Drussius wrote...
Okay... Sorry to put the thread on a serious track and/or fill it with personal complaints, but I'd like to get some thoughts on rekindling motivation.
I suffer from mental health issues that I won't get into here, but over the past year or so, things have been getting steadily worse. So much so, in fact, that I am considering going back into therapy and getting back on medication, something that I have avoided for twelve years now because the meds made me feel like I was living in a fog and interfered with both my focus and ability to think clearly. The problem I am currently having is that as things get worse, worries about life, how my kids would handle me being on meds (my youngest is too young to even remember what I was like on them), and similar worries are bringing on depression and a serious lack of motivation. 
I know that I could never hold myself to the schedule I set for my first fic when I start writing a new one. I updated every 4-5 days like clockwork for 10 months straight, and I wouldn't hold myself to a schedule like that again even under ideal circumstances. The problem is, while I have ideas rolling around in my head, life issues are seriously stifling my creativity. It's not really writer's block. I have ideas. I think about story ideas for at least a few minutes every day. But I find myself really struggling to build up the enthusiasm to actually write. When I actually power up my laptop with the intention of writing, by the time it finishes booting up, I'm already thinking, "Meh. I'm just not up for this now... Guess I'll just shut it down." And it's really difficult to imagine getting into any sort of writing flow while I'm so stressed out that I have felt nauseous for literally five straight days now. 
This is the longest I have gone without writing something since I was about 11. My fic was finished in May. It is now August and I literally haven't written one word in the interim. And I just don't feel like writing is going to turn out anything good while I'm essentially forcing myself to write something... and I haven't even been able to get as far as actually typing a single line of a new story.
So, my question to you all is:
or, a question in the case the wall of text above prompted a tl;dr reaction:
How do you build the enthusiasm to write when you actually have ideas, but serious real life worries are killing your motivation and focus?
Hey there mate, don't feel bad about laying it on us. Sorry you are having to deal with so much. I can totally understand where you are coming from. The ongoing drama that I discussed earlier has caused me to react in similar fashion. I've not been officially diagnosed with anything requiring medication, although I wouldn't be surprised (depression runs on my mom's side, dementia runs on my dad's side).
Luckily, I've had a support group in close friends, and I definitely used anime/writing/games as a form of escape. Of late, I have lost traction as well. Like you, I know exactly what I want/have to write, so it isn't writer's block. I wrote the first 45 chapters of my novel in the span of 8 months. The subsequent 5 have taken a few months alone.
Whenever I have trouble writing, I run outlines through in my head, type them down, and day dream the scenes in my head. That, coupled with re-reading the story, usually motivates me enough to write a few paragraphs.
However, I haven also taken a good week break from writing on occassion, just to clear the system. Then I'll listen to some of that music that I love to play while writing, and I'll churn out a few more paragraphs. I then use [insert fight scene] or [insert dialogue with char x] in whatever scene as a place holder, just to move along.
I find it a whole lot easier to edit and adjust even that, as opposed to writing something fresh all in one go. Oddly enough, this has occurred only now that I'm near the end of the story.
I suppose part of the reason is that I don't want to say goodbye to the lore. That's probably why my next fic is fleshing itself out so thoroughly in my head already. The same thing happens whenever I approach the end of a good anime/tv series, I stall out on the ending (unless I have high hopes for rewatchability).
Maybe you'll find that spark by doing a quick side project. I know that working on bits and pieces of my next fic has kickstarted the old engine a few times (although I keep from going full force into it, until I finish my current one).
At any rate, don't neglect your health, physical or mental. Do what you need to get yourself right, and let what you do for fun take care of itself.
I have said this before, but at one time in my life, my backlog of games was so bad, beating them was like work. It took my father telling me that I didn't seem to be having any fun to break me out of the funk, whereupon I found something else to actually unwind with (racquetball, at the time).
Perhaps you are just fatigued, and need to take a break. Maybe it's not even a break from writing, just that story. At any rate, best of luck to you, I hope it all resolves itself out!
EDIT: PS - I have been pondering whether it'd be a good idea to pawn off the writing of a few chapters to my beta. How it worked in my last story (which was co-authored), was that we switched chapters we were having trouble writing.
Once the draft was given to me, I was able to completely re-adjust it (so much so, it wasn't even the same chapter anymore). I know it sounds funny, as it was likely more work adjusting the chapter to fit my needs, vs writing it fresh, but that's what I needed to get that scene created.
My co-author, more or less, did the same thing. If you trust someone enough to critique in that way, or basically lay the groundwork for how they would do it, perhaps that could help too.
What is keeping me from doing it is that my beta (who was the co-author in the last story), is (rightly) concerned about trying to write the close-to-ending chapters to my story, however extensive the notes and outlines are. She isn't upset that I'll completely husk and tear the writing to fix my needs. However, all those plots are living in my head, and she doesn't want to trample on them, which I can respect.
Most authors, myself included, have a singular vision for their works. As such, it doesn't lend itself to such lending out, barring collaborative works. Still, if that's an exercise you care to engage in, perhaps there's another option for you.
Modifié par Seracen, 06 août 2013 - 12:19 .
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I'd offer up my services for proofreading, but I'm generally short of time these days, and August will be a busy travel month, and then school starts again in September, etc.
