Secondly, I can't believe I actually forgot a second part of what I wanted to say, especially as it was another moment I really liked. Luckily, lolerk53's post is about the very thing I forgot:
The idea that what we say subtly determines which ending we're heading for was one that impressed me. I absolutely love it! Maybe a kind of "synthesis" would be even better? As in, if Mass Effect 3 had, say, 5 different endings (noticeably different, mind you), but you would only be presented with two or three of them, determined by your dialogue choices as is the case in your script. Even better, although it cannot be applied in this particular game, if past choices throughout the game also served to limit your choices (or rather, to narrow down what choices make sense for your particular character, like a true RPG). Now that would be spectacular. But anyway, I really like what you did with the Starchild conversation, and I don't think you need to "make those choices clearer" - I like how you choose your fate without knowing it.
Sorry, there's nothing really constructive about this, I just wanted to give praise where it is due and it would've haunted me in my sleep if I didn't post it
Secondly, I can't believe I actually forgot a second part of what I wanted to say, especially as it was another moment I really liked. Luckily, lolerk53's post is about the very thing I forgot:
The idea that what we say subtly determines which ending we're heading for was one that impressed me. I absolutely love it! Maybe a kind of "synthesis" would be even better? As in, if Mass Effect 3 had, say, 5 different endings (noticeably different, mind you
), but you would only be presented with two or three of them, determined by your dialogue choices as is the case in your script. Even better, although it cannot be applied in this particular game, if past choices throughout the game also served to limit your choices (or rather, to narrow down what choices make sense for your particular character, like a true RPG). Now that would be spectacular. But anyway, I really like what you did with the Starchild conversation, and I don't think you need to "make those choices clearer" - I like how you choose your fate without knowing it. Sorry, there's nothing really constructive about this, I just wanted to give praise where it is due and it would've haunted me in my sleep if I didn't post it
#234
Posté 03 juin 2012 - 04:47
RedTail F22
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I REALLY love this. The more I read the more depressing the actual ending is. I only wish that in the Tali romance ending Tali took her mask off at some point to kiss Shepard. Other than that this is AMAZING!!
#235
Posté 03 juin 2012 - 05:01
Baa Baa
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#236
Posté 06 juin 2012 - 06:19
Pantanplan
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I still don't get the control endings. Why does everyone get sick at the end of the paragon control ending, and in the renegade one Shepard destroys some stars in the galaxy?
#237
Posté 10 juin 2012 - 12:19
M Hedonist
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The "Corruption" ending was perfect for the tragedy that was my Renegade Shepard's story. Brilliant stuff.
I've read some stuff here about people not liking that Garrus plays a major role in that ending, but I think it's fine. The only problem is that Garrus can die at the end of ME2. Any plans on writing an alternative scene featuring a "place holder" character in place of Garrus? In that case, who would be the ideal place holder? Major Coats? Kasumi? I could even imagine Zaeed doing it.
I've read some stuff here about people not liking that Garrus plays a major role in that ending, but I think it's fine. The only problem is that Garrus can die at the end of ME2. Any plans on writing an alternative scene featuring a "place holder" character in place of Garrus? In that case, who would be the ideal place holder? Major Coats? Kasumi? I could even imagine Zaeed doing it.
#238
Posté 12 juin 2012 - 02:29
M0keys
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zaeed and kasumi can die too though, right?
maybe liara instead since she literally can't die beforehand?
or javik if he's available?
maybe liara instead since she literally can't die beforehand?
or javik if he's available?
Modifié par M0keys, 12 juin 2012 - 02:31 .
#239
Posté 12 juin 2012 - 02:33
Iecerint
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Really great reads. Surprisingly solid.
#240
Posté 12 juin 2012 - 02:43
fiendishchicken
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M0keys wrote...
zaeed and kasumi can die too though, right?
maybe liara instead since she literally can't die beforehand?
or javik if he's available?
Yeah, were is Javik? BTW how are the character resolutions coming along?
#242
Posté 19 juin 2012 - 10:14
schulz100
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The guy who wrote this is a goddamn genius.
Props to you, man!
You out-storied Bioware.
Props to you, man!
You out-storied Bioware.
#243
Posté 20 juin 2012 - 02:07
M0keys
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hello everyone
just thought I'd update that Grub's life is getting pretty busy right now. he won't have much time to work on the story because real life is intervening. family, work, etc...
but he has not forgotten about the endings
keep posting here, talking about what you like and don't like, and one day there will be an update...
just thought I'd update that Grub's life is getting pretty busy right now. he won't have much time to work on the story because real life is intervening. family, work, etc...
but he has not forgotten about the endings
keep posting here, talking about what you like and don't like, and one day there will be an update...
#244
Posté 23 juin 2012 - 07:32
z_gun
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To Grub,
I understand you are busy and that it prolongs finishing this ending. I have seen it happen with a lot of fanfiction writers so I am used to it.
I just want to pay respects to your story because out of the numerous fan endings I have read, yours is by far the most thought out and structured. Heck, you actually wrote yours like a script so that is a point to you right off the bat.
I will say my biggest complaint is the way the Garrus goodbye plays out. It seems a little hokey that the bartender would be completely unaware of who Shepard is and more so that there would be an impromptu bar fight after much of Palaven has been decimated by Reapers. Then again, that final line Garrus says was just so spot on that it almost makes me forgive it. Perhaps if it progressed more naturally to that final point I would have bought it more.
That said, I have few other complaints. Very well done and I do hope to see more updates!
I understand you are busy and that it prolongs finishing this ending. I have seen it happen with a lot of fanfiction writers so I am used to it.
I just want to pay respects to your story because out of the numerous fan endings I have read, yours is by far the most thought out and structured. Heck, you actually wrote yours like a script so that is a point to you right off the bat.
I will say my biggest complaint is the way the Garrus goodbye plays out. It seems a little hokey that the bartender would be completely unaware of who Shepard is and more so that there would be an impromptu bar fight after much of Palaven has been decimated by Reapers. Then again, that final line Garrus says was just so spot on that it almost makes me forgive it. Perhaps if it progressed more naturally to that final point I would have bought it more.
That said, I have few other complaints. Very well done and I do hope to see more updates!
#245
Posté 23 juin 2012 - 07:39
LanceSolous13
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Really want to hear more. I'm really looking forward to how you finish of Miranda. If I may suggest, I'd think she would be on Earth by the time of the ending rather than still at the Cerberus Facility. I've contemplated the idea of her building her own company from the ruins of Cerberus as well, though I'm not sure about that.
I aslo look forward to any word about Kasumi. Though, Someone should make sure she isn't making off with the face of Big Ben! XD
I aslo look forward to any word about Kasumi. Though, Someone should make sure she isn't making off with the face of Big Ben! XD
#246
Posté 23 juin 2012 - 09:47
CrazyRah
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Been reading this in my spare time and it's high quality and very fun read. Well done! Wish these endings was shown in the game. Would make my copy so worth it
#247
Posté 24 juin 2012 - 01:51
M0keys
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z_gun wrote...
To Grub,
I understand you are busy and that it prolongs finishing this ending. I have seen it happen with a lot of fanfiction writers so I am used to it.
I just want to pay respects to your story because out of the numerous fan endings I have read, yours is by far the most thought out and structured. Heck, you actually wrote yours like a script so that is a point to you right off the bat.
I will say my biggest complaint is the way the Garrus goodbye plays out. It seems a little hokey that the bartender would be completely unaware of who Shepard is and more so that there would be an impromptu bar fight after much of Palaven has been decimated by Reapers. Then again, that final line Garrus says was just so spot on that it almost makes me forgive it. Perhaps if it progressed more naturally to that final point I would have bought it more.
That said, I have few other complaints. Very well done and I do hope to see more updates!
I know that grub had lots of epilogue ideas that took place on the citadel but then he remembered that the citadel was destroyed and had to replace his ideas to other locations. the bar fight could've been one of those like "after they cleared the bodies and life returned to normal, here's what is happening"
thanks for the comments though
#248
Posté 26 juin 2012 - 08:25
HBC Dresden
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CrazyRah wrote...
Been reading this in my spare time and it's high quality and very fun read. Well done! Wish these endings was shown in the game. Would make my copy so worth it
Love your avatar, where is it from?
#249
Posté 26 juin 2012 - 03:38
M0keys
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i'm interesting in seeing what people think of these endings now that the EC is out
#250
Posté 26 juin 2012 - 03:45
M0keys
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btw from what I can tell, the "in the end" ending is very close to the reject ending, but with more "showing" of what happened after Shepard sat back and watched the galaxy's forces fall (or stared harbinger in the eyes with his friends and said, "we lose today, but we win tomorrow. go to hell.")
and then the aliens that discovered liara's beacon, too.
but basically the same concept.
and then the aliens that discovered liara's beacon, too.
but basically the same concept.
Modifié par M0keys, 26 juin 2012 - 03:46 .
