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[MrStoob]

Anyway, on a writing front.

Been working on a short oneshot, which I'm trying to be vague about specifically who the piece is about until later in the piece. Unfortunately, the scene is two asari. So being vague about who is who is becoming difficult as they can both be 'she', 'her', 'the asari', 'blue girl', etc. It's a scene about Morinth's first kill basically, which I've made an asari called Morinth (Morinth's real name being Mirata, so I believe). So when it comes to Morinth (Mirata) making her move, it becomes unclear about who is doing what to whom. Tricky without making overly-long and contrived sentences that ruin the flow.

Edit: Oh... top am I...?

I penned this but never really went anywhere with it.

...

“What shall we do today, Mendius?” she says brightly.

Her omni-tool blips and beeps.

“Oh... but...” distress comes across her voice, “I don't want to go in there... What? I know there might be useful things in there but... I don't want to...”

She presses a few more times on the omni-tool, scanning for anything of use in another area. There
is little left that she hasn't already found. She skips outside to check on her vegetable patch.

“Hmm...” she assesses. “Another couple of days yet. At least. Hmm. But we don't need anything from down there, Mendius! No! I don't need a weapon! If they were coming back they would have by now!”

She sits on the ground and puts her head in her hands.

“No! I won't do it!” she shouts then sobs, “I don't want to see Rila like that...”

Modifié par MrStoob, 04 novembre 2013 - 11:41 .

[fainmaca]

Seracen wrote...
Best of luck to you!  I have had a case or two of true vitriol as well.  I was able to message the user directly, and more or less called him on his BS (if he wanted to affect the story, he had to approach me differently).  True, I would hardly let someone else control my work to such an extent, but one could hardly hope to impact the style of the story (they hates) with such troll-worthy comments.

At any rate, it isn't wrong, and best of luck, once again.  I'd just chalk it down to the same level of fanboyism that lead to the shut down of the BSN Romance Threads (incidentally, my hate mail was over a romantic coupling).

Oh I've had my fair share of reviews that stem from sheer fanboyism, don't get me wrong. But I don't think this one had any grounding in passion for the series. At least, there was nothing to it that showed such. I'd have understood if the sentiments were connected to some kind of coherent criticism or even just a flat out rejection of the story, but the entirety of the review was just one sentence which was essentially 'I hope you die' (all I've done was remove the profanity. other than that, it's word for word. Really). No context, no reasoning, just a hateful insult.

I'm just completely incapable of imagining the kind of mindset that would allow someone to find a random person and send them such a message. Moreso as the review was attached to my 51st chapter, so if the person truly read my stuff and disliked it, they stuck it out for a hell of a long time before doing so (nearly 1million words).

The internet is weird.

[fainmaca]

MrStoob wrote...

Anyway, on a writing front.

Been working on a short oneshot, which I'm trying to be vague about specifically who the piece is about until later in the piece. Unfortunately, the scene is two asari. So being vague about who is who is becoming difficult as they can both be 'she', 'her', 'the asari', 'blue girl', etc. It's a scene about Morinth's first kill basically, which I've made an asari called Morinth (Morinth's real name being Mirata, so I believe). So when it comes to Morinth (Mirata) making her move, it becomes unclear about who is doing what to whom. Tricky without making overly-long and contrived sentences that ruin the flow.

Edit: Oh... top am I...?

Maybe try giving them other defining features? Does Morinth's partner have facial markings? Perhaps sometimes define them by their job/social staus (e.g. I often refer to my shepard in the story as 'The Commander', 'The Soldier', or 'The Spectre' when I have a scene with other Human males). Is Morinth on the run at this point? That would let you refer to her as 'runaway' from time to time. Perhaps the most relevant for Asari would be which age bracket are they in? If Morinth is still a Maiden, but the other one is in the Matron/ Matriarch stage, there's a way to define them right there. Another thing to consider is maybe nicknames? You can still keep things unclear in that way.

p.s. Morinth's true name is 'Mirala'. Just letting you know before some angry fanboy starts wishing a plague of locusts upon yourself or something.

[hot_heart]

Of course, being one never to follow my own advice, I started a chapter midway (just to get the ball rolling when enthusiasm was low) with the plan to let later events inform what needs to happen earlier on, but lo and behold, it's really tricky to fit everything I need into what's already there and maintain a neat flow. D'oh.

On the plus side, I found some new angles/approaches to events that I'm fairly pleased with. Must get this finished as a nice N7 Day surprise for the readers who are still around...

[MrStoob]

fainmaca wrote...

MrStoob wrote...

Anyway, on a writing front.

Been working on a short oneshot, which I'm trying to be vague about specifically who the piece is about until later in the piece. Unfortunately, the scene is two asari. So being vague about who is who is becoming difficult as they can both be 'she', 'her', 'the asari', 'blue girl', etc. It's a scene about Morinth's first kill basically, which I've made an asari called Morinth (Morinth's real name being Mirata, so I believe). So when it comes to Morinth (Mirata) making her move, it becomes unclear about who is doing what to whom. Tricky without making overly-long and contrived sentences that ruin the flow.

Edit: Oh... top am I...?

Maybe try giving them other defining features? Does Morinth's partner have facial markings? Perhaps sometimes define them by their job/social staus (e.g. I often refer to my shepard in the story as 'The Commander', 'The Soldier', or 'The Spectre' when I have a scene with other Human males). Is Morinth on the run at this point? That would let you refer to her as 'runaway' from time to time. Perhaps the most relevant for Asari would be which age bracket are they in? If Morinth is still a Maiden, but the other one is in the Matron/ Matriarch stage, there's a way to define them right there. Another thing to consider is maybe nicknames? You can still keep things unclear in that way.

p.s. Morinth's true name is 'Mirala'. Just letting you know before some angry fanboy starts wishing a plague of locusts upon yourself or something.

Ah, thanks on the name correction and ideas.  I've already had a oneshot that states 'Mirata', must have managed to avoid the rabid dogs of accuracy. :happy:

[Seracen]

MrStoob wrote...

fainmaca wrote...

(snipped - I also ascribe to some of fainmaca's suggestions, BTW)

p.s. Morinth's true name is 'Mirala'. Just letting you know before some angry fanboy starts wishing a plague of locusts upon yourself or something.

Ah, thanks on the name correction and ideas.  I've already had a oneshot that states 'Mirata', must have managed to avoid the rabid dogs of accuracy. :happy:

Hah, I once had an amusing argument thread on one of my stories.  It was basically two guys debating how a particular Japanese name should be spelled in English.

I recall trying to adjust it once, and then changed it back and said "deal with it," lol.

Modifié par Seracen, 05 novembre 2013 - 01:11 .

[MrStoob]

When it comes to transliterations, there is no wrong IMHO.

Anyway, a query if I may, though I don't think this one is strictly within the realms of established lore.

Could an Ardat Yakshi survive mating with another Ardat Yakshi?  I'm thinking that it's not beyond the realms of possibility, and for the piece I'm playing with, I'm probably going to leave that question unanswered but does it seem fair as a poser?

Modifié par MrStoob, 05 novembre 2013 - 12:53 .

[hot_heart]

From what I can recall, the condition 'overloads/overstimulates' the nervous system so I figure it would kill both parties, or one at the very least.

Modifié par hot_heart, 05 novembre 2013 - 06:34 .

[Seracen]

hot_heart wrote...

From what I can recall, the condition 'overloads/overstimulates' the nervous system so I figure it would kill both parties. or one at the very least.

I agree, and feel that whomever instigated the mind meld would burn the other's mind.  Alternately, I suppose the one with the stronger will might win out.  I don't feel that the condition would render one immune to the effects.

Conversely, I figured out a different way for an Ardat Yakshi to avoid killing someone.  In my current story, I have Kolyat offer his mind to Falere, in order that she might get a boost and survive their predicament.  During the part where she is supposed to overload his system, Kolyat enters into Solipsism.

The BS explanation I established states that this feedback loop allowed Falere to feed off his energies, as normal.  However, as the Solipsism acted as a buffer, Kolyat's core remained intact.  To be certain, it is a bit jarring to live someone else's life in such a manner, so it was by no means easy.

Moreover, this renders the traditional concept of asari mind melds as even more intimate, IMO.  Anyhoo, like I said, the science behind it is shaky at best, and I enjoyed the couple trying to BS their way past being killed by Samara, lol.

[sH0tgUn jUliA]

BioWare seems to have retconned Ardat-Yakshi anyway. In ME2 there were only 3. In ME3 the syndrome affects 1% of the Asari population thus accounting for the number of banshees. It also accounts for the "medical conditions". This indicates that there may be differing degrees of the syndrome... i.e. a non-lethal form being the most common. That form merely leaves the "victim" feeling drained and (author's handwavium) gives the AY a temporary biotic power boost.

I would assume an advanced species like the Asari have been working on a treatment for it and that most cases could be diagnosed prenatal and undergo genetic therapy to prevent the syndrome from manifesting as well, however the resulting offspring is still sterile. This type can also be treated after birth with gene therapy. A second type (also writers handwavium) while also not lethal is extremely rare and cannot be treated after birth, however they can leave victims with amnesia and are usually sent to the monastery. The third lethal type (Falare, Rila, and Morinth) are ultra rare.

I could not see Samara and the other Justicars killing 60,000,000 Asari on Thessia alone.

[hot_heart]

Checking on the wiki, it says:

The condition is impossible to identify until the asari reaches maturity, by which time it is too late to correct.

Not sure about its veracity, since it is a wiki, and I've not bothered to check the actual codex. Plus, I still remember the Chiktikka/Chatika edit.

Modifié par hot_heart, 05 novembre 2013 - 09:56 .

[Efvie]

Seracen wrote...

The BS explanation I established states that this feedback loop allowed Falere to feed off his energies, as normal.  However, as the Solipsism acted as a buffer, Kolyat's core remained intact.  To be certain, it is a bit jarring to live someone else's life in such a manner, so it was by no means easy.

Firstly, remember that AY do not necessarily kill the partner; they can also merely cause a significant overload. That gives you a lot of leeway.

That said, I think it’s primarily a biochemical/electrical reaction and I’m not sure this would really work… but I don’t think I’d be bothered by such an event in a story. (I might be if it became a mainstay thing, and e.g. they became a team of superheroes fighting evil with this combined power, or whatever… but not for a singular instance.)

It would also work fairly well if you just left it as more of a mystery. Maybe hinted at the possibility that the solipsism had something to do with it via an in situ description or flashback (whatever except a doctor explaining that that’s what must have happened).

[sH0tgUn jUliA]

hot_heart wrote...


Checking on the wiki, it says:

The condition is impossible to identify until the asari reaches maturity, by which time it is too late to correct.

Not sure about its veracity, since it is a wiki, and I've not bothered to check the actual codex. Plus, I still remember the Chiktikka/Chatika edit.

Yeah, that's in there. Since the BW retcon for the creation of banshees  I figure you can pretty much do whatever you want. How fast and loose do you want to play? 

[Seracen]

Efvie wrote...

Seracen wrote...

The BS explanation I established states that this feedback loop allowed Falere to feed off his energies, as normal.  However, as the Solipsism acted as a buffer, Kolyat's core remained intact.  To be certain, it is a bit jarring to live someone else's life in such a manner, so it was by no means easy.

Firstly, remember that AY do not necessarily kill the partner; they can also merely cause a significant overload. That gives you a lot of leeway.

That said, I think it’s primarily a biochemical/electrical reaction and I’m not sure this would really work… but I don’t think I’d be bothered by such an event in a story. (I might be if it became a mainstay thing, and e.g. they became a team of superheroes fighting evil with this combined power, or whatever… but not for a singular instance.)

It would also work fairly well if you just left it as more of a mystery. Maybe hinted at the possibility that the solipsism had something to do with it via an in situ description or flashback (whatever except a doctor explaining that that’s what must have happened).

Yeah, for me it's more of a situation where Falere and Kolyat BS that explanation to keep Falere from being put down.  Dr. Michel is around, but certainly can't verify the scientific mechanism behind something like that.  Thus, they try again to see if Kolyat dies.  I don't really mention it again, it was more of an amusing tidbit.

I find that light handwaives work better than explicit explanations, especially considering how other people view the situations differently/from different canons.

Modifié par Seracen, 06 novembre 2013 - 04:15 .

[MrStoob]

 Handwavyness all around!

If I was asked to explain exactly how some of the mechanics of some of the stuff I've thrown into my sequel, well... I don't have any, except the canon handwavyness already established.  Long distance telepathy (the Leviathan at least give some credence to that one), a person totally inserting their consciousness into a machine at will (I take from the geth collective jaunt/Project Overlord), and so on.

It used to be a bit of a joke about Star Trek: Voyager that they tried too hard to explain everything, and just ended up sounding like the 'Red Hand Gang' (now there's an obscure reference for ya).

[YurigirlzCrush]

*strides in and surveys the troops... er, writers...*

attention! two questions on this auspicious morning!

first. if you are writing a scene with a news broadcast or TV show playing in the background (and what is said on the TV is important) how do you handle it? just put it in quotes like any other speech? or do you set it apart somehow? *ponders* i'm trying to decide how to handle it.

second, and this one's entirely opinion but i'd be very interested to hear thoughts: what sort of music do you picture each race listening to? *ponders* i'm sure there's multiple types of music in any culture, but what sort of sound first comes to mind with each one for you? for some reason I picture asari listening to either classical music or techno (don't ask me why that particular mix... I just do! *grins*) and quarians listening to opera for some reason. but i'm having a hard time thinking of what would fit other races. turians? batarians? hanar? elcor? volus (for some reason here my mind goes to percussion-based music, sort of like kodo drums)? salarians?

I actually am asking this for a reason... I was thinking of including a scene or two set during a sort of interstellar music festival in my story (you know.. like bands and fans from all over the galaxy gathering somewhere for a celebration of music) and found myself wondering what I would say about what sort of songs some of them might play.

*salutes* carry on! questions finished! respond, or give me twenty pushups! *grins*

[MrStoob]

RE: news / TV. I do it like this, basically with italics:

Excerpt:

While she was dozing, Liara had decided what to do with her ill-gotten gains. As she makes her way to a trading area, a public address announcement is detailing some interesting news.

It seems we have a new neighbour in the galaxy. The Turians are defending Relay 314 from a species known as 'human', who attempted to re-activate the notorious relay. Intense fighting still continues while an envoy of council delegates is on their way to try to resolve the dispute through diplomacy. Good luck guys, the Hierarchy isn't known for backing away from a good fight.

This excites Liara. A new space-faring species can mean only one thing: more Prothean discoveries.

...

On musical tastes, not really considered it beyond a jokey 'music night' oneshot I did aboard the SR-1, and the crews' choices for Earth theme night. From the game, it'd be fair to say that asari might like Trancey Techno (Liara chooses 'Little Fluffy Clouds' by The Orb on music night, for e.g.) but I can go with the classical edge. There's the bit in ME1 when you finish clearing the geth from those four solar systems, and it gives some text about a lone voice quarian singing about some fluffy something or other; does it mention a style? Hm. Other than that, you're probably free to impose what you like.

And on a side note... WHY CAN'T THEY JUST LEAVE YOUTUBE ALONE!!!???  I had to re-log in just to place a comment, despite being logged in, then a pop up tries to pop up when I click in the text box... then I gave up.

Modifié par MrStoob, 07 novembre 2013 - 04:23 .

[Efvie]

YurigirlzCrush wrote...
first. if you are writing a scene with a news broadcast or TV show playing in the background (and what is said on the TV is important) how do you handle it? just put it in quotes like any other speech? or do you set it apart somehow? *ponders* i'm trying to decide how to handle it.

I actually have a few instances… here is a very simple one… italicized, quoted, directly in line. This one has a bunch more, with dialogue betwixt. I thought they worked pretty well. (Warning: the second one has spoileriness, the first one not really.)

…

As far as music goes… I have a theory, which is that most musical instruments have already been invented, and thus we won’t see anything as radical as from song -> crude instruments -> classical -> electronic.

[hot_heart]

Efvie wrote...
As far as music goes… I have a theory, which is that most musical instruments have already been invented, and thus we won’t see anything as radical as from song -> crude instruments -> classical -> electronic.

Yeah, that sounds about right.

Happy N7 Day, everyone!

PARTAAAAAY

(God, that still cracks me up)

Modifié par hot_heart, 07 novembre 2013 - 11:37 .

[enayasoul]

Yeah, what is up with Liara's and Jacob's dancing? Lolz. Not bashing. I happen to like Liara... Jacob well, he's ok. James and Ashley were pretty enthusiastic with their dancing. Ashley's dancing is a heck of a lot better than her corny ME1 dancing at Flux?

So happy Miranda knows how to dance! Miranda can teach Shepard a few new dance moves.

Happy N7!

[Ignis Mors]

hot_heart wrote...

Efvie wrote...
As far as music goes… I have a theory, which is that most musical instruments have already been invented, and thus we won’t see anything as radical as from song -> crude instruments -> classical -> electronic.

Yeah, that sounds about right.

Happy N7 Day, everyone!

PARTAAAAAY

(God, that still cracks me up)

They're still doing N7 day? Lol, now I feel kinda non-thematic by writing stuff for my Star Wars fic and playing minecraft all day. Though I did finally get my redstone working. Sorry, went off on a tangent there. 

[MrStoob]

Hm. *Reminded that a last dance with your LI (a la ME1 Flux) was not included in ME3 or any DLC since. And that the dance with Jack was ruined by a terribly realised fade to black.*

That is all.

[hot_heart]

enayasoul wrote...
Yeah, what is up with Liara's and Jacob's dancing? Lolz. Not bashing. I happen to like Liara...

Yeah, no bashing, I thought Miranda's dancing was the same as, or very similar to, Liara's in ME1. So it's just funny to see Liara going from relatively graceful to...that.

I keep meaning to ask this question because I wasn't sure of it before, but every time you just slightly edit a chapter on FF.net that involves 'reuploading' it. Does that generate a new email for everyone subscribed each time? Because I have some little edits I'd like to make, but don't want to go irritating people with supposed 'new chapters'.

[MrStoob]

I don't think it does when you do replace chapter, hottie.

[enayasoul]

hot_heart wrote...

enayasoul wrote...
Yeah, what is up with Liara's and Jacob's dancing? Lolz. Not bashing. I happen to like Liara...

Yeah, no bashing, I thought Miranda's dancing was the same as, or very similar to, Liara's in ME1. So it's just funny to see Liara going from relatively graceful to...that.

I keep meaning to ask this question because I wasn't sure of it before, but every time you just slightly edit a chapter on FF.net that involves 'reuploading' it. Does that generate a new email for everyone subscribed each time? Because I have some little edits I'd like to make, but don't want to go irritating people with supposed 'new chapters'.

Yeah, I remember Liara's dancing was like Miranda's. <_<  It was strange to see Liara dancing that way.  Heh!

As to your question about ff.net, I don't think so.  I do a lot of edits for my chapters and haven't heard any complaints or received any additional emails.  The only email I get is when I submit a new chapter.  You can use the replace chapter with the same chapter.  You should see the updated copy instantly or 30 minutes later.