109 réponses à ce sujet

[Inakhia]

*wheezes*

*gasps for air*

*wheezes*

*is ded of teh lafftah*

[EatinMcRib]

David Gaider wrote...

Andrastee wrote...
Zevran is clearly still the prettiest ...

Yeah, I can just see how Zevran's diary would begin.

Day 1: Going to Ferelden for some contract. Yay! Bought special conditioner for the occasion.

Day 32: Now in Ferelden. Boring. The local rubes have funny accents and not a single hair product is in sight.

Day 35: Met prospective employer. Very intense. Apparently he wishes to usurp the throne and has chosen a scapegoat for us to kill? In Antiva we call that a Tuesday. Employer = hot. Intense, but hot. I think his toadie may have licked my ear. If only his breath didn't smell like kitty litter.

Day 40: Assassination could have gone better. I am a bad crow -- but with good hair! The target chose to spare my life in exchange for servitude. This is okay by me, but only because she is hot. Her hair is not better than mine, however. Companions are mostly smelly and obnoxious, save for the one gay fellow in the armor. My hair is still better than his. I am the prettiest, and thus valued appropriately.

Day 42: No-one has yet mentioned how pretty I am. Adventuring sucks.

I expected that to be a little more morose, since he took the job intending to die.

[HarlequinDream]

EatinMcRib wrote...

David Gaider wrote...

Andrastee wrote...
Zevran is clearly still the prettiest ...

Yeah, I can just see how Zevran's diary would begin.

Day 1: Going to Ferelden for some contract. Yay! Bought special conditioner for the occasion.

Day 32: Now in Ferelden. Boring. The local rubes have funny accents and not a single hair product is in sight.

Day 35: Met prospective employer. Very intense. Apparently he wishes to usurp the throne and has chosen a scapegoat for us to kill? In Antiva we call that a Tuesday. Employer = hot. Intense, but hot. I think his toadie may have licked my ear. If only his breath didn't smell like kitty litter.

Day 40: Assassination could have gone better. I am a bad crow -- but with good hair! The target chose to spare my life in exchange for servitude. This is okay by me, but only because she is hot. Her hair is not better than mine, however. Companions are mostly smelly and obnoxious, save for the one gay fellow in the armor. My hair is still better than his. I am the prettiest, and thus valued appropriately.

Day 42: No-one has yet mentioned how pretty I am. Adventuring sucks.

I expected that to be a little more morose, since he took the job intending to die.

I was under the impression that Zevran was pretty damn surprised he didn't win against you.

[lady winde]

Awesome David! I wonder what Alistair's entries would have. Surely cheese must be mentioned. :3

[Kanner]

Ripping off Cassandra Clare's legolas anyways. =P

[Mesecina]

Mesecina wrote...

Amazing work... Please keep it up. Would love to see Zevran's, Dog's and Sten's take on it

Hmmm dog? Did I really write dog?

Well it could go something like:

The v. secret diary of Teddy the Dog

Title says all, this needs to remain hidden. Remember that last time you brought her dirty knickers? Now she goes "Do you see anything interesting boy" behind every friggin corner...
She learns of this, next thing you know you'll be washing dishes - we have the one smelling of cheese for that, which reminds me- just why isn't he interested in some leg humping? Note to self "Gotta try some more"

[Fieryspirit]

This made my day.



Fieryspirit approves +19

[Tarante11a]

So glad this caught my attention.



Absolutely excellent! properly laughing out loud. Oh if only I had your skills.



Thank you!

[Finiffa]

We need moar!!!

[Malificis]

mm yeah Zevran expected to be killed. Amusing though.

[Adria Teksuni]

I am so dying over here. Will have more up today once finish boring type stuff.



And David, are you volunteering to write Zevran's? How very sweet of you!



*runs away, giggling*

[David Gaider]

Kanner wrote...
Ripping off Cassandra Clare's legolas anyways. =P

Pretty much. Isn't that the point, here?

[NativityInBlack]

Gorgeous thanks!! Very talented!

[NativityInBlack]

 Gorgeous thanks! You are very talented!

[Mesecina]

Was v. bored and had a go at Dog's VSD. Publishing it with Adria's kind permission

The v. secret diary of Teddy the Dog



Title says all, this needs to remain hidden. Remember that last time you brought her dirty knickers? Now she goes "Do you see anything interesting boy?" behind every friggin corner...
She learns of this, you'll be washing dishes in no time- we have the one smelling of cheese for that, which reminds me- just why isn't he interested in some leg humping?

Day 1:

was wreaking havoc in the kitchen once more, love the way Nan screams when I try to hump her – that woman smells so good. Unfortunately my escapades were brought to Master’s attention, who showed up with that panty sniffer – oh yes I know what you’re carrying in your pocket ginger head.

One can always count on them rats in the larder – emerged a hero.Got a bone as reward – no not the bone perv! Master not very happy though, mentioned Orlesian lap cat once again…

Went sulking in her room. A funny smelling man came along, I hid under the bed – gonna behave like an Orlesian lap cat from now on hah, while he went through her unmentionables – seriously what’s up with all these men and my Master’s unmentionables, almost left out a loud growl… Master caught him sniffing panties she forgot to put into laundry – v. embarrassing, hasn’t found out about my deceit however.

Woke up in the middle of the night to sounds of armed men in the corridors and faint screaming, thought it might be a good time to stop sulking and woke the Master. Turns out the funny smelling man decided to claim her unmentionables with force… stupid git not as subtle as ginger head. On the plus side got to mangle on many of his soldiers even afforded myself some humping in all that mess – go me!

Master’s dad v. wounded too bad always carried cookies in his pocket, another man smelling of shaving foam turns up argues with Master.
Master not v. happy letting Mom and Dad behind but decides to go with him anyway, takes me along – take that ginger head panty sniffer!

We arrive at some camp where the man smelling of shaving foam snatches me away from the Master straight away – woohoo finally someone passionate about leg humping.

Turns out was getting ahead of myself. He leaves me around camp fire and says “Be a good boy you hear”  - hate that line!! Went to pee on his tent...
Woohoooo they have female mabaris, sadly they are all behind fence so had to contend myself with flirting through it. This trip might have been the best thing that ever happened to me.

Master comes to meet the shaving foam smelling one, brings along a guys smelling of cheese – v. arousing and two others. They get sent into the Wilds.
Left behind once more – of to mabari fence then.
Hope Master manages to keep her unmentionables on though…

Master returns only to leave me behind once more – this time the shaving foam guy takes them all away for some “Bondage”, Master  v.excited so is the cheeseguy.

Quite angry with shaving foam guy off to pee on his tent, it’s on the way to mabari fence anyway. Master, cheeseguy and shaving foam guy are back in the meanwhile whatever happened to the other two, maybe got slaughtered in an epic duel over Master’s unmentionables – eh humans.

Sent off with Master and cheeseguy to some tower while others do “proper” fighting. Guess they consider us nancies, quite rightfully in cheeseguy’s case, could have at least let me go with hawt mabari females – went to pee on shaving foam guy’s tent once more.

Met a lot of slimy, foul smelling green creatures, didn’t seem interested in talking, learnt they taste as bad as they look. Hopefully not gonna encounter plenty of those anymore.
Also bumped into most enchanting mabari lass named Daisy - oh those eyes, made a great impression telling her to wait for me to clear the tower – go me, can be a real gentleman!!!


Day 2:

Last thing I remember is foul smelling creature like the others just bigger an blue. Think we won – go us (not the cheeseguy he screamed like sissy)!
Next I woke up in the wilds. Master nowhere to be seen, cheeseguy still around looking depressed. Tried to cheer him up with some leg humping – wasn’t to appreciative however there’s a witch that smells of swamp mud who gives me cookie each time I try to hump the cheeseguy, seems v amused, her cookies v. good, v. pretty too…

From what I gather the swamp mud smelling witch’s mom – horrible old hag smelling of cave mold… or is that cave mold? Don’t wanna think about it. Whatever, she supposedly saved us from the tower somehow. V.angry with her because she didn’t save Daisy and won’t allow me to see Master.
Went to pee on all four corners of her hut – hah that shall teach her.

Day 3:
Master finally came out of the hut!!!!! Woooohoooo
Next thing I know we’re off in the Wilds but the swamp mud smelling witch joined us – yaaay love her cookies. Cheeseguy still kinda gloomy, might be after Master’s unmentionables… I smell trouble

Modifié par Mesecina, 10 décembre 2009 - 08:48 .

[Adria Teksuni]

This one is extremely long, but I had such fun with it.

I'm not subscribing to the "still not king" meme from the FotR Diaries, as I would rather not outright steal from them anymore than I already have.

The Very Secret Diaries of the Very Nearly Last Gray Warden in Ferelden & Co:

Alistair

Day 1: Informed mum was ho, real dad actually king. Go me!

Later told I, personally, will never be king under any circumstances so just get that notion right out of my pointy haired little head. Arl Eamon kind of jerk, actually. Put corpse gall in his knickers. Feel much better.

Further informed have sister who is some sort of peasant and brother who will, in fact, be king. Shown portrait of brother.

Brother looks like a nancy.

He does have fabulous hair, though.

Day 2: Blamed for corpse gall in Eamon’s knickers. NO proof whatsoever. V. unfair. Sent to muck out war dog cages. Ran into Teagan. Told him muck covering me was actually mud. Teagan too full of awesome to comment on smell.

Why couldn’t Teagan have been my dad? Maker knows he’s randy enough.

Have, however, decided not to be bitter about situation.

Day 16: Given pendant from mum. Rather nice, though am entirely too manly to wear it. Will take out occassionally and sigh wistfully. Wonder if they will ever tell me mum’s name. I mean, dad turned out to be king, didn’t he? Mum was just a maid.

Or was she?

Day 73: Arl Eamon to marry some Orlesian bird. Whatevs. Maybe the old git will stop coming down on me if he can get some action. E sent Teagan to escort bridal party. Silly ponce. Utterly clueless.

Day 84: Met bride to be, Isolde. V. hot. Teagan so absolutely hit that. E oblivious as usual. Wonder what my chances are? Will have to take pendant out and sigh wistfully around Isolde. Chicks dig that sort of thing.

Day 86: Isolde asked if I had breathing disorder.

Stupid bint.

Day 97: Eamon and Isolde wed. Did Teagan really have to deep tongue kiss the bride? Highly inappropriate IMHO.

Tried to do same, was slapped, sent to dog cages.

Hate Isolde. Hate Eamon. Tried to hate Teagan, but too full of awesome.

Day 134: Isolde reportedly jealous of attention Eamon gives me. Would SHE like to come clean out the dog cages? V. happy to trade off duties.

Wait, she has to sleep with Eamon.

Will stick with dog cages, kkthx.

Day 162: AM BEING SENT TO CHANTRY TO BECOME TEMPLAR!!!!! V. UNFAIR!!!!!

V. serious pout coming on. Smashed mum’s pendant in fit of rage. Sighing over it never worked anyway. Hate stupid old git Eamon and his hot bride. She talks funny anyway, so there.

Day 172: First day at Chantry, sent to scrub pots in scullery twice.

Hate Chantry. But no war dogs, so that’s nice.

Have been informed Isolde preggers. If there is any justice, she’ll swell up to the size of an Archdemon and break out in spots. On her arse.

Am not bitter.

Day 186: Honestly, I know it’s called “the Chantry” but do they really have to chant ALL the BLOODY TIME? The actual Chant is supposed to be like five years long but they keep doing the same bits over and over again. New material, people. That’s why you can’t get more peeps in church. You’re dead damn boring, that’s why.

Brought subject of repetitive nonsense up to High Reverend Priestess Mother Chick.

Chantry does have dog cages. Who knew?

Day 212: Maybe Templars not so bad. Get to play with pointy objects and bash other blokes about. Am told will one day hunt down mages. Go me!

Day 265: Got Templar armor. V. dashing. Who could be king NOW, baby?

Day 286: Arl Eamon tried to see me again today but having none of that. If he wanted me around the stupid old git shouldn’t have sent me away, now should he?

But am not bitter.

Day 416: Know have neglected diary as of late, but v. busy. Love being Templar. Cannot wait to bash Apostate heads.

It’s okay to bash Apostate heads, as they are evil and must be destroyed. The Chantry says so. Don’t really care, as long as get to bash heads.

Wonder if Apostate heads squish or shatter? Trainers refuse to give us real Apostates to practise on so do not know. Stupid trainers.

Day 514: Gray Warden named Duncan showed up. Nice enough chap, but wearing dress. V. not manly, but incredibly macho beard nice counterbalance. Was watching me spar today. Said it was to “ascertain my abilities”, but not so sure.

Duncan makes me feel kind of odd. Not sure I like it.

Day 516: Am to be Gray Warden. Go me!

Day 517: Told have to kill darkspawn and get blood. Um, ew? Perhaps GW not career choice I thought it was.

Duncan assured me that it was all part of job, and walked me through several effective darkspawn bashing techniques.

I do have some military training, was all that really necessary? What good am I on all fours, anyway? Am I to wrestle the darkspawn? Srsly, it was all “Now move your hips that way Alistair. Good. Now tilt your head and slit your eyes and look at me this way, Alistair. That’s it, just like that. Can you part your lips and breathe a bit heavy for me, Alistair?”

Duncan somewhat creepy.

Day 518: Five other GW recruits, all human males. We are quite the manly lot. Asked others about Duncan’s Special Training but got blank looks. Appears am Duncan’s pet pupil. Go me! Always knew am v. important, no matter what Arl Pansy Whipped Eamon says.

Still not bitter, though.

Day 528: Successfully fought ds, got blood. They’re rather terrifying, wot?

Was going to use moves Duncan taught me, but he had total snit fit and demanded to know what I was doing? When I attempted to explain, he got v. red and told me just to fight the way the Templars taught me.

Duncan v. confusing. What was the point of that training if I’m not supposed to use it against darkspawn? Honestly.

Day 529: Have to do WHAT with blood?!

Day 536: Bonding quite disgusting. Duncan had to kill two recruits who backed out last minute. One went screaming bonkers, passed out, and died. V. sad. But as if I didn’t have enough neuroses to worry about, now will have incredibly vivid nightmares for rest of life.

Still better than dog cages.

On happy note, other three recruits now GWs too. So ready to go kick ds ass.

Duncan, for some reason, looked kind if disappointed when the others pulled through. Wonder why? Thought we needed as many GWs as possible? Must be misreading the situation.

Put blood in pendant to carry around. Rather gruesome, wot?

PS: Bonding potion the nastiest damned thing EVER.

Day 558: Off to Denerim and GW HQ. There will meet other GWs. Sounds v. nice. Particularly as they don’t have stupid Chantry wailing like freakin’ banshees at all hours of day and night. Cannot wait for decent night’s sleep.

Day 563: Ate entire stock of elfroot. Feel somewhat poncy. Hungry all the time, except when having nightmares.

Being a Warden is such fun. Thanks ever so, Duncan.

Day 572: Duncan led me through the Ultra Secret Gray Warden Back Rub Technique. Is so secret can’t even mention to other Wardens. Duncan said was quite good at it. Am v. proud.

Day 586: Met new Warden yesterday who can drink OCEANS of booze. Challenged us all. Didn’t get through six pints before blacking out. Woke up in Duncan’s bed, nude, with Duncan massaging buttocks. Was told ancient GW remedy to ward off hangover. Did not work, as head still full of fanatically smithing dwarves. Duncan unconcerned about efficacy of cure.

Was assured other GWs were performing same service for the ones drinking last night, but as all looked the way I felt, think GW “remedy” full of rubbish.

Buttocks remarkably loose and flexible, however.

Day 687: Going to Ostagar to help King fight ds. Wonder if King knows about me. Wonder if I should tell him about our shared parentage. Wonder if hair is still as fabulous.

Then again, if I were in the palace with all those hair lackeys about, I’d have fabulous hair, too.

Still SO not bitter.

Day 552: Met King. Hair still fabulous, but he something of a twit. Srsly, how can you NOT be afraid of the ds? Oh no, it’s all “But we’re going ride out into glooooooorrrrrrrry at the side of the Gray Warrrrrrrrdeeeeeennnnnns!”

Silly ponce. I’ve got his glory right here. Have decided not to tell him am brother. Not sure want to have it known am related to that yabbo.

Duncan has ordered me not to speak to King. Guess I shouldn’t have told Duncan thought King was a retard.

Day 556: Loghain is something of an arsehat wot? What Gray Warden piddled in his morning porridge? Srsly.

Day 586: Not one battle? WTH? Duncan refuses to let me fight, instead reserving me for “Special Gray Warden Post Battle Relief” which involves scented candles, feathers, and massage oil. Says that is where my talents lie and would be wasted on battlefield. He’s the senior Warden, so I suppose I must do my duty.

Day 587: King scandalized. All massage oil in camp gone.

Day 588: Overheard Duncan discussing me w/King. Something about how I could never take King’s place in Duncan’s heart?

V. creeped out. Must go do something manly immediately.

Day 589: Duncan miffed at King spending so much time with Loghain. Leaving camp to go recruit other Wardens. Am to be left behind. Am v. relieved as fingers all cramped from massages.

Day 594: Hate camp. King pissy w/me. Loghain pissy w/me. Chantry pissy w/me. Am pissy to Mages, but not much help. Other Wardens avoiding me since mentioning reason why fingers all cramped. What is their problem, anyway? Probably just jealous am Duncan’s favourite.

Day 605: Two new recruits showed up today, sent by Duncan. Think one has liver complaint. Hope Duncan does not like them better than me.

Day 616: Duncan returns! Woohoo! Brought woman with him. Woman Warder? That’s new. Should be interesting. Again, hope Duncan does not like better than me, as fingers look to be v. strong and nimble. Should I be worried?

Modifié par Adria Teksuni, 08 décembre 2009 - 06:18 .

[syllogi]

Kanner wrote...

Ripping off Cassandra Clare's legolas anyways. =P

Someone is doing a homage to a parody, which is the work of the most shameless plagiarist ever?  Alert the media!!!

These are hysterical, keep them coming.  Poor, innocent Alistair. 

[VioletB]

Hilarious! Please keep them coming!

[Servant of Nature]

"Day 97: Eamon and Isolde wed. Did Teagan really have to deep tongue kiss the bride? Highly inappropriate IMHO. "



HAHAHAHA.



It's good to be the King!



I love you. I so want to see his journal after he gets to know the FemWarden a bit.

[Fishy]

Lelianna :What are you doing Warden?

PC :Me ? Nothing!!

Leliana : You looked under my skirt

PC:We've been adventuring for now 1 Years

Leliana : And what does my panties have to do with it?

PC:Well ... That ... just ....

Leliana : Yes

PC: I noticed you have the same panties

Leliana : BY the Maker it's a LIE!!!

PC:How so ? What you think I am doing when you and Morrigan take a Bath?

[Adria Teksuni]

Thanks SO MUCH for all the kind words! They completely and totally make my day. I feel all warm and glowy inside. *much grinnage*

This one is pretty short so far. More to come as the other diaries progress.

The Very Secret Diaries of the Very Nearly Last Gray Warden in Ferelden & Co:

Sten

Day 1: Got to new land. Ferelden. Want to kill everything but am supposed to scout and return with reports.

Hate Ferelden. Smells like wet dog. Too much humidity. Corn rows getting frizzy. Will have to get brothers in arms to rebraid when no one looking.

Day 2: Today v. bad. Ambushed by darkspawn. Brothers all dead. Sword missing.

Rescued by farmers. By FARMERS. Killed all in fit of shame.

Oops.

Feel bad about farmers. Gave self up for arrest even though could have easily slaughtered every weenie in the bunch. Call themselves “Templars”. Stupid name.

V. upset about sword. Favorite sword. Raised it from a dagger. Nice to cuddle, even if have to be careful about it. Thinking about sword lost and alone in this wet dog smelling hole of a country quite sad. Will not think of it.

Apparently a woman in charge. Ferelden not only smells bad but has NO concept of authority. Stupid bint put me in cage. Apparently expecting huge darkspawn swarmage to descend on piddly little village. So-called warriors planning on running away instead of slaughtering as many as they can.

Ferelden – Land of Pansies.

Still, have nice vantage point from cage. Amuse self by imagining the screaming massacre until darkspawn eat me. That’s kind of a downer, actually. Will not think of it.

Corn rows frizzing into oblivion. V. annoyed.

Day 3: Still in cage.

Stupid Templars.

Day 4: Bored. So v. bored. Have taken to growling and foaming at the mouth when people pass by.

Hey, I’m stuck in a cage, what do you want, high poetry?

Day 15: Have begun eating parts of cage as so very hungry. Not bad. Crunchy, with a tang of rust. Have eaten worse.

Day 23: Woman with two companions and a dog came to visit. Not bad looking for humans, if v. breakable. Stood around discussing me as if I could not hear them. V. rude. When one referred to me as a “creature” simply had to speak up. May have to kill that one later.

Seems woman is in charge. WTH is wrong with this country? Man in group looks nicely macho but apparently total simp. May have to kill him, too.

Still, woman in charge relatively polite, so that’s nice. However, rather miffed about the “creature” comment so not in mood for conversation. She seems all into why I’m in the cage. What does it matter? I refuse to discuss my shame. Killing farmers like kicking puppies. How can I deal with that? Need therapist. Will not think of it.

Eventually she wandered off. Should have asked for salt for cage. Dammit.

Woman came back and let me out of cage asking if I would help her fight darkspawn. Might as well. Cage wouldn’t last much longer anyway and still v. hungry. Will keep eye on her as might have to kill her later.

Keeps asking me if I regret killing those farmers. WTH? Like it’s any of her nosy damned business?!

Day 24: Dog okay. Like dog. Still not sure about anyone else. Party leader looks and claims to be female but she’s a pretty good fighter. Therefore she can’t be a she. Head hurts. Am going to lay down.

Day 25: Wonder if can get that “Leiliana” to rebraid my hair. Looks simply awful.

Modifié par Adria Teksuni, 08 décembre 2009 - 07:07 .

[Kohaku]

Oh boy. I'm rolling once again.

[Tarante11a]

Just absolutely brilliant. I again find myself scaring the boyf by abruptly cackling with laughter. bumpty bump too - this must be seen by all.

But just wanted to add:

Day 24:

Food Consumed today

18 Health Poultices
25 Lyrium Potions
6 Mabari crunch (ashamed)
Nearly 3000 calories (v. bad)

121lbs - Armour now getting too snug and having to applying salves of various sorts to edges - very humiliating.

We are at a Dalish camp and I'm surrounded by stupid snappy-legged elves who all look fabulous in whatever they are wearing. My chums seems to be ignoring me and constantly chatter amongst themselves as I'm franticaly running about like the proverbial blue bottle doing things! I am clearly just destined to be everyones dogsbody for the rest of my life!

Gorgeous Alistair and Stroppy Morrigan seem to be striking up some sort of relationship. They bicker constantly but there's definately something going on. My suspicions were confirmed when Moz berated Alistair for apparently staring at her boobs. He claims it was her nose. Nose! Ha! She's got that whole goth/bondage thing which I just can't carry off. Gorgeous Alistair is clearly never going to notice me. I would wear my short armour tomorrow but my thighs are now like tree-trunks and so had best remain unseen. Wish I had packed my bucket knickers.

Must NOT eat too many health poultices tomorrow and will only allow myself 1 Lyrium potion. And NO mabari crunch.

[edit:  hope it's ok to add my little bit and it's not de trop]

Modifié par Tarante11a, 09 décembre 2009 - 12:47 .

[Adria Teksuni]

The Very Secret Diaries of The Very Nearly Last Gray Warden and Co:

Rox Cousland (Cont.)

Day 3: Encountered bandits on way to Lothering. Whatevs. Obviously not v. smart bandits as how we are dressed. Still covered in blood as no bathtub in camp. Highly annoying. As stinky and in bad mood, killed the lot. Teddy the dog hungry anyway.

About to enter Lothering when Alistair decides to bring up entire future of Gray Wardens in Ferelden. I can deal with this now? Family dead, boss dead, king dead. Besides, he’s been doing nothing but having fits of sulks since we left the Wilds.

Definite rethink of Al’s hotness in order.

Morrigan suggested we track down Loghain and kill him. Al replied with some snotty, but truthful facts about armies, head starts, and forewarning. Morrigan in snit. Think maybe Morri not v. bright.

Talked about mouldy old treaties and decided that we should check on them. By “we” I mean, “I”, as other two completely useless for decisions. Al did also mention some Arl he used to hang out with. Will check him out, too. Wonder if he’s hot?

Good thing was noble, used to leadership. Alistair has a pair resembling v. small portion of mushy peas and Morrigan only here cuz mum made her, Teddy the Dog okay, but not much for command. Right. Off to save Ferelden.

Entered Lothering. Lots of refugee types. Hope don’t catch something.

Encountered merchant and whiny Chantry priestess arguing. Merchant offered me 100 silver to kill whiny Chantry p. Considered briefly, but discarded. Rather not kill anyone else as now covered in bandit gore as well as everything else. Is v. nasty. Instead convinced merchant to have reasonable prices. If tried to gouge me, would have walloped head off for Mabari War Hound Snack.

Morrigan all pissy. I should care?

Found Chantry, spoke with knight inside who informed us that GWs denounced as traitors by Loghain. Loghain was not jealous, Loghain was bloody obsessed. Srsly, who does that? Honestly.

Still, Templar gave key to cabinet which had some junk in it, so that’s nice. Spoke with Rev. Mum. She “wishes we hadn’t told her we were Gray Wardens”. Fine. Have fun with the oncoming ds hordes, you old bat.

May have to smack Al and Morri around a bit. Bickering driving me mad. No, Alistair, you are not stupid. You are, however, incredibly whiny. No, Morrigan, you are not brilliantly witty, you’re just a shrewish wench. Had Teddy bite both.

Finally found Tavern and possible baths when accosted by Loghain’s men. Sent to kill us. Not sure believe them about being from Loghain. Brilliant general sends blokes with the coordination of drunken chickens to kill battle-hardened magically endowed Gray Wardens? Something off. Unless Loghead losing intelligence in insanity. V. possible.

Met Chantry chick named Leiliana who helped us against drunken chicken blokes. Orlesian and with a skill set generally not seen amongst priestesses. Still, v. hot and seemingly capable of walking two feet without getting into idiotic argument with other people in party, so invited her along.

Then informed she had vision where Maker told her to help us. O.o

Mmkay. So much for possibly normal conversational companion. However, she can pick locks, and is still hot, so sent Teddy back to camp to hunt. Was going to buy meat in Lothering, but after seeng wares, would rather take chances with dog.

Lei instantly began haranguing Morri about the Maker. Took brief side trip so as could bang head against wall repeatedly.

Now have ringing in ears, but cannot hear incessant quarreling. Go me!

No room in Tavern, but managed to finagle a bath. Now smell like wet darkspawn. Ick.

Wandering in village when saw ginormous dude in cage. Think he has corn rows, but hair frizzing into oblivion so not sure. Turns out he murdered a bunch of farmers who saved his life.

Will speak to old Chantry bat immediately. Must have chap in party.

V. tired of Chantritude. They want to know why they can’t spread the word? I know why they can’t spread the word. They are bloody patronizing gits, that’s why they can’t spread the word. Fortunately, Lei stepped in before it reached head lopping stage, so got key to cage.

Let dude out. He’s a Qunari named Sten. Could be hot, but for frizzy hair. Not v. chatty. Thank the Maker.

On way out of Lothering when ran into two dwarves being accosted by ds. Apparently ds not happy with quality of cheese knife sold by dwarves. Killed ds. Can use cheese knife. Dwarves grateful, as should be.

Lothering total waste of time. Back to camp.

Day 4: Awakened with nightmares. Saw huge black dragon breathing purple flame. V. intimidating but for ratty looking talons. Informed by Al that will be having such nightmares for rest of life. Can “hear” ds too. Al said some GWs can understand them. I must not be one of them because it sounds like they’re looking for manicurist. Can’t be right.

Gray Warden has lovely career perks.

Found Sten in stare down with Teddy. Wondered who would bite who’s face off, so stood back and watched. Apparently Sten likes Teddy.

Will have to keep eye on Sten. Could be pervy git.

Modifié par Adria Teksuni, 10 décembre 2009 - 04:45 .

[Servant of Nature]

"Took brief side trip so as could bang head against wall repeatedly.



Now have ringing in ears, but cannot hear incessant quarreling. Go me!"



had me laughing hard. I wanted to do that quite a few times. Please keep going. Also the thought of Sten being a 'pervy git' is awesome and terrifying.