410 réponses à ce sujet

[Lopez23]

DemonRisingSun wrote...

Sageofnightmares wrote...

DemonRisingSun wrote...

YUP. The whole site run and managed and written by me.

 Wow, I give you props ... that's quite an undertaking! 

Thank you very much. It's a lot harder than it looks. 

BIOWARE HIRE THIS MAN i commented on the liara/maleshep soldier live ending as N7M.Lopez
and basicly everything that i said there is 100% accurate i think im gonna twitter the link to these at the bioware guys in the hopes that Patrick Weekes sees em and uses it  who knows maybe it could make them compleetly change it OR atleast modify it to make it usable whatever fixes the damn problem i have with those endings

[frypan]

Can never have enough of Grunt kicking ass! However I'd love to see how he and others helped Shepherd get to the end, something that ties together their contribution throughout the series and expresses the nature of their role in the story.

For Grunt its easy, he's very good at killing things, but with other characters there are different aspects of their personality that define them and their role - ie Jack and the idea of co-operation was explored but never finalised in the game, and Zaeed's clear history as leader and founder of a powerful mercenary organisation was never really looked after ME2. Exploring what happened after the game is good, but for me I would have loved to see those thematic links tied up better than through the final communications console.

Woah, thats a huge job! Of course, having them all just shooting stuff is good too.

EDIT: Oops, just realised that is what the devs did witha lot of the characters anyway ie Wrex and the Krogan, Mordin and redemption etc. Guess I got carried away and it might be superflous to do it at the end as well.

Modifié par frypan, 11 avril 2012 - 04:43 .

[DemonRisingSun]

 I'll write more tomorrow. But I just updated a second music page 
http://collegeage.wo...music-page-2-2/

[DemonRisingSun]

Lopez23 wrote...

DemonRisingSun wrote...

Sageofnightmares wrote...

DemonRisingSun wrote...

YUP. The whole site run and managed and written by me.

 Wow, I give you props ... that's quite an undertaking! 

Thank you very much. It's a lot harder than it looks. 

BIOWARE HIRE THIS MAN i commented on the liara/maleshep soldier live ending as N7M.Lopez
and basicly everything that i said there is 100% accurate i think im gonna twitter the link to these at the bioware guys in the hopes that Patrick Weekes sees em and uses it  who knows maybe it could make them compleetly change it OR atleast modify it to make it usable whatever fixes the damn problem i have with those endings

Kind words friend thank you!

[DemonRisingSun]

frypan wrote...

Can never have enough of Grunt kicking ass! However I'd love to see how he and others helped Shepherd get to the end, something that ties together their contribution throughout the series and expresses the nature of their role in the story.

For Grunt its easy, he's very good at killing things, but with other characters there are different aspects of their personality that define them and their role - ie Jack and the idea of co-operation was explored but never finalised in the game, and Zaeed's clear history as leader and founder of a powerful mercenary organisation was never really looked after ME2. Exploring what happened after the game is good, but for me I would have loved to see those thematic links tied up better than through the final communications console.

Woah, thats a huge job! Of course, having them all just shooting stuff is good too.

That is a fully formed idea that I will credit you for the inspiration. Yes it sounds epic! I'll write this. Maybe it'll take two days to do. Because here's how I see it.

It makes a great side story, being able to show what's going on at the other camps.

This time in full story form.

Not in script format because this is not in the interactive world of the Video game but rather an animated side story as I see it.  

Wow what a challenge this will be. Tomorrow, I'll gear up and get started.

[Lopez23]

DemonRisingSun wrote...

Lopez23 wrote...

DemonRisingSun wrote...

Sageofnightmares wrote...

DemonRisingSun wrote...

YUP. The whole site run and managed and written by me.

 Wow, I give you props ... that's quite an undertaking! 

Thank you very much. It's a lot harder than it looks. 

BIOWARE HIRE THIS MAN i commented on the liara/maleshep soldier live ending as N7M.Lopez
and basicly everything that i said there is 100% accurate i think im gonna twitter the link to these at the bioware guys in the hopes that Patrick Weekes sees em and uses it  who knows maybe it could make them compleetly change it OR atleast modify it to make it usable whatever fixes the damn problem i have with those endings

Kind words friend thank you!

theres no need for thanks for something that is true and the music you have its...i cant even describe it...the one called neptune's score or what you call an exalent exploration theme from the liara/maleshep soldier one (the song below the first song at the top of the page) is my favorite and would be perfect for an epilogue

[frypan]

DemonRisingSun wrote...

frypan wrote...

Can never have enough of Grunt kicking ass! However I'd love to see how he and others helped Shepherd get to the end, something that ties together their contribution throughout the series and expresses the nature of their role in the story.

For Grunt its easy, he's very good at killing things, but with other characters there are different aspects of their personality that define them and their role - ie Jack and the idea of co-operation was explored but never finalised in the game, and Zaeed's clear history as leader and founder of a powerful mercenary organisation was never really looked after ME2. Exploring what happened after the game is good, but for me I would have loved to see those thematic links tied up better than through the final communications console.

Woah, thats a huge job! Of course, having them all just shooting stuff is good too.

That is a fully formed idea that I will credit you for the inspiration. Yes it sounds epic! I'll write this. Maybe it'll take two days to do. Because here's how I see it.

It makes a great side story, being able to show what's going on at the other camps.

This time in full story form.

Not in script format because this is not in the interactive world of the Video game but rather an animated side story as I see it.  

Wow what a challenge this will be. Tomorrow, I'll gear up and get started.

Had to edit the above post, as the devs had done some of this already. Nevertheless, +5 internets and a jug of everflowing coffee for you....

[DemonRisingSun]

Alright I'll see you guy's tomorrow, hopefully with the new story.

[Haley]

Just checked out this fanfic site. It's a good concept, and there are some clever ideas here. The writing leaves something to be desired, though, so it's a little hard to get into (esp. comsidering the total lack of punctuation). Also, it seems to be just straight dialogue--no descriptive sections whatsoever. It's all right, but I still prefer the "unofficial ME3 epilogue slides" site

[DemonRisingSun]

I admit, if you didn't play the Game you probably won't know how to imagine the Crucible in the prologue, the Conduit beam in the beginning, the Citadel when they go to the Citadel or the Citadel control room. Heck you may not even know what the Normandy looks like. Hey anybody know what the Normandy looks like? What a flying saucer? Anybody want me to describe it for the 15000th time?

[Mikeuicus]

Not terrible, but I don't like most of the dialogue which is a big problem. Also, the specific weapon choices and battle descriptions did not mesh with how I played (Infiltrator with a shotgun? Could work, I guess, but I never played that way...and I'd never give Garrus a POS like Black Widow).

Shepard disappearing during a pivotal cutscene makes no sense, since he is the player's eyes.

You put a lot of effort into this and it shows. At the best points, I could hear the lines being read by the voice actors as I read them. There are some points though where the characters say something out of character (Anderson calling Ashley Ashley, and not Williams, or Lt.). Still, it's nothing some revision/tweaking won't fix

[frypan]

Thanks for your work on this. I enjoyed it and felt  there were some real innovative ideas here. SPOILERS ahead though, so for others, dont read unless you've read the fanfic itself.

Harbinger assuming control of Illusive man was a great idea ,and consistent with its previous methods of dealing with Shepherd. It felt right to see IM, the ultimate manipulator, go out that way too.

Getting the equivalent of a Shepherd hortatory speech into the story was good. I always thought it rough that Hackett stole that thunder from the hero and even though Shepherd was internalising, it still helped.

I liked the integration of war assets into the end  – especially for Shepherd's survival ie the nature of assets being important and not just the number the factor that determines his fate.

The number of choices and their location in the story was reminiscent of the end of ME2, which was what I'd hoped for from the game itself. It was good to see Shepherd disposing of some of his assets, and the chance to make a renegade or paragon choice in the story was appreciated.

Didnt so much enjoy the final fight but that is personal choice - the references to lost crew was great but I'm not into overkill- if Harbinger is still fighting back its OK, or alternatively it works as a renegade choice, but my paragon Shepherd was not into gratuitous violence and wouldnt keep shooting after his enemy went down (I dont count the droves of enemies he incinerated or bludgeoned throughout the game  )

One final thing - I loved the sequences in the credits. That's the way to make a player sit through the whole of them, and coming through the end of the story on a high makes each little scene so much better. (even if some folks might not like the happy ending stuff) Much more satisfying than an ad for more DLC.

Thanks again.

Modifié par frypan, 11 avril 2012 - 02:52 .

[Abreu Road]

Some OOC, a little cheesy, but it's a nice ending. Charge plus Shotgun blade was epic, lol.

And it was nice to bring Wrex along.

Great work, dude

[Haley]

DemonRisingSun wrote...

I admit, if you didn't play the Game you probably won't know how to imagine the Crucible in the prologue, the Conduit beam in the beginning, the Citadel when they go to the Citadel or the Citadel control room. Heck you may not even know what the Normandy looks like. Hey anybody know what the Normandy looks like? What a flying saucer? Anybody want me to describe it for the 15000th time?

I think this may be a response to my previous post, in which case I should probably clarify. By description I don't necessarily mean describing what the conduit looks like, I mean descriptions of the action taking place. Any good script contains both dialogue and action sections. There is a little bit of that going on already in this fanfic ("The team pushes through the hallway mowing down wave after wave of
Marauders, Cannibals and husks. As they reach the end of the hallway the
large door opens.") but there isn't nearly enough to break up and support the dialogue.

[JonasPeti]

Thanks, I love it!!!
bump, bump.

[PoisonMushroom]

Yeah not bad, an absolutely massive undertaking, so congratulations on that to be begin with.

You've used too much dialogue though I think. You're often using it to describe what's going on in the scene, which just unnecessarily disrupts the flow. I'll agree with a few of the cheesiness comments as well. You seem to do a much better job of writing some characters than others as well. Someone said before that at its best, you can imagine the dialogue through the characters voice, and I'd agree with that. I thought the Illusive Man in my ending was a bit off (Infiltrator, Garrus + Liara (no romance).

Still pretty sweet though.

[DemonRisingSun]

Haley wrote...

DemonRisingSun wrote...

I admit, if you didn't play the Game you probably won't know how to imagine the Crucible in the prologue, the Conduit beam in the beginning, the Citadel when they go to the Citadel or the Citadel control room. Heck you may not even know what the Normandy looks like. Hey anybody know what the Normandy looks like? What a flying saucer? Anybody want me to describe it for the 15000th time?

I think this may be a response to my previous post, in which case I should probably clarify. By description I don't necessarily mean describing what the conduit looks like, I mean descriptions of the action taking place. Any good script contains both dialogue and action sections. There is a little bit of that going on already in this fanfic ("The team pushes through the hallway mowing down wave after wave of
Marauders, Cannibals and husks. As they reach the end of the hallway the
large door opens.") but there isn't nearly enough to break up and support the dialogue.

First let me rant: I'm sorry but I couldn't have added more Video Game action to an alternate ending that does not take place in the Unreal Engine on the console. So sorry that I'm not a team of video game designers. 

Second let me inform you: The way that it works is there are 2 main fights that show Shepard's skills. Which I wrote 6 alternate sequences for the 6 character classes. Adding up to 12 alternate paragraphs accross the whole.

If I wrote action to break up the dialogue throughout, lets say 2 to 6 more sequences. I would have had to write 12 to 36 alternate paragraphs for each of the 27 squad combinations. Keeping track of such variants is not feasable in any way shape or form and would have represented about 36 to 100 hours of unpaid work. If this were my job I would say differently. And I would put in the time to do it because at minimum wage 100 hours  is $750. But I did all this in my free time. So thank you. 

[DemonRisingSun]

Mikeuicus wrote...

Not terrible, but I don't like most of the dialogue which is a big problem. Also, the specific weapon choices and battle descriptions did not mesh with how I played (Infiltrator with a shotgun? Could work, I guess, but I never played that way...and I'd never give Garrus a POS like Black Widow).

Shepard disappearing during a pivotal cutscene makes no sense, since he is the player's eyes.

You put a lot of effort into this and it shows. At the best points, I could hear the lines being read by the voice actors as I read them. There are some points though where the characters say something out of character (Anderson calling Ashley Ashley, and not Williams, or Lt.). Still, it's nothing some revision/tweaking won't fix

One other person commented about the Black Widow and the disappearing sequence.

1 I'll likely write the Widow out of the story even though I personally like the weapon fully upgraded. 2 If I could I would have put it into the game where you the player crawl through the maze to get in position while hearing the dialogue being spoken. Maybe I just have to put that description into the story I'm not sure. It seems fine mostly the way it is.

[Haley]

First let me rant: I'm sorry but I couldn't have added more Video Game action to an alternate ending that does not take place in the Unreal Engine on the console. So sorry that I'm not a team of video game designers. 

Second let me inform you: The way that it works is there are 2 main fights that show Shepard's skills. Which I wrote 6 alternate sequences for the 6 character classes. Adding up to 12 alternate paragraphs accross the whole.

If I wrote action to break up the dialogue throughout, lets say 2 to 6 more sequences. I would have had to write 12 to 36 alternate paragraphs for each of the 27 squad combinations. Keeping track of such variants is not feasable in any way shape or form and would have represented about 36 to 100 hours of unpaid work. If this were my job I would say differently. And I would put in the time to do it because at minimum wage 100 hours  is $750. But I did all this in my free time. So thank you. 

And thank you for taking some basic critical feedback with maturity.

[DemonRisingSun]

Haley wrote...

First let me rant: I'm sorry but I couldn't have added more Video Game action to an alternate ending that does not take place in the Unreal Engine on the console. So sorry that I'm not a team of video game designers. 

Second let me inform you: The way that it works is there are 2 main fights that show Shepard's skills. Which I wrote 6 alternate sequences for the 6 character classes. Adding up to 12 alternate paragraphs accross the whole.

If I wrote action to break up the dialogue throughout, lets say 2 to 6 more sequences. I would have had to write 12 to 36 alternate paragraphs for each of the 27 squad combinations. Keeping track of such variants is not feasable in any way shape or form and would have represented about 36 to 100 hours of unpaid work. If this were my job I would say differently. And I would put in the time to do it because at minimum wage 100 hours  is $750. But I did all this in my free time. So thank you. 

And thank you for taking some basic critical feedback with maturity.

No it's not that. I shouldn't have replied like that. But it seems to me like people expect me to take about 2 hours and fix all the problems. Which I wish it were that easy. 

Truth is: It upsets me because it's not the best it could be. But in order for me to do anything about it I have a mountain of obstacles to overcome just to put out a second draft. 

Even though I've handled the criticism badly I'll do my best to stop. 

I do take it very seriously. I just want you to be aware that I put a monumentus proportion of time and effort into creating this. Even that sounds like an understatement of what the actual work was. 

And I will write a second draft and I will take all criticism seriously and there will be more detail. But I can't do it overnight. Or even in one day. 

It will take a full week of nonstop work to do so. That is not an exaduration. Even then there is no guarentee that people will be happy with the changes.

[DemonRisingSun]

Haley wrote...

And thank you for taking some basic critical feedback with maturity.

I would also like to apologise for my attitude. I've been operating on little sleep and too much fatigue from working on the project.

[DemonRisingSun]

 Someone put a rough draft (Warning: with lots of errors) of my fanfiction adapted to a visual web novel:

http://www.iloveagne...site.org/novel/ 

What I like about it is it presents 1 line of dialogue at a time. Which gives you a solid chance of reading it with the character's voices. Which if you read too fast would completely spoil the experience.

[Rache123]

DemonRisingSun wrote...

 Someone put a rough draft (Warning: with lots of errors) of my fanfiction adapted to a visual web novel:

http://www.iloveagne...site.org/novel/ 

What I like about it is it presents 1 line of dialogue at a time. Which gives you a solid chance of reading it with the character's voices. Which if you read too fast would completely spoil the experience.

hmm not sure about it, but always willing to give kudos to those who put the work in.

[DemonRisingSun]

 New Short Story. Yes it's a story with lots of details. It's unrelated to the Script alternate endings so hopefully the critics will enjoy this 
http://collegeage.wo...support-london/ 

Modifié par DemonRisingSun, 12 avril 2012 - 12:54 .

[DemonRisingSun]

DemonRisingSun wrote...

 New Short Story. Yes it's a story with lots of details. It's unrelated to the Script alternate endings so hopefully the critics will enjoy this 
http://collegeage.wo...support-london/ 

New short story. Unrelated to the alternate endings. Tied in with the last mission of the game.