9962 réponses à ce sujet

[hot_heart]

AgentStark wrote...
Thank you for the kind words of advice. I'll see what I can do about formatting. Other that, how was it so far?

Sorry, haven't read it properly! Partly, because of the formatting making it look pretty daunting, but mainly because I really should be reading other people's first.

At a glance, it does seem a little dry and descriptive, and it bombards you with action in an overwhelming stream (though that may be the point here). Even though they may be hardened soldiers, I think it would benefit from working a little more of the 'emotion' into the action if possible.

Also, I think there's a bit of a mixture of tenses in places

e.g.
They search [present] the room which, aside from the light projecting from their suits and omni-tools, was pitch black. It was also unreasonably quiet. Regan looked [past] around for a moment, feeling in his gut that something wasn't right. Suddenly, a squad of Quarian marines ambushed [past] the four of them aiming their weapons at them from all sides. In a frantic act of chaos, both squads demand [present] the other stands down.

Plus, you need a new line for every time a new character speaks.

e.g.
"Drop your weapons!"
"On the ground, face down!"
"Stop it! All of you!" yelled a female voice. A female Quarian walked up from behind and pulled one of the other
Quarians' gun down. "They're Alliance. They're only here to help."
"But, Selene-"
"I said, stand down, Raj!"

It's not bad at all, and you obviously have the imagination and drive, so best of luck!

Modifié par hot_heart, 27 septembre 2012 - 05:45 .

[lillitheris]

Hi, Soirreb!

There’s various resources around, but I don’t think we’ve gathered a list…One would be good, though.

You can post links and excerpts here, too. My policy has been that I don’t want to see everyone’s every chapter here, but occasional ones are fine, especially just getting started.

[Drussius]

AustereLemur799 wrote...

fainmaca wrote...

I tend to headcanon them as a sort of fingerless glove composed of a mesh of ultra-thin wires and tiny emitters. Easy to slip on and off, therefore easy to confiscate, but also a subtle enough thing that it explains why we don't see them in-game (save for the glowy thingy).

There is actually some kind of explanation about how you interact with holographic devices in the codex involving sub-dermal implants, but this could be separate to the actual 'tool, much like carrying a keyboard around with you that can plug into and computer system from your work desktop to your handheld device.

I do think, however, that making it capable of creating a solid object like the omni-blade is a little silly. Kinda steps over into the bounds of space magic.

I guess I tend to over-think things. Like would you wear it when going to the toilet or going to bed? I know that they appear as objects like gauntlets in the ME1 inventory, so I guess it's seperate from your actual body.

The other thing about interfacing with holographic technology is something called a Haptic Adaptive Interface. I did manage to mention it in an earlier chapter about Joker getting a sub-dermal implant (as hardcore pilots do) rather than wearing gloves (and getting the infamous weird glove smell!).

Agree about the omni-blade. But, yes, space magic explains everything!

Eh, can't be bothered to put this off any longer. I'm making the omni-tool like a watch (it needs to have a mini computer after all). Hopefully no one reading it will care.

But thank you everyone for your advice and suggestions.

Now wish me luck to get all this down. Usually when I breach a certain word count barrier in a chapter, the rest flows naturally. This time, however, I'm putting a match to the fire but it's just not lighting

The omni-tool would have to be heavier than wire mesh and larger than a wrist band, I believe. After all, it contains a minifacturing suite and a reservoir of cheap reusable plastics and metals so that it can create various tools and then melt them down when they're no longer needed. I always figured it was a hockey puck-sized cylinder that is held in the hand, and is controlled via the holographic display.

But then, whatever works for you is what I'd say to go with. I personally just don't describe the device itself. But it's definitely confiscatable in my story (and I assume in general) otherwise it would be awfully hard to imprison anyone... since they'd have an omni-tool to cut through restraints/hack through locks with.

[His Name was HYR!!]

I just wrote some super-cheesy EDIxJoker romance material for my next chapter. Good times.


Other fun tidbits from my 'fic.....
~> Kaidan is now in command of the Normandy.
~> James was promoted to Lt. Commander and recently graduated N7, at the same age as Shepard did (27).
~> Jack has a new look: a heavily-spiked bob hairstyle.
~> Garrus is going all Batman over on Palaven. Unfortunately, this story will not follow his adventures.
~> Miranda is dating Kaidan. She cannot, however, join him.

Modifié par HYR 2.0, 28 septembre 2012 - 06:38 .

[Spiritwolf1]

So I was trying to figure out what characters I was going to use for my next story (Which is loosely related to the one I am almost done. I was worried about a few things like the whole dextro amino acid thing. It would wiped out two great races but then I read this.

http://darthempress....ll-proceed-with

just wondering if anyone else had any views on this,

[AustereLemur799]

I don't know much about the dextro vs levo amino thing. In basic terms I think that for levo to ingest amino (and vice versa) would cause an allergic reaction - with the best case making you ill, and the worst being fatal.

As for interspecies sexual relations, I always figured that everyone use some form of protection (aliens can't procreate with other aliens, apart from asari - but they reproduce via parthenogenesis and not sperm&egg) as well as taking medication to alleviate sickness.

The water on the Citadel is specially purified of all bacteria that could be harmful to aliens. In Eternity, Aethyta warns Shepard not to consume the nuts in the red bowls as they are for turians and quarians and will cause levo-amino people to get cramps. In addition, in ME3, Tali drinks turian brandy - not human.

I think that you can still have the issue wiping out species, but I think it will need to be in the past since the future would likely produce medical advances to prevent such a disaster from ever occurring.

Hope this helps in some way.

[hot_heart]

Yeah, I'd heard the dextro/levo thing was actually incorrect but I'd never had reason to refer to it, anyway.

I'd say go with whichever you feel works better. Do you want to wipe out two races?

[AgentStark]

Note to self: Get an editor.

I'll see what I can do about fixing it up. As for the first part, it was meant to be somewhat muffled. No real sound, no description. Just the visuals. Other than that, Im definitely going to need help making this readable.

[AustereLemur799]

^ I'm sure the kind folks on here would be happy to lend you a hand with editing - or at the very least they could point you in the right direction of where to find a suitable editor.

Just don't ask me. I'm dyslexic and have enough problems of my own trying to get my fic to a legible standard

[AgentStark]

I think its funny that people with dyslexia have a better time spelling it than people who don't. Either way...

Im going to hold on cutting lose the next chapter until I get the sentences right, but the basic plot is done. If anyone wants to help me write the rest, I've got a full outline of the basic plot elements for each chapter.

[Spiritwolf1]

I would help but anyone who has read my stuff will be quick to tell you i let minor spelling mistake and some gramar float by

[MrStoob]

Hi all

Just after some advice. I've got a story on FF.net that currently has 37 chapters. I know that there is the odd mistake in there regarding chronological order of some of my own events (d'oh) and as the chapters range from 1 to 3k, there are some chapters I could amalgamate to balance and pace it better. To do this, I'd have to pull the story completely and re-upload the new chapters due to the combined chapters. I've got 67 reviews as it stands, but they're mostly from 2 people. (one anon who doesn't seem to read any more and the other good old fluffy ^^). At the mo, I seem to get a few hundred visitors for each chapter. Is doing this a bad idea as far as readership goes for those who have a watch on it or some other problem that hasn't occurred to me?

Cheers

[gearseffect]

 Hello all just popping back in to tell ya the revamped and reworked and massive overhaul to Breaking Points Chapter 1 is up. Decided to put it in a new series to show the clear evolution and progress of my style and difference between the two.

Here is a link to it.

www.fanfiction.net/s/8558250/1/  Feel free to read and review or offer me thoughts and feedback.

[Spiritwolf1]

MrStoob wrote...

Hi all

Just after some advice. I've got a story on FF.net that currently has 37 chapters. I know that there is the odd mistake in there regarding chronological order of some of my own events (d'oh) and as the chapters range from 1 to 3k, there are some chapters I could amalgamate to balance and pace it better. To do this, I'd have to pull the story completely and re-upload the new chapters due to the combined chapters. I've got 67 reviews as it stands, but they're mostly from 2 people. (one anon who doesn't seem to read any more and the other good old fluffy ^^). At the mo, I seem to get a few hundred visitors for each chapter. Is doing this a bad idea as far as readership goes for those who have a watch on it or some other problem that hasn't occurred to me?

Cheers

 
I was going to redo a chapter once and I got a few idea on how to do it. One was ont he next chapter mention that you went back and made changed and one was to call it like chapter 26 a with a brief explaination.. It sound to me like you are going to do more then just change stuff with in a chapter but rework the whole format.

Who are you doing this for, yourself or for the peopel reading. A few hundred per chapter seems good and one or two reviews a chapter is good as well (Yes god bless Fluffy)

If you are happy with the way things are I dont see whay you would need to change it. If you are going to change the loks of it a lot I wouldn  wait until you are done, forcing people to go back and read reformatted  chapters (Especially 37) might anger them. Finish the story then go back and re work it. That is just my suggestion.

I know as a reader I would hate to read 37 chapters then had the writer redo everything before I get a chance to finish it. I wouldn't want to go back and re read them.

[fluffywalrus]

MrStoob wrote...

Hi all

Just after some advice. I've got a story on FF.net that currently has 37 chapters. I know that there is the odd mistake in there regarding chronological order of some of my own events (d'oh) and as the chapters range from 1 to 3k, there are some chapters I could amalgamate to balance and pace it better. To do this, I'd have to pull the story completely and re-upload the new chapters due to the combined chapters. I've got 67 reviews as it stands, but they're mostly from 2 people. (one anon who doesn't seem to read any more and the other good old fluffy ^^). At the mo, I seem to get a few hundred visitors for each chapter. Is doing this a bad idea as far as readership goes for those who have a watch on it or some other problem that hasn't occurred to me?

Cheers

I'll echo Spiritwolf here and say that you should finish before you totally revamp. As a reader, it would be find of weird to not know where you left off if I had stopped reading as, say chapter 19 and wanted to continue now. People who are coming back and reading your story, or who are midway through would probably have a tough time of it, and as some people can be rather fickle, you might lose viewership over it.

gearseffect wrote...

 Hello all just popping back in to
tell ya the revamped and reworked and massive overhaul to Breaking
Points Chapter 1 is up. Decided to put it in a new series to show the
clear evolution and progress of my style and difference between the two.

Here is a link to it.

www.fanfiction.net/s/8558250/1/  Feel free to read and review or offer me thoughts and feedback.

Not too bad, I'll check it out tonight sometime when I'm caught up!

[Obsidian Gryphon]

I think this is the only sane thread. I took a look at the one I used to drop in and they're still on the merry-go-round. I like - you hate DLCs, etc, etc, etc.      It's a no-win scenario no matter the headings of the topic.

Still slogging. End is not in sight yet ....

[Spiritwolf1]

Well, finally done my fan fic and now I feel all empty,

Modifié par Spiritwolf1, 30 septembre 2012 - 05:07 .

[fluffywalrus]

Spiritwolf1 wrote...

Well, finally done my fan fic and now I feel all empty,

I know that feel, kind of. But then I started writing a new one really soon afterward

Anywho, congrats on finishing your fic! Celebrate with something tasty! You've earned it

[Ursakar]

Congrats from me as well, Spiritwolf1! You can has cheeseburgers!

[Sweawm]

Hi all. Recently came back to Fan Fiction after the conclusion of my last project. Came back to this thread, and I admit it took me three pages to realize I was in the Multiplayer category instead of the Fan Creations.

My poor navigation skills aside, I've actually started work on a new project: Kin From The Stars: Incursion, a crossover between Mass Effect and the Halo Universe.
While they may be smaller, the Cross Over sections on Fanfiction Net actually see a lot more activity than the regular columns, I find. I've gotten quite a lot of reviews (30 to be accurate), just for Part I of III of the Prologue.

Crossovers are an interesting Fanfiction concept that I like a lot. The way I've set mine out is different than the standard crossover, which chooses to either combine the universes through creating an AU timeline, or invents without reason, usually a wormhole or some other stellar anomaly, to throw both universes together in the same room.

What I chose was to invent a situation in which one universe became aware of the other, but that doesn't go both ways. A rule I'm sticking to, and which so far, the readers have enjoyed a lot, is the fact that I've decided against villainizing either side, which is considerably hard to keep up, considering the System's Alliance is a kitten compared to the totalitarian United Earth Government of the Haloverse.
It's been an interesting write so far, but honestly, it's quite a challenge to write characters from both universes, especially when both universes are written in styles totally opposite to each other.

Any other Cross Over writers have any tips for trying to combine styles, or characters? I admit, I'm still very unsure of just how to slide them together. 

Modifié par Sweawm, 30 septembre 2012 - 07:42 .

[Obsidian Gryphon]

Grats, Spiritwolf1  

[Ursakar]

@Sweawm: Not sure if I can offer any advise because I only brought two characters from WH40k to Mass Effect, not an entire universe.

Also, I'm not sure what exactly do you find hard. I think that so far you've managed to capture the spirit of both sides perfectly.

[hot_heart]

Well done, Spiritwolf!

In personal news: Aww, I got another nice review, but it's from a guest so I can't reply with a thank you.

[MrStoob]

fluffywalrus wrote...

MrStoob wrote...

Hi all

Just after some advice. I've got a story on FF.net that currently has 37 chapters. I know that there is the odd mistake in there regarding chronological order of some of my own events (d'oh) and as the chapters range from 1 to 3k, there are some chapters I could amalgamate to balance and pace it better. To do this, I'd have to pull the story completely and re-upload the new chapters due to the combined chapters. I've got 67 reviews as it stands, but they're mostly from 2 people. (one anon who doesn't seem to read any more and the other good old fluffy ^^). At the mo, I seem to get a few hundred visitors for each chapter. Is doing this a bad idea as far as readership goes for those who have a watch on it or some other problem that hasn't occurred to me?

Cheers

I'll echo Spiritwolf here and say that you should finish before you totally revamp. As a reader, it would be find of weird to not know where you left off if I had stopped reading as, say chapter 19 and wanted to continue now. People who are coming back and reading your story, or who are midway through would probably have a tough time of it, and as some people can be rather fickle, you might lose viewership over it.

Only quoted fluffy here but thanks also to spirit.  My reasons would be more OCD/anal than anything else, so for the good reasons given I shall resist damage with pointless tinkering.

[Drussius]

My deadline has hit and I'm still one section short of finishing the Chapter I'm working on. This is where being ahead helps me, since I can post my Chapter and then get back to work. The downside is that it also means I'm behind on the next Chapter since I have to finish this one first and then the next one. But the point behind this little complaint is that I have been too busy to check the thread lately. So I'm a little late in joining the club on this point:

Congrats Spiritwolf! Now you can start on something brand new if you like!