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[Drussius]

mavqt wrote...

Silly bloody question.

What sound does a knife make as it enters a body.

Brain fart 101.

'As she swung her arms franticly attempting to punch the Batarian, she noticed the knife still in her hand. Forcing it into the arm holding her up with a satisfying squelch as it peirced his skin.'

Squelch = PH

I always pictured this particular sound as more of a "thunk" or a scraping sound than anything. If you've ever stabbed a roast with a knife, that's kind of the sound you get. So I'd imagine the sound is very similar if you stab a person...

[Obsidian Gryphon]

Spiritwolf1 wrote...

Obsidian Gryphon wrote...

Is there a bug with doc manager in FFN? I keep trying to add horizontal lines to seperate segments of the chapter but sometimes, they never show up, no matter how many times I edited.  

Yeah it never accepts it but if you go into the docx manager they have a page break there you can add

I've to say I can't find it.

^ A thunk sounds like the knife hit something more solid than flesh. Must there be sound when a knife enters flesh? I always think the shing squish often heard in martial flims rather bombastic.

Modifié par Obsidian Gryphon, 31 juillet 2012 - 11:34 .

[Mavqt]

I thought of that too, but then I compared it to the sounds I remember from when I was butcher. Cooked flesh sounds different to that which is not.

And then I remembered that cutting and stabbing are also different in sound. God, I've dug myself a hole.

[Lilivati]

mavqt wrote...

I thought of that too, but then I compared it to the sounds I remember from when I was butcher. Cooked flesh sounds different to that which is not.

And then I remembered that cutting and stabbing are also different in sound. God, I've dug myself a hole.

If it helps, I think most people are likely unfamiliar with precisely what stabbing sounds like.  Don't overthink it.  

[fluffywalrus]

Focus less on the sound if you're uncertain about it. Stabbing doesn't really make much of one, aside from the victim usually making a sound like the quick exhale of breath, a choking gasp, a strained grunt, any form of yelling or crying out in agony...

The knife itself wouldn't make much sound as it entered the body. Like drussius said, it's just stabbing meat/flesh. Not much of a sound from that. Usually a lot of blood, and agony from the person getting stabbed, but yeah

[Spiritwolf1]

mavqt wrote...

Silly bloody question.

What sound does a knife make as it enters a body.

Brain fart 101.

'As she swung her arms franticly attempting to punch the Batarian, she noticed the knife still in her hand. Forcing it into the arm holding her up with a satisfying squelch as it peirced his skin.'

Squelch = PH

I would hazard a guess that not to many people have been stabbed around here. I have dealt with quite a few people that have been and most of them will say they didn't even know they had been stabbed that it just felt like they had been punched and they never realized until they saw the blood.

I don't know if that helps you, I wouldn't call it a brain fart and I really hope no one here ever has to go through a knife wound.

[hot_heart]

mavqt wrote...
What sound does a knife make as it enters a body.

Brain fart 101.

'As she swung her arms franticly attempting to punch the Batarian, she noticed the knife still in her hand. Forcing it into the arm holding her up with a satisfying squelch as it peirced his skin.'

Squelch = PH

Just a note that it's 'frantically' and 'pierced'.

Also, the way the second sentence is phrased looks a bit funny because of the 'holding her up with' part.

And 'forcing' sounds like a slower action than the rest of the sentence might suggest, to me anyway (and you're always going to be 'forcing' something if you're using a knife on them). As if she's slowly pressing it in rather than a quick stabbing motion. Depending on which, it might be worth looking at describing the pressure from sticking the knife into flesh or that it was a slow struggle.

Now I sound a bit like a weirdo.

Modifié par hot_heart, 31 juillet 2012 - 11:43 .

[Spiritwolf1]

On a much lighter note, I had a lot of time for reading today, I love your stories guys. I'm almost caught up on yours Dru , everyone keep up the great work

[hot_heart]

Spiritwolf1 wrote...
On a much lighter note, I had a lot of time for reading today, I love your stories guys. I'm almost caught up on yours Dru , everyone keep up the great work

And thank you very much for the kind review!

[Drussius]

hot_heart wrote...

mavqt wrote...
What sound does a knife make as it enters a body.

Brain fart 101.

'As she swung her arms franticly attempting to punch the Batarian, she noticed the knife still in her hand. Forcing it into the arm holding her up with a satisfying squelch as it peirced his skin.'

Squelch = PH

Just a note that it's 'frantically' and 'pierced'.

Also, the way the second sentence is phrased looks a bit funny because of the 'holding her up with' part.

And 'forcing' sounds like a slower action than the rest of the sentence might suggest, to me anyway (and you're always going to be 'forcing' something if you're using a knife on them). As if she's slowly pressing it in rather than a quick stabbing motion. Depending on which, it might be worth looking at describing the pressure from sticking the knife into flesh or that it was a slow struggle.

Now I sound a bit like a weirdo.

I was actually going to suggest this, but someone beat me to it. I think you might do better if you steer the passage away from the sound of the knife entering his flesh and instead perhaps focus on the reaction from the batarian. Perhaps something along the lines of "She thrust the knife upward into the arm that held her, drawing satisfaction from the startled howl of pain and the reflexive loosening of his grasp."

[hot_heart]

Well, fluffywalrus beat me to it.

Either way, great minds...

Modifié par hot_heart, 31 juillet 2012 - 11:54 .

[Mavqt]

How about?

'As she swung her arms frantically trying to punch the Batarian, she noticed the knife still in her hand. With all her strength, she embedded it into the arm holding her up. A satisfying groan left his lips as the knife pierced his skin. She dropped onto her knees as his hand retreated from her neck.'

However I feel that the last sentence is too short and out of place.

Modifié par mavqt, 31 juillet 2012 - 12:34 .

[Drussius]

It looks okay to me. But if you feel the last sentence has issues, perhaps combine the last two together?

[Mavqt]

I was thinking of that.

"A satisfying groan left his lips as the knife pierced his skin, dropping her to her knees as the arm retreated from her neck."

Modifié par mavqt, 31 juillet 2012 - 12:40 .

[Spiritwolf1]

mavqt wrote...

How about?

'As she swung her arms frantically trying to punch the Batarian, she noticed the knife still in her hand. With all her strength, she embedded it into the arm holding her up. A satisfying groan left his lips as the knife pierced his skin. She dropped onto her knees as his hand retreated from her neck.'

However I feel that the last sentence is too short and out of place.

First  satisfying groan left his lips as the knife pierced his skin... sounds like he was satisfied, which I dont think is what you wanted it to seem. I think you need to re work it so that it was  her that was satisfied, notr the Batarian cause that would be weird.

and the last sentence can always be added to...  She slid to her knees as she felt the Batarans hands slowly slip from her neck, watching his life force slow ebb from his eyes.

or something like that

[hot_heart]

Yeah, the action flows a bit better if you're putting more into one sentence, instead of breaking it up.

Also, not sure about anyone else, but I would put a comma after 'frantically'. Though, it could actually go before it maybe (doesn't scan as well, I think).

[lillitheris]

If you want to get a bit more gruesome, “slid into the flesh and sent a satisfying throb down the blade as it scraped across the bone”.

Modifié par lillitheris, 31 juillet 2012 - 03:58 .

[hot_heart]

OK, Lilli takes the 'sicko' title.

[lillitheris]

^ That’s me!

…

Montly accounting shows that readership seems to have grown, so that’s a yay. Despite only releasing 6 chapters, and what seems a clear slump for the last two weeks, the Visitor number is nearly as much as in May, which saw 15 chapters—and almost a third more than June with its 8 chapters.

[Tairis Deamhan]

Since I'm breaking my posting drought figured I'd chime in here:

The act of stabbing rarely makes an audible sound and in a combat situation weapons fire, sounds of pain from the victim, etc would easily drown out what little sound might be made. You'd be more likely to hear the sound of pain from the one being stabbed or the sound of the material of any armor they're wearing breaking under the impact.

Edit: Also I wouldn't focus too much on visitor numbers. It's way too much of a rollercoaster ride and if you start focusing on it you'll start worrying too much about how many hits you're getting and not enough about the story you wish to tell.

Modifié par Tairis Deamhan, 31 juillet 2012 - 06:05 .

[lillitheris]

Tairis Deamhan wrote...

Edit: Also I wouldn't focus too much on visitor numbers. It's way too much of a rollercoaster ride and if you start focusing on it you'll start worrying too much about how many hits you're getting and not enough about the story you wish to tell.

I think this discussion was had earlier, but I don’t think that’s the case. If, and only if, you stop worrying about the story you wish to tell, then you stop worrying about the story you wish to tell.

In short, metrics, analysis, and conclusions are three distinct things. If you start thinking in terms of including more character X or more action scenes or whatever simply because you believe they create more interest, yes, you should probably check yourself to ensure you’re not compromising.

At the same time, maybe there is some merit to the analysis. Maybe the story does need more action to be balanced. Etc.

Or, hell, if someone consciously does write just because they want lots of readers and they want to pander/cater, who am I to tell them otherwise?

[Mr.BlazenGlazen]

Spiritwolf1 wrote...

On a much lighter note, I had a lot of time for reading today, I love your stories guys. I'm almost caught up on yours Dru , everyone keep up the great work

Did you happen to stumble across my story yet?

[Tairis Deamhan]

lillitheris wrote...

Or, hell, if someone consciously does write just because they want lots of readers and they want to pander/cater, who am I to tell them otherwise?

Nothing wrong with it, but at that point I stop thinking of it as original story telling and more as almost a form of comissioned work.

My caution was more meant to be about straight visitor numbers as FF.net displays them since they can be very misleading and easily give you a false sense that you've done something 'wrong' by seeing a dip in the numbers.

[lillitheris]

Tairis Deamhan wrote...

My caution was more meant to be about straight visitor numbers as FF.net displays them since they can be very misleading and easily give you a false sense that you've done something 'wrong' by seeing a dip in the numbers.

Yes, they’re annoying to decipher, and include many known unknowns, and unknown unknowns.

[Tairis Deamhan]

lillitheris wrote...

Tairis Deamhan wrote...

My caution was more meant to be about straight visitor numbers as FF.net displays them since they can be very misleading and easily give you a false sense that you've done something 'wrong' by seeing a dip in the numbers.

Yes, they’re annoying to decipher, and include many known unknowns, and unknown unknowns.

It is not a terribly user friendly system, that's for certain. Your first chapter will always have more views than anything else due to it always acting as the 'splash page' for anyone that visits that doesn't follow the direct link, for example.