9960 réponses à ce sujet

[hot_heart]

Hmm, I need a little help. I've got a piece of Miranda (who else?) narration that I'm happy with, except I feel it needs a patronising name/pronoun in there. To give it some context, in case it's not apparent, Miranda's on Earth at a separate FOB to Shepard, currently with the Comm Tech Officer having accompanied 'someone' getting their comm gear fixed. This is the paragraph with some redacted bits to conceal another character's identity (in case of spoilers...because I am killing people), and the 'missing' word is towards the end, in bold.

 

 

We find the Comm Tech Officer, a young girl with broad cheeks and an incongruously cheerful demeanour to complement them, and [redacted] explains [redacted] problem. It probably says more about my own state of mind that she manages to irritate me with the first sentence that leaves her mouth, but she gets on well with [redacted]. Once [redacted] sorted, I stay and put in a contact request for Shepard, asking for her to notify me the moment he reaches his own FOB.

     The expression on her face tells me that someone like myself knowing the famous Commander Shepard on those terms doesn't quite sit right with her. Truth is, [BLANK], it doesn't tend to sit right with anyone.

 

I'm not sure if I should just ditch the pronoun part altogether and just have the thought directed at herself/no one in particular, because the only words that come to mind make her sound too much like a Humphrey Bogart character (not always a bad thing, per se.

 

So I've got 'kid' and 'sweetheart' as the sort of thing its meant to convey, but I'm not overly fond of the former and really don't feel she'd use the latter. Any better suggestions?

[MrStoob]

My first instinct (before I got to your own suggestions) was 'kiddo'.

[BronzTrooper]

I'd get rid of the pronoun.  I mean, if it's so hard to think of one to use, then maybe it doesn't need to be there in the first place.

[teh DRUMPf!!]

 "Child?"

[Fatiguesdualism]

Lies! Your writing's really good. I am envious of a lot of the writers I've read in here, and you definitely are one of them.

 

 

Thank you!  

 

Returns from the dark parts of the internet where the let's plays, podcasts, and a never-ending loop of Amnesia by Miracle of Sound dwell(I need help to break free of that song. Always listening to it. Always. Always. Can't stop listening to it.) sees the conversation, and scratches his head.

Anyways, sigh, I'm having difficulties. My ME fanfics I don't feel like writing very much. In Crucible Effect I just want to do a timeskip so that I have some cool stuff going on, that is a lot more interesting, but I feel like two timeskips in less than twenty chapters(Large ones. Like jumping weeks at a time, not for travel time.) is enough. And, in Meus Mundus I've had the Normandy crew on vacation for the last eight chapters, and now I'm bored. I know that the next chapter is going to be Lair of the Shadow Broker(With the death of Liara! YAY! No more creepy blue person who somehow bugged the game into thinking I was romancing her instead of Miri.) but I'm still bored with it. And, I'm having a ton of fun writing my Star Wars fanfic. So, I get the Beyond the Light and the Dark chapter's written in two days and it's like a month before I get back to it. :-( So, I'm unsure of what to do. Do I put Crucible Effect and Meus Mundus on hiatus until I feel the urge to write them again. Or do I just man up and write them more quickly?

Oh, and @fatiguesdualism, I'd say you have mastered the art of keeping things vague. Albeit, in unquiet night, at the end of the first bit did you have Miranda stab Shepard? That bit I'm confused by. 

 

Yeah - it's the cliche 'waking up from a nightmare' moment.  Sorry about that!

 

Hmm, I need a little help. I've got a piece of Miranda (who else?) narration that I'm happy with, except I feel it needs a patronising name/pronoun in there. To give it some context, in case it's not apparent, Miranda's on Earth at a separate FOB to Shepard, currently with the Comm Tech Officer having accompanied 'someone' getting their comm gear fixed. This is the paragraph with some redacted bits to conceal another character's identity (in case of spoilers...because I am killing people), and the 'missing' word is towards the end, in bold.

 

 

I'm not sure if I should just ditch the pronoun part altogether and just have the thought directed at herself/no one in particular, because the only words that come to mind make her sound too much like a Humphrey Bogart character (not always a bad thing, per se.

 

So I've got 'kid' and 'sweetheart' as the sort of thing its meant to convey, but I'm not overly fond of the former and really don't feel she'd use the latter. Any better suggestions?

 

edit:  You can stop reading here.  Please.  Everything I typed after this point is me being idiotically stupid (trust me plain stupid doesn't cover it  ) and I make an apology for it on the next page.

 

I'm guessing using 'sweetie' is never going to happen (thank you Doctor Who ) - 'darling' is really rare now-a-days (and reminds me of a Blackadder character to boot )

 

You could try using a non-English word (Polish maybe?  In reference to Ms Y S  ) but I'd be tempted just to have her refer to 'The Shepard' by just his first name (that's rare enough in universe)

[hot_heart]

You could try using a non-English word (Polish maybe?  In reference to Ms Y S  ) but I'd be tempted just to have her refer to 'The Shepard' by just his first name (that's rare enough in universe)

 

Firstly, not sure if you're confused or addressing another point, but the 'name' is meant in reference to the Comm Tech Officer not Shepard. Otherwise, if you're referring to the 'famous Commander Shepard' part, that is deliberately facetious/condescending.

 

I do kinda like that idea, because apparently the Polish is 'dziecko', which has a nice sound to it. However, it might seem weird for Miranda to throw that word out when she's clearly more Australian.

 

The other one I dismissed was 'darl(ing)' because I've had Erin use that, and it already struck me as something said by much older people. Like hearing English women say 'duck' or 'petal'.

 

 

Thanks for the help, everyone! I think I may go with 'kid' because I feel it benefits both from having something there for the cadence of the sentence (which has actually been altered in the meantime) and having it address someone.

[Fatiguesdualism]

Sorry hot_heart! (Oh boy, when I'm wrong - I'm really wrong!) 

 

 

My apologies, I've misread what you've written.  I had thought the last sentence was an aside - as if Miranda was narrating what had happened to a Shepard in her head.

 

 Truth is,[BLANK], it doesn't tend to sit right with anyone.

 

For some reason I read that as...

 

 

Truth is, [Shepard/sweetheart/darling/etc], it doesn't tend to sit right with anyone

Whereas it's Miranda talking to the Comm. Tech - with you now sorry!     (Note to self:  Check warranty on brain - this one's developing another fault!  ) 

 

Anyway glad to hear you've got it sorted!   

[hot_heart]

Hehe, she's not talking aloud to them. It's narration/thought but as if directed at them.

[Seracen]

Man, really have to find that "Dark Theme" option, having a hard time reading some of these posts!

 

Just a bump and a greeting!  Nothing else to see here!

[Ignis Mors]

Man, really have to find that "Dark Theme" option, having a hard time reading some of these posts!

 

Just a bump and a greeting!  Nothing else to see here!

Indeed. This bright theme makes my eyes hurt. And god I'm tired. But, I need to get more writing done. Need... caffeine... but... don't... have... any... at... home... and... am... too... lazy... to... go... to... store... also... I... May... like... using... ellipses... way... too... much.

FOUND IT! It's in the change theme thing at the absolute bottom of the page, beyond the reply box. Ah, so much better. MY eyes aren't bleeding any more. Now, just to find a way to get back the ME2 background I was using on the old site. 

[BronzTrooper]

I have joined the ranks of the dark theme enthusiasts.  

 

Now to get back to typing my fanfics.  

[MrStoob]

 

FOUND IT! It's in the change theme thing at the absolute bottom of the page, beyond the reply box. Ah, so much better. MY eyes aren't bleeding any more. Now, just to find a way to get back the ME2 background I was using on the old site. 

Thank you!  ^^

 

That's all I've got today, sorry.

[Fatiguesdualism]

@hot_heart:  You.  Are.  Killing.  Me.  Here!    

 

To everyone else - sorry!  I don't know what I did with that last post   but I just saw it on 'white' mode and...it's like looking for a polar bear in a snowstorm!  (Probably.  Feel free to use another simile!)

 

Hopefully this one's better.

 

[Goes and Checks] 

 

Yep, blinding but readable.   

[Seracen]

Thank you!  ^^

 

That's all I've got today, sorry.

Thanks from me as well!!!

 

Man, I really need to get my lazy butt in gear and start posting my story.  It's so daunting, as I am overly conscious of the grammar.  Also, 60 freaking chapters...

 

Have to remind myself that a chapter a day won't be so bad, but school and work conspire to keep me from remembering until right before bedtime...blargh....

[BronzTrooper]

Almost to 20 chapters with TLFW.  Maybe I should have a mini celebration for myself when I put up chapter 20?  (I haven't been doing fanfics as long as most of you guys, and I'm working on several stories at once.  School doesn't help matters, either  )

[sH0tgUn jUliA]

I can't work on more than one story at a time. I may get ideas for another, and I'll write them down, but I cannot write more than one story at a time. It's the characters. They get upset. It's not the pre-existing characters that get upset. It's the original characters that get upset.

[Ignis Mors]

I can't work on more than one story at a time. I may get ideas for another, and I'll write them down, but I cannot write more than one story at a time. It's the characters. They get upset. It's not the pre-existing characters that get upset. It's the original characters that get upset.

Lucky. I have the problem of constantly getting ideas. If I didn't squash most of them I'd be working on seven or eight stories at once. Luckily I've managed to keep things down to three. And a one-shot crossover, but I don't talk about that one much. It was very... strange. 

[hot_heart]

Characters don't talk to me or whatever, but if I work on different stories/scripts I worry that there'll be confusion and that I'll start writing dialogue that doesn't fit certain characters because they hew too close to others. And with prose, I am very wary of word/phrasing repetition, which would make me extra paranoid if I'm misremembering what I've said and where.

 

Doesn't stop me from writing treatments or scene-by-scenes/chapter-by-chapters or snippets for other things though.

 

Still working on this latest chapter. Should hopefully have it finished tonight. Definitely seeing where I had no enthusiasm for it, because the word choices were plain and lazy and I just didn't bother with those extra little details (even just a few extra words in a sentence). It does mean that the second draft is taking forever to finalise, but I'm a lot happier with it than I was before, even though it'll still probably be quite underwhelming.

[sH0tgUn jUliA]

A certain level of insanity helps with characters talking to you.

[BronzTrooper]

So you guys are hearing voices in your heads that help you type scenes for your characters...  

 

I think there's somewhere you can go to help with that...

[sH0tgUn jUliA]

So you guys are hearing voices in your heads that help you type scenes for your characters...  

 

I think there's somewhere you can go to help with that...

 

Not exactly. See I kind of put myself into the scene inside a character's POV, then switch to the other character's POV. I can handle up to 12 different characters and their individual dynamics with each other. 

[PMC65]

Hearing voices?

I can't imagine writing a story in silence and on my own.

When I write, the characters tell me what happens and I feel like I'm just here to dictate what they say and what they show me. They feel so independent from me that I have argued with characters in my head.

Does that mean I'm weird? Growing up, I thought I was until I shared my writing process with an English teacher. She introduced me to published authors who shared the same process. Characters breathing inside their head. I was fortunate to meet Stephen King once and he told me to never try and shut them up.

There are also more articles out there from writers talking about the voices in their head ... Here is just one - http://writeitsidewa...youre-a-writer/

Just my two cents.

[Faerlyte]

My only Mass Effect fanfic has been languishing untouched for a couple of years now. At least a couple years actually. I don't want to know how long it has been. It's sad. I can't finish stories to save my life. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't posted online because then nobody is disappointed when you don't finish....sigh. 

[Obsidian Gryphon]

So you guys are hearing voices in your heads that help you type scenes for your characters...  

 

I think there's somewhere you can go to help with that...

Er...more like the chars talking in the scenes I have in mind. Not disembodied voices.  

[enayasoul]

Well, I'm glad I'm not alone in having characters talking to me in my head.      I thought maybe I had multiple personality or something.     I usually do step into the character pov and go with what they are talking about while I write or think internally about what's going on.  I usually jot it down on the first available paper, if none available I try to remember it for when I do have a place to jot it all down.  Whether or not I use it all depends what it's about and where it happens etc.

 

I do a lot of thinking at work sometimes when it's boring.  Daydreaming, whatever.  Another writer/coworker stood next to me. I didn't even hear her approach.  I looked at her and smiled.  "I was thinking about my latest chapter."  We both smiled and laughed.    She knew.