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[DemonRisingSun]

Friday bump!

[DemonRisingSun]

It's getting late, sorry I didn't write the whole chapter 11. Part 2 will come tomorrow.

[DemonRisingSun]

 
Hey guys I'm back and writing up the rest of Chapter 11. Some cool stuff's going on. Big things are happening.

http://collegeage.me...-11-hades-dogs/

[DemonRisingSun]

More Jack action added to this chapter.

[DemonRisingSun]

 Cerberus attacks the Citadel. Read all about it. 
http://collegeage.me...-11-hades-dogs/

[DemonRisingSun]

Seriously guys? Cerberus shoots a 6 year old boy and there's no comments? I'd hate to see how you react to other books.

[DemonRisingSun]

 
5600 words long it is the longest chapter. Chapter 11 is complete.

http://collegeage.me...-11-hades-dogs/

[DemonRisingSun]

So what do you guy's think about this chapter? Is it too dark? Cause it's really dark. The implications are immense.

Modifié par DemonRisingSun, 28 avril 2012 - 01:27 .

[jeweledleah]

started reading femshep/kaidan version. stopped reading at

Kaidan – “Listen we could both be court marshaled for what I’m about to say. But if you die I’ll never forgive myself for being too afraid to say it. No matter who’s listening. Shepard I love you.”

A for effort, C for not researching the romances before writing romance specific dialogue.

imported romance Kaidan tells femshep he loves her on Mars, then again in Huerta hospital, then just before he comes aboard the Normandy, yet again during dinner, and lastly during romance scene. fresh romance Kaidan tells her he has feelings for her during Dinner and "I love you" during romance scene.

moreover - there are no rules against Spectre's fraternizing.

so I'm assuming the rest of the romance dialogues will have similar issues.

[DemonRisingSun]

jeweledleah wrote...

started reading femshep/kaidan version. stopped reading at

Kaidan – “Listen we could both be court marshaled for what I’m about to say. But if you die I’ll never forgive myself for being too afraid to say it. No matter who’s listening. Shepard I love you.”

A for effort, C for not researching the romances before writing romance specific dialogue.

imported romance Kaidan tells femshep he loves her on Mars, then again in Huerta hospital, then just before he comes aboard the Normandy, yet again during dinner, and lastly during romance scene. fresh romance Kaidan tells her he has feelings for her during Dinner and "I love you" during romance scene.

moreover - there are no rules against Spectre's fraternizing.

so I'm assuming the rest of the romance dialogues will have similar issues.

Ahem, ANDERSON, IS RIGHT THERE, which he wasn't during the romance scenes. And it turns out if you read on that Anderson makes that claim about there being no rules regarding Fraternization between Spectres. The concern Kaidan has is over the Alliance regulation that may still apply to them. 

I hope that clears that up for you.

[DemonRisingSun]

As a matter of fact I did research all the romance scenes. For every game for every character for every gender of Shepard. I spent countless hours watching the whole sequences from start to finish before writing each section.

The last thing I would like to mention is that in ME1 Shepard is worried about breaking regs. Shepard is a Spectre in ME1. It is their active duty to the Alliance that makes them concerned about "openly" displaying their love. The regs didn't just disappear and the Alliance can always choose not to honor the Spectre code. 

The issue wasn't with Kaidan saying "I love you" but with saying "I love you." in front of Anderson.

In the actual script I make it a point to show Kaidan's motivations: Kaidan – “We don’t know that. For all we know you could end up dead. Listen before you go I just want to say.” Kaidan looks over at Anderson. 

Modifié par DemonRisingSun, 28 avril 2012 - 02:48 .

[jeweledleah]

"I'll never forgive myself for being too afraid to say it. no matter who's listening." implying he hasn't said it before. heh.

maybe i'm nitpicking, but considering prior conversations, not to mention the kiss they share in public prior to final push, I'm thinking that cat is out of the bag.

/shrug. its nicely written. just doesn't fit well enough IMO. thank you for writing it though nonetheless.

[DemonRisingSun]

jeweledleah wrote...

"I'll never forgive myself for being too afraid to say it. no matter who's listening." implying he hasn't said it before. heh.

maybe i'm nitpicking, but considering prior conversations, not to mention the kiss they share in public prior to final push, I'm thinking that cat is out of the bag.

/shrug. its nicely written. just doesn't fit well enough IMO. thank you for writing it though nonetheless.

Well thanks for giving it another shake! I really apreciate that! I think you're really decent person for pointing out something that struck you as off. 

I'm not so sure the cat is out of the bag. Yes they do kiss in the camp but then only grunts are watching from afar. Grunts that idolize Shepard as a hero. They're not going to report anything even if Shepard walks up and shoots somebody dead in cold blood. This is only a few feet from Anderson's direct view. And Kaidan wasn't implying that he hasn't said it before it was just that he wanted to say it at that specific moment and there Anderson was throwing a wrench in the mix.

And you never do get used to seeing your commanding officer watch you show a public display of affection.

Modifié par DemonRisingSun, 28 avril 2012 - 02:52 .

[DemonRisingSun]

 I have received hundreds of spam comments on my blog: http://collegeage.me/ from a handful of fake names and e-mails who all list dominos.com (the pizza) as their website. These hundreds spam comments are all about the new Microsoft Zune. If indeed this person represents either dominos pizza or Microsoft I will neither ever order their pizza nor play music bumping from a zune while eating said pizza. And I will not allow any of my friends to either. All of these spam comments ended in the spam box. So Microsoft and Dominos please call off your hounds.

[Silent Step 305]

Enjoyed it. Good job.

[DemonRisingSun]

Silent Step 305 wrote...

Enjoyed it. Good job.

Thank you.

[DemonRisingSun]

Saturday morning bump.

[DemonRisingSun]

I'm back and updating Chapter 12 right now.
 

http://collegeage.me...-12-transhuman/

[DemonRisingSun]

 
Ok, I finished chapter 12 at 3000 words. The chapters are going to get shorter slightly now that we're through the middle of the book and gaining on the end. 20 Chapters is the goal and Chapter 13 starts now. http://collegeage.me...-12-transhuman/

[DemonRisingSun]

 
The first third. The first complete section of Chapter 13 is available now.

http://collegeage.me...-13-phenomenon/

[DemonRisingSun]

 
Chapter 13 is complete. I love this chapter, I couldn't imagine it fitting into place more perfectly.

http://collegeage.me...-13-phenomenon/

[DemonRisingSun]

Getting real close to the ending of this book. I'm excited. Like I got excited on Virmire near the end of Mass Effect. Its hard to believe we've all come this far. Thank you to everyone of my readers. This book is sensational.

[DemonRisingSun]

Oh, crap. I was sitting here thinking about the ending of the book. It came to me. I have the ending. Oh god this is crazy. I never thought I'd ever actually do it but I have the complete novel written in my head It's only a matter of time. I'm going to set the goal. Next week the novel concludes. 7 days to write the last chapters. I think it's reasonable.

[Rache123]

bumping.......just coz I feel like it.

[DemonRisingSun]

Rache123 wrote...

bumping.......just coz I feel like it.

I'm back, working on Chapter 14.  Ok that was over the top, let me settle down  ..............:mellow:..........:mellow::mellow:http://collegeage.me/chapter-14-aeon/