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Since Bioware’s instance that the endings are OK, and that there seems to be only clarification coming to the ending in the extended edition add-on, I have to ask the question, what am I missing?
There must be some fundamental difference between how I see the ending, and how Bioware sees the ending. Otherwise, why would they be so adamant that the existing ending is fine? I’ve tried to keep an open mind, reading different viewpoints primarily that the ends fit the over arching themes, but that doesn’t answer any of the plot holes that appear in the last few minutes, I favored the indoctrination theory, but it still didn’t explain Joker’s flight from earth and your crew members on Earth showing up after they crash land. Plus the additional DLC content coming doesn’t seem big enough to be able to wrap up an indoctrination theory answer. So how can what we have in this ending make any actual sense? Where does my rejection of the ending stem from? For me the answer was, why should I believe this “star child”? He pops up in the last few minutes, doesn’t make any sense, and why should I believe anything he has to say? The way it is structured, it almost seems that you are supposed to implicitly trust this character, you don’t question him, and you don’t challenge him, which is completely out of character for Shepard. What is he, a 3rd party mysteriously controlling the Reapers hiding out on the citadel all this time? If he is, it’s a lie, because he would have triggered the Citadel relay long before the events of Mass Effect 1. Is he Harbinger in disguise? That would support the indoctrination theory, but Bioware’s response makes that seem unlikely. So back to my question, why should I believe this “star child”? If he is a 3rd party or Harbinger, then there is absolutely no reason to believe what he says, and I can find no way to reconcile what we see in the existing endings. But what if I’m wrong about who the “star child” is? What if he isn’t a new character introduced in the last few minutes, what if he’s been with me all along from Mass Effect 1 to now. What if the “star child” is Shepard?
Before I get to how this changes my view of the ending, we need to review some events first.
At the beginning of Mass Effect 3, Shepard is the only one who seems to notice this kid. He sees him first, playing on the roof top, second, hiding in the duct, and third, climbing aboard the shuttle. Anderson doesn’t see him or notice Shepard in a conversation with him. No one helps him on the shuttle. Is this kid real or a hallucination? It really doesn’t matter; the point is the Shepard identifies with this kid. So much so that he is the subject of three dream sequences. But it’s in the third dream, when he finally catches up to him that Shepard runs into himself. I think it is this dream that is supposed to clue us in that not only is Shepard with the kid, but that Shepard is the kid, or the kid represents a part of Shepard.
Over the course of Mass Effect 1, 2 and 3 we learn more and more about this repeating cycle every 50,000 years where the Reapers return to destroy spacing faring civilizations. Why this cycle exists and how it started is unclear. But we do learn a few things. First the Citadel and Mass Relays are a critical part of this repeating cycle, just as important as the Reapers. These devices control technology development such that civilizations can never produce any technology capable of destroying the Reapers, preserving the cycle. The Protheans have come close. At least their actions delayed the Reapers return in this cycle. The crucible is another example of coming close to ending the cycle, but we do find out it has actually been in development over several cycles as well. It’s important to note that we don’t know what the crucible does, but understanding the history of past cycles can give clues as to its limitations. For example Javik states that the Protheans had their own war with AI’s during their cycle. This cycle is the first time, which due to Shepard’s actions, there can be peace between organics and synthetics. He did this with EDI, which we learn her original form was an AI Shepard defeated on the moon in the Mass Effect 1. He also does this with the Geth and Quarians, provided you have enough persuasive power to achieve this outcome. So up until this point in time, most people including those of other cycles would say organics and synthetics cannot or will not get along. Shepard is the first to prove this assumption wrong. But the crucible was never designed by a people with that point of view.
Back to the ending. Everything which happens on the Citadel after Shepard steps into the transport beam is probably a dream / hallucination / inside Shepard’s mind sequence, not reality. It’s still possible that the sequence with the Illusive Man and Anderson are real, but given Shepard’s physical appearance, and what happens during this sequence I think it could all be in Shepard’s head. If that is the case the Illusive Man and Anderson are aspects of Shepard’s personality. It would explain why the Illusive Man exhibits control over the other two during the conversation. If they are all one in the same the ability to control the others makes sense. Shepard is wrestling with the decision of what to do with the crucible. Anderson would represent the destroy option, and the Illusive Man the control option. He is essentially talking to himself. If this sequence is real, then you just take it on face value. We know the Illusive Man tipped off the Reapers about the crucible in the first place, so he could be hanging around the Citadel as the Reaper’s last line of defense. Anderson making it through to the Citadel isn’t an impossible scenario either. In any event, this doesn’t really matter. 
What matters, is that from the point Shepard passes out to the decision he makes regarding the use of the crucible, all of it is definitely taking place inside his mind. I don’t think you can reason out the plot holes without this being the case. The “star child” is Shepard, again talking to himself. He is contemplating not only what to do with the crucible, but the overall way to stop this cycle from ever occurring again. What throws us off is that the “star child” talks about being the one that controls the Reapers, and being the catalyst. But Shepard has controlled the Reapers, in the same sense that the Citadel and Mass Relays have controlled civilizations in past cycles. Not with a level of control which states, go there, do that, but as a control which guides and limits. Shepard has resisted the Reaper invasion over and over again, forcing them to go down a path which they are unaccustomed to taking. Shepard also has ultimate control over the Reapers now because he is now in control of the crucible. He controls their fate, and the fate of the galaxy. Shepard is also the catalyst, the one who not only started the chain of events that have lead us to this point, but is also the one who will bring it to an end. The “star child” does employ circular logic about creating synthetics to destroy organics so they can’t make synthetics to destroy themselves. But the “star child” really doesn’t offer any new information, because Shepard can only contemplate that which he knows. It’s just Shepard trying to reason out everything he has learned so far and make sense of it all. Since Shepard is just talking to himself, this is why he doesn’t challenge the “star child”, but goes alone with it. It’s not out of character for Shepard to not challenge the “star child” if it is just himself. After all why wouldn’t you trust yourself?
If the “star child” is Shepard, then the choices that are laid out for you make more sense, because there isn’t another party present to give you any other options. Remember, no one knows what the crucible does. As it turns out, it is only capable of doing one of three things. This isn’t the “star child” limiting you in some way as to your choices; the device just does one of three things. But more importantly it also ends this cycle of destruction. This is why the endings are so similar. It was the whole purpose of the crucible from its development in previous cycles, to stop the cycle. That not only means stopping the Reapers, but it also means that the other forms of control (i.e. Citadel, and Mass Relays) must also be eliminated. The crucible really only allows choice on how to deal with the Reapers, it deals with the Citadel and Mass Relays by destroying them. So you are left with three choices in dealing with the Reapers. First, you can destroy them, but because the crucible was designed by races which had no incentive to preserve synthetic life, it was easier to design the crucible to destroy all synthetic life than to specifically target the Reaper variety alone. This is why this option risks your own life, as well as EDI and the Geth. Second, you can take control of the Reapers. This isn’t as dastardly as the Illusive Man’s plan to make use of the Reapers after taking control. Here you just cause them to withdraw. It allows you to preserve organic and synthetic life as is currently exists in the galaxy. Third, you can take a chance and combine organic and synthetic life. This essentially brings about a sort of peace accord between Reapers, organics, and other synthetics by combing them. This choice is yours to make, you decide how the story ends, which is what we really wanted in the first place. The “star child” isn’t an antagonist preventing Shepard from making a 4th choice. He is Shepard, just reflecting on the options available to Shepard.
To understand the ending sequences after you make your choice, it is necessary for everything we have been witnessing to be occurring in Shepard’s head, because it allows for Shepard to be taking action in the real world which we don’t see but is implied in the final ending sequences. We are just seeing the part of his mind wrestling with the decision that needs to be made. Realizing that the Citadel and Mass Relays will be destroyed when the crucible is activated, Shepard signals the fleet to escape through the relays and get home before they are stranded. This is why Joker is fleeing from Earth. We also know Joker would never abandon his crew. So while the rest of the fleet escapes early, Joker is delayed because he goes to recover your other crew members on Earth. He is still en route through the relay when the crucible is activated and gets caught in the blast. Looking at the cinematics, you see debris and Reapers in orbit when the crucible is activated, but not really active ships from the fleet, implying that they are already gone. Joker and crew get a happy ending because Joker manages to crash on a habitable planet. So what about Shepard? Well, the control and synthesis options probably require Shepard to remain onboard the Citadel to see those through and he dies when the Citadel blows up. The destroy option was probably like setting a timer on a bomb, it gives Shepard just enough time to escape back to Earth. Since Shepard appears to be in armor when he breaths, it would support that everything we see happening on the Citadel is in Shepard’s mind, but it also leaves the door open as to the fate of other synthetics.
So is the “star child” Shepard? Will we ever know? I hope the answers are coming.