410 réponses à ce sujet

[DemonRisingSun]

So now that I wrote Steve's Romance Ep, I think I'll ask again. Do you want another Bar Story or Traynor's Femshep Romance Ep?

[Rache123]

DemonRisingSun wrote...

So now that I wrote Steve's Romance Ep, I think I'll ask again. Do you want another Bar Story or Traynor's Femshep Romance Ep?

If no-one comes up with any other ideas I'll vote the latter.  It's getting late here so will look forward to reading whatever you decide on in the next day or two. 

[DemonRisingSun]

Sounds like a plan. I guess I'm going back in, hold the door peoples Lieutenant Sun is coming through.

[OgFux69]

Congratulations, Demon, that is REALLY awesome work. Must be tiresome, glad you actually enjoy doing it.

Also, do Traynor's Romance, bet there is more people interested on it.

[DemonRisingSun]

The Femshep Samantha Traynor Romance Ep is up. 

 
http://collegeage.wo...mance-epilogue/

[DemonRisingSun]

I extended a few lines. Couldn't help but add the references to earlier scenes in the game.

[Norman250]

I've only read a few of these, and I don't mean to be offensive, but it's pretty obviously fan-fiction. The writing is subpar.

[DemonRisingSun]

A lot of people disagree with you.

[DemonRisingSun]

If you're looking for a novel this isn't written in that style. ME3 is a game in an interactive medium. That's why I wrote it in Script form. So be specific about what you call sub par.

[DemonRisingSun]

So go ahead guys and see for yourself. What golf score does my writing get? Tripple bogie ouch. But what's your handicap 79?

[Norman250]

DemonRisingSun wrote...

If you're looking for a novel this isn't written in that style. ME3 is a game in an interactive medium. That's why I wrote it in Script form. So be specific about what you call sub par.

I read a few more of them, and I'd like to alter my statement. The writing itself isn't bad, per se, there was just certain dialogue moments that seem kind of unrealstic, and clunky. Most of them revolve around getting the Mako off of Shepard. I just feel like their lines aren't something people would say naturally, but it's possible it'd play out better once it's in game format. I apologize for not being more constructive with my first post. 

[DemonRisingSun]

Norman250 wrote...

DemonRisingSun wrote...

If you're looking for a novel this isn't written in that style. ME3 is a game in an interactive medium. That's why I wrote it in Script form. So be specific about what you call sub par.

I read a few more of them, and I'd like to alter my statement. The writing itself isn't bad, per se, there was just certain dialogue moments that seem kind of unrealstic, and clunky. Most of them revolve around getting the Mako off of Shepard. I just feel like their lines aren't something people would say naturally, but it's possible it'd play out better once it's in game format. I apologize for not being more constructive with my first post. 

It's one of those, you have to see it to believe it moments. First time anyone's pointed the Mako scene out. But ok.

I think I'm almost done writing everything for all the endings.

So if you want to see a typical example of my writing, we'll see what I write as a Novel, I'm thinking of a post ME3 novel before ME4. 

[sth88]

Thank you for these. They have brought me a measure of catharsis regarding the ending of the game.

[FS3D]

I've read a few of them as well. Some logical errors (Tali kissing Shep on the Citadel before the Crucible fires? Err........ How? She's wearing a suit and a mask), a little too much exposition in places with the characters speaking (Ash seems to be a more stoic character in game. She's not a love sick teenager)... But the overall ideas are much better than anything that existed within the game itself.

[DemonRisingSun]

FS3D wrote...

I've read a few of them as well. Some logical errors (Tali kissing Shep on the Citadel before the Crucible fires? Err........ How? She's wearing a suit and a mask), a little too much exposition in places with the characters speaking (Ash seems to be a more stoic character in game. She's not a love sick teenager)... But the overall ideas are much better than anything that existed within the game itself.

Tali's already had a puncture, also she checked her suit for pressure and it clearly wasn't holding. So assume that her suit offers no protection at this point. She figured what could it hurt to take off her mask if it's the last time she'll see Shepard.

Ash, hmm. She always came off to me as a love sick teenager in ME1. 2 She wasn't there except to throw a fit about Shep being alive and not calling. Then factor in the return of affections and the building tensions. What can I say, I'll have another look at it and see if it really needs re-work. It represents about 5 hours of work  to update all pages accross all classes so if you're wondering why I take criticism badly it's because I put nearly 300 hours into the site already. 

I still appreciate the candor. I really do. I don't want to come off as stuck up. Thanks for liking the ideas at least, if not the presentation.

[FS3D]

DemonRisingSun wrote...

FS3D wrote...

I've read a few of them as well. Some logical errors (Tali kissing Shep on the Citadel before the Crucible fires? Err........ How? She's wearing a suit and a mask), a little too much exposition in places with the characters speaking (Ash seems to be a more stoic character in game. She's not a love sick teenager)... But the overall ideas are much better than anything that existed within the game itself.

Tali's already had a puncture, also she checked her suit for pressure and it clearly wasn't holding. So assume that her suit offers no protection at this point. She figured what could it hurt to take off her mask if it's the last time she'll see Shepard.

Unless Tali was planning on committing suicide, I doubt she would take the risk. She is still susceptible to infections and allergic reactions to exterior environments, and remember, Quarian suits are designed to compartmentalise in order to isolate infected zones.

She'd need a better reason to remove her mask for any length of time... But if you want it in there, then perhaps have her temporarily remove her mask at that point.

Ash, hmm. She always came off to me as a love sick teenager in ME1. 2 She wasn't there except to throw a fit about Shep being alive and not calling. Then factor in the return of affections and the building tensions. What can I say, I'll have another look at it and see if it really needs re-work.

The very last thing I would have ever expected to come from Ash during a combat situation is a "love you more" one-upmanship contest for giggles. It would have been inappropriate, and they had already said all they needed to say on Earth before they ran to the beam.

It represents about 5 hours of work  to update all pages accross all classes so if you're wondering why I take criticism badly it's because I put nearly 300 hours into the site already. 

Sometimes it stings to take criticism. But for comparison, I have now spent more than three years working on my series of books, and I'm nowhere near done. It's a long-term effort and requires total commitment in order to get it done properly and within a reasonable length of time.

I would still take on board any problems with narrative, if they were pointed out to me.

To not do so is to behave like BioWare.

I still appreciate the candor. I really do. I don't want to come off as stuck up. Thanks for liking the ideas at least, if not the presentation.

You're welcome. I like that you made reference to the inappropriateness of fraternisation within Alliance regs. I certainly expected raised eyebrows from Hackett over Ash and Shep.

[Lieutenant Volx]

Awesome.. After reading that I feel like the whole trilogy came to an epic and well deserved end.

[jinxter69]

Not bad...not bad at all...better than what we got

[DemonRisingSun]

FS3D wrote...  "I've read a few of them as well. Some logical errors (Tali kissing Shep on the Citadel before the Crucible fires? Err........ How? She's wearing a suit and a mask), a little too much exposition in places with the characters speaking (Ash seems to be a more stoic character in game. She's not a love sick teenager)... But the overall ideas are much better than anything that existed within the game itself."

Tali's already had a puncture, also she checked her suit for pressure and it clearly wasn't holding. So assume that her suit offers no protection at this point. She figured what could it hurt to take off her mask if it's the last time she'll see Shepard.

FS3D wrote... "Unless Tali was planning on committing suicide, I doubt she would take the risk. She is still susceptible to infections and allergic reactions to exterior environments, and remember, Quarian suits are designed to compartmentalise in order to isolate infected zones."

I know that, You think I didn't hear her exposition in ME2 under the drive core in Engineering? Didn't you hear her explain in ME3 that the Geth were helping them boost their immune systems (That is if you resolved it peacefully) and she told Shepard that she's used to him so no more "reaction" (I know it's not your problem with the scene but for the sake of arguement) 

All this considered plus whatever God knows happened during her transport to the Citadel she had a Catistrophic failure. She tried to seal it but it didn't work. As evident in the story. "I sealed it off", "Dammit, it's not holding pressure."

All this lets her take the risk to kiss Shepard. And It's not like she's perfectly healthy either. She collapses in the Medical Bay.

FS3D wrote... "She'd need a better reason to remove her mask for any length of time... But if you want it in there, then perhaps have her temporarily remove her mask at that point."

And you've walked away from your loved one in the middle of battle, thinking it was your last goodbye. I don't know about Romeo and Juliet but somewhere in between is the inspiration for this scene.

Ash, hmm. She always came off to me as a love sick teenager in ME1. 2 She wasn't there except to throw a fit about Shep being alive and not calling. Then factor in the return of affections and the building tensions. What can I say, I'll have another look at it and see if it really needs re-work.

FS3D wrote... "The very last thing I would have ever expected to come from Ash during a combat situation is a "love you more" one-upmanship contest for giggles. It would have been inappropriate, and they had already said all they needed to say on Earth before they ran to the beam."

 First of all, the sound director would be able to tell the actors how best to deliver the dialogue so it comes off correctly. Yeah I didn't do a fabulous job of conveying the exact emotion of each scene. But I didn't want to bog down the pacing with cluttersome detail. It's exactly the way it needs to be for pacing and speed.

About that scene. Ash does not one up Shepard for Giggles. In my mind, she very seriously tells him, inches from his face. "I love you more." They've had a relationship for a long time. Don't you remember ME1?

Ashley - "This isn't an act Shepard. But you'll get used to it."

 

It represents about 5 hours of work  to update all pages accross all classes so if you're wondering why I take criticism badly it's because I put nearly 300 hours into the site already. 

"Sometimes it stings to take criticism. But for comparison, I have now spent more than three years working on my series of books, and I'm nowhere near done. It's a long-term effort and requires total commitment in order to get it done properly and within a reasonable length of time."

I appreciate it. But as a College Student already spending 24/7 on this project how could you lecture me into spending any more time? In the words of Scotty, "I'm giving her all she's got captain!"


FS3D wrote... "I would still take on board any problems with narrative, if they were pointed out to me."

Didn't I say I was? Where did I say I wouldn't? I said specifically,  "I'll have another look at it and see if it really needs re-work." 

FS3D wrote... "To not do so is to behave like BioWare."

No comment.

I still appreciate the candor. I really do. I don't want to come off as stuck up. Thanks for liking the ideas at least, if not the presentation.

FS3D wrote...  You're welcome. I like that you made reference to the inappropriateness of fraternisation within Alliance regs. I certainly expected raised eyebrows from Hackett over Ash and Shep.


I mean it. Thanks for the discussion. I'm sorry to say I don't see anything that needs URGENT, changing. That doesn't mean that I won't change it eventually to improve it. But I'm preoccupied with its immense scope. So I only jump on the Urgent things. It's a business practice of economices the Primary Goal is to take care of what's URGENT to the survival of the Company, the Secondary Goal is to Make progress towards the Company Mission.

Modifié par DemonRisingSun, 10 avril 2012 - 05:22 .

[DemonRisingSun]

Lieutenant Volx wrote...

Awesome.. After reading that I feel like the whole trilogy came to an epic and well deserved end.

Thanks. I wish I could meet some people's high standards. But even though it's no excuse. I wish people could see what I really put into this. You know just to gain perspective.

[DemonRisingSun]

Last plug, I'm going to Bed. See you tomorrow Forrums. I guess now that all the romances are done I should work on some new story. Or just revise the aging ones.

[OgFux69]

Appreciation bump.

[DemonRisingSun]

Back. So I know I'm the one who's supposed to be getting all the brilliant ideas but I'll ask this question again. Would you like to see another Bar story or a romance ep? If either what about?

[DemonRisingSun]

I'm starting to write a Samara Romance ep.

[Bob the Elcor]

Happily, writing this so I can come back later.