hot_heart wrote...
Yeah, it doesn't hamper reading it or anything. I was just offering advice on simple stuff while I could spare a moment. Not meant as disparagement or anything.
Oh, thank you.xIxDarkWolfxIx wrote...
I enjoyed your story involving Miranda and Jack, Firm Friends. The banter was good, funny with a hint of bickering but not overly so.
hot_heart wrote...
Always nice to see more Miranda fans.xIxDarkWolfxIx wrote...
I just finished my first chapter and it has been posted on Fan-Fiction.net.
Here is the link if you wish to check it out, any feedback will be greatly appreciated.
http://www.fanfictio..._Effect_Refusal
Thanks to lillitheris for your feedback. =)
As it's a short chapter, when I have more time later, I shall give it a lookover later and offer some proper constructive feedback rather than just pointing out little errors or suggestions. At a quick glance, I can see a few places I would use commas, for clarity's sake. Also, I think you have a typo of 'continues' when you meant 'continued' (I'm assuming a mid-sentence change of tense was not intentional).
In general terms, I'm always a little uneasy with even Shepard referring to Miranda as Miri. I think only Niket ever used that nickname, and she might resent hearing it any more (I believe even Oriana uses 'Randa'). Also, in the games, Shepard tends to refer to her as Miranda or, when playful, Ms. Lawson.
Modifié par JadeDragonMTR, 19 juillet 2012 - 09:58 .
hot_heart wrote...
Oh, thank you.xIxDarkWolfxIx wrote...
I enjoyed your story involving Miranda and Jack, Firm Friends. The banter was good, funny with a hint of bickering but not overly so.
I'd be interested to hear what you think about the Miranda story. Though that has quite a hefty word count now. It moves at a fair pace if that helps...
Oh, wow. Much appreciated. Cheers!xIxDarkWolfxIx wrote...
I've just started it. I should finished it by tomorrow afternoon.
fainmaca wrote...
I also just noticed the discussion on Batarian women above. In my most recent chapter, I had to write about one. I tried to keep the description vague enough that readers could develop their own ideas of what she looked like, but also gave enough details to give a general gist of her appearance.
This is what I went with:A slight figure stepped through the door, walking slowly with the short, wide-barrelled pistol still held in a firm grasp. Shepard's eyes widened as he realised that he was looking at a Batarian woman. She wasn't the first Batarian female he had seen, but he'd never seen one performing any kind of military action. It seemed as though the Hegemony considered women beneath such occupations, something that didn't sit well with the rest of the galactic community.
This particular specimen stood at about five and a half feet, her body shapely and toned. Four glimmering red eyes stared at the Commander and his allies with barely concealed menace. Her Batarian features were somewhat softer than those of the males, host to their own strange kind of beauty, and her skin was a vibrant yellow, tinged with brown, complemented by the sheer black combat armour she wore, red highlights running along its seams. As she stepped forward, Etarn gasped.
fainmaca wrote...
Hey guys.
I was away from my keyboard over the weekend, so I've kind of fallen behind on both this board and my writing. Will try to catch up, if RL will give me a break any time soon.
In the meantime, if any of you have the spare time I could do with somebody having a read of chapter 46 of my fic and then participating in the poll at the end of the chapter. Kind of at a stalemate right now, and I could do with somebody breaking the tie.
If you have a chance, the chapter is here, and the poll can be found here.
P.S. Any reviews that can be left would be greatly appreciated. Really hurting for some critiques of my work.
Fainmaca out.
Seracen wrote...
fainmaca wrote...
Hey guys.
I was away from my keyboard over the weekend, so I've kind of fallen behind on both this board and my writing. Will try to catch up, if RL will give me a break any time soon.
In the meantime, if any of you have the spare time I could do with somebody having a read of chapter 46 of my fic and then participating in the poll at the end of the chapter. Kind of at a stalemate right now, and I could do with somebody breaking the tie.
If you have a chance, the chapter is here, and the poll can be found here.
P.S. Any reviews that can be left would be greatly appreciated. Really hurting for some critiques of my work.
Fainmaca out.
Again, loving your work, but I am skimming over the recent chapters, lest it affect my work overmuch. At any rate, well crafted dilemma! I suppose I'd go with whichever saves the most lives, overall, at that moment. I mean, having a fleet is great, but pointless if the standing population is decimated.
Conversely, saving the people is great, but pointless if the majority of citizens were in the fleet. So yeah, I'll pull a Kiritsugu Shirou (from Fate Zero) and say whichever saves the most lives, at that moment.
Modifié par nitefyre410, 19 juillet 2012 - 10:48 .
fluffywalrus wrote...
I made oatmeal raisin cookies today, but they didn't turn out like I hoped. I think my mom is a wizard or something because she does the same things I do to make them and uses the same equipment basically, and hers are just magical and mine are...underwhelming.
But yay 3000!
As for community options on ffnet, I don't think I'd ever use them. Didn't really notice them until recently.
And I think Batarian women would probably be better off without hair on their heads, imo.
gearseffect wrote...
Hey everyone I'm back and I've been on a creative roll, I am planing to dumb lots of new Fanfic Content in a short period of time. However I will stagger it out so as I don't flood my readers at once.
Anyway that's not the issue I am hung up on, the issue I am hung up on is Ashley Williams. Now Jake Shep didn't romance her EVER. But Ashley is a very important character and friend.
...
Okay back on task
Thanks for any advice or words of encouragement on writing Ashley as not looking like ME3 Ashley, and writing her as classic looking tanned skin, brunette, bad@ss, @sskicking action chick Ashley, you know the classic ME look.
dpMeggers wrote...
fluffywalrus wrote...
I think a quick note in the author's notes would work to inform readers of your decision. I don't think reverting her appearance will rub anyone the wrong way.
Out of laziness, I'm quoting flufffy (sorry). Basically this. If you think Ash should look more like ME1/ME2 Ash, go for it.
I've run into a problem of my own working on Conversation. Spoilers follow, so if you havn't been following and want to, look away now.
...
Usually I know what I want to do, it's just a matter of getting it on paper. This is...something new entirely. And it's incredibly unpleasant. I don't know what to do. Thoughts? (Not so much on how she'll react - not asking anyone to write her for me. Just on how to get past this.)
* End Spoilers*
Spoiler free version: worst case of writer's block/ character non-cooperation I've ever experienced and ARGH.
Lilivati wrote...
I guess I'm looking for some help and I'm not quite sure where to go.
My fanfic: Mass Effect: Beginnings
It starts shortly before ME1 and then chronicles those events from the perspective of my Shepard. I basically wanted to go deeper with the story, and I am having fun writing it, but I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong. Going too deep into it? Too much dialog? Following the story too closely? I don't know.
Any insight anyone could offer would be appreciated. I'm sort of new to the whole fanfic thing.
Icyflare wrote...
JadeDragonMTR wrote...
Do you know if there is forum here or anywhere where fanfic writer can get advices on their stories, chat about technic/factual stuff, etc.? There are a lot of stories with shepard having tortured past, but I want to write a shepard who has happy upbringing and an optimistic views, at least to start with. It would be nice to chat with people about ideas.
*Coughs politely. Looks at thread's name*
Edit: That was weird. Board was down for a while. Anyways, fluffy and Drussius got to it first. Feel free anytime to ask questions and we'll answer to the best of our ability.
On another note, picked up a copy of William Faulkner's The Sound and the Fury. Am considering using extensive confusing stream-of-consciousness techniques. Feel this is highly unadvised.
hot_heart wrote...
Maybe batarian females do have hair but then humans appeared, settling in their systems as well as showing off their superior lustrous and genetically-diverse hairstyles, so bitterness and jealousy took over.Seracen wrote...
The stigma of having hair when Batarians hate humans is not something I'd considered, but I'd not really fleshed out the idea of prosthetic hair, as it still seems wierd to me.
As a result, batarian females locked themselves away and took to writing ****y gossip columns about human fashion.
Now I'm remembering the few days after I arrived on the forums, when people were under the impression I was female.Seracen wrote...
Haha, it's even more amusing that you say that with Miranda for an avatar! I can totally picture a pissed off Miri saying that.
hot_heart wrote...
Always nice to see more Miranda fans.xIxDarkWolfxIx wrote...
I just finished my first chapter and it has been posted on Fan-Fiction.net.
Here is the link if you wish to check it out, any feedback will be greatly appreciated.
http://www.fanfictio..._Effect_Refusal
Thanks to lillitheris for your feedback. =)
As it's a short chapter, when I have more time later, I shall give it a lookover later and offer some proper constructive feedback rather than just pointing out little errors or suggestions. At a quick glance, I can see a few places I would use commas, for clarity's sake. Also, I think you have a typo of 'continues' when you meant 'continued' (I'm assuming a mid-sentence change of tense was not intentional).
In general terms, I'm always a little uneasy with even Shepard referring to Miranda as Miri. I think only Niket ever used that nickname, and she might resent hearing it any more (I believe even Oriana uses 'Randa'). Also, in the games, Shepard tends to refer to her as Miranda or, when playful, Ms. Lawson.
hot_heart wrote...
Now I'm remembering the few days after I arrived on the forums, when people were under the impression I was female.Seracen wrote...
Haha, it's even more amusing that you say that with Miranda for an avatar! I can totally picture a pissed off Miri saying that.
I guess my secret to writing Miranda is that I sound a lot like her. Problematic...
Ha. I appreciate it, but I doubt my medical record would be up to scratch...Seracen wrote...
Oh pish, you're just like minded and have strong opinions. All this means is that you'd be perfect material for hitting on her and not failing like that one dude from LotSB!
nitefyre410 wrote...
Off-Topic:
"With this Command Spell I command you destory the Holy Grail."
Saber:
That series was great though the only mino, tiny, little, nitpicky knock I have is how they handled the Saber/Beserker fight... must get my hands on the novel.
Obsidian Gryphon wrote...
All this thread are belong to ... Seracen.
Modifié par Seracen, 19 juillet 2012 - 11:44 .
hot_heart wrote...
Damn you, Seracen. Had a glimpse at chapter 24 of your fic and it looks really well-written, and now I have to catch up on that story as well. Some day...
Modifié par Seracen, 20 juillet 2012 - 12:31 .
Thank you! I'm really happy you enjoyed it. I guess it just feels like there's something missing to me and I can't quite put my finger on it. It's starting to drive me a little nuts.Sweawm wrote...
I'm not usually into the Sheperd fics at all, but this is fantastic. Dialog is great, the story is fine. I found no bits I skipped over because of lack of interest. I believe this may beyond my skill to critque. If you continue with quality such as this, you'll do fine.Lilivati wrote...
I guess I'm looking for some help and I'm not quite sure where to go.
My fanfic: Mass Effect: Beginnings
It starts shortly before ME1 and then chronicles those events from the perspective of my Shepard. I basically wanted to go deeper with the story, and I am having fun writing it, but I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong. Going too deep into it? Too much dialog? Following the story too closely? I don't know.
Any insight anyone could offer would be appreciated. I'm sort of new to the whole fanfic thing.
I appreciate it. There's a lot of good fics out there and there's only so much time available. I will keep your advice in mind.Drussius wrote...Welcome! I will certainly add your fanfic to the list of fics I plan to check out. However, even though I post in this thread frequently, I'm still a relative newcomer. I have a long list of fics to read from the many wonderful writers here. I will get there eventually, but I can't add much insight right now. Just wanted to say what I see has already been said. As long as you're enjoying writing the story, that's the most important part.
There's some pre-ME stuff at the start, and then some more mixed in. I'd appreciate any criticism you can offer. The biggest things worrying me at the moment are that the story is too tired, or the dialogue is too rampant.fluffywalrus wrote...
A new Pre-ME Shep fic? WHOOOO(If you cannot tell, I am a huge fan of these kinds of stories, I love learning abot other Shepards).I'll give it a read
But so long as you're having fun writing it, you're good. Everything else, all the technical and structural stuff...that can be worked on later if necessary. The important part is that you enjoy the process.
Thank you! I'm kind of a dialogue fiend, I know I lean on it way too heavily to try to tell a story. Probably comes of too many forum-based D&D games.Seracen wrote...I love your characterizations, the dioalogue flows naturally.
My only suggestion would be to break up some of the earlier conversation a bit, separate the action from the words, as the diologue seemed to be a long run on sentence (in my head anyway).
Still, good stuff!
I'm trying to rein it in a bit as I go.Modifié par Lilivati, 20 juillet 2012 - 12:31 .
Spiritwolf1 wrote...
Jeez go away for a day and end up with hours of catching up
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