130 réponses à ce sujet

[Flyers215]

Wesus wrote...

Thank the goddess that Shepard's actually a woman

[Nightmare Sabin]

Did you hear about the new Elcor sports car?

It goes from 0 to 0.4 in 8 minutes.


Did you hear about the new Toyota Volus?


I'm going to the Hanar Montana concert tonight!

"This one can almost see it.
That dream it's dreaming, but
There's a voice inside this one's head saying
You'll never reach it
Every step it's takin'
Every move this one makes,
Feels lost with no direction,
This one's faith is shakin'
But it's gotta keep tryin'
Gotta keep this one's head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
It's always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes this one's gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast this one gets there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb!"

[Silentbob711]

Dat Ass Effect make me Mass Errect. Probably not that funny but that's all I got for the moment

[TheBanshee]

Your chests have put up a vacancy sign and my hand is looking for a room.

[Karstedt]

Nightmare Sabin wrote...

Who is the Heavyweight Champion of the TWF?

Hulk Krogan

That one is actually pretty good.

[Topographer]

Severyx wrote...

Mordin: "Shapard. How was your dalliance with Subject Zero?"

Shepard: "I almost fell into her singularity."

Mordin [Concerned]: "Hmm. Perhaps I should have prescribed additional. . ." *Puts on sunglasses* ". . . Anti-biotics."

YEAAAAAAH

LOL! Mordin.

[Karstedt]

Nightmare Sabin wrote...

I'm going to the Hanar Montana concert tonight!

"This one can almost see it.
That dream it's dreaming, but
There's a voice inside this one's head saying
You'll never reach it
Every step it's takin'
Every move this one makes,
Feels lost with no direction,
This one's faith is shakin'
But it's gotta keep tryin'
Gotta keep this one's head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
It's always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes this one's gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast this one gets there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb!"

It started good, but Hanar don't climb. They swim.

[HiGamerCAT]

Rite All Wrong wrote...

Okay, this is a Mass Effect version of a classic engineering joke.Here goes:

Normady SR-2 crew quarters: Dr. Liara T'Soni, James Vega and Garrus Vakarian are discussing
whether it is better to invest in a serious relationship or keep an Asari mistress. 

Liara: "I enjoy spending time with Shepard, building a solid foundation for an enduring realtionship."
Vega: "There's no point in solid relationships until we're done with the reapers. Consort Sha'ira all the way!"
Garrus Vakarian: "I like both."
Liara / Vega: "Both?!?"
Garrus Vakarian: "Yeah. If you have a serious realionship and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other and you can go to the main battery and get some serious calibrations done."

Ha, the best!

[drakeSVK]

Mass Effect jokes, eh? Here's one.

The Asari Vanguard with a Black Widow walks into a bar and asks:
"How much for a drink?"
The bartender responds:
"No Charge for you!"

[Transgirlgamer]

MsLub wrote...

The ending.

This lost all humor by being predictable.  Unlike the ending, I didn't see that coming.

[january42]

Powers unique to Batarians are:

Ballistic Blades
Blade Armor
Submission Net

Now we know why there will never be a Batarian LI.

[xtorma]

So Shepard, whats your favorite color?

Azure, man.

[MsLub]

Transgirlgamer wrote...

MsLub wrote...

The ending.

This lost all humor by being predictable.  Unlike the ending, I didn't see that coming.

It's good to see people are keeping up that positive BSN attitude. 

[Lenimph]

What do Edi and the Azure have in common?

[withneelandi]

What does Wrex order at his local Indian restraunt?

Lamb krogan josh.

What's the most popular soap on the citadel?

Elcorination street.

How are babies delivered on the citadel?

Mostly by c-sec.

Taxi?

[DaoFerret]

 Hmmm ... my favorite was from ME2: Lair of the Shadow Broker.
In the middle of the car chase:
Sheppard:  Does this thing have guns?Liara: Its a TAXI!  Its got a FARE METER!

Oh ... (semi) original ones?

Hmmm ... 

Two Krogans are camping in the wastes and one says to his friend, "You know they is supposed to be a Thresher Maw around here".  The second replies, "Yeah, but I'm not worried.  I'm a good runner."  The first asks, "But how do you know you can run faster than a Thresher Maw?"  The second one answers, "I don't, but I know I can run faster than YOU!"

[HellbirdIV]

Here's a batarian joke I made up;

A salarian, a turian and a human walk into a bar.
They walk up to the bartender and notice that he's a krogan.
The salarian asks for a beer, and the bartender says they don't serve his type around here.
The turian asks for a shot drink, and the bartender says they don't serve his type either.
The human gets indignant and yells at the bartender, "You can't refuse to serve them because of their species!" he says, "What happened to the krogan was generations ago and these two are innocent of the crimes of their forebears, and you are being racist by judging them for it."
"That may well be true, but we have a rule here", the bartender says, "No pants, no service."

[plSunde]

http://desmond.image...jpg&res=landing

[M_Kirkwall]

herculeswill22 wrote...

That guy who has the "Garrus Vakarian Facts":

"If you have 5 credits, and Garrus Vakarian has 5 credits, Garrus has more money than you." Those were just amazing, I sat there and read them all.

I'm here. 

[Geimhreadh]

So is anyone keeping a running Tali of the jokes in here?

[NobodyofConsequence]

A turian, a quarian, a geth, a krogan, a salarian, an elcor with a volus strapped to his back, an ardat yakshi, three Eclipse mercs, a man looking for a refund, and Conrad Verner all walk in to a bar.

The barman looks up and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

[Serpicos]

3 Hanar are standing on a field having just won a bunch of credits.

The first Hanar suggests they draw a circle and throw the credits and whatever lands inside the circle they donate to the enkindlers
The second Hanar says the same except they should donate whatever lands outside the circle to the enkindlers
The 3rd Hanar suggests they throw the credits way up into the air and whatever the enkindlers want, they can take.

[beyondsolo]

Anything involving antibiotics, really...

[Dantexr3]

What's Garrus favorite game?

Halo REACH.

[ndw542]

rev0n wrote...

herculeswill22 wrote...

That guy who has the "Garrus Vakarian Facts":

"If you have 5 credits, and Garrus Vakarian has 5 credits, Garrus has more money than you." Those were just amazing, I sat there and read them all.

I'm here. 

I agree.  The Chuck Norris jokes became too worn out to be funny several years ago, but when you substituted in Garrus and sprinkled in some original content, the result was definitely worth sitting and reading through them all.  I lol'd more than a few times.


I also very much enjoyed the "heavy bone weave" image above.