9962 réponses à ce sujet

[fainmaca]

In a continuation of my above post about Miranda, how much do you think is too much tragedy for this setting? Is it easy to cross the line and make characters have to endure just a little too much suffering?

I mean, for example, in ITU I have the above mentioned genetic affliction Miranda has to deal with, along with the loss of a 'daughter' during the course of one mission, Thane is doomed to die because the Readers chose to keep the cure for his disease so it could be synthesised for distribution to the rest of his race, The Revenant is the last of his kind, Samara is now exiled from Asari space and has lost one of her daughters (I found it a bit creepy to learn that that was yet another fact my story shared with what Bioware released. Too many coincidences!), Delexia lost her ship and later the last surviving member of her crew, Etarn lost his wife and Jano was abandoned by his own ship. On top of that, people are guaranteed to die during the final mission due to certain Reader choices. I may be getting to the point where I'm overloading my cast with troubled characters.

[fluffywalrus]

fainmaca wrote...

In a continuation of my above post about Miranda, how much do you think is too much tragedy for this setting? Is it easy to cross the line and make characters have to endure just a little too much suffering?

I mean, for example, in ITU I have the above mentioned genetic affliction Miranda has to deal with, along with the loss of a 'daughter' during the course of one mission, Thane is doomed to die because the Readers chose to keep the cure for his disease so it could be synthesised for distribution to the rest of his race, The Revenant is the last of his kind, Samara is now exiled from Asari space and has lost one of her daughters (I found it a bit creepy to learn that that was yet another fact my story shared with what Bioware released. Too many coincidences!), Delexia lost her ship and later the last surviving member of her crew, Etarn lost his wife and Jano was abandoned by his own ship. On top of that, people are guaranteed to die during the final mission due to certain Reader choices. I may be getting to the point where I'm overloading my cast with troubled characters.

I think tragedy is fine, so long as there's a fair bit of reprieve. It seems like most characters in your fic have some burdens to bear, but surely they don't have to bear them alone, right? And I'd imagine there are some good times to help ease their minds and/or put things in perspective every now and then?

Tragedy can be a great plot device, but tragedy for tragedy's sake is a hard pill to swallow at times. Give them a reprieve, let the readers know that the characters are more than their burdens, and I think it all works out.

[CmdrSlander]

 More from my fic Operation: Acheron (link in image in sig). Some backstory this time, what do you think?

June 6, 2184 
The Citadel, Chora’s Den 


The Cerberus agent straightened his tie and took a seat at the small table. The man seated across from him, despite his age, was exceedingly intimidating. His neatly pressed white Systems Alliance dress uniform and silver hair made his brown eyes, by contrast, seem even darker and further unreadable. He reminded the agent of the Illusive Man, which made his presence all the more commanding. 


“Commander Wyatt Cooper?” The agent ventured. 


“Yes.” Cooper responded gruffly. 


“I was beginning to wonder if you had received our messages. Have you given our offer any consideration?” 


“Yes, it was intriguing I must admit. My own battle-group was it?” 


“Yes, and three times your current pay as well as a luxurious home anywhere in the galaxy during your ample vacation time. All at our expense of course.” The agent answered smoothly. 


“Now, you’ll forgive me my curiosity, but what makes an old spacer like me worth all that?” The Commander questioned with a slight hint of sarcasm that made the agent wonder if he wasn’t simply asking for a retelling of his accomplishments for his own sake. 


“Aside from your exemplary space combat abilities…” The agent began as he pulled up the Commander’s dossier on his omnitool. “Our records show a substantial level of sympathy with our goals.”


“Like what?” 


“A vote for Terra-Firma in last year’s parliamentary election, an official censure and de-rank for unbecoming anti-alien leanings.” 


“For an organization that likes to do their homework, you folks missed something important.” The Commander surreptitiously unholstered his M2111 Service Magnum Automatic Pistol and switched it over to ultra-subsonic Polonium rounds. He aimed it, under the table, at the Cerberus agent, the weapon unseen in the pulsing, erratic shadows of Chora’s Den. “Admiral Kahoku. What does my file say about him?” 


The agent was surprised by his question but searched for the Admiral’s name in Cooper’s file. “It appears you attended the Naval Academy together…” 


Cooper cut him off before he could finish his sentence: “And he married my sister, and I served with him for years, and you killed him. When I gave away my sister, I never thought I’d be a pall bearer at her husband’s funeral. Neither of them deserved that!” 


“Sir, please, Admiral Kahoku was a direct threat to our organization! By extension a direct threat to all humanity.” 


“Your organization killed an Alliance Admiral and my friend. I may not always agree with the Alliance’s policies toward aliens, but in the end the Alliance will stand for humanity, in the end they always do. So I will do as the Alliance does and not as they say and take care of my own, without your help.” 


The agent was stunned that Cerberus had missed this vital information and silently began to excuse himself from the table. 


Without so much as shifting his gaze Commander Cooper fired two rounds into the Cerberus Agent’s gut from under the table. Cooper stood up, grabbed the twitching agent by his powder blue collar and flung him onto the ground. Placing a boot onto his bleeding stomach to keep him from moving, Cooper fired a final round into the agent’s head, the slow moving projectile failed to exit the agent’s skull but, as it was a highly advanced slightly illegal semi-autonomous hollow point round, expanded as it knocked back and forth inside, scrambling the agent’s brain and eventually popping his head open with a sickening crack. 


By chance one of the Asari dancers was the first to notice the unfolding carnage. Her under-developed biotics flared unsteadily as she turned to face Cooper. Cooper caught sight of her, and, instead of aiming at her head or center-of-mass like he would have with most foes, the Commander pointed his Service Magnum at one of her kneecaps. The Asari froze up as her mind registered the two and a half pounds of hot, blued steel pointed at her. 


“You like your job, right?” Cooper asked. 


“Y-y-yes.” The Asari responded, not entirely truthfully. 


“Then stand down and I won’t bring it to a premature and painful end.” 

Modifié par CmdrSlander, 01 juillet 2012 - 02:06 .

[Icyflare]

CmdrSlander wrote...

Cooper fired a final round into the agent’s head, the slow moving projectile failed to exit the agent’s skull but, as it was a highly advanced slightly illegal semi-autonomous hollow point round, expanded as it knocked back and forth inside, scrambling the agent’s brain and eventually popping his head open with a sickening crack. 

A bit of a run-on. Loses dramatic impact than if you just said,

"Cooper fired a final round into the agent's head. The illegal hollow point round expanded as it knocked back and forth inside, scrambling the agent's brain. It popped his head open with a sickening crack."

You could always explan the exact nature of the round a little later on. In the middle of action scene is not the best place to do it.

On another note, does anyone else feel writing lethagy? My blank document has been taunting me for a while.

[CmdrSlander]

Icyflare wrote...

CmdrSlander wrote...

Cooper fired a final round into the agent’s head, the slow moving projectile failed to exit the agent’s skull but, as it was a highly advanced slightly illegal semi-autonomous hollow point round, expanded as it knocked back and forth inside, scrambling the agent’s brain and eventually popping his head open with a sickening crack. 

A bit of a run-on. Loses dramatic impact than if you just said,

"Cooper fired a final round into the agent's head. The illegal hollow point round expanded as it knocked back and forth inside, scrambling the agent's brain. It popped his head open with a sickening crack."

You could always explan the exact nature of the round a little later on. In the middle of action scene is not the best place to do it.

On another note, does anyone else feel writing lethagy? My blank document has been taunting me for a while.

Noted. Anything else? Overall feeling on the quality of the work? I'm fairly new to this and am trying to determine if I am even good at it. 

[noxiuniversitas1]

@Icyflare YES. Although, I've had PMs from readers miffed at the one-shot spree, lol. So I had to make a promise of "more Monday (Liara's nickname in Nova et Vetera) before Monday"

...

Modifié par noxiuniversitas1, 01 juillet 2012 - 02:20 .

[Meteo63]

fluffywalrus wrote...

Meteo63 wrote...

Hey everyone, never posted here before, but I'm getting ready to start writing my own story now and I wanted to ask for a few pieces of advice. I'm gonna do a remake of ME3 because Bioware's version did not live up to my admittedly high expectations (they screwed up Cerberus, the Illusive Man's role, basically all the ME2 romances, the silly fetch quests, Liara's importance as the Shadow Broker, and many other things including their ending, especially the deux ex machina that is the Crucible and the Catalyst and the thematic problems of allowing Control and Synthesis to occur), and that does partially include many game mechanics as well.

I plan to include dialogue choices, morality decisions, some EMS or War Assets system (but redone so that they don't just lump all assets into the same number despite all being used for completely different things). My question is this: how do I present it to people? I am writing it under the very obvious assumption that this is a game where Shepard has many choices (dialogue, etc) and people in the game have the ability to make those choices. So I don't want to write it as prose, do I? Should I use a script/game summary style? I can't just have Shepard saying stuff (though Bioware broke their own rules with that stupid auto-dialogue) willy-nilly, I need to show it on some kind of dialogue wheel or something. And different events occur with different choices in ME3, so again, how do I present those multitude of possible events?

Additionally, how do I plan out a story from the Mass Effect style? I know sort of how to do a story traditionally, but Mass Effect should (as ME3 failed to do) have a branching story where decisions create drastically different results. For instance, I want to have the Collector Base create drastic consequences, such as the Illusive Man taking control of and finishing the Human-Reaper as a weapon against the other Reapers, or destroying the base denying you valuable data on Reaper structural weakness or information on how the Reapers control their slaves (Collectors). How much effect can/should these decisions have? Is it feasible to do two branching plots with extremely different things going on?

Again, I'm focusing on ME3 and redoing it as a game that includes the choices made (and clearly being visible so people see what's going on and what consequences may or may not occur) so the advantage is that I do not need to write out in prose action scenes to a significant degree. However, there will be lots of plot complexity and I hope to do dialogue choices, so prose may not be very good for that, especially if Shepard has three/four (not like Bioware's silly 2 choices) choices he can say, if his crew members have varying responses, and if I need to make lots of adjustments for different events/choices that occur. What structure or presentation works well for this?

Are you planning to have reader input determine the progression of the plot?

If so, you'll need to take control of most, if not all, dialogue options. It's just not feasible to rely on reader input so often on so many things. Leave the important decisions up in the air, but the smaller, character-based ones, you write. It will be easier that way.

If you AREN'T talking about reader input at all, then...well, I'm not sure I understand what you're getting at. A text version of Mass Effect 3 complete with possible choices that you dictate? I'm not sure that's a compelling read.

I... don't know which way works better, honestly. I guess since I came from the perspective of improving Mass Effect 3, not just as a story but as a game as well,  I wanted to be as complete as possible and have dialogue choices and everything. So, you don't think dialogue choices work so well? Yeah, it does add far too much complexity, doesn't it?

As for reader input, how reliable is that? Can you expect readers to reliably come back to the story and actually give input? If no one says anything, the story does not work properly as a Mass Effect story (at least in the way I's like it to be).

I am thinking of not doing reader input at all though. I have seen people write out scripts of fan-made missions where markers like [Garrus alive] and [if Garrus died in ME2] tell you which lines of dialogue to include or not include. But as you said, if all the choices and consequences are apparent in front of the reader, it really takes us out of the immersion and compelling nature of the story.

Okay, so when you guys write Mass Effect stories where decisions can lead to branching stories, how do you plan that out, exactly?

[Icyflare]

CmdrSlander wrote...

Noted. Anything else? Overall feeling on the quality of the work? I'm fairly new to this and am trying to determine if I am even good at it. 

Overall feeling: It's not bad. Some of the writing could be tightened up to improve dramatic impact, like making some parts terser, re-phrasing some parts to improve narrative flow. Your grammar is good, and the story segment isn't uninteresting. There were some parts that I do have some questions about. If you could clarify them for me, it'd be great.

“Now, you’ll forgive me my curiosity, but what makes an old spacer like me worth all that?” The Commander questioned with a slight hint of sarcasm that made the agent wonder if he wasn’t simply asking for a retelling of his accomplishments for his own sake.

You could get rid of the "for his own sake" at the end. The readers can figure out it may be in the Commander's interests to re-hear his accomplishments. Also, if I were a Ceberus agent trying to recruit someone and he responded with sarcasm, I'd take it as a sign of disrespect rather than a need for validation/attention.

“Sir, please, Admiral Kahoku was a direct threat to our organization! By extension a direct threat to all humanity."

This Ceberus agent feels slightly incompetent to me. News of Kohaku's death by Ceberus would be highly classified if I'm not mistaken, given the nature of his death. The fact that Ceberus didn't double-check seems weird to me, but maybe its resources are stretched thin or something. Seriously though, an experienced recruitment agent probably wouldn't try to justify his organization's actions unless it was established beforehand that they were responsible for it. He may try to deflect the topic, readdress attention to portions of the offer that are relative to the desired recruitee, or state the reasoning behind the actions in a clear, it-was-necessary-tone.

The "Sir, please" and the ! mark gives the impression that this agent is begging, and I am left with the idea that either the agent is relatively inexperienced or not very good at his job. In a negotiation situation like this, it wouldn't do you much good to appear weaker than the other party.

Without so much as shifting his gaze Commander Cooper fired two rounds into the Cerberus Agent’s gut from under the table. Cooper stood up, grabbed the twitching agent by his powder blue collar and flung him onto the ground.

Having never been shot, I don't know what my reaction to having two rounds in the stomach would be. I'm not sure twitching is the adequate/appropriate response, but if it is, you can leave it as is.

“Y-y-yes.” The Asari responded, not entirely truthfully.

The "not entirely truthfully" part is not really needed. It doesn't advance the scene nor does it add to narrative flow.  If the asari and her discontent with her job doesn't come up later, then I suggest you delete it to add more impact to your last line.

noxiuniversitas1 wrote...

@Icyflare YES. Although, I've had PMs from readers miffed at the one-shot spree, lol. So I had to make a promise of "more Monday (Liara's nickname in Nova et Vetera) before Monday"

...

Haha, you've had PMs from annoyed readers? My sympathies to you, but on the plus side, you've still got a day-ish...

Is it time for more fluff in Nova et Vetera?

Modifié par Icyflare, 01 juillet 2012 - 03:02 .

[CmdrSlander]

Meteo63 wrote...

fluffywalrus wrote...

Meteo63 wrote...

Hey everyone, never posted here before, but I'm getting ready to start writing my own story now and I wanted to ask for a few pieces of advice. I'm gonna do a remake of ME3 because Bioware's version did not live up to my admittedly high expectations (they screwed up Cerberus, the Illusive Man's role, basically all the ME2 romances, the silly fetch quests, Liara's importance as the Shadow Broker, and many other things including their ending, especially the deux ex machina that is the Crucible and the Catalyst and the thematic problems of allowing Control and Synthesis to occur), and that does partially include many game mechanics as well.

I plan to include dialogue choices, morality decisions, some EMS or War Assets system (but redone so that they don't just lump all assets into the same number despite all being used for completely different things). My question is this: how do I present it to people? I am writing it under the very obvious assumption that this is a game where Shepard has many choices (dialogue, etc) and people in the game have the ability to make those choices. So I don't want to write it as prose, do I? Should I use a script/game summary style? I can't just have Shepard saying stuff (though Bioware broke their own rules with that stupid auto-dialogue) willy-nilly, I need to show it on some kind of dialogue wheel or something. And different events occur with different choices in ME3, so again, how do I present those multitude of possible events?

Additionally, how do I plan out a story from the Mass Effect style? I know sort of how to do a story traditionally, but Mass Effect should (as ME3 failed to do) have a branching story where decisions create drastically different results. For instance, I want to have the Collector Base create drastic consequences, such as the Illusive Man taking control of and finishing the Human-Reaper as a weapon against the other Reapers, or destroying the base denying you valuable data on Reaper structural weakness or information on how the Reapers control their slaves (Collectors). How much effect can/should these decisions have? Is it feasible to do two branching plots with extremely different things going on?

Again, I'm focusing on ME3 and redoing it as a game that includes the choices made (and clearly being visible so people see what's going on and what consequences may or may not occur) so the advantage is that I do not need to write out in prose action scenes to a significant degree. However, there will be lots of plot complexity and I hope to do dialogue choices, so prose may not be very good for that, especially if Shepard has three/four (not like Bioware's silly 2 choices) choices he can say, if his crew members have varying responses, and if I need to make lots of adjustments for different events/choices that occur. What structure or presentation works well for this?

Are you planning to have reader input determine the progression of the plot?

If so, you'll need to take control of most, if not all, dialogue options. It's just not feasible to rely on reader input so often on so many things. Leave the important decisions up in the air, but the smaller, character-based ones, you write. It will be easier that way.

If you AREN'T talking about reader input at all, then...well, I'm not sure I understand what you're getting at. A text version of Mass Effect 3 complete with possible choices that you dictate? I'm not sure that's a compelling read.

I... don't know which way works better, honestly. I guess since I came from the perspective of improving Mass Effect 3, not just as a story but as a game as well,  I wanted to be as complete as possible and have dialogue choices and everything. So, you don't think dialogue choices work so well? Yeah, it does add far too much complexity, doesn't it?

As for reader input, how reliable is that? Can you expect readers to reliably come back to the story and actually give input? If no one says anything, the story does not work properly as a Mass Effect story (at least in the way I's like it to be).

I am thinking of not doing reader input at all though. I have seen people write out scripts of fan-made missions where markers like [Garrus alive] and [if Garrus died in ME2] tell you which lines of dialogue to include or not include. But as you said, if all the choices and consequences are apparent in front of the reader, it really takes us out of the immersion and compelling nature of the story.

Okay, so when you guys write Mass Effect stories where decisions can lead to branching stories, how do you plan that out, exactly?

It sounds like a logistical nightmare! If I were you I would take a poll (possibly on this site) to see which decisions were most popular and write about those, thereby satisfying the largest number of people without sacrificing your sanity. 

[CmdrSlander]

Icyflare wrote...

CmdrSlander wrote...

Noted. Anything else? Overall feeling on the quality of the work? I'm fairly new to this and am trying to determine if I am even good at it. 

Overall feeling: It's not bad. Some of the writing could be tightned up to improve dramatic impact, like making some parts terser, re-phrasing some parts to improve narrative flow. Your grammar is good, and the story segment isn't uninteresting. There were some parts that I do have some questions about. If you could clarify them for me, it'd be great.

“Now, you’ll forgive me my curiosity, but what makes an old spacer like me worth all that?” The Commander questioned with a slight hint of sarcasm that made the agent wonder if he wasn’t simply asking for a retelling of his accomplishments for his own sake.

You could get rid of the "for his own sake" at the end. The readers can figure out it may be in the Commander's interests to re-hear his accomplishments. Also, if I were a Ceberus agent trying to recruit someone and he responded with sarcasm, I'd take it as a sign of disrespect rather than a need for validation/attention.

“Sir, please, Admiral Kahoku was a direct threat to our organization! By extension a direct threat to all humanity."

This Ceberus agent feels slightly incompetent to me. News of Kohaku's death by Ceberus would be highly classified if I'm not mistaken, given the nature of his death. The fact that Ceberus didn't double-check seems weird to me, but maybe its resources are stretched thin or something. Seriously though, an experienced recruitment agent probably wouldn't try to justify his organization's actions unless it was established beforehand that they were responsible for it. He may try to deflect the topic, readdress attention to portions of the offer that are relative to the desired recruitee, or state the reasoning behind the actions in a clear, it-was-necessary-tone.

The "Sir, please" and the ! mark gives the impression that this agent is begging, and I am left with the idea that either the agent is relatively inexperienced or not very good at his job. In a negotiation situation like this, it wouldn't do you much good to appear weaker than the other party.

Without so much as shifting his gaze Commander Cooper fired two rounds into the Cerberus Agent’s gut from under the table. Cooper stood up, grabbed the twitching agent by his powder blue collar and flung him onto the ground.

Having never been shot, I don't know what my reaction to having two rounds in the stomach would be. I'm not sure twitching is the adequate/appropriate response, but if it is, you can leave it as is.

“Y-y-yes.” The Asari responded, not entirely truthfully.

The "not entirely truthfully" part is not really needed. It doesn't advance the scene nor does it add to narrative flow.  If the asari and her discontent with her job doesn't come up later, then I suggest you delete it to add more impact to your last line.

noxiuniversitas1 wrote...

@Icyflare YES. Although, I've had PMs from readers miffed at the one-shot spree, lol. So I had to make a promise of "more Monday (Liara's nickname in Nova et Vetera) before Monday"

...

Haha, you've had PMs from annoyed readers? My sympathies to you, but on the plus side, you've still got a day-ish...

Is it time for more fluff in Nova et Vetera?

I'll adress your concerns in order:

1. The 'for his own' sake was more to reveal the Agent's own discontent with his assignment via his assumption that Cooper was just an old man trying to relive his glory days. (Really, we need this old, burnt out officer?) (I don't know if you have read the Operation: Acheron fic but at this time Cooper would be 59 and is, as noted, not in the Alliance's good graces, having recently been demoted from Captain to Commander and had his command transferred from a ship to a desk job). If you thought the agent was a little incompetent then I did my job, as I wasn't trying to portray him as a master negotiator. Cerberus miscalculated and assumed the disgraced, alien-unfriendly Cooper would be easy to recruit (note how the agent later tempts him with wealth and luxury, showing how little they really know about his character). Furthermore, the agent, in the very next sentence brushes past Cooper's illustrious past and moves straight to his more recent actions, which portray Cooper in a weakened state. 

2. Kohaku's death was very classified but Cooper works for the Alliance Office of Special Projects, which would have been the agency involved in covering it up in the first place (OSP also runs the blackest of the black ops in the Alliance, it is implied that elements of Cerberus were born as a splinter of this organization). His employment was not explicitly stated in this section of the fic because it is part of a larger work and that had already, more-or-less been stated. Furthermore, Cooper is very well connected (not suprising given his age and former glory). He's the kind of guy who could probably get that information out of Hackett over a round of golf. 

3. Already addressed the agent. Though I did edit out the exclamation points. To make the "Sir, please." sound more like an admonishment than begging (as in "Sir, please, be rational about this."). 


4. Stomach wounds don't really kill instantly especially when low velocity (low velocity enough to be fairly quiet without suppressor). There may be a better word for it, but I liked twitching because he is very nearly frozen in place by shock and pain but still moving unconsciously. The really deadly bullet (you know, the one I did a run-on about ) was reserved for the finishing shot. 

5. The "not entirely truthfully" was added after I re-read it and thought to myself "Who really enjoys being a stripper in a seedy bar?" and answered my own question with "Probably nobody." And also because she answered without thinking, given that she had a gun pointed at her face. 

Modifié par CmdrSlander, 01 juillet 2012 - 03:28 .

[Icyflare]

CmdrSlander wrote...

I'll adress your concerns in order:

1. The 'for his own' sake was more to reveal the Agent's own discontent with his assignment via his assumption that Cooper was just an old man trying to relive his glory days. (Really, we need this old, burnt out officer?) (I don't know if you have read the Operation: Acheron fic but at this time Cooper would be 59 and is, as noted, not in the Alliance's good graces, having recently been demoted from Captain to Commander and had his command transferred from a ship to a desk job). If you thought the agent was a little incompetent then I did my job, as I wasn't trying to portray him as a master negotiator. Cerberus miscalculated and assumed the disgraced, alien-unfriendly Cooper would be easy to recruit (note how the agent later tempts him with wealth and luxury, showing how little they really know about his character). Furthermore, the agent, in the very next sentence brushes past Cooper's illustrious past and moves straight to his more recent actions, which portray Cooper in a weakened state. 

2. Kohaku's death was very classified but Cooper works for the Alliance Office of Special Projects, which would have been the agency involved in covering it up in the first place (OSP also runs the blackest of the black ops in the Alliance, it is implied that elements of Cerberus were born as a splinter of this organization). His employment was not explicitly stated in this section of the fic because it is part of a larger work and that had already, more-or-less been stated. Furthermore, Cooper is very well connected (not suprising given his age and former glory). He's the kind of guy who could probably get that information out of Hackett over a round of golf. 

3. Already addressed the agent. Though I did edit out the exclamation points. To make the "Sir, please." sound more like an admonishment than begging (as in "Sir, please, be rational about this."). 

4. The "not entirely truthfully" was added after I re-read it and thought to myself "Who really enjoys being a stripper in a seedy bar?" and answered my own question with "Probably nobody." And also because she answered without thinking, given that she had a gun pointed at her face. 

1. I didn't need to read Operation: Acheron to get the impression that Cooper was old and has been demoted, as it was mentioned in the segment. If your intent was to portray the agent as incompetent, then it's fine. Doesn't need to be addressed more.

4. If you're fine with twitching, go ahead and keep it. The word is a little underwhelming, considering the agent was just shot twice in his abdomen.

5. Fair enough. I still feel like this could be rephrased for better dramatic impact. You could show us that she's not being entirely truthful rather than telling us. Maybe her voice went unusually high for her. Maybe she's trembling. Something else to show that he's eliciting an answer out of her that may be completely honest. Or you can just keep it. Up to you.

Modifié par Icyflare, 01 juillet 2012 - 03:42 .

[LanceSolous13]

fluffywalrus wrote...

fainmaca wrote...

In a continuation of my above post about Miranda, how much do you think is too much tragedy for this setting? Is it easy to cross the line and make characters have to endure just a little too much suffering?

I mean, for example, in ITU I have the above mentioned genetic affliction Miranda has to deal with, along with the loss of a 'daughter' during the course of one mission, Thane is doomed to die because the Readers chose to keep the cure for his disease so it could be synthesised for distribution to the rest of his race, The Revenant is the last of his kind, Samara is now exiled from Asari space and has lost one of her daughters (I found it a bit creepy to learn that that was yet another fact my story shared with what Bioware released. Too many coincidences!), Delexia lost her ship and later the last surviving member of her crew, Etarn lost his wife and Jano was abandoned by his own ship. On top of that, people are guaranteed to die during the final mission due to certain Reader choices. I may be getting to the point where I'm overloading my cast with troubled characters.

I think tragedy is fine, so long as there's a fair bit of reprieve. It seems like most characters in your fic have some burdens to bear, but surely they don't have to bear them alone, right? And I'd imagine there are some good times to help ease their minds and/or put things in perspective every now and then?

Tragedy can be a great plot device, but tragedy for tragedy's sake is a hard pill to swallow at times. Give them a reprieve, let the readers know that the characters are more than their burdens, and I think it all works out.

Pretty much this. Allow the characters to freely respond to the situation at hand. Have a tragedy, and then explore the fallout of the situation.

[CmdrSlander]

Chapter 2 of Operation Acheron (a fic that has had several excerpts posted here) is up: http://social.biowar...8136/1#12899393

Modifié par CmdrSlander, 01 juillet 2012 - 06:57 .

[Spiritwolf1]

CmdrSlander wrote...

Chapter 2 of Operation Acheron (a fic that has had several excerpts posted here) is up: http://social.biowar...8136/1#12899393

you should head to fanfic.net and post your story there. That way people do not need to dig for it. It is a two day wait to do so after you join but it's so easy to use. I put mine up there but I'm still on the fence about my second chapter, it was not really supposed to be about the antagonist but oh well Ill stare at it some more and decide.

[CmdrSlander]

Spiritwolf1 wrote...

CmdrSlander wrote...

Chapter 2 of Operation Acheron (a fic that has had several excerpts posted here) is up: http://social.biowar...8136/1#12899393

you should head to fanfic.net and post your story there. That way people do not need to dig for it. It is a two day wait to do so after you join but it's so easy to use. I put mine up there but I'm still on the fence about my second chapter, it was not really supposed to be about the antagonist but oh well Ill stare at it some more and decide.

I have a FF.net account, and the stuff I post on there gets very little attention. I find it easier to keep my posts/reviews/self promotion on the same network. Thank you though.

Since you cared enough to respond why don't you give it a look 

It has space battles! And Steam Ships! (not at the same time, that would just be wierd) And Promethean class Corvettes! And Asari! And Meaningful Sacrifice! 

Read the fic or I will slay an original character. Well she's doomed anyway but... I'll slay her sooner... 

Modifié par CmdrSlander, 01 juillet 2012 - 07:34 .

[Spiritwolf1]

I found my story got lost here and I hate bumping for shameless self promotion. I posted some comments for you, hope it helps.

If anyone want to take a peek at mine and let me know what they think of the second chapter it would be nice. I liked it even though it didnt go the way I had planned. I was going to have it focus on one character but instead it focused on another, now I just have to figure out if I will re focus it in the next chapter or just move on with what I had planned.

[fluffywalrus]

Spiritwolf1 wrote...

I found my story got lost here and I hate bumping for shameless self promotion. I posted some comments for you, hope it helps.

If anyone want to take a peek at mine and let me know what they think of the second chapter it would be nice. I liked it even though it didnt go the way I had planned. I was going to have it focus on one character but instead it focused on another, now I just have to figure out if I will re focus it in the next chapter or just move on with what I had planned.

I'll give it a look-see 

[fluffywalrus]

So I'm currently writing a chapter where my characters come across actual prepared food (at least, food that isn't soup, stew, ham, or nutrient paste) for pretty much the first time, and it has me wondering...
What's your characters' favourite foods? Doesn't even need to be Shep or the main Normandy cast or anything. Any primary characters in your fics

Ok, alright, I'm also hideously hungry, but I refuse to eat at 4:30AM.

So yeah, just curious...what do your characters like to eat? Any strange quirks your characters have?

[lillitheris]

MrStoob wrote...

@lill

I read your piece on the asari physiology and whatnot and was wondering how much is your own lore and how much is ME lore? It all seems pretty solid but I was just wondering.

I used as much as I could (like the ages, and smaller things like the genetic sequencing and splicing that is done at conception, the mysterious creche that is mentioned in relation to Samara, …), but the rest of it is simply as much removal of blue womanness as I can do without straying outside what’s seen in the games.

[Icyflare]

fluffywalrus wrote...

So I'm currently writing a chapter where my characters come across actual prepared food (at least, food that isn't soup, stew, ham, or nutrient paste) for pretty much the first time, and it has me wondering...
What's your characters' favourite foods? Doesn't even need to be Shep or the main Normandy cast or anything. Any primary characters in your fics

Ok, alright, I'm also hideously hungry, but I refuse to eat at 4:30AM.

So yeah, just curious...what do your characters like to eat? Any strange quirks your characters have?

I think this has been asked before, but it can always be answered again

My Shepard's favourite food is lamb stew, which her mother used to make. Her father really loved the heavy stuff like mashed potatoes and steak while her mother has similar tastes to Shepard. That is, a dislike to vegetables and love of anything sweet.

Dammit, now I'm hungry.

Modifié par Icyflare, 01 juillet 2012 - 09:04 .

[lillitheris]

fluffywalrus wrote...

lillitheris wrote...

noxiuniversitas1 wrote...

Icyflare wrote...

Something that can cause tumors and birth defect in unborn children can have detrimental effects on the parent as well? What would be a real-life example of this?

The fallout from Chernobyl. I can elaborate if you want, but it's chilling and quite unpleasant.

Weeell…I can’t fully agree with that assessment. If the eezo caused (significant) problems in adults, it would definitely get a mention. The codex info — as well as, say, Jack’s mother being fine when she was 4 — indicate that it definitely only affects the child.

Understandable to take that stance. From what the codex does and doesn't mention, it can be inferred that adults and young children are unaffected.

However, I personally find it a bit...oddd. that eezo is so 'safe', considering what it can do to unborn children. The magnitude of their deformities or biotic abilities can be quite amazing...I have a hard time believing that a force that can be so destructive, that can affect one's system in such an incredible way, would be akin to drinking alcohol as a pregnant mother.  I could see it being less effective on adults and more fully formed ndividuals, but I can't see them getting away unharmed.  It's just one thing that's kind of bugged me about biotics. SO I've kind of changed that a bit in my story, making it slightly AU in the process, I'm sure.

The codex being as clear about it as it is,  I couldn’t stray too far. I decreed that it’s dangerous in case of immunodeficiency, but other than that, the required amounts and time of exposure — at least several days — are high enough that untreatable exposures are rare.

For unborn children, in addition to the mention of cell division (and perhaps importantly the stem cell differentiation process, whatever that’s called), maybe it could be stipulated that eezo particularly concentrates in the placenta and/or the umbilical, exponentiating the effect.

…

@fainmaca: No worries!

[CmdrSlander]

Icyflare wrote...

fluffywalrus wrote...

So I'm currently writing a chapter where my characters come across actual prepared food (at least, food that isn't soup, stew, ham, or nutrient paste) for pretty much the first time, and it has me wondering...
What's your characters' favourite foods? Doesn't even need to be Shep or the main Normandy cast or anything. Any primary characters in your fics

Ok, alright, I'm also hideously hungry, but I refuse to eat at 4:30AM.

So yeah, just curious...what do your characters like to eat? Any strange quirks your characters have?

I think this has been asked before, but it can always be answered again

My Shepard's favourite food is lamb stew, which her mother used to make. Her father really loved the heavy stuff like mashed potatoes and steak while her mother has similar tastes to Shepard. That is, a dislike to vegetables and love of anything sweet.

Dammit, now I'm hungry.

Captain Wyatt Cooper's favorite beverage is Dr. Pepper made with Royal Cane Sugar. He has one bottle in a chilled case under his desk to be drunk in case of A) impending death or defeat of Reapers. As for food, he has an appreciation for fine cheeses from continental Europe and the medditeranean as well as a taste for Texas style smoked BBQ. Cooper was both a smoker and a drinker but his second wife, who was slayed by the Geth on Eden Prime convinced him to give both up, and though healthy living seems pointless with the Reapers laying waste the galaxy, relapsing would seems to him like a betrayal of her memory. 

[lillitheris]

CmdrSlander wrote...

I have a FF.net account, and the stuff I post on there gets very little attention. I find it easier to keep my posts/reviews/self promotion on the same network. Thank you though.

Since you cared enough to respond why don't you give it a look 

On that note, I’ll remark that I’d rather not turn this thread into a series of advertisements. Your own thread is on the very same forum, and that’s fine for keeping readers updated on the progress.

Input and critique on excerpts or rarer chapters is alright, but consistent chapter reviews should be handled elsewhere.

[CmdrSlander]

lillitheris wrote...

CmdrSlander wrote...

I have a FF.net account, and the stuff I post on there gets very little attention. I find it easier to keep my posts/reviews/self promotion on the same network. Thank you though.

Since you cared enough to respond why don't you give it a look 

On that note, I’ll remark that I’d rather not turn this thread into a series of advertisements. Your own thread is on the very same forum, and that’s fine for keeping readers updated on the progress.

Input and critique on excerpts or rarer chapters is alright, but consistent chapter reviews should be handled elsewhere.

Noted. The thread is getting more traffic now, so I won't promote it in this thread anymore. 

Modifié par CmdrSlander, 01 juillet 2012 - 09:31 .

[LanceSolous13]

Oops. I forgot to post a link to the thread (I think).

http://social.biowar.../index/12880461

There you go.

Love to hear any concrit anyone has about it.