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[Mr.BlazenGlazen]

Drussius wrote...

Mr.BlazenGlazen wrote...

So does anyone else like to comment on my new chapter? Outward movement

I will definitely comment when I read it, but I haven't gotten to your story yet. There are a lot of great writers in this thread and a lot of great stories. It's taking time to get through them all as a relative newcomer.

I greatly appreciate it, thank you.

[Icyflare]

Drussius wrote...

And now, a question of characterization that I'd like some opinions on:

I have a scene involving a conversation with a volus. It starts with a line currently written like this:

"Greetings, Thessia-clan. You... must be Miss Nisaria," the volus greeted her, his statement broken by the hiss of his suit's breathing apparatus when he paused for breath.

After that, I keep inserting the "..." for the pauses in his speech, because it was the only way I could come up with to illustrate the way the volus always spoke in the game. But I'm not sure it conveys the right image or not. Does it work like that? Should I even bother? Is there a clearer way to highlight volus speech mannerisms? Thoughts?

Edited: Because for some reason it removed all my line breaks! Now they're back...

I actually would recommend against using ellipses as a way to indicate volus speech. It gets pretty tiring to read paragraphs filled with them.

Ex: "Greetings, earth-clan...I am here to deliver a message....from my people...extending a hand of friendly partnership...to the selling of precious artifacts you may find...on uncharted worlds. Should anything befall you during your...expedition...our company will extend our condolences to your family...and ensure their financial security."

At best, it's reminiscent of Stevie from Malcolm in the Middle. At worst, it reminds me of Shatner with longer phrases. If the volus doesn't play a large part, it's fine. If he talks for more than two paragraphs then I would recommend writing it like normal speech and indicate through action that his speech sounds laboured. Also, you probably don't need the "when he paused for breath" part, I feel. Your audience is probably already pretty familiar with how the volus talk.


@noxiuniversitas: Moving countries is pretty stressful. Hope everything goes smoothly for you, even with the impending pitchfork and waffle cone revolution.

Modifié par Icyflare, 17 juillet 2012 - 06:48 .

[Spiritwolf1]

Mr.BlazenGlazen wrote...

So does anyone else like to comment on my new chapter? Outward movement

Just added it to my favorites. I will look at it soon, just got a few others on the list.

[Mr.BlazenGlazen]

Spiritwolf1 wrote...

Mr.BlazenGlazen wrote...

So does anyone else like to comment on my new chapter? Outward movement

Just added it to my favorites. I will look at it soon, just got a few others on the list.

Thank you, I greatly appreciate it.

[lillitheris]

dpMeggers wrote...

Drussius wrote...

I have a question for people familiar with FF.net...

When I published my first chapter, I never saw any option to give my chapter a name in the dropdown box (come to think of it, there ISN'T a dropdown box). Is this an option that only shows up once there are at least two chapters published? If not, where would I find it?

From the page that shows up when you click on your name in the top right hand corner.

Left Sidebar: 2nd option is Publish
Under Publish: Manage Stories -> Click on the title of the story, that'll take you to an "Editing Story" page
Top of page will be 4 options: option 2 is Content/Chapters you want that
Under Content/Chapters you'll see all the chapters in the story, click edit and the chapter title will be editable.

Hope those instructions make sense... 

And in the future, you can/must name the chapter in two different areas. First, when you go to Upload, you can give it a name—it’s strictly internal, but I find it’s much easier to have all chapters listed like ME-Unity-026-v2 etc.

The second time is when you go to actually publish in Manage Stories > Content/Chapters. In the part where you select the document you uploaded, there’s a text field you can edit. By default, it just says ‘Chapter 2', or whichever chapter you’re on (which is annoying because I always have to rename it to Chapter N-1 since Intro is named Intro, not Chapter 1 :happy:

And, yeah, the Manage Stories EDIT button is for the story name. If you want to edit the text, you have to go into the Doc Manager, use EDIT there, and then go back to Manage Stories and replace the chapter with the new version.

Modifié par lillitheris, 17 juillet 2012 - 07:45 .

[lillitheris]

Drussius wrote...

And now, a question of characterization that I'd like some opinions on:

I have a scene involving a conversation with a volus. It starts with a line currently written like this:

"Greetings, Thessia-clan. You... must be Miss Nisaria," the volus greeted her, his statement broken by the hiss of his suit's breathing apparatus when he paused for breath.

After that, I keep inserting the "..." for the pauses in his speech, because it was the only way I could come up with to illustrate the way the volus always spoke in the game. But I'm not sure it conveys the right image or not. Does it work like that? Should I even bother? Is there a clearer way to highlight volus speech mannerisms? Thoughts?

I’ll disagree with Icy a little on this… I’d definitely keep the first note about the labored breathing—just as a reminder for the reader. Without it, I feel, there’s a distinct possibility for a double-take that’ll break the flow.

It would get kind of annoying to use it ‘realistically’, so I think inserting one here and there would do the trick.

Of course—hiss—if you really wanted to—hiss—you could make it really—hiss—elaborate.

[lillitheris]

You know, FFN really needs a ToRead list feature… I guess you could use the Group thing/C2 feature for that, but meh.

[Spiritwolf1]

The Favorites is my to read list... I also use it to support the writers that come from here. I am not sure what the C2 Feature is

[Drussius]

lillitheris wrote...

Drussius wrote...

And now, a question of characterization that I'd like some opinions on:

I have a scene involving a conversation with a volus. It starts with a line currently written like this:

"Greetings, Thessia-clan. You... must be Miss Nisaria," the volus greeted her, his statement broken by the hiss of his suit's breathing apparatus when he paused for breath.

After that, I keep inserting the "..." for the pauses in his speech, because it was the only way I could come up with to illustrate the way the volus always spoke in the game. But I'm not sure it conveys the right image or not. Does it work like that? Should I even bother? Is there a clearer way to highlight volus speech mannerisms? Thoughts?

I’ll disagree with Icy a little on this… I’d definitely keep the first note about the labored breathing—just as a reminder for the reader. Without it, I feel, there’s a distinct possibility for a double-take that’ll break the flow.

It would get kind of annoying to use it ‘realistically’, so I think inserting one here and there would do the trick.

Of course—hiss—if you really wanted to—hiss—you could make it really—hiss—elaborate.

Here is the whole exchange as it is currently written. I already know Icy's opinion, but for others, is it distracting or excessive as written? I actually like the -hiss- idea, and if you all think it would be better and lill doesn't mind, I might actually replace the elipses with that instead.

...

"Greetings, Thessia-clan. You... must be Miss Nisaria," the volus greeted her, his statement broken by the hiss of his suit's breathing apparatus when he paused for breath. "It is... a pleasure to meet you. The broker has managed... to obtain footage of the individual you specified."

"How much?" Julisa demanded. Her gaze was locked on the data pad the volus was holding.

"Tracking her down... was not easy," the volus explained. "She is using... the surname of a friend, and has enacted... privacy blocks on her academic records. The broker's agents... have more pressing matters than tracking... civilians and attending concerts."

"Just name the price," Julisa's voice was edged in steel. The urge to snatch the datapad from the squat figure's hand was overwhelming.

"Thirty thousand credits."

"Done," Julisa activated her omni-tool to initiate the credit transfer, and was relieved when the volus didn't waste any more of her time talking, but instead activated his own omni to complete the transaction. With that done, he handed over the datapad and headed for the door.

"A pleasure to do business... with you," he said as he passed.

Modifié par Drussius, 17 juillet 2012 - 09:38 .

[lillitheris]

Spiritwolf1 wrote...

The Favorites is my to read list... I also use it to support the writers that come from here. I am not sure what the C2 Feature is

Yeah, I imagine many people use Favorites for that…I thought I would, but the problem is that I imagined someone might actually trust my taste (I know, right?), so I’d like for all of the works to have my Seal of Approval.

So, I’ve just got the ToRead bookmarked.

…

@Drussius: That reads fine to me.

Modifié par lillitheris, 17 juillet 2012 - 09:37 .

[Drussius]

Edited my above. I kinda like your -hiss- idea. If people think that your idea would be better and you don't mind, I may steal it

[lillitheris]

It is –hiss– probably better with spaced –hiss– en-dashes than unspaced—hiss—ems.

Or maybe –wheeeeeeeeeeeeze– something entirely –puff– different?

[hot_heart]

The hiss idea gets my approval. I think I recall seeing someone doing -sniff- for Mordin's inhaling and wasn't too bothered by that. But then, I love Mordin...

[hot_heart]

Gah, I always do this. I write about four lines of dialogue and then spend half an hour tweaking it, rearranging it or just outright deleting other bits here and there. Especially when it's fairly overt exposition.

Anyone else get that problem?

[lillitheris]

^ Yes, except I tend to tweak it for half a month! I don’t tend to get stuck like that when writing it initially, which I suppose is a curse and a blessing.

Modifié par lillitheris, 17 juillet 2012 - 10:23 .

[Drussius]

hot_heart wrote...

Gah, I always do this. I write about four lines of dialogue and then spend half an hour tweaking it, rearranging it or just outright deleting other bits here and there. Especially when it's fairly overt exposition.

Anyone else get that problem?

*looks at the 17th draft of chapter two*

No... Never have that problem

[hot_heart]

Yeah, I've found the only way I really get things done is to go mad for a bit and just TYPETYPETYPE before spending three times as long editing it into something more readable.

The finished product is always better for it though, and I hope that shows at least.

[TheMarshal]

hot_heart wrote...

Gah, I always do this. I write about four lines of dialogue and then spend half an hour tweaking it, rearranging it or just outright deleting other bits here and there. Especially when it's fairly overt exposition.

Anyone else get that problem?

I'm pretty much the same way.  I write fiction the way I should be writing code, and write code the way I should be writing fiction.  I'll write a few lines of exposition or dialogue and then go back and tweak them until things feel "perfect."  Then, of course, I'll write a little bit more and have to go back and re-tweak everything in order to get it to fit.

Speaking of which, how much do you guys outline before you start writing?  I'm working on this three-part fic for the Big Bang and realized partway through outlining the second section that one of the main premises had to be changed.  The same thing happened when I was writing A Good Night, but I was all the way at the 5th chapter (out of 6) when I realized it.  Had to go back and rewrite the entire thing before progressing.

[hot_heart]

Honestly, a lot of my story is being written by the seat of my pants (not literally, that would take much more editing). My original intention was just to practise writing in prose, using the blanks in Miranda's story after ME2 and during ME3 as a framework. There was also the challenge of working with how side-lined she had become, and working that into things (like 'making excuses' for her absence). Initially, I was just writing in a document that was being updated on Dropbox and it was shown to some people in the Miranda thread.

Then someone convinced me to put it up on FF.net so I figured I'd try and work in a mini-story in its own right. But I kept playing with some of the details as I went...and now I'm at a point where I have to be really careful not to trip over the mess I've created.

I mean, I've got the main points figured out, just not the actual 'beats'. In my head, I think only a couple of chapters could prove tricky. Then again, they're all tricky.

[Drussius]

hot_heart wrote...

Yeah, I've found the only way I really get things done is to go mad for a bit and just TYPETYPETYPE before spending three times as long editing it into something more readable.

The finished product is always better for it though, and I hope that shows at least.

That's my take on my writing. I just write the first time through. I don't worry about whether it reads perfectly until I finish the whole chapter. Then the next day I go through and edit it all to clean it up.

Then over the days that follow I edit it again, and again, and again, and again... obsessively. And as several people pointed out with my first chapter, I miss an awful lot, even with repeated edits.

TheMarshal wrote...

hot_heart wrote...

Gah, I always do this. I write about four lines of dialogue and then spend half an hour tweaking it, rearranging it or just outright deleting other bits here and there. Especially when it's fairly overt exposition.

Anyone else get that problem?

I'm pretty much the same way.  I write fiction the way I should be writing code, and write code the way I should be writing fiction.  I'll write a few lines of exposition or dialogue and then go back and tweak them until things feel "perfect."  Then, of course, I'll write a little bit more and have to go back and re-tweak everything in order to get it to fit.

Speaking of which, how much do you guys outline before you start writing?  I'm working on this three-part fic for the Big Bang and realized partway through outlining the second section that one of the main premises had to be changed.  The same thing happened when I was writing A Good Night, but I was all the way at the 5th chapter (out of 6) when I realized it.  Had to go back and rewrite the entire thing before progressing.

Personally, I plot absolutely nothing in advance. I get an idea and run with it. This does unfortunately lead to situations like the one I had a few days back, where event X in Chapter 3 had to be changed because I couldn't figure out how to write past event Y in Chapter 5 because of it... Which led to me completely rewriting about 7 sections across three chapters.

But back when I used to bullet-point my stories before I started writing, I usually changed most of my plan. So I eventually came to the conclusion that I was wasting my time on plotting it out to begin with.

Not that I recommend against plotting before you begin. If it helps to organize your thoughts, that's great. I just work better writing on the fly. Although it usually also requires a LOT of cleanup as a result before it's fit to read. As I mentioned above.

[Icyflare]

I actually have no idea how to plot. I kinda give myself basic story points then write my way there from scene to scene. I hate revising sometimes, because I feel like there's always something I could rewrite better.

[Drussius]

Icyflare wrote...

I actually have no idea how to plot. I kinda give myself basic story points then write my way there from scene to scene. I hate revising sometimes, because I feel like there's always something I could rewrite better.

Regarding the bolded: This plagues me too. And is the reason for my repeated edits. No matter how much time I put into rewording things, I always feel like it could be done better.

Never satisfied...

[lillitheris]

To paraphrase: writing is never completed, only abandoned.

[Icyflare]

Drussius wrote...

Icyflare wrote...

I actually have no idea how to plot. I kinda give myself basic story points then write my way there from scene to scene. I hate revising sometimes, because I feel like there's always something I could rewrite better.

Regarding the bolded: This plagues me too. And is the reason for my repeated edits. No matter how much time I put into rewording things, I always feel like it could be done better.

Never satisfied...

lil is probably right about the abandoning thing. I actually had to give myself a time limit for revision, otherwise, I'd edit forever.

One of the many problems I have with rewriting is that the more I change things, the more I have to ensure that the story remains consistent with the new edits. Parts of the story that may have been fantastic with an older version suddenly make no sense with a new section. Then you have to revise to make sure everything flows logically. I really wished I could write on the seat of my pants.

Modifié par Icyflare, 17 juillet 2012 - 11:23 .

[lillitheris]

I’ve been very lucky in that I’ve not yet have had to make a single plot correction. Tons of copyediting, yes, but nothing with the story itself. Of course, most of the story thus far has been setup for the future, and the internal timeframe is only about a week, so that probably helps.

I think there was one thing that I wished I had done differently (used a different character or something like that), but it ended up working well enough with the workaround.