9960 réponses à ce sujet

[lillitheris]

MrStoob wrote...

Might seem like a strange question, but I'd like people's opinion on this.

When does 'angrily lashing out' become 'domestic violence'?

When you have to ask.

(This is actually a pretty good rule in general )

Modifié par lillitheris, 29 mai 2012 - 08:18 .

[lillitheris]

Sialater wrote...

You could always ask here for volunteers.

I'd volunteer, but I'm Beta'ing for two others as well as Beta'ing for my own Betas. I'm swamped.

Sure; it’s exactly there that the pool would work best though

For the record, I’m happy to read through individual chapters if someone needs eyes – if I have the time, so it doesn’t work for time-sensitive stuff. A huge pool would help there, increasing the odds that at least someone’s available.

[MrStoob]

lillitheris wrote...

MrStoob wrote...

Might seem like a strange question, but I'd like people's opinion on this.

When does 'angrily lashing out' become 'domestic violence'?

When you have to ask.

That's an uncomfortable answer. 

[Sialater]

MrStoob wrote...

lillitheris wrote...

MrStoob wrote...

Might seem like a strange question, but I'd like people's opinion on this.

When does 'angrily lashing out' become 'domestic violence'?

When you have to ask.

That's an uncomfortable answer. 

Context might help. 

[lillitheris]

MrStoob wrote...

lillitheris wrote...

MrStoob wrote...

Might seem like a strange question, but I'd like people's opinion on this.

When does 'angrily lashing out' become 'domestic violence'?

When you have to ask.

That's an uncomfortable answer. 

’Tis an uncomfortable subject. Situations vary, accidents are accidents, but any time someone intentionally lashes out, understanding it may hurt the other, it’s not a good thing. Neither is being so uncontrollably angry that you accidentally hurt people.

I don’t think you should necessarily let it influence your decision to write it, though. Is it something the character would do?

[fluffywalrus]

MrStoob wrote...

Might seem like a strange question, but I'd like people's opinion on this.

When does 'angrily lashing out' become 'domestic violence'?

The ME world is filled with violence, but between two lovers? I'm working on a scene and this is my current sticking point. I am thinking that in the heat of the moment as a one off, and in the right context, it should probably be acceptable. But I don't really want to offend anyone. Creatively, I shouldn't care. But this is a delicate subject IMHO.

Thoughts anyone?

It's difficult to say, as different people have differing prerspective on what is DV and what isn't.

Some people only consider physical violence to count. Others (like myself) include verbal and emotional violence under the DV umbrella.

I think so long as you nail the context down, it'll be a more 'comfortable' read. Depends on the reader and how you portray the scene, really. Does Shep accidentally lash out and hit/insult someone, or is it on purpose or in a blinding rage? If you can nail down that context, it will be easier for the reader to digest it.

Modifié par fluffywalrus, 29 mai 2012 - 08:37 .

[MrStoob]

I have knackered this post sorry.  I edited rather than quoted and can't get the quote unquote right.

Rather than mis-quoting and having people say things that someone else said,  I'll just leave it like this.

SORRY!!!

Modifié par MrStoob, 29 mai 2012 - 10:39 .

[lillitheris]

MrStoob wrote...

lillitheris wrote...

MrStoob wrote...

lillitheris wrote...

MrStoob wrote...

Might seem like a strange question, but I'd like people's opinion on this.

When does 'angrily lashing out' become 'domestic violence'?

When you have to ask.

That's an uncomfortable answer. 

’Tis an uncomfortable subject. Situations vary, accidents are accidents, but any time someone intentionally lashes out, understanding it may hurt the other, it’s not a good thing. Neither is being so uncontrollably angry that you accidentally hurt people.

I don’t think you should necessarily let it influence your decision to write it, though. Is it something the character would do?

As you're someone who is respected here (inc. by me, despite being quite new), I'm glad you expanded.  Thanks.  The one liner felt a bit accusatory.

Hitting people intentionally is never good, I agree.  Is it something the character would do?  Subjective.

I'm probably just overthinking and being over-sensitive.  It's fiction.  Fiction isn't always happy and part of the ME journey has alway been 'questionable actions'.  Anyhoo, before I ramble myself into a corner...

I see, I’m sorry – I meant that you should use that as your rule, not something directed at you.

If there’s a scene where you find yourself asking whether something crosses a line, it probably does.

…

On a lighter note, here are some pretty colors!



This graph complements the one from earlier: it’s Visitor inrease from previous check. The individual lines are at somewhat arbitrary intervals, so don’t mind them, just the top line is sufficient for our purposes.

In this we can see that the spots of concern from earlier, 7 and 8, are seeing a slightly bigger overall increase than the preceding chapters, lending some credence to an advantage from earlier publication or possibly copyedit improvements.

And pretty colors!

[MrStoob]

 I've taken on board what you said and have ideas to re-jig the scene.  I think it's taken a darker turn now though lol.  But in a less 'controversial' way.
And yes, good save with the pretty colours!  

[Icyflare]

lillitheris wrote...

MidnightRaith wrote...

Icyflare wrote...

Hmmm...how do you guys find your beta readers/editors? I'm thinking of asking someone to beta read for me, but the list on FFnet is daunting and long. Any advice?

I don't use one usually. I have an OCD personality and I aim to be an editor in real life so for the most part, my stuff is pretty good as far as grammar is concerned, I believe. However, some people do find them useful, I know. When I do get people to read over my stuff, I tend to use someone I know like my sister. She's a bit better at commas than I am.

A second pair of eyes is always a good thing. I certainly wouldn’t turn down someone who wanted to help but in absence thereof, I do the best I can for the first version and then re-read it occasionally to see if I notice anything new.

Beta readers aren’t a magic bullet either, half the stuff I know has been read still has errors left anyway.

True, beta readers can't solve everything that needs improving in a story, but I'd like the idea of someone who can read through my fic and tell me they found works and what doesn't, what's superfluous and what's necessary. Grammar isn't something I'm concerned about but, rather, the narrative flow and cohesion of the story.  Sometimes, there's an author bias. You know what you want to say, so you don't pay as enough attention to how it actually reads, and that's what another pair of eyes is for.

As for re-reading it myself, after a whle I come to a point where I want to punt it through the monitor, because I'm no longer sure which sections I need to rewrite and what needs to be left alone. I don't mind editing other people's stuff, but when it comes to changing mine over and over again....bleh.

@lillitheris: Yay, pretty colours! Glad there's large influx of readers around there for you.

@MrStoob: Might be a little late, but here's my two cents. Domestic violence/abuse generally has a connotation of being a long term thing, and since all of LIs have such strong characters, I don't know if they'd stick around after being subjected to a few times. However, if you're writing about OCs or someone else altogether, DV is an abnormal behavioural pattern in which there is continual, intended, physical or emotional harm to one's partner. (Was a psych major. Hence, dry, clinical terms)

Modifié par Icyflare, 29 mai 2012 - 11:00 .

[MrStoob]

Well, while that one bakes a little, here's one that's hopefully a little more uplifting lol.

Blue

[fluffywalrus]

MrStoob wrote...

Well, while that one bakes a little, here's one that's hopefully a little more uplifting lol.

Blue

That was really, really cute

[Icyflare]

I like the part where Shepard dyes herself, and the middle section where the ships come down. I think you capture the suspense and disbelief of a sudden attack well.

However, I am unsure about the progress of the term 'blueberry' in the story. First, it's used as a term of endearment, then by the second paragraph, it's used in scorn and mockery. By the third part, it's used as term of affection again, but because it still carries the negative connotations of the schoolyard teasing, it doesn't carry much weight as something used for those who are dear. In short, the blueberry term doesn't have as much impact as it could have, because the second section modifies it a bit too negatively in my opinion. Maybe if there was an insertion before the final use of the term about how Shepard sees the nickname, it might help the emotional impact at the end.

This is just my reading of it. You can listen or ignore it as you please.

[MrStoob]

Icyflare wrote...

I like the part where Shepard dyes herself, and the middle section where the ships come down. I think you capture the suspense and disbelief of a sudden attack well.

However, I am unsure about the progress of the term 'blueberry' in the story. First, it's used as a term of endearment, then by the second paragraph, it's used in scorn and mockery. By the third part, it's used as term of affection again, but because it still carries the negative connotations of the schoolyard teasing, it doesn't carry much weight as something used for those who are dear. In short, the blueberry term doesn't have as much impact as it could have, because the second section modifies it a bit too negatively in my opinion. Maybe if there was an insertion before the final use of the term about how Shepard sees the nickname, it might help the emotional impact at the end.

This is just my reading of it. You can listen or ignore it as you please.

I had wondered, is it clear who is saying it the last time?

[fluffywalrus]

I could only imagine Shepard is, due to not having been open about her childhood much(as is basically stated in your fic).Thus Liara wouldn't be familiar with the pet-name's origin. Shepard would be.

[IliyaMoroumetz]

A younger individual came to me and wanted to see what I thought about his personalized backstory for his Shepard. I said yes and I got inundated with a novel instead of a brief synopsis.

So, here's a piece of advice for you people out there when it comes to writing: It's called the K.I.S.S. philosophy.

K.eep I.t S.imple, S.tupid!

Really, when I started writing, I thought you had to be detailed as possible. Looking back at some of my older stuff, I cringe when I realize just how unneccesary so much of it was!

Trust me, folks. You'll be saving yourself a lot of time doing this.

Modifié par IliyaMoroumetz, 30 mai 2012 - 03:07 .

[Icyflare]

MrStoob wrote...

Icyflare wrote...

I like the part where Shepard dyes herself, and the middle section where the ships come down. I think you capture the suspense and disbelief of a sudden attack well.

However, I am unsure about the progress of the term 'blueberry' in the story. First, it's used as a term of endearment, then by the second paragraph, it's used in scorn and mockery. By the third part, it's used as term of affection again, but because it still carries the negative connotations of the schoolyard teasing, it doesn't carry much weight as something used for those who are dear. In short, the blueberry term doesn't have as much impact as it could have, because the second section modifies it a bit too negatively in my opinion. Maybe if there was an insertion before the final use of the term about how Shepard sees the nickname, it might help the emotional impact at the end.

This is just my reading of it. You can listen or ignore it as you please.

I had wondered, is it clear who is saying it the last time?

Actually, I got confused on that last bit. I think it was Shepard?

[MrStoob]

Icyflare wrote...

MrStoob wrote...

Icyflare wrote...

I like the part where Shepard dyes herself, and the middle section where the ships come down. I think you capture the suspense and disbelief of a sudden attack well.

However, I am unsure about the progress of the term 'blueberry' in the story. First, it's used as a term of endearment, then by the second paragraph, it's used in scorn and mockery. By the third part, it's used as term of affection again, but because it still carries the negative connotations of the schoolyard teasing, it doesn't carry much weight as something used for those who are dear. In short, the blueberry term doesn't have as much impact as it could have, because the second section modifies it a bit too negatively in my opinion. Maybe if there was an insertion before the final use of the term about how Shepard sees the nickname, it might help the emotional impact at the end.

This is just my reading of it. You can listen or ignore it as you please.

I had wondered, is it clear who is saying it the last time?

Actually, I got confused on that last bit. I think it was Shepard?

Yea, it was Shep.  But I think I potentially identified the problem with the conotations of the word.

The line "She hates it when..." at the end of the first part.

'it' in this case is not the word 'blueberry' but 'it' as in 'the circumstance when', like 'I hate it when that happens'.  She doesn't hate the word itself, it just depends who's saying it and how.  Should I make it clearer that the word still belongs to them?

I might be barking up the wrong tree  

Also, Shepard likes to tease Liara with humour.  

She knows that Liara won't know what to make of such a phrase and would be amused to watch Liara's confused face as she squirms lol.  So it's 'tongue-in-cheek'.

Modifié par MrStoob, 30 mai 2012 - 08:52 .

[fluffywalrus]

MrStoob wrote...

Icyflare wrote...

MrStoob wrote...

Icyflare wrote...

I like the part where Shepard dyes herself, and the middle section where the ships come down. I think you capture the suspense and disbelief of a sudden attack well.

However, I am unsure about the progress of the term 'blueberry' in the story. First, it's used as a term of endearment, then by the second paragraph, it's used in scorn and mockery. By the third part, it's used as term of affection again, but because it still carries the negative connotations of the schoolyard teasing, it doesn't carry much weight as something used for those who are dear. In short, the blueberry term doesn't have as much impact as it could have, because the second section modifies it a bit too negatively in my opinion. Maybe if there was an insertion before the final use of the term about how Shepard sees the nickname, it might help the emotional impact at the end.

This is just my reading of it. You can listen or ignore it as you please.

I had wondered, is it clear who is saying it the last time?

Actually, I got confused on that last bit. I think it was Shepard?

Yea, it was Shep.  But I think I potentially identified the problem with the conotations of the word.

The line "She hates it when..." at the end of the first part.

'it' in this case is not the word 'blueberry' but 'it' as in 'the circumstance when', like 'I hate it when that happens'.  She doesn't hate the word itself, it just depends who's saying it and how.  Should I make it clearer that the word still belongs to them?

I might be barking up the wrong tree  

Also, Shepard likes to tease Liara with humour.  

She knows that Liara won't know what to make of such a phrase and would be amused to watch Liara's confused face as she squirms lol.  So it's 'tongue-in-cheek'.

I think the main issue with having the pet name stick as ultimately positive, despite the negative way some say it, is that you've written a one-shot. It's hard to get much of anything new to stick on a one shot (especially if the one shot it less than huge in length).

With the story as it is, I'm not sure I can think of a better way to frame it, For what it's worth I thought the nickname was cute. That said, it was memorable to me because the thought of little Shep dying herself blue is horrendously endearing. Though I'll remember the blue-dye before the pet name blueberry, for certain.

Still, I'm not sure how you could improve it.

Modifié par fluffywalrus, 30 mai 2012 - 09:00 .

[Icyflare]

It could possibly be a narrative tone thing as well. Like in first section, you have a very light-lighted, playful atmosphere, which transitions it to horror and shock feeling by the second, and then enters the third section with a tone of sorrow/reminiscence. To have a bigger impact, you may need to reflect the playful, affectionate mood of the first part onto the third part to achieve the same emotional associations. Or you can just ignore me and keep your story the way it is. It's cute by itself.

Modifié par Icyflare, 30 mai 2012 - 09:37 .

[lillitheris]

Just a heads-up, I just noticed a strange issue with FFN swallowing some characters…it’s inconsistent, too. In one chapter, there’s just one place where I can’t get dashes to show up. Another one I had to enter and save several times until it actually started showing up.

Edit: apparently there’s some kind of an enhancement to the Doc Manager they put in Monday, might have to do with that.

Edit2: to clarify, these are chapters that as far as I recall, were showing just fine when I last looked them over.

Modifié par lillitheris, 30 mai 2012 - 03:17 .

[lillitheris]

…And support claims that the bug has been caught and squashed. Should disappear as their caches clear out.

Modifié par lillitheris, 30 mai 2012 - 05:29 .

[fluffywalrus]

lillitheris wrote...

Just a heads-up, I just noticed a strange issue with FFN swallowing some characters…it’s inconsistent, too. In one chapter, there’s just one place where I can’t get dashes to show up. Another one I had to enter and save several times until it actually started showing up.

Edit: apparently there’s some kind of an enhancement to the Doc Manager they put in Monday, might have to do with that.

Edit2: to clarify, these are chapters that as far as I recall, were showing just fine when I last looked them over.

Yeah, I had some dashes in the chapter I uploaded last night and it ate it and the following two characters.

I've more or less decided to use "..." as a replacement, despite "-" working better to show interruption. I've had issues with the last two chapters being effected by it. They say it's fixed now but I'm just going to avoid it for now.
They would show up fine in the edit suite in the doc manager, but wouldn't show up well when published.

But thanks for the heads up

[Mr.BlazenGlazen]

Hey guys. Just updated my story with a new chapter. This one was pretty long, and really difficult to write. Check it out if you got time.

[zapphoman24]

Hello. I've been working on a fic as well. The link for it is in my sig. Check it out if any of you have time.