Seasons don't fear the Reapers. They ****ing should though.
A Human, Krogan, and Asari walk into a bar......
Débuté par
Omega_Spectre
, avril 10 2012 11:56
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#127
Posté 11 avril 2012 - 11:33
DarkRPG
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Archontor wrote...
Seasons don't fear the Reapers. They ****ing should though.
Blue Asari Cult!
#128
Posté 11 avril 2012 - 11:34
Jamboa42
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DarkRPG wrote...
Archontor wrote...
Seasons don't fear the Reapers. They ****ing should though.
Blue Asari Cult!
Great work guys!
#129
Posté 11 avril 2012 - 11:42
DoomManiac
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this isn't a thread about the ending...Lookout1390 wrote...
How about a poem?
Some endings are red
Some endings are blue
I picked destroy
It's the end of all of you
#130
Posté 11 avril 2012 - 11:58
DS Monkfish
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On an unknown planet, thousands of years into the future...
Old Man:"...one more story, my sweet."
Boy: "Can it be another inappropriate one about The Renegade Shepard getting it on with aliens?"
Old Man: "But of course. One day, Renegade Shepard was asked to decide which of three lovely Asari maidens would become his new squeeze. So, he set them a task - each was to take 10,000 credits, and do with it what they would, in order to prove themselves worthy.
The first took the money to Barla Von, and made a huge profit from shady investments. The second buried the money, in the belief that it was better to hide it than to trust it to unscrupulous bankers. The third bought a splendid battle rifle, which fired pure space magic and could kill a Reaper in one shot. Anxiously, the three stood before Renegade Shepard and awaited his decison."
Boy: "So which one did Renegade Shepard choose?"
Old Man: "Why, the one with the big ***s, of course."
Old Man:"...one more story, my sweet."
Boy: "Can it be another inappropriate one about The Renegade Shepard getting it on with aliens?"
Old Man: "But of course. One day, Renegade Shepard was asked to decide which of three lovely Asari maidens would become his new squeeze. So, he set them a task - each was to take 10,000 credits, and do with it what they would, in order to prove themselves worthy.
The first took the money to Barla Von, and made a huge profit from shady investments. The second buried the money, in the belief that it was better to hide it than to trust it to unscrupulous bankers. The third bought a splendid battle rifle, which fired pure space magic and could kill a Reaper in one shot. Anxiously, the three stood before Renegade Shepard and awaited his decison."
Boy: "So which one did Renegade Shepard choose?"
Old Man: "Why, the one with the big ***s, of course."
Modifié par dmath2, 11 avril 2012 - 11:59 .
#131
Posté 12 avril 2012 - 05:38
DarkRPG
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dmath2 wrote...
On an unknown planet, thousands of years into the future...
Old Man:"...one more story, my sweet."
Boy: "Can it be another inappropriate one about The Renegade Shepard getting it on with aliens?"
Old Man: "But of course. One day, Renegade Shepard was asked to decide which of three lovely Asari maidens would become his new squeeze. So, he set them a task - each was to take 10,000 credits, and do with it what they would, in order to prove themselves worthy.
The first took the money to Barla Von, and made a huge profit from shady investments. The second buried the money, in the belief that it was better to hide it than to trust it to unscrupulous bankers. The third bought a splendid battle rifle, which fired pure space magic and could kill a Reaper in one shot. Anxiously, the three stood before Renegade Shepard and awaited his decison."
Boy: "So which one did Renegade Shepard choose?"
Old Man: "Why, the one with the big ***s, of course."
So Matriarch Benezia?
#133
Posté 13 avril 2012 - 04:40
AlexFili
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Insert the word "bacon" into your favourite Mass Effect quotes.
"This is the tank-bred? Is it very bacon-like."
"Another dangerous alien aboard, Commander. Thanks. Why can't you collect bacon"
"Shepard! My friend! You look well for dead. I should have known the bacon couldn't hold you."
"Hard to see big picture behind pile of bacon."
"Amonkira, Lord of Hunters, grant that my hands be steady, my aim be true, and my feet swift. And should the worst come to pass, grant me bacon"
"I'm going to do what you brought me back to do. I'll fight and win this war without compromising the bacon of our species."
"This radiation is causing serious problems for my bacon"
"I couldn't do this without bacon, Garrus."
"Commander Shepard: Actually, that sounds interesting.
Kenneth Donnelly: You in, Tali?
Tali'Zorah: Sure, that sounds fun.
Kenneth Donnelly: Fantastic! I'll get the bacon."
"This is the tank-bred? Is it very bacon-like."
"Another dangerous alien aboard, Commander. Thanks. Why can't you collect bacon"
"Shepard! My friend! You look well for dead. I should have known the bacon couldn't hold you."
"Hard to see big picture behind pile of bacon."
"Amonkira, Lord of Hunters, grant that my hands be steady, my aim be true, and my feet swift. And should the worst come to pass, grant me bacon"
"I'm going to do what you brought me back to do. I'll fight and win this war without compromising the bacon of our species."
"This radiation is causing serious problems for my bacon"
"I couldn't do this without bacon, Garrus."
"Commander Shepard: Actually, that sounds interesting.
Kenneth Donnelly: You in, Tali?
Tali'Zorah: Sure, that sounds fun.
Kenneth Donnelly: Fantastic! I'll get the bacon."
#134
Posté 13 avril 2012 - 07:21
EricHVela
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Try to make a Vorcha say "Most heavy people burp."
(No. Really. They have no lips. It's hilarious.)
(No. Really. They have no lips. It's hilarious.)
#135
Posté 15 avril 2012 - 03:12
EricHVela
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Anyone hear that the Normandy sounds like a prop-plane? Is that just me?
(I'm reminded of the movie "Airplane!" every time I'm in the lower two levels of the Normandy SR-2. Brrrrrrrrrreerrrrrrrreerrrrr and it has jet engines in the movie -- and that's intended in Airplane! -- but for Mass Effect ...)
(I'm reminded of the movie "Airplane!" every time I'm in the lower two levels of the Normandy SR-2. Brrrrrrrrrreerrrrrrrreerrrrr and it has jet engines in the movie -- and that's intended in Airplane! -- but for Mass Effect ...)
#136
Posté 15 avril 2012 - 03:15
Deuterium_Dawn
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The bar is a reaper trap, and once they all pass out drunk, they get huskified.
#138
Posté 15 avril 2012 - 03:19
eddieoctane
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BluKardinal wrote...
The tulumorian spy entered the enemy's camp and said to the vankshear: I didn't know your parnaps could glow.
Parnaps? Let's try to keep this PG. Dirty humor is great and all, but think about the children surfing the forum of a mature rated game.
#139
Posté 15 avril 2012 - 04:31
Blind2Society
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Bill Casey wrote...
A human, an asari and a krogan walk into a bar. They all get completely wasted. Several hours later, the bartender turns to one of them and says, "Hey, stop doing a strip tease on my bar!" And the Krogan turns to him and says "Try and stop me!"
It was so predictable but I still laughed.
GeoFukari wrote...
This is the Story of the Kinky Hanar Warriors.
A Turian, a Human and a Krogan get captured by an army of Hanar Warriors.
The Hanar Warriors tell the captured that they will be released if they come back with a kill.
The Turian comes back with a Varren. When the Hanar sees this, they then tell the Turian he must stick it up his Anus, and he must not react.
The Turian responds: I can't, there is a stick blocking the way.
The Hanar then kill him.
The Human, sly as a fox overheard what happened so he goes out to kill a mouse. The human returns with the mouse and the Hanar tell him to stick it up his anus, and not react.
The Human starts, but then laughs.
The Hanar then kill him.
In the Intergalactic Afterlife, the Turian asks the Human: So why did you laugh, you could have gotten away.
The Human Responds: I saw the Krogan coming back with a Thresher Maw.
Kosmiker wrote...
A Krogan, a Salarian, a Turian and a Quarian are onboard a Kodiak drop-shuttle for an important mission.
Meanwhile the shuttle has a malfunction and some weight must be thrown away to avoid the crash.
After they throw everything out the commander says to the 4 soldiers:
- Sorry! But someone will have to jump!
The Turian gets up, approaches the door and says:
- Don't forget Palaven!
And he jumps to his death.
The commander explains that there still is too much weight..
The Quarian readily stands up and yells:
- Keelah se'lai!!
And jumps.
Shortly after the commander says only one more needs to jump.
The Krogan stands up and yells:
- FOR TUCHANKA!!
And throws the Salarian out.
Modifié par Blind2Society, 15 avril 2012 - 04:51 .
#140
Posté 16 avril 2012 - 02:20
EricHVela
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Quarians suffer from all kinds of allergic reactions to stuff.
Imagine a Quarian sneezing.
Imagine a Quarian sneezing.
#141
Posté 16 avril 2012 - 02:37
Aerevane
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the human says: There's no one online at my SWTOR server!
#142
Posté 16 avril 2012 - 02:58
HellbirdIV
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Why did the salarian cross the river?
Because the krogan overshot his throw.
Because the krogan overshot his throw.
#143
Posté 16 avril 2012 - 03:06
Mr_Blue
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A batarian walks into a bar. The bartender says, "you've come a long way from home, buddy."
Too soon?
Too soon?
#144
Posté 16 avril 2012 - 03:27
DocStone
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Vanguards fly across the fields,
Like stars across the skies.
Until it hits a Banshee,
and then the bugger dies.
The Krogan stood upon the plain,
a leader of it's nation.
It grabbed a Reaper by the throat,
And punched it's f*&%ing face in.
What did the Krogan say when he saw a thousand Elcor came over the top of the hill?
There's a thousand Elcor coming over the top of that hill.
What did the Krogan say when he saw a thousand Elcor wearing sunglasses came over the top of the hill?
Nothing, he didn't recognise them.
What do you do if you come across a Krogan in deep space?
Say you are sorry and wipe it off.
What do you do if a Varren starts dry humping your leg?
Fake an orgasm.
How do you get 5 Salarians into a small car?
2 in the front, 2 in the back, and Mordin in the ashtray....
Like stars across the skies.
Until it hits a Banshee,
and then the bugger dies.
The Krogan stood upon the plain,
a leader of it's nation.
It grabbed a Reaper by the throat,
And punched it's f*&%ing face in.
What did the Krogan say when he saw a thousand Elcor came over the top of the hill?
There's a thousand Elcor coming over the top of that hill.
What did the Krogan say when he saw a thousand Elcor wearing sunglasses came over the top of the hill?
Nothing, he didn't recognise them.
What do you do if you come across a Krogan in deep space?
Say you are sorry and wipe it off.
What do you do if a Varren starts dry humping your leg?
Fake an orgasm.
How do you get 5 Salarians into a small car?
2 in the front, 2 in the back, and Mordin in the ashtray....
#145
Posté 16 avril 2012 - 03:41
eddieoctane
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DocStone wrote...
How do you get 5 Salarians into a small car?
2 in the front, 2 in the back, and Mordin in the ashtray....
That one made me sad...
#146
Posté 16 avril 2012 - 03:44
goose2989
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And the Batarian bartender says "Get the %*#*! out!"
#147
Posté 16 avril 2012 - 04:18
linkrulesx10
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Hysterically, A Human, Krogan, and Asari walk into a bar.
Sincerly, it would be more amusing for you if you understood elcor subtext
Sincerly, it would be more amusing for you if you understood elcor subtext
#148
Posté 16 avril 2012 - 07:11
Mr_Blue
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An asari, a quarian, an elcor, a batarian, and a VI KEI-9 unit go to a talent agent to audition for a show in the Presidium.
The talent agent says, "What can you do?"
And right there, the asari starts climbing on the elcor, and the batarian starts pulling on the quarian's hood. All the while, the KEI-9 unit is wondering what's going on, and jumps on top of the batarian while the batarian is breathing fog on the quarian's mask. And then the elcor starts running around in a circle trying to get the asari off his back, and the asari is joining minds with the elcor. The batarian throws the quarian on the floor, and starts spitting in the quarian's emergency induction port. The quarian starts poking the batarian's eyes, and spits the old spit back at him. The quarian then takes the KEI-9 unit and links her environment suit with the unit. The batarian gets trampled by the panicking elcor, and the asari eventually gets bucked off and lands on top of the batarian. The batarian, on the ground, starts sucking on the asari's tentacles. The asari is passed out at this point, and the batarian is too weak to get up, so he starts biting the asari's tentacles. At the same time, the batarian can't see because of all the saliva in his eyes. The elcor then tries to trample the KEI-9 unit in revenge, but the quarian detaches her suit with the KEI-9 unit and blinds the elcor with her omnitool and slips on the saliva on the batarian's face. The elcor lands on the asari, at which point the batarian can't breath anymore, and his loud coughing wakes up the asari, whose head is covered in both levo-amino and dextro-amino saliva.
The quarian helps up the elcor, the asari, and the batarian, still with his spit and the quarian's spit dripping from his face. The talent agent was nonplussed. Nonplussed. He asks, "And what do you call yourselves?" The asari says, "The Aristocrats!"
The talent agent says, "What can you do?"
And right there, the asari starts climbing on the elcor, and the batarian starts pulling on the quarian's hood. All the while, the KEI-9 unit is wondering what's going on, and jumps on top of the batarian while the batarian is breathing fog on the quarian's mask. And then the elcor starts running around in a circle trying to get the asari off his back, and the asari is joining minds with the elcor. The batarian throws the quarian on the floor, and starts spitting in the quarian's emergency induction port. The quarian starts poking the batarian's eyes, and spits the old spit back at him. The quarian then takes the KEI-9 unit and links her environment suit with the unit. The batarian gets trampled by the panicking elcor, and the asari eventually gets bucked off and lands on top of the batarian. The batarian, on the ground, starts sucking on the asari's tentacles. The asari is passed out at this point, and the batarian is too weak to get up, so he starts biting the asari's tentacles. At the same time, the batarian can't see because of all the saliva in his eyes. The elcor then tries to trample the KEI-9 unit in revenge, but the quarian detaches her suit with the KEI-9 unit and blinds the elcor with her omnitool and slips on the saliva on the batarian's face. The elcor lands on the asari, at which point the batarian can't breath anymore, and his loud coughing wakes up the asari, whose head is covered in both levo-amino and dextro-amino saliva.
The quarian helps up the elcor, the asari, and the batarian, still with his spit and the quarian's spit dripping from his face. The talent agent was nonplussed. Nonplussed. He asks, "And what do you call yourselves?" The asari says, "The Aristocrats!"
Modifié par Mr_Blue, 16 avril 2012 - 07:17 .
#149
Posté 16 avril 2012 - 08:14
Omega_Spectre
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Mr_Blue wrote...
An asari, a quarian, an elcor, a batarian, and a VI KEI-9 unit go to a talent agent to audition for a show in the Presidium.
The talent agent says, "What can you do?"
And right there, the asari starts climbing on the elcor, and the batarian starts pulling on the quarian's hood. All the while, the KEI-9 unit is wondering what's going on, and jumps on top of the batarian while the batarian is breathing fog on the quarian's mask. And then the elcor starts running around in a circle trying to get the asari off his back, and the asari is joining minds with the elcor. The batarian throws the quarian on the floor, and starts spitting in the quarian's emergency induction port. The quarian starts poking the batarian's eyes, and spits the old spit back at him. The quarian then takes the KEI-9 unit and links her environment suit with the unit. The batarian gets trampled by the panicking elcor, and the asari eventually gets bucked off and lands on top of the batarian. The batarian, on the ground, starts sucking on the asari's tentacles. The asari is passed out at this point, and the batarian is too weak to get up, so he starts biting the asari's tentacles. At the same time, the batarian can't see because of all the saliva in his eyes. The elcor then tries to trample the KEI-9 unit in revenge, but the quarian detaches her suit with the KEI-9 unit and blinds the elcor with her omnitool and slips on the saliva on the batarian's face. The elcor lands on the asari, at which point the batarian can't breath anymore, and his loud coughing wakes up the asari, whose head is covered in both levo-amino and dextro-amino saliva.
The quarian helps up the elcor, the asari, and the batarian, still with his spit and the quarian's spit dripping from his face. The talent agent was nonplussed. Nonplussed. He asks, "And what do you call yourselves?" The asari says, "The Aristocrats!"
.....I don't get it.
Modifié par Omega_Spectre, 16 avril 2012 - 08:15 .
#150
Posté 16 avril 2012 - 08:39
v TricKy v
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A Human, Krogan and Asari walk into a bar.....
when suddenly Zaeed comes around a corner and asks the Krogan: "You got a problem?"
The Krogan is in rage and ready for a fight when Legion comes around and says: " There is high statistic probability of death by gunshot. A punch to the face is also likely.
when suddenly Zaeed comes around a corner and asks the Krogan: "You got a problem?"
The Krogan is in rage and ready for a fight when Legion comes around and says: " There is high statistic probability of death by gunshot. A punch to the face is also likely.
