21 réponses à ce sujet

[CmdrSlander]

I am fully aware that this thread will most likely be struck down by mods as if they were Kalross and I was a Reaper Destroyer. However, in its short life it will at least tell a few of you about my new fan fiction: 

Here's the quick version: I just finished Chapter 1 of Black Widow. It is set during the ME2-ME3 timeline and follows my original character Tara, a psychologically damaged, Tank Grown human. She occasionally crosses paths with Shepard, and more frequently encounters known NPCs such as Aria T'Loak, Captain Bailey, etc. Chapter 1 covers the escape from Purgatory, which coincides with its destruction by Shepard and co. 

I will be posting it on FanFiction.net when their draconian two day waiting period for submissions ends saturday, until then it is on my BSN blog: http://social.biowar...842/blog/212978

[Update] FF.net link: http://www.fanfictio...ect_Fan_Fiction
Here's a small sample:

Two Blue Suns were firing on a cluster of prisoners near the main airlock that led to the upper walkway network and the only viable way off the ship. Tara unholstered the rifle that she had taken off the merc she had killed a few minutes before, slipped into cover, and took aim. Her body recognized the sniper rifle as soon as the hand-guard contacted her palm, as she focused her aim, nanomachines coursed through her body, responding to her unique neurological signs of imminent long range combat. The nano's blocked alkaloids, lowered her heart rate, controlled her breathing and enhanced her vision 10-fold, all while filtering out stressful background noise. In this state of unnatural zen, Tara finished aligning a perfect shot, her hands as steady as any bipod or shooting rest. The trigger of the sniper rifle broke at a crisp 2.5 pounds, sending a 12.7mm fin stabilized tungsten round through the skull of the first merc and into the next one. Both dropped within milliseconds of the each other.

Shameless self-promotion never hurt anybody. Except all those people it hurt. 

Now on DeviantArt: http://cmdrslander.d...allery/37049620

Modifié par CmdrSlander, 09 mai 2012 - 10:47 .

[CmdrSlander]

Please god, read it and comment, I need my existence validated! (Kidding, sort of...)

[Zombie Chow]

Hi OP, I'm surprised I'm the 1st to reply. This novella is really quite good and I've subscribed to it.

As for comments, I just want to see this continue, really. I really liked a few things in particular, though:

1. The Wall is a character - that's pretty funny, also demonstrates Tara's mental state

2. The way it intersects with ME2 - that was so effective, the Warden's quotes brought me back

3. The starting location - what a great idea to introduce a mysterious character, good job there

I just had 1 idea I wanted to share. You introduced some technical terms ("nanomachine conduits") along with the idea of imprints. That's interesting in a written fiction format. In the games, Grunt's imprints and Thane's memories came off as slightly weird, as they didn't fit the medium. In writing, however, you can really do something here. Let me use the example of the omni-tool blade:

---

Tara looked at her hand, prompting her omni-tool to appear, which bathed it in an eerie orange light. With a thought, she formed it into a forked blade. The technology to form hard light into weaponry was a recent breakthrough, yet it felt as natural to her as clenching a fist. She regarded it strangely, a part of her realizing the glowing katar shouldn't be there, yet feeling it was as familiar as the back of her hand as a long-lost memory resurfaced...

[IMPRINT 24601 - The omni-tool implant could temporarily be overloaded into super-heated plasma, contained by a powerful mass effect field to maintain a constant shape. Lethality can be increased 50% by having a mono-molecular edge. From its location on the wrist of Model-T, the most effective strike point would be in the abdomen region of an enemy combatant...]

...which she felt moving reflexively across the gut of a nearby guard, his intestines spilling out and sizzling on the melting gash across his armor.

---

The benefit is that it doesn't come off as techno-babble. Instead, it's like a discovery, where the reader is just as amazed as the protagonist is. People want to learn, but they don't want to be taught, so this is a way to avoid being all exposition up in here. Plus, it's like a nice little break to build up into something cool. The master of this is the UK fantasy/comedy writer Terry Pratchett, who deliberately over-uses footnotes for comedic timing.

Very good stuff, looking forward to more. I'm going to write my own fan fiction called Black Widow right here, right now, in the form of a 6-word story.

---

Black Widow by Zombie Chow

One clip. Three shots. Four kills.

The End

[CmdrSlander]

Thank you.

[CmdrSlander]

Quick question: Did you understand the function of the nanomachines and the nanomachine conduits? What was your mental image of Tara as you were reading?

[Zombie Chow]

CmdrSlander wrote...

Quick question: Did you understand the function of the nanomachines and the nanomachine conduits? What was your mental image of Tara as you were reading?

The mental image I had was that of the augmented characters from the original Deus Ex, blue lines just under the skin.  I reckoned her eyes were similar to that of the Illusive Man, but comparatively faint in her weakened state.

The overall impression I got was Tara was a tech-powered equivalent of Subject Zero.  The Illusive Man probably covered his bases, so Subject Zero was like a biotic human weapon experiment, Tara was an experiment in the hybrid synthetic thing, similar to what Saren was going for.

I'm not sure what triggered that train of thought, I guess it was a combination of her being on Purgatory as well as the recent Mass Effect comic I read involved the Illusive Man getting partially infected by a Reaper artifact.

[CmdrSlander]

Zombie Chow wrote...

CmdrSlander wrote...

Quick question: Did you understand the function of the nanomachines and the nanomachine conduits? What was your mental image of Tara as you were reading?

The mental image I had was that of the augmented characters from the original Deus Ex, blue lines just under the skin.  I reckoned her eyes were similar to that of the Illusive Man, but comparatively faint in her weakened state.

The overall impression I got was Tara was a tech-powered equivalent of Subject Zero.  The Illusive Man probably covered his bases, so Subject Zero was like a biotic human weapon experiment, Tara was an experiment in the hybrid synthetic thing, similar to what Saren was going for.

I'm not sure what triggered that train of thought, I guess it was a combination of her being on Purgatory as well as the recent Mass Effect comic I read involved the Illusive Man getting partially infected by a Reaper artifact.

You're about right in terms of appearance. Her history with Cerberus differs substantially from Subject Zero however, she was not a product of their experiments but she was, for a time, of great interest to them, until she became more trouble than she was worth. I will elaborate in later chapters on the nature of "The Project" which led to Tara's creation. Psychologically she also has many key differences from Subject Zero. Subject Zero is a bit of a berserker, she is full of hatred and was used more or less as "wetware" for biotic experiments by Cerberus, in contrast Tara was bred and specifically conditioned to be an expert combatant, with the cool, calculating mind needed for such work. Only later trauma, and her confinement, broke that mind. The nanomachines in her body regulate the guilt and anxiety that would normally haunt a proffesional killer, but their ability to do so can no longer stand up to the creeping madness. 

Modifié par CmdrSlander, 05 mai 2012 - 12:06 .

[CmdrSlander]

btt

[gearseffect]

I will have to read this, tomorrow. A tank grown human, intriguing enough, Bailey hells yeah, Aria Hells yeah, and Tank Grown Human and Bailey = BAD ASS MUST READ!

[CmdrSlander]

gearseffect wrote...

I will have to read this, tomorrow. A tank grown human, intriguing enough, Bailey hells yeah, Aria Hells yeah, and Tank Grown Human and Bailey = BAD ASS MUST READ!

Be warned, they haven't appeared yet, they don't come up until later chapters. 

[CmdrSlander]

Chapter 2 is nearing completion.

[CmdrSlander]

Chapter 2 is now up: http://social.biowar...42/blog/213000/

In this chapter we arrive at Omega and encounter Cerberus. Lots of exposition for everyone .

Modifié par CmdrSlander, 05 mai 2012 - 09:31 .

[CmdrSlander]

Aria T'Loak will be introduced in chapter three. As will the galaxy's deadliest Volus. Edit: Tragically he has been pushed back to chapter 4

Modifié par CmdrSlander, 06 mai 2012 - 05:39 .

[CmdrSlander]

btt for new chapter.

[CmdrSlander]

Shameless bump

[CmdrSlander]

Posted on Fanfiction.net now:

http://www.fanfictio...ect_Fan_Fiction

Modifié par CmdrSlander, 06 mai 2012 - 03:03 .

[CmdrSlander]

Chapter Three is up, see FF.net ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

[CmdrSlander]

Chapter Four is up: http://www.fanfictio...ect_Fan_Fiction

In this chapter, a Salarian gets his head turned into a pulpy mass.

 
Wreav approves

Modifié par CmdrSlander, 07 mai 2012 - 03:46 .

[CmdrSlander]

Chapter 5 is up:

DeviantArt Link: http://cmdrslander.d...049620#/d4z6cri

FF.net Link: http://www.fanfictio...ank_Grown_Human

[CmdrSlander]

btt

[EricHVela]

Post in Fan Creations Forum. It's made specifically for this stuff. (You might be able to get a mod to move it there.)

Here in character discussions, it has a slight risk of closure.

[CmdrSlander]

Mods: Move this thread to fan creations if possible.