9962 réponses à ce sujet

[Drussius]

fluffywalrus wrote...

Ah, I remember that. I had in mind a scene where Wrex and Garrus were going over how badass they were, and subsequently putting each other down. I do recall the discussion over the asari (Aria, most likely), but I suppose i didn't put two and two together.

Actually, he says the name. I believe it was Milina, or something like that. Definitely wasn't Aria. Unless she was using an alias at the time.

[fluffywalrus]

Drussius wrote...

fluffywalrus wrote...

Ah, I remember that. I had in mind a scene where Wrex and Garrus were going over how badass they were, and subsequently putting each other down. I do recall the discussion over the asari (Aria, most likely), but I suppose i didn't put two and two together.

Actually, he says the name. I believe it was Milina, or something like that. Definitely wasn't Aria. Unless she was using an alias at the time.

She stated somewhere along the line that she did a good job hiding from past enemies or something along those lines, and that when she came to Omega, she was just Aria, the dancer.

Kind of like how Morinth's real name is Mirala. When you're on the run and you live as long as they do, it's best to change identities.

[dpMeggers]

Drussius wrote...

fluffywalrus wrote...

Ah, I remember that. I had in mind a scene where Wrex and Garrus were going over how badass they were, and subsequently putting each other down. I do recall the discussion over the asari (Aria, most likely), but I suppose i didn't put two and two together.

Actually, he says the name. I believe it was Milina, or something like that. Definitely wasn't Aria. Unless she was using an alias at the time.

Aleena, IIRC. But Aria implies that her name is a pseudonym and that she'd fought krogran before the Patriarch, so there's that.

[Mr.BlazenGlazen]

fluffywalrus wrote...

Mr.BlazenGlazen wrote...

So uh, anyone look at my new chapter yet? I saw some mistakes and I'll fix it later, but I hope it's good for the reader's eye.

I think the last two chapters have been rather solid. Garrus' sense of duty came through well, and this recent chapter's moments with Tali and Shep were done quite well. Tali's remark re: her father's death was spot on.

Thank you, I really do appreciate it.

And also I will look into the sentences that need reconstruction. Also noticed a few spelling errors. Microsoft word still sucks as an editor.

[Obsidian Gryphon]

fluffywalrus wrote...


Ah, I remember that. I had in mind a scene where Wrex and Garrus were going over how badass they were, and subsequently putting each other down. I do recall the discussion over the asari (Aria, most likely), but I suppose i didn't put two and two together.

And yeah, I kind of feel bad for skipping, but I don't feel that I'd have enough material to cover across her military years. I mean, N7 training and the Akuze/Torfan/Elysium bits are certainly going to be included somewhere, as would be a discussion or two with Anderson, and a little training, but I'm not sure I could do it all justice and pace it well, when I'm trying to get to the Mass Effect timeline. I figure the major scenes can be covered, some flashbacks to other moments in the military, but my Shepard doesn't evolve much through her military career. More hardened and better trained, yeah, but personality-wise, she remains very similar to where she is at the end of her time on Earth.
I mean, part of me is yelling "You're skimping on military stuff and you shouldn't! It's important!". But the other part is nudging me toward including only the important details, and just going from there. I think I could weave it all in. I'm pretty sure, at least.

N7, military training could be summarized, I should think, without losing the flow. Afterall, writing through boot camp blah blah blah is an equal chore to a writer.   You to finish Amber's back story of course and at least reveal what's happening with Menolly. Else I'm going to pour syrup over your head.  

[Obsidian Gryphon]

dpMeggers wrote...

Drussius wrote...

fluffywalrus wrote...

Ah, I remember that. I had in mind a scene where Wrex and Garrus were going over how badass they were, and subsequently putting each other down. I do recall the discussion over the asari (Aria, most likely), but I suppose i didn't put two and two together.

Actually, he says the name. I believe it was Milina, or something like that. Definitely wasn't Aria. Unless she was using an alias at the time.

Aleena, IIRC. But Aria implies that her name is a pseudonym and that she'd fought krogran before the Patriarch, so there's that.

Shucks, now I want Wrex to meet Aria if she's actually the commando / mercenary he fought with. What would they say?  

[Icyflare]

fluffywalrus 

And yeah, I kind of feel bad for skipping, but I don't feel that I'd have enough material to cover across her military years. I mean, N7 training and the Akuze/Torfan/Elysium bits are certainly going to be included somewhere, as would be a discussion or two with Anderson, and a little training, but I'm not sure I could do it all justice and pace it well, when I'm trying to get to the Mass Effect timeline. I figure the major scenes can be covered, some flashbacks to other moments in the military, but my Shepard doesn't evolve much through her military career. More hardened and better trained, yeah, but personality-wise, she remains very similar to where she is at the end of her time on Earth.
I mean, part of me is yelling "You're skimping on military stuff and you shouldn't! It's important!". But the other part is nudging me toward including only the important details, and just going from there. I think I could weave it all in. I'm pretty sure, at least.

You could always just focus on the important events of her career. We as readers don't need to know everything that happened to her over the course of her life. As an extreme example of writing EVERYTHING, I recently read a passage where the author spent an entire paragraph describing how his character took off his pants.

Edit: Finished my example. Stupid Ipad.

"Johnny undid the belt. He took off the belt. He pushed the top of his jeans down to his knees then transferred his weight onto one leg while his foot came sliding out of the one side. He then shifted his weight to the other leg and began to yank his jeans off the other leg. He put both feet down, dropped his jeans, and picked up another pair of pants."

My version is still more succint than the original version.

Modifié par Icyflare, 17 juillet 2012 - 04:17 .

[fluffywalrus]

Obsidian Gryphon wrote...

N7, military training could be summarized, I should think, without losing the flow. Afterall, writing through boot camp blah blah blah is an equal chore to a writer.   You to finish Amber's back story of course and at least reveal what's happening with Melody. Else I'm going to pour syrup over your head.  

Mmmm syrup. I haven't had waffles in years....

But yeah, my story, at least the Earth arc of it, should be done by mid august-ish. I have at least 4 chapters left if I cram everything into a few big ones. Most likely 4 or 5. You'll find out more about Melody in the coming chapter obviously

Icyflare wrote...

You could always just focus on the
important events of her career. We as readers don't need to know
everything that happened to her over the course of her life. As an
extreme example of writing EVERYTHING, I recently read a passage where
the author spent an entire paragraph describing how his character took
off his pants.

"Johnny undid the belt. He took the belt. He
pushed the top of his jeans down then transferred his weight onto one
leg while his foot came sliding out of the oth

HAHAHA:O
Well, to the author's credit, the paragraph COULD have been longer. And more detailed. but it's still pretty hilarious. I do think I'll focus on writing the important stuff, adding in some details of her exploits in the military, but not going into them too deeply. I think it's a nice balance because boot camp....ugh. Boring stuff.

Modifié par fluffywalrus, 17 juillet 2012 - 02:25 .

[Drussius]

dpMeggers wrote...

Drussius wrote...

fluffywalrus wrote...

Ah, I remember that. I had in mind a scene where Wrex and Garrus were going over how badass they were, and subsequently putting each other down. I do recall the discussion over the asari (Aria, most likely), but I suppose i didn't put two and two together.

Actually, he says the name. I believe it was Milina, or something like that. Definitely wasn't Aria. Unless she was using an alias at the time.

Aleena, IIRC. But Aria implies that her name is a pseudonym and that she'd fought krogran before the Patriarch, so there's that.

I just think it's wierd that people insist on placing Aria in that story. This isn't the first time I heard the theory. A friend of mine mentioned it too. But I'd like to think that there could be other competent asari out there and that not every example of an asari with skillz has to be Aria.

Maybe it's just because I don't see the appeal to Aria, though my opinion seems to be in the minority. I thought she was a **** and wanted the freedom to shoot her in the head in ME2, and the scene in ME3 where she has the Asari councilor at her beck and call was just... well, let's just say I found it to be one of the more ridiculous parts of the game, and I'll leave it at that.

[Rick Lewis]

Writing my own Fanfiction about the adventures of Krogan Battlemaster and his N7 Spec Ops squadmates during the Reaper War and aftermath. My question is simple. What would you (The Fan) like to see in the story? Please quote this post during a reply and I'll take some notes on what we seem to be lacking in the fan service department. Thanks in advance!

[Seracen]

hot_heart wrote...

OK, drawing a blank here. Is there a slang/shorthand name for a gun without a serial number? I figured some of you yanks might know.

Otherwise, feel free to invent some, and if they sound reasonable, I may use them.

I believe it's a "Clean" gun, or a "filed" gun.

EDIT: NM, already been answered, 

Modifié par Seracen, 17 juillet 2012 - 03:24 .

[Seracen]

Blanket question to all:

Do you find that listening to music while writing helps in the process, or do you find it distracting?

I for one love to have music running in the background, as long as there are few or no lyrics (otherwise it interferes in the thought process), hence my love of techno.

The proper music for the right scene, coupled with a healthy daydream, will often help me through any sequence I write.

[Obsidian Gryphon]

fluffywalrus wrote...

Mmmm syrup. I haven't had waffles in years....

But yeah, my story, at least the Earth arc of it, should be done by mid august-ish. I have at least 4 chapters left if I cram everything into a few big ones. Most likely 4 or 5. You'll find out more about Melody in the coming chapter obviously

Yesss.... *evil rubbing of hands* ... wait a min, there's not gonna be rain at the end of the arc, is there?

Seracen wrote...

Blanket question to all:

Do you find that listening to music while writing helps in the process, or do you find it distracting?

.

I only listen to music to get some inspiration going (Two Steps From Hell is one example). Otherwise, it's mostly distraction.

Modifié par Obsidian Gryphon, 17 juillet 2012 - 03:53 .

[fluffywalrus]

Seracen wrote...

Blanket question to all:

Do you find that listening to music while writing helps in the process, or do you find it distracting?

I for one love to have music running in the background, as long as there are few or no lyrics (otherwise it interferes in the thought process), hence my love of techno.

The proper music for the right scene, coupled with a healthy daydream, will often help me through any sequence I write.

I don't nneed music, but it can help me write some scenes. Usually lyricless music, for the most part. Eluvium, Clint Mansell, Explosions in the Sky, Deaf Center, etc.

Obsidian Gryphon wrote...

fluffywalrus wrote...

Mmmm syrup. I haven't had waffles in years....

But
yeah, my story, at least the Earth arc of it, should be done by mid
august-ish. I have at least 4 chapters left if I cram everything into a
few big ones. Most likely 4 or 5. You'll find out more about Melody in
the coming chapter obviously

Yesss.... *evil rubbing of hands* ... wait a min, there's not gonna be rain at the end of the arc, is there?

Rain? I'm not quite sure what you're getting at. It doesn't rain often in Ottawa

Modifié par fluffywalrus, 17 juillet 2012 - 04:15 .

[dpMeggers]

fluffywalrus wrote...

Rain? I'm not quite sure what you're getting at. It doesn't rain often in Ottawa

Flipping hell does it ever not. Been stupidly hot/dry this summer.

[fluffywalrus]

dpMeggers wrote...

fluffywalrus wrote...

Rain? I'm not quite sure what you're getting at. It doesn't rain often in Ottawa

Flipping hell does it ever not. Been stupidly hot/dry this summer.

It's gonna thunderstorm or something for a few hours, which won't help anything in the long run. And then it'll be sunny and thirty for two weeks or some crap. I'm getting tired of waking up to a blazing hot room .

[dpMeggers]

fluffywalrus wrote...

dpMeggers wrote...

fluffywalrus wrote...

Rain? I'm not quite sure what you're getting at. It doesn't rain often in Ottawa

Flipping hell does it ever not. Been stupidly hot/dry this summer.

It's gonna thunderstorm or something for a few hours, which won't help anything in the long run. And then it'll be sunny and thirty for two weeks or some crap. I'm getting tired of waking up to a blazing hot room .

Give it six months or so and we'll be complaining about the cold/snow/ice and being desperate for it to be summer again. I've been told that Canadians talk about the weather more than any other nation. Probably because it's so damn bipolar for most of us.

[Icyflare]

Spring and autumn have always been my favourite seasons. Maybe because they're not so extreme. At least you guys don't live in the prairies?

[Drussius]

Icyflare wrote...

Spring and autumn have always been my favourite seasons. Maybe because they're not so extreme. At least you guys don't live in the prairies?

Autumn is my favorite season. The leaves change color, the weather cools off after the annoying heat of summer (I hate summer), plus, there's Halloween... and my birthday!

Winter? While I hate the cold of the winter almost as much as I hate the heat and humidity of summer, the winter does have a few things going for it.... Most importantly, it gets dark at about 4PM! Vampires such as myself love that sort of thing. There's also the fact that even though it gets cold, you can always wear more clothing to compensate unlike the summer, which I hate, where you can only do so much to cool off...

The summer has absolutely no upside. I hate everything about it. Long days (I hate the sun... a lot), heat and humidity, sunburn, mosquitos, the need to mow the lawn... Yup. Summer sucks.

And spring? Well, it's got many of the positives of fall, except for the one thing that really ruins it for me... It means summer is right around the corner.

Have I mentioned that I hate summer?

Edit: Oh... Also, I hate summer.

Modifié par Drussius, 17 juillet 2012 - 05:20 .

[Icyflare]

Somehow, Drussius, I get the feeling you don't like summer

God, I hate mosquitoes. I went to Southeast Asia a year back, and I had at least 20+ mosquito bites at all times. At some point, I got Dengue's fever and mistaken it for malaria. Good times all around. I also went BEFORE it hit summer there, and it was still 30+ degrees Celsius. Then monsoon season came...

Anyways, back on thread. Are you guys ever hesitant about what to comment on when leaving a review? I mean, I'm not a writing expert or even a lit teacher, so I can't feel justified when I go through a fellow writer's work and start tearing it apart like I want to sometimes. I can spot what doesn't work for me and what wouldn't work as a submission to a writing class, but at times, I don't know if I want to change something because I don't like the writing style or if it actually needs to be change. Usually, I just leave it if I don;t know how to suggest improvements. However, when I do comment on things in reviews, I am absolutely certain that these points I bring up could be worked on.

Modifié par Icyflare, 17 juillet 2012 - 06:43 .

[fluffywalrus]

Icyflare wrote...

Anyways, back on thread. Are you guys ever hesitant about what to comment on when leaving a review? I mean, I'm not a writing expert or even a lit teacher, so I can't feel justified when I go through a fellow writer's work and start tearing it apart like I want to sometimes. I can spot what doesn't work for me and what wouldn't work as a submission to a writing class, but at times, I don't know if I want to change something because I don't like the writing style or if it actually needs to be change. Usually, I just leave it if I don;t know how to suggest improvements. However, when I do comment on things in reviews, I am absolutely certain that these points I bring up could be worked on.

Hrm. Normally, on reviews, I focus on grammar/spelling/structural mistakes if I focus on anything negative. Minor errors. Generally, so long as I enjoy reading it, I usually won't nitpick about an awkward sentence or stylistic issues or whatnot. I will point out when I feel characters aren't portrayed accurately (rare), or when the plot is going somewhere strange, or if my suspension of disbelief is shatteredor even cracked. Sometimes I won't review those stories, but if i feel the story is salvageable, I will.

But I'm pretty easy. I just want to have fun and read a good story. Provide me that and I look past the little things. I'm fairly easy to please, unless it gets into certain content, where my standards are slightly lifted. I can generally read (and enjoy) any style of story, so long as it's well written.

Though, due to all this, I tend not to be very constructive. Unless people specifically request it of me, I won't scrutinize a story. So sometimes, I'm hesistant to give a review that's basically "Good Job" but with more words, so I point out what I liked if I can put words to it...but even then, I feel likke my reviews aren't all that great. So yeah, I'm hesitant sometimes, but I'm getting better about it.

Modifié par fluffywalrus, 17 juillet 2012 - 06:39 .

[Icyflare]

I'm actually the same sometimes. If I really get into a story, I have a hard time picking out elements that I feel would benefit from a change. I'm not actually as scrutinizing as I would like to be in my reviews, and I'd like to develop a better sense of what works in a story and what doesn't.

I had an experience a while back where I only made it halfway through the first chapter of a story before I had to sit down and write a frustrated review about clumsy infodumping into the narrative. Didn't even finish the story. I was that mad. I don't think I'll submit that one, because it wasn't particularly kind or tactful. It wasn't anyone's story from here though, thankfully.

Modifié par Icyflare, 17 juillet 2012 - 06:29 .

[lillitheris]

fluffywalrus wrote...

I do recall the discussion over the asari (Aria, most likely)

I don’t know if it’s most likely that Aria is Aleena—there are about 6 billion asari, after all—but it can’t be completely ruled out either, so *cough*

Modifié par lillitheris, 17 juillet 2012 - 07:52 .

[lillitheris]

Icyflare wrote...

Anyways, back on thread. Are you guys ever hesitant about what to comment on when leaving a review? I mean, I'm not a writing expert or even a lit teacher, so I can't feel justified when I go through a fellow writer's work and start tearing it apart like I want to sometimes. I can spot what doesn't work for me and what wouldn't work as a submission to a writing class, but at times, I don't know if I want to change something because I don't like the writing style or if it actually needs to be change. Usually, I just leave it if I don;t know how to suggest improvements. However, when I do comment on things in reviews, I am absolutely certain that these points I bring up could be worked on.

As a writer, any type of review works for me, whether it’s short or long, specific or vague, actual review or PM… I’ve probably stated it before, but I’m a firm believer in all critique being useful. It’s up to me to draw conclusions.

If a review is looking to be really long (more than 10 items or so), I’ll probably reduce the review to the essentials, and note that I’m sending more specific comments by PM. For example, I regularly leave somewhat specific but short notes in reviews for DE3—there’s no fear of monopolizing reviews there!—but on the other hand, for Drussius’ first chapter, I left a short review and sent specific notes on the fairly minor issues by PM so as to not unnecessarily shadow the others.

As a reader, I’ve a couple rules that I more or less follow…if there’s something off, I’ll try to figure out what it is—but will mention it even if I can’t quite put my finger on it. Even a vague hint may help the writer identify a problem spot (maybe they already were unsure of a passage, or maybe another reviewer is able to refine the comment, or…) Pacing issues are particularly hard to describe, and it would usually take longer than I want to take to fully explore the issue, so I try to note those fairly coarsely and let the author figure out if and which parts to adjust.

I don’t usually specifically look for grammar issues, but sometimes those, typos, word misuse stick out, and I’ll note it.

One bad habit I have is tech stuff…I’m a bit harsh on those, at least judging by the (lack of) reaction to the same things by the other reviewers.

I’m also not terribly good with positive feedback…I should probably try to work more of that in, comment on specific lines characters use, specific background information and so on, for example. Usually I just end up saying that the characterization is good, if it is, without going much deeper into it—but the author would probably benefit knowing which things work in particular.

…

I also tend to write way, way too much…

…

On a totally but not quite unrelated note, I finally just added a dotjs script to hide all forum topics that contain the word ‘synthesis’, because I keep wasting time getting tangled up in trying to talk some sense into people.

Modifié par lillitheris, 17 juillet 2012 - 08:32 .

[Obsidian Gryphon]

Icyflare wrote...

Anyways, back on thread. Are you guys ever hesitant about what to comment on when leaving a review? .

Yeah. I don't think I'm qualified to criticise on alot of stuff so I just keep it brief and positive.