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[DrakeMan169]

This is part of a story i'm writing and i'd appreciate it if i could get some critique. It entirely open to criticism and i want all levels.


“You sure about this sir?” I asked.
            “I’m damn sure lieutenant,” Captain Lewis Sharp answered, “We only has a couple of minutes before the Geth start swarming. We need to secure this download or this information will be forever lost.” He was referring to the countless files of Cerberus experiments and investigations. 
            “Why are the Geth even here? This is a Cerberus base,” Private David Jones asked. They were in a large room covered in panels and tables decked with electronics of all sorts. Sharp opened a nearby terminal and started downloading all the bases files.
            “Good question Jones, good question,” Sharp muttered. Ever since we made the jump from the Mass Relay into the Terminus Systems, things have gone haywire. This was supposed to be a simple straightforward mission, a classic get-in get-out operation.
            “We have troopers, left corridor!” someone yelled. I grabbed my assault rifle from its slot on the back of my armor and activated it. It transformed from a small box shape into an Avenger III. I armed it and took cover behind a panel.
            “Activating disrupter ammo!” Jones yelled. I proceeded to do the same. Two troopers stormed in with a Destroyer close behind. Jones unleashed two bursts. The first skimming one of the trooper’s kinetic shields while the second burst completely wiped them out. Using this opportunity, Sergeant Harrison took a well-aimed headshot to the defenseless trooper. Sharp and Jones finished the other one off.
            “Take down that Destroyer,” Sharp growled. Jones, following orders, jumped up and unleashed his rifle upon the giant Geth machine. With its shield now drained, Harrison got off another couple headshots. I fired one last burst from my rifle which ripped through its armor ripping its inner workings to shreds. It fell and died before it hit the ground.
            “Hell yeah!” Jones cheered. But his victory was short lived. A Geth Prime burst into the room unleashing its rocket launcher right on to the unsuspecting private. He managed to let of a quick scream before he became nothing but remains.
            “****!” Sharp screamed. The Prime kept walking slowly towards Harrison. Unable to return fire against the constant battering of Geth weapons, Harrison rolled and tried for cover several feet away. But the Prime launched another rocket, which slammed into the nearby wall catching him off balance. He failed to get a foothold and wiped out a couple feet from his destination. I looked away before I would see the life be stripped away from him.
            “Lieutenant, you need to get out of here,” Sharp yelled. He was still by the terminal, but had token a round to his side. He tossed me a disk. “The files are on there. Get o-“he was interrupted by a bullet to the head. I quickly turned around and dashed towards the door, foolishly forgetting about the Prime. It reached out with one of its arms and quickly smacked me down. It kicked my weapon away and brought its foot upon my arm.
            “Ahhhh!” was all I could manage. The pain was blinding. It grabbed me by the neck and brought me eyelevel.
            “Human, where are the files?” He asked in a surprisingly calm tone.
            “Go to hell!” I pulled out my pistol and fired several rounds into its single eye. It growled and threw me against the wall 15 feet away. He came over and his foot met with my neck.
            “Last chance human, where are the files?” he repeated.
            “Right here,” I answered. I pulled out the disk and slammed it into the ground, shattering it.
            “Prepare to meet the creators,” he pulled out his rifle and darkness emerged.

[MoltenRock]

My first piece of advice is to reformat the text so it is more suited for the forum.

[DrakeMan169]

in way do you mean