This is best imagined as a Female Shepard with Hale's sexy voice.
*Shepard blinks and wakes up after going up the elevator*
<Shepard> Mmmhhnnn... wait, that talk with Anderson wasn't the ending? Is this going to be like the Lord of the Rings endings?
<Star Child> Hello, Shepard.
<Shepard> ... Oh great. A Matrix ending. How original.
<Star Child> *ahem* We are your salvation through your destruction.
<Shepard> That never made any sense, you realize?
<Star Child> ... It is only because we are beyond your comprehension.
<Shepard> You also realize that's synonymous with "I am crazy", right?
<Star Child> DADDY! She doesn't want to listen! ;_;
*HARBRINGER ARRIVES IN DRAMATIC FASHION*
<Harbringer> DO YOU HAVE ANY FURTHER QUESTIONS?
<Shepard> *smirks* Yes, actually. Let me spell it out for you very carefully. Are. The. Reapers. CRAZY?
<Harbringer> We are not crazy! We are simply the pinnacle of evolution! You are but ants to us!
<Shepard> So you think you're better than all of us.
<Harbringer> Exactly!
<Shepard> Racist.
<Harbringer> You humans are all racist.
<Shepard> Oh, fine. You're an elitist then. Happy?
<Star Child> Daddy make her stop! ;_;
<Harbringer> *charges weapons* You will stop these remarks immediately.
<Shepard> Might makes right eh?
<Harbringer> *weapons whine loudly* You will cease this insolence!
<Shepard> Witness the violence inherent in the cycle!
<Harbringer> *weapons whine loudly* This is your final warning.
<Shepard> *starts shooting Harbringer with her pistol*
<Harbringer> Ouch! Hey! Quit it!
<Shepard> Come on Harby. What happened to you? Why are you such a sissy?! Shoot me!
<Harbringer> *aims guns at Shep*
<Star Child> Daddy! ;_;
<Harbringer> *grumbles* Oh FINE! *turns off laser*
<Shepard> *grins slyly* So... you _need_ me, don't you?
<Star Child> The Crucible has opened new possibilities! We can change the galaxy based on the choice of ONE individual!
<Harbringer> *mutters* WHY did you have to give him that new toy?
<Star Child> But I need someone to access its full potential! And I choose you Shepard!
<Shepard> ... Why me? Why not...
[Shepard imagines Vega slacking around playing cards]
[Shepard visualizes Tali. She then visualizes her shotgun.]
[Shepard thinks of Liara flip-flopping between sweet and nice to stabbity-kill]
[Shepard cringes at Javik's comments about other races]
[Shepard cuts to Garrus trying to pull his "moves" while wooing her]
[Shepard remembers EDI saying she enjoys seeing humans on their knees]
<Shepard> Wait, you know what? Screw it. I'm your girl!
<Star Child> Yay! Now you get to pick one of three options!
<Shepard> ... Why three?
<Harbringer> Because the plot demands it
.<Star Child> In the first option, you kill all the Reapers, but you don't want that! Instead...
<Shepard> Wait, there's an option to...
<Harbringer> You. Don't. Want. That.
<Shepard> But...
<Harbringer> The cycle will continue if you do.
<Shepard> You just made that up five minutes ago, didn't you?
<Harbringer> I have a power laser.
<Shepard> ... Ooookay. Sorry. What was the second option again?
<Star Child> You can bring peace and understanding throughout the galaxy by performing SYNTHESIS!
<Shepard> *dryly* I am so excited. What is this Synthesis?
<Harbringer> It gives everyone in the galaxy a free pacemaker.
<Shepard> THAT is supposed to bring universal peace and understanding?!
<Harbringer> Have you SEEN the rising cost of healthcare?!
<Shepard> ... I'm Canadian. The rising cost of healthcare is an American concern.
<Star Child> Oh who cares about stupid politics! We still have a last option - CONTROL.
<Shepard> Control?
<Star Child> Uh-huh! You get to control the Reapers now, leaving me free to stay up as long as I want!
<Harbringer> Wait, what?!
<Shepard> Harby gets to be our slave forever?
<Star Child> *nods, nods*
<Harbringer> Wait, this wasn't...!
<Shepard> *starts running for the Control option*
<Star Child> No, wait! Before you do it, you need to know that you will die. And it will be deep, and heroic, and...
<Shepard> *grabs the rods and gets fried* ... ERKKKKKKKK....
<Star Child> Oh no! My perfect ending! It's...
<Shepard> *gets thrown back and is clearly dying*
<Harby> NOOOOO! *eyes gloss over* I will now obey humans. They are my master.
<Star Child> Shepard! You can still save my ending! Say something deep and profound!
<Shepard> ... I will still be with you... as Satele Shan... in The Old Republic... *dies*
<Star Child> NOOOOOOOOO!!!!
<Shepard> ... And as Leah in that game by that other company *winks, then dies for real*
====
Epilogue:
<Grandpa> Don't worry. We'll go back to space again someday. In fact, we can go tomorrow! Right Harby?!
<Harby> ... Stupid... Indoc... Plot...
Modifié par Zine2, 16 avril 2012 - 06:55 .
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