lex0r11 wrote...
Arian, I have a question about 3 - Rat In A Maze.
Who is GUARDIAN? Is he supposed to be a reaper/reaper voice or am I mixing something up here.
Also, if this is to be a point were the indoctrination is starting to be revealed, maybe add something like this: Make the dream whispers of the squad/friends become gradually louder the closer one gets to the door the child took, giving an incentive for the player to think about it again. And culminating in making the voices very distinct when right in front of it.
The Guardian is the game file name for the being that identifies itself as The Catalyst. The Crucible location was called the Guardian's Garden in an earlier draft.
And making the voices louder as you get nearer to the child would probably entice people to go after him. But perhaps things like people whispering (like they do in the dreams now) "Don't trust him" "He lies" ect. that and in hindsight, I need to work in some Reaper horns there.
Either way, before I go to bed, have some Ashy goodness. Let me know what you lot think, I'm a bit worried that the characterization of Shepard and Ashley both might be off.
5 - Sturm Und Drang
[Shepard sits up, and the scene changes here depending on who your LI was. Since I am only truly familiar with Ashley, she is the one I will write for, if someone else, more familiar with one of the other LI's wants me to write the entry concerning them, and is willing to check it for errors in characterization and such, I will do so happily. Until then, we're sticking with my girl.]
[The room is dark. Rain's pattering on the windows, sitting in a chair next to a small fireplace is Lieutenant Commander Ashley Williams. The fire is nothing more than a holographic video concealing a space heater. But it throws off a little light and makes crackling noises just the same. Williams seems to be asleep, but as Shepard moves slightly, she snaps awake.]
ASHLEY [Smiling]: Hey Skipper.
[She looks rough, like she hasn't been getting much sleep, and her face has a nasty bruise discoloring half of it.]
SHEPARD: Ash! What are you doing here?
ASHLEY: Well, I was paying you a visit since they told me you came out of that coma, but you were still out, so I decided to wait for you. I guess I fell asleep.
[She indicates a book lying next to her chair, likely the same collection of Tennyson poems you bought her when she was in a similar situation to yours.]
ASHLEY: It's kind of funny, you know? It's barely been a few months and now... and now you're... I thought I lost you again, Skipper.
["I'm here to stay" "Part of the job."]
SHEPARD [I'M HERE TO STAY"]: I promise Ash. No more getting killed. Once was enough for a liftime.
[Ashley snerks and smiles through her tears, reaching over to Shepard and wrapping her arms around his neck, he reaches up and gently grasps her arms, resting his head against her cheek. Then she stands up and begins circling the bed.]
SHEPARD [ALL PART OF THE JOB]: It's part of being a Marine, Ash. You of all people should know what goes with the territory.
ASHLEY [Drying her tears and circling the bed]: You're right. It's just that... it was like the Collectors all over again, and dad dying too.
ASHLEY: Y.. y'know I felt really bad about... about Horizon.
["Water under the bridge" "This again?"]
SHEPARD [WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE]: Ash. It's done. No need to keep tearing yourself up about it.
SHEPARD [THIS AGAIN?]: Ash, isn't this getting a bit old?
ASHLEY [Continuing]: But that didn't give you any excuse...
[If you cheated in ME2, the dialogue changes here, it also raises the required reputation needed to pass the next Charm and Intimidate checks.]
ASHLEY: T-to... another woman... Am I not good enough for you?
[If you did not cheat, the dialogue is this;]
Shepard... I just... I don't know what to think anymore. All of this just feels so mixed up and I feel like... like
["Ahhh." [HIGH CHARM] "Enough of this ****!" [HIGH INTIMIDATE] "I.. don't know."]
SHEPARD [CHARM]: Ahhh, so that's what this is really about.
ASHLEY: What?
SHEPARD: You're worried I don't think you're good enough. Like Horizon was suddenly some kind of deal breaker. Well, let me tell you, Williams, Ashley Madeline. I
do think you're good enough, and I wouldn't rather have any other woman beside me. You're a Brigadier General in my book.
[Camera pans around to look at William's face through the rainy window, she's crying, but smiling. She turns around and plants a kiss on Shepard's cheek.]
SHEPARD [INTIMIDATE]: I'm getting real tired of this inferiority complex you've got Williams.
ASHLEY [Snapping to attention]: Sir?
SHEPARD: You've been pushing your baggage off on me since Mars Ash. And it's not fair. You keep acting like it's about Cerberus, or me not being who I was, but really, the only person you're worried isn't who they used to be is you.
ASHLEY: Shepard, I...
SHEPARD [Interrupting]: Stow it. I'm not finished. I told you to get off the ship. There wasn't a damn thing you could have done. If you hadn't left the Normandy, we both would have been breathing vaccum, and that's a fact. Get over it. Siding with Cerberus was my choice, and it wasn't your fault. Now, can we lay this issue to rest, finally?
[Ashley nods curtly, tears streaming down her face and she walks closer and kisses Shepard's cheek]
ASHLEY: I'm sorry.
SHEPARD: I am too. Now, c'mere.
SHEPARD [I... DON'T KNOW.]: Ash... I...
ASHLEY: What? You don't know what to say? You alway's have something to say, even when it's stupid.
SHEPARD: ...
ASHLEY: You know what? It was a mistake coming here.
[Ashley stands up curtly, plants an extremely brief kiss on Shepard's forehead and leaves, slamming the door behind her.]
[If you managed to end the situation without your LI walking out in a huff, congratulations, you just saved your relationship. If not, your romance is cancelled and Shepard gets an extra +5 to the Shepard stress variable.]
[If you managed to Charm or Intimidate in the last conversation, the scene continues. Shepard and Ashley share a kiss and then Ashley sits down in a chair while Shepard lies back and thinks for a moment.]
SHEPARD [Wryly]: "A day may save or sink a realm."
ASHLEY [Smiling]: "A sorrow's crown of sorrow is remembering happier times."
SHEPARD: Speaking of happier times, you haven't called me "Skipper" in a long time. Why the change?
ASHLEY: I... I don't know. I guess I was just sort of...
["Feeling a bit cut off?", "Not quite ready?"]
SHEPARD [FEELING A BIT CUT OFF?]: Feeling a bit seperated?
SHEPARD [NOT QUITE READY]: Not exactly ready to forgive yet?
ASHLEY: Yeah.
SHEPARD: Want to talk about it for a bit?
ASHLEY: Nah. We can discuss it in the morning. I shouldn't be keeping you awake. The doctor would have me court-martialed if I slowed down your recovery.
[Bends down and kisses Shepard's forehead.]
ASHLEY: "Rest now, brave soldier. Your fight is done."
SHEPARD [Smiling]: The soldier in that poem is dying you know.
ASHLEY [Smiling]: You ass. It's the thought that counts.
[Ashley turns and leaves the room, gently closing the door behind her. Go to 7.]
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Also, bonus points to anyone who can figure out the significance of this one's title.
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