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The wall of text is now over 9000, thanks to all the great comments that people have made. It may take some time to read through it all, but its not like you have anything better to do anyway.
Having played a fair amount of games, I have noticed that random squad members fall in to some general categories. We all know them, we have all played with them, here is who they are. If you think that I have missed something, post it - if it is good, and in tone with the spirit of this thread, I will add it to this post.
These are the people that you play with:
The Noob
He has plays a character at level 6. Which is also his N7 Rating. And he is in your Gold lobby. He has access to a sniper rifle, you know this because you can see it on his loadout, but he is persistently using an SMG. On a human infiltrator. Generally serves the same purpose as the Decoy, but with a lower ability to draw fire.
The Trooper
Never speaks, and rarely spoken to. There is no need for that, as he is always there. If bunkering down somewhere, he is there to back the rest of the squad up, and if someone runs for an objective, he is the one that follows to help clear the way and provide cover. Generally performs averagely on killing things, but a popular guy because he causes no problems.
The Man(!)
A variation of the Trooper, but with a voice and a great sense of humor. He waits until everyone is ready before he chooses his class – the one that compliments the squads powers the most. At the end of wave 3 it is clear to you that your life will not be complete before this guy in on your friends list. Even if you wipe on wave 6 the fight was still well worth it. After a failed mission, he doesn’t rage quit like the 2 others - he suggests another map and/or enemy, because he is sure that it will work better.
The Charger
Plays human vanguard, krogan soldier or something similar. Depending on the level of difficulty, playing with this guy is a very different experience. On Bronze you can safely go make a cup of coffee while he is compensating for his erectile dysfunction. On Gold however, he is more effective serving as a mobile shield for the enemy, as your no amount of armor penetration will allow bullets to penetrate him - as opposed to what the enemy would otherwise be hiding behind. Expect him to save more lives than he will be taking, requiring a lot of revivals. On later waves, he being killed is actually a relief, as you can now hit the enemy instead of him.
The Master Exploder
The Biotic Mastermind. If you play a biotic class yourself, he will tap everything with Warp on a stupidly low cooldown, and rage at you for not detonating them so that everything can die in the explotions that he set up. Everything must die in an explotion – even with 3 squad mates trying to aim scoped rifles, he will relentlessly continue to shake the very foundations of the earth, making it impossible for you to aim, but ensuring him eternal glory.
The COD War Veteran
If the internet was his father, the safety of anonymity was definitely his mother. According to him, he is a 6ft.10, 250lbs street fighting war veteran that served in numerous battles from the Falklands to the 2nd Gulf War. If his bullet is the first to hit a target, it is considered his alone - if you steal his kill, he will track you down via IP address and **** you up. He has ****ed your mother several times. His voice sounds a lot like a 12 year old though.
The Commander
Has all the qualities of the War Veteran, and serves as self proclaimed leader of the squad. He is a visionary, and he has a plan, he knows where you should be at all times and what you should be doing. The problem is that you don’t agree with him, but vocal hell will rain down on you if you voice your opinion.
The Frustrator
He plays the same class as you, but on a lower level. He also has the same gun, but on a lower version. Despite of this, he kills things faster than you - while reviving the fallen squad mates that you neglected. He sees the flow of a battle in a way that only Gods could hope to. You were pretty sure that he was on the far side of the map, yet he still managed to get to the next terminal faster than you – taking down a Brute and a Banshee in the process. He reminds you of everything that you are not, and you hate him for it. You will leave straight after the game, and you would rather take a bullet to the knee than see this guy ever again.
The Savior
A player left at wave 2, but you have been holding out 3 people until now. Each wave moved closer, and you would eventually be overrun. You all knew this, but no one mentioned it. It is now wave 9, and as I lay here, drawing my final breaths, the Geth amass around the soon-to-be corpses that were once the squad. “Abandon all hope ye who enter here” is written in blood on the inside of the counter that was once our last line of defense. Suddenly, from the landing pad, a trail of fire across the sky, a mind-shattering explosion, the enemy falls by the hundreds. Help has arrived – wave complete!
The HealerSable Rhapsody wrote...
What, no healer? Or is that a variant of the trooper? [smilie]../../../images/forum/emoticons/grin.png[/smilie]
Variation of the Trooper. Having played World of Warcraft as a Disc Priest scince its release, unlocking the Geth Engeneer was where he found his true calling. He ignored hunter vision, and is specced for max survival - his turret restores shields faster than Michael Moore can eat a strip of bacon. He is bunkered behind the squad, and you wonder what he actually does. This becomes apparent as you start start noticing that the enemy seems to have no shields them selves, and noone in the squad is on the floor longer than it takes for him to revive them. He finishes 4th on the score board and has 2 awards: +75 assists and +25 revives. You have none in the same category, but that doesn't matter becaue your ego is so big that you have to walk sideways out the door. Deep down inside though, you know that you should be sucking his dick, at least on a weekly basis, for the effort that he makes.
The One Man ArmyToughReason wrote...
I think you miss : "One Man Army"
Variation of the Frustrator. On wave 6 he was smart enough to cover when the rest of the squad chose to catch rockets with their teeth. Subsequently you sit back watching him, as he manages to disable the 4 devices and go Arnold on the remaining enemy without spending a single consumeable. On gold. Your squad mates are cheering like girls at a Jonas Brothers concert. As a consequence you log out and watch TV instead, because "its a stupid game anyway" and "he was probably hacking".
KennyAshes wrote...
The persistent
He plays only on Gold and only as a Vanguard. At the start of each wave he runs off to kill single mobs. But once the Banshees, Primes, Phantoms, group up his moment of glory arrises and he charges the group to die a heartbeat later. He has no problem with the fact that you cannot revive him and he will wait until the wave is done to repeat his masterpiece.
The unlucky-charm
His parents must have pissed off a gypisy witch at some point because no mather what difficulty he plays, around every corner there is a granade waiting to explode for him, a Banshee waiting for him with a one-hit-kill and every lost bullet seems to find his skull as if it was magnetic. This guy is just born for bad luck it seems and no mather how hard he tries, bad things happen. You can see he is not a bad player because he gets decent scores and when you are in trouble he will be around to magnetify all bullets to his skull. And even if he needs reviving 10 times on wave 3 he is still sitting behind his computer with a smile on his face.
The Immortal
Close realative of Captain Cobra (see below). You are farming Geth on FB:W. There is no honor in this, only credits. You are pretty sure that everyone agreed to die after Wave 10, saving a few minutes to up the Credits/Time efficiency, although this guy must be either deaf/mute or a liar, because he refuses to go down. Even after the rest of the squad has perished, he masterfully kites the enemy around the map to the point where you actually start cheering for the hunters. Only problem is that he is packing more Med-Gels than you were packing bullets – and he is not afraid to use them. If an average 25% of all packs contains Med-Gel or Cobra Missiles, you now know why you havent seen one in the last 168.
Trylobyte wrote...
Captain Cobra
He can use five Cobra missiles per match. You know this because he has used all five of them in the last several matches you played. If it's larger than a Cannibal, he's got a missile for it and he won't hesitate to use it. You're not sure whether to be happy you have him around because he makes short work of those Banshees or upset that he's wasting so many missiles you might need later. It's usually the latter, as he never seems to have any left when you actually need them.
The Eccentric Master
If Mass Effect was a movie, this guy would be played by John Cleese. He has some sort of hideously bizarre combination of class, mods, and weapons that you would never possibly allow in a normal game, but you were desperate to get going so you let him join. He then proceeds to clean up the entire map and make you all look like chumps despite being armed with a combination that no sane, rational individual would ever choose. You later try his build and do predictably terrible with it, then spend the next half hour wondering how he was able to pull it off.
The SniperX2-Elijah wrote...
I'm just a sniper. That's about it. I guess we are such a stealthy playstyle that you can't see our cloaked entry on the list?
You see him in the lobby, and you know that he entered the game because the combat log shows it. From there on noone sees him - enemy included. You can hear him once in a while - distant gunfire and his game score, which rests comfortably 10.000 above your own are proof of his presence. When you are about to be extracted, you continue wonder where he is, as only 3 guys are in the zone. Despite of this, you still get the "Full Extraction" ward. Rushing to the lobby to see what he was playing and with what gun is futile - he is gone, and now you can't remember his name.
The One Mand Wolf PackExOriginz wrote...
We need a " Lone Wolf " ^^
At some point an Asari Adept got frisky with a Krogan Soldier. This was their unholy offspring. When you see him defiling the sactity of your Gold lobby, it is only of your good heart that you allow him to join the game. You immediately regret this as he sprints off on his own at the start of wave 1, and you damn him to the far reaches of hell when his is never around to revive your sorry ass. On the other hand he is never in need of a revive, so why bother raging? It is not untill wave 9 when you and the 2 other campers are trying to fight off a Phantom in the tower of FB:Dagger that you understand what is going on. While you were 1 guitar short of of singing Kumbaya in your camp, wondering why no targets appeared, he was doing unspeakable things to the enemy on the level below you.
The Role PlayerDiscordic wrote...
I have a nomination for the list...
The game has an element of role play, and he will stop at nothing to live that to the fullest. As of late, has been seen playing Geth characters armed only with Geth Weapons - even if that means an SMG-wielding Infiltrator. More commonly though, seen playing as "The Krogan". After playing a round with this guy, you can't help but think he had a stroke while talking to wrex or grunt in sp, and decided he was a krogan when he recovered. He does the best he can to become like his twin idols in every game, and will scream "for tuchanka" and refer to otherplayers as varrens constantly. Between rounds he will track down any player who is doing worse, and will spam heaebutts at them, just so they know their place. Your best hope is to wait for his neighbours to call the police as a reaction to his constant screaming "They're dead!"
The Girl
At some point during wave 1 she said “hello” with a voice that made it tinkle down your spine. As a result, no one but her speaks for the duration of the battle, because you might miss out on something she says, if you were speaking. She has an N7 Rating around your own and a class that supports yours – quickly you find yourself falling for this gamer girl. Or award winning voice actor – who knows?
DamonD7 wrote...
The Nutter
Plays as Krogan, celebrates each completed wave with several headbutts. Overjoyed to see other Krogans on the team, as he'll try (and usually succeed) in getting them to join in the headbutting between rounds. Bonus points if there is a single team member of another race, standing by puzzled and lonely as three Krogan merrily headbutt each other.
humes spork wrote...
Michael Bay
Closely related to the Master Exploder, but without the biotic powers to sate his lust for blowing **** up. He kits out in BF3 soldier and carries a striker or falcon with incendiary ammo. Nothing he does fails to explode or burn. You can only thank your lucky stars he stays the hell away from objectives, because he'd probably blow those up too.
The Goddamn Leprechaun
If you wonder where the unlucky charms luck went, this guy is the answer. Sadly, it only applyes to him. He eats four-leaf clovers and ****s horseshoes. Cerberus can lob grenades at his feet all day and he'll never die. He'll stand next to a banshee for the entire wave and never get grabbed. He'll get caught in the open and flanked, yet the enemies are still shooting at you. He carries a predator, takes potshots at his teammates' targets and somehow never fails to get the killshot. He could probably solo gold on merit of the fact the enemies would inadvertently blow themselves up before landing a shot on him. Unfortunately, karma is a relentless **** and you are the path of least resistance.
Silent Fear wrote...
The Bodyguard ( Whitney Houston not included ):
If a Krogan and Reaper could couple - that would be the result. He is more machine then biological unit. Normally a Krogan Vanguard but on occasion Krogan Sentinel. He exist to protect. He is never more then few steps away from you and eager to spung all the fire that is coming toward you. As wave's are getting progressively harder for your Geth the Bodyguard is getting progressively better at his job to the point that now Atlases and Banshees are running away from him. On wave 10 he transform into Chuck Norris and proceed to beat the hell out of the opposition whit his face as a blunt weapon. After full extraction his score is right next to your's despite playing class that is supposed to have less firepower then yours.
Modifié par ABjerre, 19 avril 2012 - 03:51 .
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