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Mass Effect 3: Into The Unknown


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#251
Diurdi

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I'm just wondering why this story is tagged as a Shepard & Jack story, when after 19 chapters Jack has played only a minor role, smaller than that of many other squadmates?

I was looking forward to a story with both of them that wasn't just a romance story, but now it feels like I was decieved.

Does the amount of Jack content change in later chapters or should I just stop reading?

Anyway, the underlying plotline is very interesting, and your OC's don't feel out of place which is a rarity. However, I feel like there's way too much descriptive text and way too little dialogue. Especially some combat parts seem really dragged on, an example being the Batarian tank chase. The segments would be awesome if they had been a bit shorter. The language, apart from a few awkward metaphors, is excellent.

Keep in mind that I've only finished chapter 19, so it's quite possible that you've improved on some of these things I'm mentioning. Anyway, thanks for writing.

Modifié par Diurdi, 18 mai 2013 - 06:57 .


#252
fainmaca

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Diurdi wrote...

I'm just wondering why this story is tagged as a Shepard & Jack story, when after 19 chapters Jack has played only a minor role, smaller than that of many other squadmates?

I was looking forward to a story with both of them that wasn't just a romance story, but now it feels like I was decieved.

Does the amount of Jack content change in later chapters or should I just stop reading?

Anyway, the underlying plotline is very interesting, and your OC's don't feel out of place which is a rarity. However, I feel like there's way too much descriptive text and way too little dialogue. Especially some combat parts seem really dragged on, an example being the Batarian tank chase. The segments would be awesome if they had been a bit shorter. The language, apart from a few awkward metaphors, is excellent.

Keep in mind that I've only finished chapter 19, so it's quite possible that you've improved on some of these things I'm mentioning. Anyway, thanks for writing.


Hey there! Sorry for late response, been a bit scatterbrained recently.

The story is Shepard/Jack in the same way that a playthrough of Mass Effect 2 could be considered Shepard/Jack. Jack is the chosen romance, and plays a role in this Shepard's story, especially later on. At the same time, it won't be like a lot of romance fics, focusing just on this pairing. The story is much wider in scope, and has a very large cast I have to balance. She has an arc to go through which would probably be considered the most personal for Shepard as much as for her, and there is a lot more I want to do with her before the end of the story. Bear in mind we are just at the halfway mark of this story, and I need to make sure I don't use up all of my Jack related material too early, just like I have to space out material for every character and plotline.  I need to avoid a 'calibrations' scenario. If you want to read about just Shepard and Jack fighting the Reapers, this won't be for you. If you want to read about Shepard and his crew fighting the Reapers, with a sub-plot romance with Jack, then that's what you'll find here.

Thank you for your comments and thoughts. I would agree with you that my writing is very decorative and can improve. I do feel that I have grown as a writer in the past two and a half years, but I know that there's a lot I can work on, my dialogue especially. I think that my combat set-pieces are getting a lot more clearly defined, my scenes getting snappier as I move along, so on the whole I do think I have improved.

I hope you stick with the story. I have a lot planned for it, with some pivotal moments and scenes coming up very soon.

#253
fainmaca

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Just completed Journey, the single most emotionally charged game I've ever come across. And as for that ending... Bittersweet done right. We need more games like that.

#254
fainmaca

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Oh, and also? I'm back. Been a crazy summer, but I'm writing again. Got a big chapter coming that I hope you'll all like.

#255
MrStoob

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fainmaca wrote...

Oh, and also? I'm back. Been a crazy summer, but I'm writing again. Got a big chapter coming that I hope you'll all like.


Saw this updated and was just thinking 'Haven't seen fainmaca in a while actually.' and there's my answer: 'crazy summer'.  Welcome back, nothing has changed... lol.

Added to friends as we can't pm non-friends any more as you were probably informed.  Makes it easier 'just in case' like, usually for writing bollocks but you know what I mean.

Modifié par MrStoob, 21 août 2013 - 08:53 .


#256
fainmaca

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MrStoob wrote...

Saw this updated and was just thinking 'Haven't seen fainmaca in a while actually.' and there's my answer: 'crazy summer'.  Welcome back, nothing has changed... lol.

Added to friends as we can't pm non-friends any more as you were probably informed.  Makes it easier 'just in case' like, usually for writing bollocks but you know what I mean.


Added. Seems like a few things have changed recently.

#257
fainmaca

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New Chapter!

Told you I was back. Enjoy.

#258
Gemini Freak

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Wait... new chapter?

http://31.media.tumb...d4fu6o1_500.jpg

#259
JnEricsonx

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Hah! Going for your own version of Citadel, so to speak? Hey, works for me just fine. :)

#260
fainmaca

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Hey guys!

Just an update that I am still working on the next chapter, but the past month has had a lot of distractions and interruptions. I will update as soon as I can.

In the meantime, I thought I'd just post an observation I had this week. I was watching a bunch of videos by Totalbiscuit on YouTube, and in one of his Mailbox episodes he commented that games, in comparison to movies or books, must allow for players to express themselves within the game environment.

Now my first thought on hearing this was 'Not really. There are plenty of games that don't permit a player to express himself.' But then I realised that you have to broaden your definition of how a player can express himself.  At first, I was only thinking about being able to express myself in an RPG context, where I choose the attitude and moral outlook of my avatar. While something like a puzzle game or a shooter doesn't allow for that, it does allow for alternate modes of player input. Puzzles are solved by your own creativity, while shooters or RTS games allow you to form unique strategies that change from person to person. These are all ways for a player to express himself.

So with this in mind, I turned my thoughts back to Mass Effect. Did it effectively allow for player expression? Moreover, what kinds of player expression should it have allowed for? Should it make room for the more complex forms of personal opinion and moral standards, or was it more suited for shooter-style expression, where the player input is done with strategies and squad co-ordination while a linear plot serves as the framework?

In my opinion, it should be the former, the RPG style. Expectations were obviously set from the start, and promised to be fulfilled throughout the trilogy. While the strategic combat was certainly a factor, it should have been a lesser one. While ME1 and, to a lesser degree, ME2, more or less managed to make room for this, ME3 certainly feels like it did not. Facets of gameplay that allowed for this narrative-shaping control that was expected were sadly streamlined out of the experience, and ultimately the writing itself was restrictive.

And there we have what I now think was the biggest problem with ME3 as a whole that led to it being such a disappointment for so many- players could no longer contribute their own ideals and standards to shape the experience. There was little more than token effort given to making room for the players in this experience, with author opinions and cinematic demands taking greater priority. As has been observed, Rannoch and Tuchanka allow somewhat for this player expression to take place, but only at the very climax of the scene, rather than throughout the plot (an example would be the fact that Wrex gets an incriminating recording of Shepard and the Dalatrass, a recording which Shepard cannot avoid saying regardless of whether the player was considering the sabotage. Even if you ultimately do Cure the Genophage, you've still said exactly what that recording contains. Such examples are spread throughout the game which we've taken to referring to it as 'auto-dialogue'.)

A part of this issue, of course, is the idea of 'our Shepard'. Did we ever have this control before? Did we have the right to this form of self-expression? I think that we did, but that fact was forgotten during ME3's development.

Of course, nowhere is this more obvious than at the ending, where its clear the writing focused entirely on promoting the author's ideals and viewpoints while (hopefully by accident) ignoring the potential for players to hold a different viewpoint or different priorities. In this case, author expression drowned out player expression to the massive detriment of the narrative. While such an ending with the ideas presented could have been quite functional and maybe even enjoyable as a movie, novel or even a game with a much more linear premise, in the case of Mass Effect it was utter poison to many.

Of course, some of the player base shared the same viewpoint that was presented (on the issue of Organo-synthetic conflict and on what the most important themes of ME were), but this was a narrow selection of the audience, certainly narrower than should have been catered to (you'll never please everyone, but in mainstream media you should try to keep as many people happy as you can). Thus, we now have a wide divide between those who enjoyed the experience and those who did not, and because its a division of belief, the conflict between the two sides can be especially visceral at times.

This can lead to the question of whether there is room in games (RPGs, at any rate) for overt authorial expression when player expression is so vital. In my opinion, the players need to come first, so this calls for humility from the creators of the fiction, a willingness to permit other viewpoints to exist within the narrative than their own and for the players to take the reins.

So what are your thoughts? Was player expression really core to your enjoyment of the ME franchise? How do you view its handling in ME3? How much do you think a game's writer can insert his own ideals and so on into a narrative before it becomes detrimental to the player's experience? Discuss.

Fainmaca Out.

#261
Splub

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Thanks for putting out another great chapter Fainmaca.

#262
fainmaca

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I'm back again! Chapter 54, boom!

Let me know what you think.

#263
Splub

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Really enjoyed it!



#264
Matterthief

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Yay, new chapter!

I just wanted to thank you for sticking with this story. Having followed ITU pretty much since the beginning (I remember reading the first eight or so chapters in one go back in January 2011), I feel rather ashamed for not having commented on its awesomeness earlier. I really should have, it's by far and away the best ME fanfic I've ever read, and I've read quite a few over the years. This is coming from a Talimancer too, so I suppose I'm as objective as it gets on the matter ;)

If anyone hasn't given this story a go yet, I couldn't recommend it enough. It got me hooked pretty much right away. At first I was like 'okay, this is going to be great to follow while I wait for ME3'. Around chapter 20, it turned into 'wow, there's just no way BioWare is going to be able to match this epicness'. And sure enough, they weren't, to put it mildly, and ITU just about became my only hope for a conclusion that the ME trilogy deserved.

 

Once again, thank you so much.