9962 réponses à ce sujet

[hot_heart]

Ah, that satisfaction of when you move a sentence from earlier in a section to a little bit later and it solves your problem with flow.

And I should be sleeping...

[Seracen]

kann.nix9mm wrote...

The problem with the "just write and see how it works" concept is that I have now so many loose ends I'm starting to loose track of them. It is really annoying rereading the last four or five chapters to prevent to mess up my howl storyline.
But on the other hand thats the challange which keeps me in. And it keeps me at bay so I dont screw up like making my OC something like Superman.

@Seracen. How do you do that? I think i would go crazy with your method. Write, reread, write, reread, write and at some point scratch it and wirte it again. I would say just writing the story and see is way better ..

Right now I keep fantasing about my ending. But that is so far boyend it is a litle disappointing. I hope I dont forget those good ideas

Oh yeah, I totally agree with you.  Looking back on it, I'm impressed that the story I wrote in this fashion actually flowed well.  The only thing I can think of is that I had a progression already in my mind, without being aware of it.

To be fair, however, I had a writer's block until a dream kicked me out of it, right near the middle of the story. Again, it's possible to do this if you can keep track of enough variables.  It ends up flowing like the movie "Crank."  You never know what'll happen next.

It's fun when the story writes itself.  However, like several others have said, it gets hard to keep track of loose threads, so the story doesn't get very deep.  Near the end, I started posting 5 chapters behind, just so I could edit and add a semblance of overarching plot.  I picked up enough random ideas from the beginning of the story, it actually seemed by design.  Still, that was more luck than anything else.  I almost don't even claim credit for that writing, as my subconcious was to blame. 

@ hot_heart : Sleep?  What is this "sleep" you speak of?  Is it a disease?  Yes!  I was sick with sleep, but I got better... 

Modifié par Seracen, 28 juillet 2012 - 11:51 .

[Icyflare]

Seracen wrote...

@ hot_heart : Sleep?  What is this "sleep" you speak of?  Is it a disease?  Yes!  I was sick with sleep, but I got better... 

Must be a European thing. Haven't heard of it here.

Modifié par Icyflare, 29 juillet 2012 - 12:06 .

[kann.nix9mm]

Icyflare wrote...

Seracen wrote...

@ hot_heart : Sleep?  What is this "sleep" you speak of?  Is it a disease?  Yes!  I was sick with sleep, but I got better... 

Must be a European thing. Haven't heard of it here.

Sleep? I know that guy. He's knocking at my door and says something about past midnight. I think I'm gonna hide in my bed.

[justjack452]

Thanks guys! I appriciate the help!!!

[lillitheris]

Stupid FFN search is annoying me.

If I go to http://www.fanfictio...me/Mass_Effect/ and change the Rating to M, and then hit Go, there are several fics that do not show up in the search results (including mine, updated 7/27, and Mel’s Dark Energy 3). If, however, I do the same but in addition to the Rating, also change the Time Range to “updated within 1 week”, the fics *do* show.

As a further interesting tidbit, if I go through the Search button from the front page, keyword ‘mass effect’, and then use the filters for M, and Game/Mass Effect, and sort by Update time, then *mine* shows up, but DE3 still doesn’t.

If you have the time and inclination, maybe do the search to make sure yours shows up (I think I saw most of y’all’s) and email support@ FFN to see if they can do anything about it if not…

[fluffywalrus]

lillitheris wrote...

Stupid FFN search is annoying me.

If I go to http://www.fanfictio...me/Mass_Effect/ and change the Rating to M, and then hit Go, there are several fics that do not show up in the search results (including mine, updated 7/27, and Mel’s Dark Energy 3). If, however, I do the same but in addition to the Rating, also change the Time Range to “updated within 1 week”, the fics *do* show.

As a further interesting tidbit, if I go through the Search button from the front page, keyword ‘mass effect’, and then use the filters for M, and Game/Mass Effect, and sort by Update time, then *mine* shows up, but DE3 still doesn’t.

If you have the time and inclination, maybe do the search to make sure yours shows up (I think I saw most of y’all’s) and email support@ FFN to see if they can do anything about it if not…

I usually notice this when I update my fic. It's immediately available in the search...but only when some specific parameters are put in. Otherwise, it takes a while for it to filter into the main searches.

But yeah, I've seen it happen with older fics too. Doesn't make sense for the search to drop some fics that qualify.

[Mavqt]

I'm not sure of the wording of this part I'm working on. Could I get some insight?

"They will be here soon. And you know the Humans, they will want blood." She walked over to the groaning man, unsheathing the pistol on his hip. She placed the barrel to his temple, closed her eyes and turned her head away. Tightening the finger around the trigger. The gun thundered, Ending the slavers life.

Thanks in advance.

Modifié par mavqt, 29 juillet 2012 - 01:12 .

[hot_heart]

mavqt wrote...
I'm not sure of the wording of this part I'm working on. Could I get some insight?
Thanks in advance.

I don't think there's anything significantly wrong with it.

I would not capitalise 'Humans' or 'Ending', and slavers needs the apostrophe.

The two middle sentences start with 'She', which probably won't bother most people, but I would tweak it slightly just to avoid it. Also, I presume the man is on the ground, wounded already, and unable to resist his weapon being taken. You could probably include a few more details just to liven it up.

If I were to redraft it, it would be something like this.

"They will be here soon. And you know the humans, they will want blood." She walked over to the groaning man, unsheathing the pistol on his hip without protest or struggle, and placed the muzzle to his temple. As her finger tightened around the trigger, she closed her eyes and turned away. The gun thundered, ending the slaver's life.

It's not perfect, since I don't have the overall context or character, but that's an idea of how I would phrase it.

Modifié par hot_heart, 29 juillet 2012 - 01:39 .

[Mavqt]

Thanks.

It's mentioned earlier that he had broken bones.

So this should be better, taking what you said into account.

"They will be here soon. And you know the humans, they will want blood." She walked over to the groaning man, unsheathing the pistol on his hip without protest and placed the muzzel to his temple. As her finger tightened around the trigger, she closed her eyes and turned away. The gun thundered, ending the slaver's life.

Modifié par mavqt, 29 juillet 2012 - 01:49 .

[hot_heart]

Yeah. It all depends on your writing style as to what you might expand on. Some of it feels descriptive more than emotive, but if you've got a grittier, colder style that's not necessarily a problem.

We get a hint that this 'she' is an efficient killer but takes no satisfaction in it. At a guess, I'd say she might be a Justicar, but I could be wrong. Either way, there's enough information.

[Mavqt]

Well, she's an Asari. At the moment I'm finding it hard to get her protective emotions for Shepard defined.

"We will." Hearing slaver groan. "But first." Walking over to the Batarian, laying in front of the garage. Jane still slumped over, could only hear half the conversation.

She works on Mindoir, and has become the closest friend to the Shepard family. She's had biotic training of cause. And watched her father die to the hands of mercs. Maybe I could weave the fathers death into it. But my mind's messed up. :C:C:C:CC:C

I guess I could come back to it later, after my head's cleared up.

Modifié par mavqt, 29 juillet 2012 - 02:06 .

[hot_heart]

If there's one thing, I'd say it is to find a 'way' into the scenes/moment. Focus on what the characters are feeling/thinking and write from there.

Yeah, sorry, I'm not sure what to suggest beyond vague advice like that...

[Mavqt]

No need to be sorry. I know how she feels, just hard to put into words. If you know what I mean.

Thanks again.

[fluffywalrus]

mavqt wrote...

So this should be better, taking what you said into account.

"They
will be here soon. And you know the humans, they will want blood." She
walked over to the groaning man, unsheathing the pistol on his hip
without protest and placed the muzzel to his temple. As her finger
tightened around the trigger, she closed her eyes and turned away. The
gun thundered, ending the slaver's life.

Just some small tidbits:
-I would personally, remove the first 'And', and capitalize 'you'.
-'muzzel' should be 'muzzle'

Aside from those minor bits, great job

mavqt wrote...

Well, she's an Asari. At the moment I'm finding it hard to get her protective emotions for Shepard defined.

"We
will." Hearing slaver groan. "But first." Walking over to the Batarian,
laying in front of the garage. Jane still slumped over, could only hear
half the conversation.

She works on Mindoir, and has become the
closest friend to the Shepard family. She's had biotic training of
cause. And watched her father die to the hands of mercs. Maybe I could
weave the fathers death into it. But my mind's messed up. :C:C:C:CC:C

I guess I could come back to it later, after my head's cleared up.

Again, some minor notes:
-I would amend the first sentence, as currently, it isn't an actual complete sentence. Perhaps something like:
"We will," She heard the slaver groan. "But first..."
-The next sentence also isn't a proper one. It's certainly not hard to imagine what's happening, it's just that it isn't proper as is. I don't know the full context of the situation, so I can't actually tell who's walking and laying in front of the garage. Still, it could probably use some fixing.
-The final sentence could use an 'and' before 'could'

Also, one thing I noticed in your fic, which doesn't bug me because I have a friend who does the exact same thing, but you spell 'of course' as 'of cause'. It doesn't put me off, as they appear similar enough for my eyes to scan over without issue, but others might find it off-putting.

Just trying to help

[hot_heart]

OK, I normally don't like trying to get opinions on isolated excerpts (though it's from the Miranda romance scene in ME3, if you did want to watch it for some context), but I need to check that this doesn't sound too awful, weird or just cheesy.

     "Trying...but failing." I lean over him, a hand on his knee, finally aware of the tension flowing from both of us.
     I can't deny how desperately I need him, right now, how every fibre of my being longs for his embrace. To feel those powerful arms around me, that gentle touch across my skin, the warm breath on my neck. To know that I'm safe and not alone.

Help plx!

Modifié par hot_heart, 29 juillet 2012 - 07:21 .

[Mavqt]

@hot_heart

I like it. But if there was anything I would change, It would be to remove to comma between 'him' and 'right now' or removing 'right now' totally.

Just seems to flow better to me.

No offence intended if it came over that way.

Modifié par mavqt, 29 juillet 2012 - 07:41 .

[hot_heart]

No, no, that's good, thank you! I was skeptical about that myself actually and had toyed with taking that comma out. And I suppose, since the 'act' has been initiated, it doesn't really need that 'right now' there. Cheers.

[lillitheris]

I agree… either make it “need him right now, …” or then something like “need him, right now, in this moment, …” (or ‘here’ or some other elaboration—basically the comma initiates a cadence, and you need to complete it).

[hot_heart]

I was using it because otherwise it looks like she might be saying "I need him right"

[lillitheris]

That would be “need him right, now, …”

…

Been reading the first chapters of various fics today, with my ‘vacation’. I don’t like leaving ‘bad’ reviews, but since I expect/want them myself, I have to—it (perversely?) feels unfair to not do so… there were a couple stories that just didn’t work for me. I feel extra bad if I can’t give specific good notes along with the negatives :/

Modifié par lillitheris, 29 juillet 2012 - 11:50 .

[Spiritwolf1]

Yeah, Ive been there

[hot_heart]

There's one I really should comment on. In general, the writing is quite good, but I just can't get over the blunt expository dialogue, they have going on.

It's not one by anybody here, just so you know.

Modifié par hot_heart, 29 juillet 2012 - 11:45 .

[MacNasty]

 Two questions.

A- When you right a fic how long does it usually take for a chapter.

2- Do you usually edit? And if so, how long does that take usually.

[fluffywalrus]

MacNasty wrote...

 Two questions.

A- When you right a fic how long does it usually take for a chapter.

2- Do you usually edit? And if so, how long does that take usually.

I normally take 3 days to write a chapter. Well, a few hours across those 3 days.
I edit after every session, normally for 30 minutes tops, if I do any editing at all. I'm a very deliberate writer (which is why I'm so slow at it), and it usually ensures I don't make many errors as I'm writing.
When I finish my last section in the chapter, I do a quick edit and vocal reading of everything, and then I publish it.