So I saw a picture in another topic today with Zaeed and a Twilight Sparkle doll. This is the result.
Conversation 1
"Can't stop watchin' these goddamn ponies."
"Knew an Asari once, reminded me of your Pinkie Pie."
"Helluva girl. Completely flippin' insane, of course. Could handle a shotgun like your Rarity handles a sewin' thread. Still, if she wasn't tryin' to blow yer goddamn head off, she could throw ya a party like you'd
never seen. Cakes, biotic streamers, Krogan limbo, you name it."
"Had to take'er off the payroll after about a year or so, though. Too many men gettin' diagnosed with diabetes...and apparently festive balloons were religiously offensive to my Turian boys."
"Wonder what she's doin' now. Probably slicing through Reapers on Thessia like a 3-tiered chocolate cake."
Conversation 2
"Shepard! I was just waxin' goddamn nostalgic."
"Hired a drell girl once, back when I was leadin' the Blue Suns. Not for the usual merc-business, mind. We were still a new outfit back then, and we needed better exposure, get ourselves recognized in the business like
Eclipse and the Blood Pack."
"Figured we should all have corporate uniforms, as it were, make us more recognizable. Put'er on the job of coming up with something."
"Never saw anythin' like it. She was so frail and dainty you'd think she came from a goddamn Disney musical, but there was a fire to'er that you just couldn't say no to. Blue Suns've always been mostly human, but we hired the odd low-life from the other species, so she was designin' combat uniforms for the surliest cesspool you ever saw of humans, Turians, Asari, Batarians...even had an Elcor in there. Josen, his name was. Right nasty bastard."
"Hardest bunch of punks you'll likely find anywhere, even on Omega. But this little girl had'em all standin' to attention and dancin' like puppets as she took their measurements and suited'em up. They started givin'er lip, all
she had to do was just look at'em and politely ask'em to sit still and shut up, and they'd do it."
"Almost hired a Vorcha once, just to see if it'd even work on him. Didn't, though. Can't stand the smell of Vorcha, like old pig**** on a humid day."
"Anyway, your Rarity reminds me of this girl. Haven't seen'er since that business with bein' shot in the goddamn head, but I bet she's still there, designin' and makin' the scum of the galaxy fall into line with a "please'n'thank you.""
Conversation 3
"Back for more, eh?"
"Heard your favorite's Applejack. Figures."
"More of a Big MacIntosh man, myself. Huge goddamn titan of a pony. Don't say much, but he can get whatever you need done, no sweat. Like a reserved, well-mannered Krogan."
"Which is possibly the one goddamn thing in the galaxy I haven't seen, by the way."
Conversation 4
"This takes me back."
"That Trixie's gonna get a bullet to her flank one of these days if she keeps up with that showboatin' of hers. Knew a kid once like her. Everything always had to be a goddamn production with'im. Even called 'imself great and powerful, same as her. E'd scream some self-congratulatory bunk every time he brought a target down, and if the coast was clear, he'd start squattin' over the carcass, yellin' about them tastin' his goddamn great and powerful nuts."
"He got shot in the ass, just like Trixie's gonna. Happened one day when he started doin' a victory dance. Wasn't the enemy or nothin', though. Dassok, his partner, just turned around, pointed'is pistol, and let one fly."
"Promoted Dassok to lieutenant on the spot. I shook'is hand while the idiot kid was rollin' on the floor, demandin' a medi-gel revive in the third person."
Conversation 5
"Got a minute? You might learn something."
"That Spike's one helpful assistant. Kinda like that Chambers woman upstairs."
"'Cept Spike doesn't put on skimpy outfits and do strip-teases for Twilight, of course."
"Or maybe he does. Hell, I dunno."
"So this Twilight Sparkle's special talent's magic, is it? Suppose that makes Jack our Twilight, right? Only I don't expect I'll see her shootin' rainbow biotics powered by all that friendship rubbish any time soon."
"Hell of a sight if she did, though. Make sure you get a picture if it ever happens."
Conversation 6
"I remember a job I took a while back. Not like my other jobs; this one was almost legit. Turian military wanted someone, anyone to find out who was behind a bombing on Palavan. Killed some big general's daughter, or
so the news told it, and you know how Turians are with their generals. Goddamn celebrities, they are."
"I actually managed to track the bastard down. Krogan terrorist. Only thing worse than any other kind of Krogan, that. Had more scars on'im than me, if you can believe that."
"Me and Jessie managed to take'im alive, although that was more his Krogan resillience to bullets than any intention of mine. Anyway, I've got'im chained up so tight'n'proper he looks like somethin' from one of your pilot's
extranet sites, when he starts laughin'. Never a good sign."
"I let Jessie's blunt end and his mouth get real familiar, then ask'im what's so goddamn funny. Turns out he wasn't workin' alone, and his partner's still on the loose. And of course he ain't tellin' me who or where said partner is."
"I coulda just turned'im in and called the job done, but I knew the Turians'd make it worth my time if I sorted both halves of their problem out, so I decided it was interrogation time, and let the bastard know. "Not gonna tell you anything," he said. Looked like he meant it, too. Not even the old head-plate-removal threat was working. Not
surprising, I guess, terrorists aren't the reasonable type."
"So I figured I'd break out the big guns. Shrugged my shoulders, walked out of the room, shut the door, and used the ship's computer to put a video clip on the holodisplay in his room. Fluttershy cryin' as she holds Philomena's ashes, perpetual loop."
"I went out on the town, indulged in some private vices for a few hours. When I got back and checked on the Krogan, he was blubbering like a baby. Told me everything I wanted."
Conversation 7
"Celestia's guards never have much to say, do they? Not surprising, I suppose. You see that with a lot of guards, 'specially the legitimate ones."
"'Course, they may like the intimidating silence gimmick, but I've killed enough of'em to know that if you put a bullet somewhere painful enough, they'll break that silence for whimpers'n'screams, same as anybody else."
"Always made the silence gimmick seem worthless to me. You never say a goddamn word, in the end all anyone's gonna remember you by is the sad little sounds ya make when you die. Not very a flattering way to be
remembered, if you ask me. But what do I know."
Conversation 8
"Hell of a place, that Equestria. Too bad it's not real. Probably just as well, though. Place like that, every species in the galaxy'd be fighting to colonize it. Can't see that doing the ponies there much good."
"Got to thinkin' last night, about what it'd be like if the Reapers tried invading Equestria. Not a lot of pleasant scenarios came to mind."
"Then I looked at the season finale and nearly **** a brick. Maybe they already have. Those changelings look like the kinda thing a Reaper'd do to a pony, don't they? Like all those husks we've been killing."
"Guess the ponies'd come out of the invasion okay, if the episode's anything to go on. Probably better than we're gonna."
Conversation 9
"Heh. I was just thinkin' to myself what would happen if those Flim Flam jokers tried their economic muscle tactics on Omega."
"I was right in the middle of wonderin' which deserted alleyway their bodies'd be found in...if anyone found'em at all. Lucky for them the Apple family does things a lot different from Aria."
I can pick my brain for more if anyone desires it. Hope you enjoy.
Modifié par The RPGenius, 06 mai 2012 - 05:55 .
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