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[fluffywalrus]

lillitheris wrote...

fluffywalrus wrote...

-"If she flied low"

Flew low :happy:
 

Hah! Teach me to do spelling checks with an hour's sleep under my belt
Thanks, by the way

Modifié par fluffywalrus, 02 juin 2012 - 03:26 .

[Obsidian Gryphon]

lillitheris wrote...

fluffywalrus wrote...

-"If she flied low"

Flew low :happy:

Also, you want ‘canvass’ rather than ‘canvas’ in the first paragraph — although I might go with a different word, maybe even something like ‘flight-preparedness visual inspection’ to highlight she’s drawing from previous military learning.

“She was feeling worse by the minute too” sounds a bit conversational, “, feeling worse by the minute” or “And feeling worse by the minute.”, perhaps?

Otherwise I like it, the story sounds good and the pace is just about right. 

Thanks for the pointers and positive views, fluffywalrus and lillitheris. 

Re, the canvass. I know pilots would use some abbrev for it, I remember coming across it but couldn't come up with it, that's why I used canass.  Visual inspection sounds good, thanks!

Regards the pacing, you wouldn't think so if you read the beginnings, etc. I was running and hopping in a nutty way. It's almost all conversation because I was taking the lazy way out instead of plonking down long paragraphs of explaining who is who, where and origin. I once spent a whole year writing my very first fanfic (on some other stuff)and I did a whole lot of research into it, bought alot of books, structuring, etc. I don't wanna do that again. So if I can jump, I'm hopping.  

[Sialater]

If you need an info dump, a boring conversation is preferable to even an interesting expositon, IMO

[Mr.BlazenGlazen]

Experiencing writer's block... :/

[lillitheris]

Mr.BlazenGlazen wrote...

Experiencing writer's block... :/

What’cha stuck on? Can you switch to a different section/POV for a while?

…

Re: my earlier analysis since I had to make a few changes to support FFN’s monthly tallying system… at this point, it looks like the difference in the first (Intro) and second (Chapter 1) chapters has stabilized somewhat, with the Intro running something like 4-5 times the numbers — i.e., it’s completely useless for measuring even if you have actual story text starting there. Even Chapter 1 still has over 3x the numbers, but the drop from Chapter 2 onwards starts being more reasonable. Recent weeks have also shown that the big drops of Chapters 7 & 8 are largely nonexistent, but will linger in timeline data because they’re not gaining much on the others, either.

So anyway, just to reinforce the point that the first two or even three chapters aren’t good references for trying to look at trends over time.

[Mr.BlazenGlazen]

I have this part of my mind telling me that I'm not a good enough writer to continue the story.

[lil yonce]

Hey, I'm new to this thread, lurked for a few pages, but just wanted to say I find it very helpful and good work guys.

@Mr.BlazenGlazen; I feel that way sometimes as well. When I do, I concentrate on short dialogues:

Ash Banter with Shepard after learning he cured the genophage.

Ash: I hope you made the right choice, Commander. With the Krogan, I mean. Curing the genophage. The galaxy doesn't need another invasion on it's hands after a showdown with the Reapers.

Shepard: Don't worry, Ashley. Wrex has a plan for his people. He wants to rebuild Tuchanka, not devastate it further with more fighting.

Ash: It's not Wrex I'm worried about. It's the unpredictable knuckleheads of the Wreav variety he has to rule that concern me. I'm not sure he can overcome them. EDI filled you in, right? Krogan breed like crazy. Worse than rabbits on steroids. You have to assume there will always be a few loose cannons ready to fire on the storied enemies of old in such a big, invasive bunch.

Shepard: Wrex has a lot of support on his side and Urdnot Bakara continues to curry favor with the smaller clans by appealing to their desire for change. They're spreading the message that the Council races aren't the enemy any longer. The only threat to Krogan stability now is their archaic thirst for blood and hunger for war. But I have faith in them. They're evolving.

Ash: Let's pray they adapt their diet. Substitute bloodlust, revenge and a side of Salarian liver with double cheeseburgers, fries and chocolate milkshakes. Hey, in a century or two maybe they'll go nuts. Renounce the use of Turian horns as toothpicks and celebrate their pile of rubble by adopting rocky-road icecream as a national treasure.

They encourage me to flesh out the full fan fiction I've been thinking about writing.

Modifié par Youth4Ever, 02 juin 2012 - 08:11 .

[lillitheris]

Mr.BlazenGlazen wrote...

I have this part of my mind telling me that I'm not a good enough writer to continue the story.

I don’t think that’s true, but even if it were, consider: you can always become a better writer, but nobody else is going to write that story.

So, if you feel like writing, do so and then improve upon it. If you can’t make yourself write, read a few writing guides and see if/how you can apply those to your previous work?

[Sialater]

Apply butt to chair and ignore inner troll. Only way to beat the SOB.

[Icyflare]

Mr.BlazenGlazen wrote...

I have this part of my mind telling me that I'm not a good enough writer to continue the story.

Nothing's worse than self-doubt. My personal viewpoint is that life is too short for an inferiority complex, but if there's a persistent part of your mind that keeps hissing about it, find out exactly what you feel you fall short on.

A writer is many things. When you say you're not a good enough writer, what exactly are you referring to? Are you referring to poor editing, poor drafting, poor characterization, poor imagination, poor descriptive work, poor plotting, etc.? Do you have trouble staying in character because you haven't done enough research or do you have trouble translating the brillant words from your mind to the paper? Like anything else, writing takes practice. Besides, this is your story. How can you not be good enough to complete what you create?
 

Modifié par Icyflare, 02 juin 2012 - 08:25 .

[Theodoro]

Hey, guys! I've also been lurking in this thread for quite a while and I've only recently started writing, not just fan fiction, but writing stories at all. I just wanted to thank everyone for all the insightful and helpful posts around here. I've always wanted to become a good writer after spending a lot of time reading others' fan fiction stories, most of which have been an inspiration for me. It's proved to be quite difficult, however, with severe writer's block occasionally, but the satisfaction at the point where I complete a story is worth all the effort given. Once again, a big thank you to everyone, and I'll try to help however I can, though I'm still completely new to writing altogether.

[Mr.BlazenGlazen]

Icyflare wrote...

Mr.BlazenGlazen wrote...

I have this part of my mind telling me that I'm not a good enough writer to continue the story.

Nothing's worse than self-doubt. My personal viewpoint is that life is too short for an inferiority complex, but if there's a persistent part of your mind that keeps hissing about it, find out exactly what you feel you fall short on.

A writer is many things. When you say you're not a good enough writer, what exactly are you referring to? Are you referring to poor editing, poor drafting, poor characterization, poor imagination, poor descriptive work, poor plotting, etc.? Do you have trouble staying in character because you haven't done enough research or do you have trouble translating the brillant words from your mind to the paper? Like anything else, writing takes practice. Besides, this is your story. How can you not be good enough to complete what you create?
 

Pretty much all of the above.

[Icyflare]

Mr.BlazenGlazen wrote...

Icyflare wrote...

Mr.BlazenGlazen wrote...

I have this part of my mind telling me that I'm not a good enough writer to continue the story.

Nothing's worse than self-doubt. My personal viewpoint is that life is too short for an inferiority complex, but if there's a persistent part of your mind that keeps hissing about it, find out exactly what you feel you fall short on.

A writer is many things. When you say you're not a good enough writer, what exactly are you referring to? Are you referring to poor editing, poor drafting, poor characterization, poor imagination, poor descriptive work, poor plotting, etc.? Do you have trouble staying in character because you haven't done enough research or do you have trouble translating the brillant words from your mind to the paper? Like anything else, writing takes practice. Besides, this is your story. How can you not be good enough to complete what you create?
 

Pretty much all of the above.

I doubt that you're terrible at all of the above. If you truly believed so, why would you ever try writing in the first place? What areas are you most frequently worried about? I can read your story in a bit and try to give some feedback. It would help if I knew what your concerns and goals were.

[Icyflare]

BlazenGlazen, if I can be so informal, what was your goal in writing your story? I understand from your summary that it's an expansion of Tali's and Neil's life past ME3, but there doesn't seem any long-term plans or conflict with their characters. yes, there is Shepard's PTSD to deal with, but it doesn't feel like it plays enough of influencing force on Shepard to be a central plot point. Did you plan out the main events of the story or are you making it up as you go along? People are different, so I won't recommend one writing style over the other, but scenes are like characters. Each scene should have a goal, a conflict, a motivation. Establishing tone and atmosphere is great but don't take too long to do so.

I like your description of Shepard's nightmares, but you are doing a lot of showing versus telling. Instead of having Shepard saying he loves Tali, show us the tenderness he feels for her. There's also a lot of exposition in the dialogue that could be better put elsewhere, because it drags down the pacing of the story. I also don't buy the Caleb character. If he's "crazy", then I have a few comments on that. If he's under a lot of stress and anger, you need to show it more for the audience to connect with him.

Anyways, it's your first story. Cut yourself some slack. It's a rare individual that manages to put out an amazing story on their first try. There were some grammatical things I caught like not capitalizing Shepard's name in some areas, but overall, it's not bad. You're really just suffering from inexperience so you make a lot of common mistakes, e.g. telling versus showing, infodumping, etc. I hope this wasn't too bad, because I tried to be honest without being cruel but tact was never a strong point of mine.

If you'd like me to go more in-depth, PM me on FFnet. My username is ShadowBlazer. I've had it since I was fourteen. Don't ask.

[Mr.BlazenGlazen]

I have a general idea that I map out in my head. I play the scenes in my head and I try to write it down with text.

I seem to be doing a bad job with it though. Also it was sort of my intention to make Caleb look like hes just another insane criminal in that chapter. But now I don't know, I just sort of feel like I should give up. 

Modifié par Mr.BlazenGlazen, 02 juin 2012 - 11:26 .

[Icyflare]

@Theodoro: Glad you've started writing. If you're ever wondering what to do with your story, just ask. People here offer pretty useful advice. I'm doing some research myself on characterization, plotting, and other stuff, so I'm happy to share useful tips I pick up if you want them.

@BlazenGlazen: So, if I'm understanding correctly, you're discouraged, and you're not sure where to go in your story or how to achieve what you had in your mind. That's fine. It's normal. I'd be surprised if there were anyone here who has never second-guessed themselves during the course of writing their fics.

However, before you give up, ask yourself what was your goal in mind when you created your story? Are you unsure because of writer's block or because there's something fundamentally missing from your story? If the latter, identify what could be done better. Like I mentioned earlier, your writing has potential to be good, but there's some basic work that needs to be worked on. Also, I highly recommend writing things down. What sounds good in your mind may not translate so on paper. What looks good to you may not seem so to other people. Get as many eyes as you can on your work and accept feedback. Writing is HARD. There were many times when I just wanted to punt something if I read one more line of my work, but if the story means a lot to you and your idea, I would encourage pushing through the writer's block.

Or maybe you're just stuck on a plot point. In that case, take a break. Write something else, do something recreational, read a book or watch a movie--just come back to your story with recharged and energized. Inspiration is fleeting and creativity is fickle. Toss as many ideas together as you can, even ones that sound bad, and see where they lead you.

Ultimately, it's your decision to make. If you really care about Neil and Tali and what you're trying to achieve with them, then keep pushing forward. If not, then perhaps, it'd be better to pursue other stories. Take a break and reanalyze your priorities until you're sure..

Hope this was helpful. I'm sorry if it wasn't.

[Mr.BlazenGlazen]

No....it's not that I don't know where I want to go with my story. I kind of do, and it should be a bit clear as I write more chapters.

It's just that I think people are not really liking the story, and therefore I should just stop before I start embarrassing myself.

[fluffywalrus]

Mr.BlazenGlazen wrote...

No....it's not that I don't know where I want to go with my story. I kind of do, and it should be a bit clear as I write more chapters.

It's just that I think people are not really liking the story, and therefore I should just stop before I start embarrassing myself.

Pshhhhhhhh

Honestly, the best thing about writing is the fun from putting your story to words. Everything else, IMO is secondary. I could get 50 reviews telling me my story blows and I'm pretty sure I'd keep writing(though I'd certainly ask why, and try to see what to improve).

Your story has promise. I like origins of Shepards, and post-ME3 aftermath fics, and I'll generally read anything that fits my semi-strict standards. I liked yours enough, even if I didn't totally buy the conflict with the other Akuze survivor. That was really my only main complaint, and that just takes some feeling around. Even then, I could be proven wrong and everything. I think your story has promise. I'm sure others do too. Try not to get discouraged, you're a better writer than you think. Not perfect by any stretch, but improvements are in reach, certainly.

[Icyflare]

Mr.BlazenGlazen wrote...

No....it's not that I don't know where I want to go with my story. I kind of do, and it should be a bit clear as I write more chapters.

It's just that I think people are not really liking the story, and therefore I should just stop before I start embarrassing myself.

You have some reviews. That's better than say....none, at which point, you may consider being alarmed. Besides, there's always going to be someone out there who likes your story, even though they may not say so, and those who won't. Write your story, do it well, and be happy with it. Feeling satisfied with your work is what matters in the long run.

[Mr.BlazenGlazen]

With me, the only way I would be satisfied with my work is if other people are satisfied as well. If they don't like my story or my writing then I feel like there is no point in continuing since it will be bad anyway.

[Sialater]

Never write for other people. You will never and I mean NEVER EVER please them. Write for yourself and improve because YOU want to. Writers can't count on an audience.

You need an audience, try acting.

Sorry to come off harsh, but I keep hearing that from writers. Writing is not a way to get people to listen to you. It's shouting into the wilderness, gaining more coherence and experience in your yelling till you attract some VERY little attention. Writing, especially fan fiction writing is thankless. You wrote because you must. Not because you expect people to hear you and listen.

[gearseffect]

@Mr.Blazen

I have yet to read your Fanfic, rest assured once I get around to it you will be getting some extensive feedback. I go all in with my feedback.

Next it may not be of any comfort to you but, when I started planing my current Fanfic, was back when I read the leaked character scripts to ME3. I was so torn up and upset at how MY Sheps story was going to come to an end based off the leaked scripts.

I was p!ssed off that BW lied to the Samara fans with there being continuation and further development of the near kiss scene, and Samara being a LI,.

Along with all their other lies and hints and broken promises about everything. I was infuriated, I was so p!ssed off, I had invested countless hours, and become so emotionally invested in MY Sheps story and BW was going to take a giant dump over everyone of their fans who had become so invested, and especially the ones who preferred the ME2 cast, and the ones who were brought in and played ME2 first.

I was so upset, then I thought OK so it's gonna be a fail, that's the problem, what is my solution, well I already had some planes for a Fanfic that takes place in between Arrival and ME3. SO why not just go with that and just develop it into something bigger much grander. HAHA Fanfic here I come.

I started brainstorming throwing ideas up that I wanted developing a grand overall plan. Then ME3 came out, I beat it, and I started to just really throw stuff together and roll in ideas.

Once I finished my overall outline of the story, I set to work writing the first chapter, however when I did I found that I was writing a good share of some of the stuff through Samara's POV, I stepped back looked at it and thought "Hmmm well I'll be danged, Samara your such a great character and I am so going to give you your own tie in series to Breaking Points."

Once I started writing Samara I found that I'd begin to really think about how she would see things and I really started to explore WHO Samara is, and where she comes from.

However that being said, I find writing for Samara to be rather tricky so I often step back and go to work on something else.

I have moments of writers block and I also beat myself up and tend to tell myself "I'm so stupid, I suck at everything. I'm not smart I'm dumb as hell, I can't do this. I'm just to stupid and worthless at everything"

At which point I then think "Why am I telling myself that, that's what my parents tell me. Heh dumb@sses, bunch of jerks. They tell me I'm stupid and can't ever do anything worth a sh!t in life all that time." At which point I go and kick myself for even thinking about giving up, flip the finger to my parents "Heh I'll show you @ssholes if you don't think I can do it I'll go do it. I'll show you!"

Rage it's one hell of a motivator.

Sometimes when I'm stuck facing writers block I take a break and go cool down. Other times I read some one else fanfics.

I also asked myself this what sort of feel do I want for my stories? Which was this, I really want to have deep character writing, and emotionally charged writing.

However I made a mistake early on, that I now wish I didn't do, I limited myself to have each chapter be less then 3 pages. So much of the stuff I cut out and now I regret it, my chapters had been and average of 6-7 pages, so that's a lot of content I cut.

I also have a goal set for what I want to accomplish in each chapter, which having that goal and limiting myself on how many pages, was a dumb thing to do.


When I started this fanfics I hadn't done any Fanfics since I was in High School the reason I gave up back then was because I got lots of people pointing out flaws in my work and so I just said to hell with it.

Do I don't myself at times? Hell yes I do. Do I suffer from writers block? Hell yes. Do I wonder if I suck and should just give up at times? Hell yes. But why do I keep pushing on? Because I have already started, to give up at this point would be to really not give a sh!t about the people who read my stuff, and also it would be a wast of all my hard work and planing that I did before I even published the first chapter.

I spent so much time planing this out, and to not go through with it all would be stupid. Besides if I don't tell this story no one else will. I highly doubt BW will do anything to salvage ME3 with DLC.

I'd love to have DLC that is able to salvage ME3, sadly salvaging ME3 for me would take so much work and I don't think BW would do it. Also if BW does do anything further for Samara as a LI, I would rather they do it right, if they attempt to take the easy way out with handling it, well I'd rather they give it their all or not do it ever.

So Mr.Blazen don't give up, if this is something you really want to do then do it, you won't achieve much by not doing something, you gotta be willing to go for it and push on. Don't let anything or anyone stop you, they can help you improve just don't let them hold you back.

[o Ventus]

Sialater wrote...

Never write for other people. You will never and I mean NEVER EVER please them. Write for yourself and improve because YOU want to. Writers can't count on an audience.

You need an audience, try acting.

Sorry to come off harsh, but I keep hearing that from writers. Writing is not a way to get people to listen to you. It's shouting into the wilderness, gaining more coherence and experience in your yelling till you attract some VERY little attention. Writing, especially fan fiction writing is thankless. You wrote because you must. Not because you expect people to hear you and listen.

I disagree with this. There are plenty of writers who have developed an enormous audience. See Isaac Asimov, or Conan Doyle, or Michael Crichton.

[MidnightRaith]

Icyflare wrote...

My username is ShadowBlazer. I've had it since I was fourteen. Don't ask.

Pshh, take a look at mine. So dark, it's cheesy.  I don't even spell wraith correctly. Bah, the username references my original work, so I've kept it since I was about fourteen as well. Funny memories there. I can trace my stuff back all the way to when I was twelve. It's literally evolved through many rewrites. Some embarrasing, some just fizzled because I hadn't found an actual theme. All I know is, the freaking idea refuses to die. I had something to say since I was a wee pre-teen. I just wasn't mature enough yet to figure out what it was.

[IliyaMoroumetz]

o Ventus wrote...

I disagree with this. There are plenty of writers who have developed an enormous audience. See Isaac Asimov, or Conan Doyle, or Michael Crichton.

I think the major difference being that the people you listed were professionals that got paid to do it.  Writing fanfiction is for yourself.   And funny you should mention Doyle, he got a into a turdstorm of trouble when he killed off Sherlock Holmes and had to go back and fix it. XD

Sounds familiar? :3