9962 réponses à ce sujet

[lillitheris]

What is up with the new ‘comment’ box on FFN? It feels like a usability loss.

Although apparently the “author would like to thank me for my comment”. I wonder if that’s configurable somewhere…

[IliyaMoroumetz]

fluffywalrus wrote...

But yeah, tl;dr, I write because I want to remember.

This is a good reason to write.

[lillitheris]

MrStoob wrote...

But yea, the melody/tune can sort of just come to you.

Totally OT; I’m not musical (can’t sing, never learned to play anything) although I have  a very good ear. Melodies sometimes come to me, too, out of the blue…and the weirdest thing is that I can hear melodies in fans. Listening to a fan in bed, it’s almost like having a radio on if it strikes me just right :happy:

…

Spell-checking is important…I rarely make typos, but it’s even more important to catch them then. Your editor should be able to do it automatically, or even your web browser if you look at the doc in the document manager. That still leaves out the errors like typing ‘come’ rather than ‘came’, and you need to proofread for those (or have someone else do it).

The longer you can wait between writing and proofreading, the better, but even 10-20 minutes might be enough to clear the brain.

[MrStoob]

I proof read the hell out of mine, but still miss obvious errors, like a missed 's' or 'd' at the end of a verb or whatever which makes it read terribly. It's always just as I've uploaded/added and done another quick read through. Then it annoys me that it won't update for like 30 mins when I fix the doc, thinking of people reading it in this horrible state.

[Drussius]

My most common spelling errors are ones that the spellchecker won't catch, and are the result of typing too fast. The spell check of course will catch spelling errors in words, but unfortunately it has no way of knowing that you accidentally left of the s in "she" and ended up with "he" as a result. Or that it should have been "Time is a factor here," not "Tim is a factor here." And I can't tell you how many "here"s I've gotten when I meant to write "there."

So yes. Proofreading is always a must. Unfortunately the spell checker is not 100% reliable. And lill's advice is good. If you wait a while before proofreading your work, you're more likely to catch your mistakes. This is one of many reasons I plan to wait until I'm working on Chapter 5 of my story (now that I've shortened the chapters a bit) before I publish Chapter 1... That way it's been a while since I read Chapter 1, and my final proofread before posting will hopefully catch more of my mistakes.

[dpMeggers]

Reading up on organized crime for part of the rewrite of Conversations. Came across a theory to explain criminal behaviour called "alien conspiracy theory." Thought I'd share.



(Note: It's actually about being an immigrant/outsider, not UFOs but given the name it's hard not to jump there first.)

[fluffywalrus]

dpMeggers wrote...

Reading up on organized crime for part of the rewrite of Conversations. Came across a theory to explain criminal behaviour called "alien conspiracy theory." Thought I'd share.



(Note: It's actually about being an immigrant/outsider, not UFOs but given the name it's hard not to jump there first.)

Researching for writing is so much fun! Tricky...but fun It's amazing, the amount of knowledge at our fingertips these days.

[Obsidian Gryphon]

dpMeggers wrote...

Obsidian Gryphon wrote...

lillitheris wrote...

Obsidian Gryphon wrote...

But not before I bump her to captain after the Reaper War. Major/Captain? Frack, I don't wanna crack my head.  

I’d go with Major, she’s clearly infantry.

*sigh* Anderson made Captain, then Admiral and he was N7 + Spectre candidate. *slaps face, headache* Shep's following her mentor.   I'm gonna take a nap....yes....mastered the ranks later ....wobble....wobble...wobble....plonk

Alternatively, say Eff it and do whatever the hell you want. I certainly did.

The rank system in the Alliance is damn near incomprehensible so I interpreted some things as best as I could and then said "meh, it works like this now, because I said so." Given what we've seen so far, there's no reason not to so long as it stays within the bounds of lore.

Edited to clarify.

The nap was magic.  Yes it was! So, i came up with. Rank title depend on where the char is. Anderson's got a ship, hence captain. Alenko hasn't got one (he should cry  ), hence, he's a major. In my fanfic, Shep was still CO of Normandy in the aftermath of the Reaper War. so Captain. There, I have settled it. *dust hands*

[hot_heart]

Oh, man, the number of times I just got lost in research and wandered off down crazy related paths...and never did any writing.

On a positive note, I got the chapter done and published. Woo! Fairly pleased with it, though tiredness may have impaired my judgement. I might have some more 'risky' metaphors that are as dumb as I think them clever...

[Drussius]

I don't actually understand what's so incomprehensible about the Alliance's ranks. It seemed straightforward to me with a few strange quirks like where "Flight Lieutenant" fits into the ranks. But the codex was fairly straightforward from my view.

The Alliance is a single military force, not split up like ours is. Marines are still part of the Alliance Navy, they just have specialized skills for ground combat, much like the SEALS are part of the Navy, but train for special tactics. It's a single chain of command, but those whose specialty is ground-combat use alternate terms to refer to the same rank.

So a Captain and Major are the exact same rank. The Major is just a captain whose primary training has been for ground combat and thus serves in the Marine specialty of the armed forces. It seems pretty simple. Much simpler than the U.S. system, where there are four different branches of service and different rank heirarchies for each.

Edited: For spelling/clarity

Modifié par Drussius, 28 juin 2012 - 11:51 .

[Obsidian Gryphon]

Drussius wrote...

I don't actually understand what's so incomprehensible about the Alliance's ranks. It seemed straightforward to me with a few strange quirks like where "Flight Lieutenant" fits into the ranks. But the codex was fairly straightforward from my view.

The Alliance is a single military force, not split up like ours is. Marines are still part of the Alliance Navy, they just have specialized skills for ground combat, much like the SEALS are part of the Navy, but train for special tactics. It's a single chain of command, but those whose specialty is ground-combat use alternate terms to refer to the same rank.

So a Captain and Major are the exact same rank. The Major is just a captain whose primary training has been for ground combat and thus serves in the Marine specialty of the armed forces. It seems pretty simple. Much simpler than the U.S. system, where there are four different branches of service and different rank heirarchies for each.

Edited: For spelling/clarity

I'm having problems because it's not clear cut for ME. SF novels concisely depicted space navies as having separate COC. Marines are just marines, they have no command of the ship they are assigned to. They are just ground pounders, the only thing they will do onboard is maintain discipline, evac, POW management. The highest rank is General.

Space navy officers do not ground pound, they are trained in ship operations, ship to ship engagements, fleet engagements, fleet tactics / strategies.The highest rank is Admiral.

It's impossible to roll the two into one considering the amount of training required. How does an officer command ground troops and yet run the ship in a battle going on on planet and in space? He can't be in 2 places at once nor keep track of both.

The rank of major is always used for marines, captain for navy officers. That's why I said I cannot for the life of me decide which one should Shep attain in advancement. I would actually agree with Lillitheris that Shep should be major because I doubt she went for ATC (only for navy officers who have demonstrated they are capable of commanding a ship). Too, Shep's 3 choices of background seem strictly marine (I brought up in very early posts on how was it possible she's given command of a frigate, never mind her Spectre status).

Modifié par Obsidian Gryphon, 29 juin 2012 - 01:24 .

[Drussius]

Obsidian Gryphon wrote...

Drussius wrote...

I don't actually understand what's so incomprehensible about the Alliance's ranks. It seemed straightforward to me with a few strange quirks like where "Flight Lieutenant" fits into the ranks. But the codex was fairly straightforward from my view.

The Alliance is a single military force, not split up like ours is. Marines are still part of the Alliance Navy, they just have specialized skills for ground combat, much like the SEALS are part of the Navy, but train for special tactics. It's a single chain of command, but those whose specialty is ground-combat use alternate terms to refer to the same rank.

So a Captain and Major are the exact same rank. The Major is just a captain whose primary training has been for ground combat and thus serves in the Marine specialty of the armed forces. It seems pretty simple. Much simpler than the U.S. system, where there are four different branches of service and different rank heirarchies for each.

Edited: For spelling/clarity

I'm having problems because it's not clear cut for ME. SF novels concisely depicted space navies as having separate COC. Marines are just marines, they have no command of the ship they are assigned to. They are just ground pounders, the only thing they will do onboard is maintain discipline, evac, POW management. The highest rank is General.

Space navy officers do not ground pound, they are trained in ship operations, ship to ship engagements, fleet engagements, fleet tactics / strategies.The highest rank is Admiral.

It's impossible to roll the two into one considering the amount of training required. How does an officer command ground troops and yet also run the ship in a battle going on on planet and in space? He can't be in 2 places at once nor keep track of both.

The rank of major is always used for marines, captain for navy officers. That's why I said I cannot for the life of me decide which one should Shep attain in advancement. I would actually agree with Lillitheris that Shep should be major because I doubt she went for ATC (only for navy officers who have demonstrated they are capable of commanding a ship). Too, Shep's 3 choices of background seem strictly marine (I brought up in very early posts on how was it possible she's given command of a frigate, never mind her Spectre status).

But that is my point is that the two ARE rolled into one in the ME universe. The Marines specialize in ground combat/tactics/logistics, but the codex says they are just a specialized division of the Navy. The ranks are uniform for the most part. The marines simply use different ones to differentiate themselves for personal pride/preference. It would seem to me that just like navy SEAL operatives are trained for duty in the navy and then receive specialized instruction for SEAL operations, marines are trained in the basics of the Navy and also instructed for ground combat and tactics. But the ranks are the same across the board.

Of course, if they have two captains aboard (one having the rank of Major as a marine specialist, but it is still the same rank), one would oversee ground forces and the other space operations. But the rank is the same regardless. If the Captain is killed, the Major could easily step in and fill the role. A single man obviously can't be in two places at once. But just because he can't do both jobs simultaneously doesn't mean he can't be trained for both jobs. I mean there are people who earn two doctorates in different fields. Sure, they can't do both jobs at the same time, but they can certainly be trained for both and achieve proficiency.

So yes, Shepard was definitely a marine. It's pretty heavily implied. But he/she is still a part of the alliance navy and as such fully capable of being given the command of a ship. The training would certainly be there, given the fact that the codex seems to establish that the training for service in space is a requisite for service at all (since the codex establishes that it's one single military force). I'm sure that like the marines, there are other specialized teams within the greater structure, but it seems clear that they would all have the same core training - centering around Alliance naval operations.

Take Admiral Anderson. His rank is Admiral, and was formerly Captain in earlier games. And yet he ends up leading the resistance and coordinating ground forces with no difficulty. It seems clear to me that the training was intrinsic to the position, regardless of whether he was a marine or not. Otherwise he would likely relinquish the position to someone trained for the position. I imagine Hackett could do the same with no trouble.

Maybe I just don't have the difficulty believing that in a future where humankind was a spacefaring species, it would make sense that our soldiers would learn to be proficient in all aspects of military operation in space. They might specialize in one field or another, but I think space technology/tactics/logistics would be basic military education. If you can't operate in the spacefaring side of defending humanity, you would have no place in the military at all, since space travel/combat/defense would be the core of it all. The way the ME rank system is set up seems perfectly logical to me.

Perhaps I'm in the minority on that point.

[Obsidian Gryphon]

Drussius wrote...

*snip for length

But that is my point is that the two ARE rolled into one in the ME universe. The Marines specialize in ground combat/tactics/logistics, but the codex says they are just a specialized division of the Navy. The ranks are uniform for the most part. The marines simply use different ones to differentiate themselves for personal pride/preference. It would seem to me that just like navy SEAL operatives are trained for duty in the navy and then receive specialized instruction for SEAL operations, marines are trained in the basics of the Navy and also instructed for ground combat and tactics. But the ranks are the same across the board.

Of course, if they have two captains aboard (one having the rank of Major as a marine specialist, but it is still the same rank), one would oversee ground forces and the other space operations. But the rank is the same regardless. If the Captain is killed, the Major could easily step in and fill the role. A single man obviously can't be in two places at once. But just because he can't do both jobs simultaneously doesn't mean he can't be trained for both jobs. I mean there are people who earn two doctorates in different fields. Sure, they can't do both jobs at the same time, but they can certainly be trained for both and achieve proficiency.

So yes, Shepard was definitely a marine. It's pretty heavily implied. But he/she is still a part of the alliance navy and as such fully capable of being given the command of a ship. The training would certainly be there, given the fact that the codex seems to establish that the training for service in space is a requisite for service at all (since the codex establishes that it's one single military force). I'm sure that like the marines, there are other specialized teams within the greater structure, but it seems clear that they would all have the same core training - centering around Alliance naval operations.

Take Admiral Anderson. His rank is Admiral, and was formerly Captain in earlier games. And yet he ends up leading the resistance and coordinating ground forces with no difficulty. It seems clear to me that the training was intrinsic to the position, regardless of whether he was a marine or not. Otherwise he would likely relinquish the position to someone trained for the position. I imagine Hackett could do the same with no trouble.

Maybe I just don't have the difficulty believing that in a future where humankind was a spacefaring species, it would make sense that our soldiers would learn to be proficient in all aspects of military operation in space. They might specialize in one field or another, but I think space technology/tactics/logistics would be basic military education. If you can't operate in the spacefaring side of defending humanity, you would have no place in the military at all, since space travel/combat/defense would be the core of it all. The way the ME rank system is set up seems perfectly logical to me.

Perhaps I'm in the minority on that point.

Hmm true, you have valid points but myself, I find it hard to believe humanity would be able to "multitask" so easily in future (within such a short training period) but then oh wait, this is ME, space magic.. Jokes aside, no, I have no faith in humanity in RL. Hence I don't believe it is possible. Back to ME.

Perhaps Allaince marines were given the ground combat training and basic understanding of ship operations. And as they get prpomoted, perhaps advance courses in navy operations/ship command. Given that Anderson served 26 years, yeah, it makes sense he would make captain. Shep had served 11 years when Eden Prime occured. Ok, possible. So Shep's capitaine Kirk.

I still made her skipper though but what does it matter. Skipper of no ship.

Modifié par Obsidian Gryphon, 29 juin 2012 - 02:23 .

[Drussius]

Obsidian Gryphon wrote...

Hmm true, you have valid points but myself, I find it hard to believe humanity would be able to "multitask: so easily in future but then oh wait, this is ME, space magic.. Jokes aside, no, I have no faith in humanity in RL. Hence I don't believe it i spossible. Back to ME.

Perhaps Allaince marines were given the ground combat training and basic understanding of ship operations. And as they get prpomoted, perhaps advance courses in navy operations. Given that Ander served 26 years, yeah, he would make captain. Shep had served 11 years when Eden Prime occured. Ok, possible.

I still made her skipper though but what does it matter. Skipper of no ship.

Well, I don't really consider it space magic. I just think that as technology advances, we as a people would be forced to learn faster and remember more just to keep up. And the things you mention above were exactly my thinking. I don't think anyone could fast-track to Commander or Captain or anything in just a few years. I think you'd be given basic training, gain some experience, and be trained in more advanced arenas as you were promoted. I don't think anyone could learn fast enough to master all aspects of space and ground operations before they even started to serve. I just think that over time, naval space operations are what all personnel would learn eventually. Since marines are implied to be a specialized branch, I think only marines would be given more than basic instruction in ground combat, hand-to-hand combat, etc. But everyone, marines included, would be instructed in stellar naval operations (or whatever you prefer to call it).

As for Shepard's promotion, as I said previously I think she would have had the training for it, but I think the reason she was actually given command of the normandy had more to do with politics than rank. Humanity had their first Spectre. The Spectre needed to get around. And humanity's representitives wanted to have some measure of involvement in her actions. If they gave her a ship, she could do her Spectre thing, but they had some measure of control over her operations. If they needed to, they could always claim that the Normandy was "Alliance Property" and it was needed for humanity's concerns, so they needed her to do Operation X. At least that was my take on it.

[Mr.BlazenGlazen]

Imma to lazy to go look for an editor. I'm not really looking forward to getting a contract and becoming a professional author as of now, I'm just writing because my thoughts demand me to put my imagination into words.

Modifié par Mr.BlazenGlazen, 29 juin 2012 - 02:33 .

[dpMeggers]

Mr.BlazenGlazen wrote...

Imma to lazy to go look for an editor. I'm not really looking forward to getting a contract and becoming a professional author as of now, I'm just writing because my thoughts demand me to put my imagination into words.

Don't have it myself but a few of our non-native speakers have referred to editing software (editors). Not like people editors.

[fluffywalrus]

Drussius wrote...

Obsidian Gryphon wrote...

Hmm true, you have valid points but myself, I find it hard to believe humanity would be able to "multitask: so easily in future but then oh wait, this is ME, space magic.. Jokes aside, no, I have no faith in humanity in RL. Hence I don't believe it i spossible. Back to ME.

Perhaps Allaince marines were given the ground combat training and basic understanding of ship operations. And as they get prpomoted, perhaps advance courses in navy operations. Given that Ander served 26 years, yeah, he would make captain. Shep had served 11 years when Eden Prime occured. Ok, possible.

I still made her skipper though but what does it matter. Skipper of no ship.

Well, I don't really consider it space magic. I just think that as technology advances, we as a people would be forced to learn faster and remember more just to keep up. And the things you mention above were exactly my thinking. I don't think anyone could fast-track to Commander or Captain or anything in just a few years. I think you'd be given basic training, gain some experience, and be trained in more advanced arenas as you were promoted. I don't think anyone could learn fast enough to master all aspects of space and ground operations before they even started to serve. I just think that over time, naval space operations are what all personnel would learn eventually. Since marines are implied to be a specialized branch, I think only marines would be given more than basic instruction in ground combat, hand-to-hand combat, etc. But everyone, marines included, would be instructed in stellar naval operations (or whatever you prefer to call it).

As for Shepard's promotion, as I said previously I think she would have had the training for it, but I think the reason she was actually given command of the normandy had more to do with politics than rank. Humanity had their first Spectre. The Spectre needed to get around. And humanity's representitives wanted to have some measure of involvement in her actions. If they gave her a ship, she could do her Spectre thing, but they had some measure of control over her operations. If they needed to, they could always claim that the Normandy was "Alliance Property" and it was needed for humanity's concerns, so they needed her to do Operation X. At least that was my take on it.

Aye. I always got the feeling that she was snuck in the back door somewhat when it came to her XO position (and eventually the CO position). She needed to have enough training, certainly, but ship experience seemed like less of a factor than the whole politics of the matter.

Modifié par fluffywalrus, 29 juin 2012 - 03:18 .

[Obsidian Gryphon]

Drussius wrote...

Obsidian Gryphon wrote...

Hmm true, you have valid points but myself, I find it hard to believe humanity would be able to "multitask: so easily in future but then oh wait, this is ME, space magic.. Jokes aside, no, I have no faith in humanity in RL. Hence I don't believe it i spossible. Back to ME.

Perhaps Allaince marines were given the ground combat training and basic understanding of ship operations. And as they get prpomoted, perhaps advance courses in navy operations. Given that Ander served 26 years, yeah, he would make captain. Shep had served 11 years when Eden Prime occured. Ok, possible.

I still made her skipper though but what does it matter. Skipper of no ship.

Well, I don't really consider it space magic. I just think that as technology advances, we as a people would be forced to learn faster and remember more just to keep up. And the things you mention above were exactly my thinking. I don't think anyone could fast-track to Commander or Captain or anything in just a few years. I think you'd be given basic training, gain some experience, and be trained in more advanced arenas as you were promoted. I don't think anyone could learn fast enough to master all aspects of space and ground operations before they even started to serve. I just think that over time, naval space operations are what all personnel would learn eventually. Since marines are implied to be a specialized branch, I think only marines would be given more than basic instruction in ground combat, hand-to-hand combat, etc. But everyone, marines included, would be instructed in stellar naval operations (or whatever you prefer to call it).

As for Shepard's promotion, as I said previously I think she would have had the training for it, but I think the reason she was actually given command of the normandy had more to do with politics than rank. Humanity had their first Spectre. The Spectre needed to get around. And humanity's representitives wanted to have some measure of involvement in her actions. If they gave her a ship, she could do her Spectre thing, but they had some measure of control over her operations. If they needed to, they could always claim that the Normandy was "Alliance Property" and it was needed for humanity's concerns, so they needed her to do Operation X. At least that was my take on it.

Actually, I wasn't questioning the political aspects of her given command but the validity of her skills to command a frigate (or even XO of it) because I'm already "trained"  in the doctrine that marines and navy officers are two different species.   Hence my going in circles about major/captain because they meant two different things to me.

It has always been so in SF novels, SF tv series (that I've read / watched).

Modifié par Obsidian Gryphon, 29 juin 2012 - 03:25 .

[Mr.BlazenGlazen]

dpMeggers wrote...

Mr.BlazenGlazen wrote...

Imma to lazy to go look for an editor. I'm not really looking forward to getting a contract and becoming a professional author as of now, I'm just writing because my thoughts demand me to put my imagination into words.

Don't have it myself but a few of our non-native speakers have referred to editing software (editors). Not like people editors.

I think I might need that. Because microsoft word's editor is stanking up my chapters.

[Drussius]

Obsidian Gryphon wrote...

Actually, I wasn't questioning the political aspects of her given command but the validity of her skills to command a frigate (or even XO of it) because I'm already "trained"  in the doctrine that marines and navy officers are two different species.   Hence my going in circles about major/captain because they meant two different things to me.

It has always been so in SF novels, SF tv series (that I've read / watched).

Yep. ME definitely breaks the mold in that respect. And it certainly wouldn't make much sense with two separate command structures. Once you take into account that it's all one coherent force, it all makes a lot more sense. I think the biggest source of confusion for a lot of people, now that I've thought about it, is the fact that the terms "Navy" and "Marine" are still used in ME as part of a single military, when we are used to them being whole separate groups.

An entirely different subject: Are barriers/shields in the ME universe supposed to be airtight? I've noticed several things in the games that suggest they can be made airtight (such as the end of ME2, when there's a huge hole in the side of the Normandy and yet people are in the room working, or in 3, where a shuttle is flown directly into Cerberus's fighter bay through the field over the door). I've been writing scenes on this assumption, that instead of docking bay doors and the like, there would just a barrier that protects from the vacuum outside. But I'm not sure if I missed something more specific in the codex somewhere.

[lillitheris]

Drussius wrote...

Obsidian Gryphon wrote...

Actually, I wasn't questioning the political aspects of her given command but the validity of her skills to command a frigate (or even XO of it) because I'm already "trained"  in the doctrine that marines and navy officers are two different species.   Hence my going in circles about major/captain because they meant two different things to me.

Yep. ME definitely breaks the mold in that respect. And it certainly wouldn't make much sense with two separate command structures. Once you take into account that it's all one coherent force, it all makes a lot more sense.

This is what I keep trying to say! :happy:

Consider an aircraft carrier. All personnel (handwave) is Navy, but you have doctors, mechanics, flight operations crews, fighter pilots, helicopter pilots, MPs, even marine or SEAL contingents.

So we have a single CoC, but lots of specialization. In fact, I doubt that your average infantry specialist (‘marine’) would have much more ship training than where the mess hall is located. Conversely, fleet specialists will only have gone through basic (ground) combat training. Infantry officers will likely have more cross training in fleet ops, and perhaps have optional courses they can take. Perhaps one of the N courses even includes mandatory fleet operations studies at the frigate level because of the nature of their missions.

We could simply say that there are no Majors or Generals, and do away with the problem. They’re just aliases given to Captains and Rear Admirals who specialize in infantry operations. It could be simple pride or tradition or that, for example, there’s a common situation where a cruiser will have a Captain as CO or XO, and its ground operations team is large enough to have a Major (and likewise for dreadnought/RA/General)  — so it was thought it’d be simpler to maintain these aliases.

[CmdrSlander]

All righty what do you all think of this: 


From Operation: Acheron

October 23, 2186
Athena Nebula, Parnitha, Thessia (Orbit)
Before The Fall


The fact that the Reaper armada descending upon the azure tinted world had failed to notice the SSV Normandy SR2 entering standard orbit was the result of the vessel’s stolen Reaper IFF as well as her advanced IES stealth systems. The fact that the Reapers had missed the other three Alliance ships flying in loose triangular formation several miles above Thessia was due to simple, dumb luck and a little bit of Solar interference. Not that there was much for the Reapers to detect anyway, the three Promethean class Ultralight Corvettes were far smaller and much less threatening than the Normandy SR2, having been based, in fact, upon her ancestor, the Normandy SR1. The Promethean class UL Corvette was the same length as the SR1 frigate, but lacked the frigate’s second deck and cargo bay, as well as her stealth systems and two of the SR1’s four ion thrusters. This made the PCULC a quarter of the weight of its progenitor, but thanks to the Tantalus drive core which had not been altered (but, in fact, somewhat enhanced) from the SR1 design, six times faster. The trimmed down, finely tuned Promethean class Corvettes appeared fast and razor like even when lazily orbiting a planet, as they were doing now. At the head of the three ship formation was the SSV Nikola Tesla, with the SSV Guglielmo Marconi and SSV Michael Faraday following a ship-length behind and half a ship-length offset to the left and right respectively.




The Commanding Officer’s Quarters of the SSV Nikola Tesla were twice as large as the accommodations afforded to lower ranking officers, let alone enlisted personnel, but half the size of the CO’s quarters on even the most spartan Alliance frigate. This had not stopped Captain Wyatt Cooper from making himself at home. On minuscule slab of metal that passed for a desk rested a half finished model of the RMS Olympic, alongside a stack of datapads, paperwork and old ‘real’ books. On a shelf above the desk dwelled a completed model of the battleship USS Missouri with his Grissom Medal for Exemplary Valor and Foresight in Space Operations leaning against it, both occupied a place of relative honor, as they were on the highest ledge in the tiny room. A music stand and instrument case which contained a real (not holographic interface) violin had been pushed unceremoniously into one corner in order to conserve precious space. These were not the conditions Cooper had imagined he would be in at 61 years of age. No, Cooper had expected an extravagant office on (at minimum) a Nelson class fighter carrier with a real mahogany desk, a large observation window, and an attractive, female yeoman at his beck and call. Back in the reality of his tiny cabin, Cooper himself was seated on his bunk putting on the last bits of his uniform.

This is only a small sample! Read all of chapter uno here: http://social.biowar.../index/12858136

Modifié par CmdrSlander, 29 juin 2012 - 08:31 .

[lillitheris]

CmdrSlander wrote...

All righty what do you all think of this:

I like it overall, but nit-picky notes away!

From Operation: Acheron

October 23, 2186
Athena Nebula, Parnitha, Thessia (Orbit)
Before The Fall

Edit: ah, it was my confusion. Proceed!

The fact that the Reaper armada descending upon the azure tinted world had failed to notice the SSV Normandy SR2 entering standard orbit was the result of the vessel’s stolen Reaper IFF as well as her advanced IES stealth systems. The fact that the Reapers had missed the other three Alliance ships flying in loose triangular formation several miles above Thessia was due to simple, dumb luck and a little bit of Solar interference.

Azure-tinted. Also, your two sentences are fairly similar; I’d either go for repetition (i.e. use ‘result’ or ‘due’ in both cases), or differentiate them a little bit more. You can drop the ‘the’ in front of SSV Normandy, maybe. I’d go for that or ‘the Normandy’.

Not that there was much for the Reapers to detect anyway, the three Promethean class Ultralight Corvettes were far smaller and much less threatening than the Normandy SR2, having been based, in fact, upon her ancestor, the Normandy SR1. The Promethean class UL Corvette was the same length as the SR1 frigate, but lacked the frigate’s second deck and cargo bay, as well as her stealth systems and two of the SR1’s four ion thrusters.

The SR1 did not, if I recall correctly, have ions. It already operated on the special low-v thrusters provided by the Tantalus.

You might expand on the general definition of Corvette, just a side statement that it’s a new class of ships smaller than Frigates.

This made the PCULC a quarter of the weight of its progenitor, but thanks to the Tantalus drive core which had not been altered (but, in fact, somewhat enhanced) from the SR1 design, six times faster.

Despite using parens everywhere in my informal text (like literally everywhere), in prose I prefer — here. I may be alone on that.

The trimmed down, finely tuned Promethean class Corvettes appeared fast and razor like even when lazily orbiting a planet, as they were doing now. At the head of the three ship formation was the SSV Nikola Tesla, with the SSV Guglielmo Marconi and SSV Michael Faraday following a ship-length behind and half a ship-length offset to the left and right respectively.

The naming convention in the codex states that Carriers are named after important people (SSV Einstein etc.) Many probably won’t notice it at all, but just to point that out.

The Commanding Officer’s Quarters of the SSV Nikola Tesla were twice as large as the accommodations afforded to lower ranking officers, let alone enlisted personnel, but half the size of the CO’s quarters on even the most spartan Alliance frigate. This had not stopped Captain Wyatt Cooper from making himself at home. On minuscule slab of metal that passed for a desk rested a half finished model of the RMS Olympic,

Which is what? Don’t rely on context here

alongside a stack of datapads, paperwork and old ‘real’ books. On a shelf above the desk dwelled a completed model of the battleship USS Missouri with his Grissom Medal for Exemplary Valor and Foresight in Space Operations leaning against it, both occupied a place of relative honor, as they were on the highest ledge in the tiny room. A music stand and instrument case which contained a real (not holographic interface) violin had been pushed unceremoniously into one corner in order to conserve precious space. These were not the conditions Cooper had imagined he would be in at 61 years of age. No, Cooper had expected an extravagant office on (at minimum) a Nelson class fighter carrier with a real mahogany desk, a large observation window, and an attractive, female yeoman at his beck and call. Back in the reality of his tiny cabin, Cooper himself was seated on his bunk putting on the last bits of his uniform.

Is Nelson-class the general designation of Carriers, or a new class?

Modifié par lillitheris, 29 juin 2012 - 08:57 .

[Drussius]

^ Ooooo! You MUST critique my fic when I start posting it. This is the sort of dissection I want!

[CmdrSlander]

lillitheris wrote...

CmdrSlander wrote...

All righty what do you all think of this:

I like it overall, but nit-picky notes away!

From Operation: Acheron

October 23, 2186
Athena Nebula, Parnitha, Thessia (Orbit)
Before The Fall

This seems for me like a preamble to a report, email or something similar. Maybe it’s just the From line there… In any case, the tone of the text does not correspond to a report — if this is not merely my confusion, you might clarify one side or the other.

[It is a from a report, actually its from a bunch of sensor data and other recordings that was fed into a VI program and turned into a narrative for the convenience of the reader (some unnamed military bueracrat post war when galactic comms are still too scrambled to handle video and images).]

The fact that the Reaper armada descending upon the azure tinted world had failed to notice the SSV Normandy SR2 entering standard orbit was the result of the vessel’s stolen Reaper IFF as well as her advanced IES stealth systems. The fact that the Reapers had missed the other three Alliance ships flying in loose triangular formation several miles above Thessia was due to simple, dumb luck and a little bit of Solar interference.

Azure-tinted. Also, your two sentences are fairly similar; I’d either go for repetition (i.e. use ‘result’ or ‘due’ in both cases), or differentiate them a little bit more. You can drop the ‘the’ in front of SSV Normandy, maybe. I’d go for that or ‘the Normandy’.

Not that there was much for the Reapers to detect anyway, the three Promethean class Ultralight Corvettes were far smaller and much less threatening than the Normandy SR2, having been based, in fact, upon her ancestor, the Normandy SR1. The Promethean class UL Corvette was the same length as the SR1 frigate, but lacked the frigate’s second deck and cargo bay, as well as her stealth systems and two of the SR1’s four ion thrusters.

The SR1 did not, if I recall correctly, have ions. It already operated on the special low-v thrusters provided by the Tantalus.

You might expand on the general definition of Corvette, just a side statement that it’s a new class of ships smaller than Frigates.

This made the PCULC a quarter of the weight of its progenitor, but thanks to the Tantalus drive core which had not been altered (but, in fact, somewhat enhanced) from the SR1 design, six times faster.

Despite using parens everywhere normally (like literally everywhere), stylistically I might go for — here. I may be alone on that.

The trimmed down, finely tuned Promethean class Corvettes appeared fast and razor like even when lazily orbiting a planet, as they were doing now. At the head of the three ship formation was the SSV Nikola Tesla, with the SSV Guglielmo Marconi and SSV Michael Faraday following a ship-length behind and half a ship-length offset to the left and right respectively.

The naming convention in the codex states that Carriers are named after important people (SSV Einstein etc.) Many probably won’t note it in any way, but just to point that out.

[Here's where it gets elaborate: Promethean class refers to the idea of stealing 'fire' (electricity in this case) from the 'heavens' therefore Promethean class ships are named after innovators in the specific fields that have to do with radio/electrical engineering. It comes from a book I read which likens Nikola Tesla to Prometheus, he gave mankind many advancements through his brilliance but was punished by a lifetime of commercial failure and, later in life, likely madness of some kind.] 

The Commanding Officer’s Quarters of the SSV Nikola Tesla were twice as large as the accommodations afforded to lower ranking officers, let alone enlisted personnel, but half the size of the CO’s quarters on even the most spartan Alliance frigate. This had not stopped Captain Wyatt Cooper from making himself at home. On minuscule slab of metal that passed for a desk rested a half finished model of the RMS Olympic,

Which is what? Don’t rely on context here

alongside a stack of datapads, paperwork and old ‘real’ books. On a shelf above the desk dwelled a completed model of the battleship USS Missouri with his Grissom Medal for Exemplary Valor and Foresight in Space Operations leaning against it, both occupied a place of relative honor, as they were on the highest ledge in the tiny room. A music stand and instrument case which contained a real (not holographic interface) violin had been pushed unceremoniously into one corner in order to conserve precious space. These were not the conditions Cooper had imagined he would be in at 61 years of age. No, Cooper had expected an extravagant office on (at minimum) a Nelson class fighter carrier with a real mahogany desk, a large observation window, and an attractive, female yeoman at his beck and call. Back in the reality of his tiny cabin, Cooper himself was seated on his bunk putting on the last bits of his uniform.

Is Nelson-class the general designation of Carriers, or a new class?

[I made it up on the spot, what do you want from me... It fits though, considering Lord Nelson is a famous person.]


[Really to understand this fic you do have to read the introduction as it is written fairly deeply in-universe and assumes quite a bit of knowledge, if you would kindly check my fic out and read only the first paragraph I think this will all make a greate deal more sense to you.]