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Dearth of Asari Fashion Designers


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#26
Pitznik

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Dear Asari scum!

You Asari are the blue trash of the galaxy. Race made entirely of hot alien women, who can crossbreed with every other race and gender? That is beyond ridiculous. You just steal our hardworking husbands and wives. I hope you all die in a fire. Try your tricks on the reapers, haha.

Sincerely, Kate Rawlinson, Alliance Marine's ex-wife, head of the Abandoned for a Blue Ho-bag support group

#27
Sajuro

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At least your inbox isn't full of threads about "bumbums"
signed
Rora nar Neema. Infiltrator

#28
Sajuro

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Pitznik wrote...

Dear Asari scum!

You Asari are the blue trash of the galaxy. Race made entirely of hot alien women, who can crossbreed with every other race and gender? That is beyond ridiculous. You just steal our hardworking husbands and wives. I hope you all die in a fire. Try your tricks on the reapers, haha.

Sincerely, Kate Rawlinson, Alliance Marine's ex-wife, head of the Abandoned for a Blue Ho-bag support group

Once you go blue,that's the only hue
-samuel garter,alliance soldier

#29
holdenagincourt

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Pitznik wrote...

Dear Asari scum!

You Asari are the blue trash of the galaxy. Race made entirely of hot alien women, who can crossbreed with every other race and gender? That is beyond ridiculous. You just steal our hardworking husbands and wives. I hope you all die in a fire. Try your tricks on the reapers, haha.

Sincerely, Kate Rawlinson, Alliance Marine's ex-wife, head of the Abandoned for a Blue Ho-bag support group


Dear Ms. Rawlinson,

Are you upset, sister? I know there are many members of my species who play fast and loose with the courtship and mating rituals of alien races, but shouldn't one follow one's heart and attempt to find one's blue soulmate? If I were to fall in love with a human, Turian, Salarian or even Elcor I would not let something so minor as my race prevent me from finding happiness!

Also, if you continue to direct hate mail and spam to this account I will have to consult the Geth who works in the server room and monitors our extranet server to have you blocked.

May the Goddess shower you with blessings,
Leena

#30
Eckswhyzed

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Dear Leena,

100011110101011000011101010101010101010001111100000000111101010101

Sincerely, Infiltration Unit 1138

#31
Mordred_Moridin

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Leena,

This platform still uses the standard colouring of the heretic hunters to blend among their mobile platforms (since Geth do not infiltrate). We understand the tactical benefits of a skin tight bodysuit, but there are still items that can get caught since your platform does not contain an enhanced movement program. In this case we recommend a similar system to that of the geth: a combat and stealth oriented paint scheme applied to the mobile platforms exterior surface directly. While the paint will need to be applied after each engagement, it holds none of the risks of "clothing" in a combat situation and can still be used to identify the unit to which the mobile platform is assigned.

Regards,
01000110011011110111001000100000011101110110010100100000011000010111001001100101001000000
1101101011000010110111001111001

Modifié par Mordred_Moridin, 04 juin 2012 - 06:35 .


#32
Ashen One

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571 runtimes favor a black and red color scheme.

573 runtimes favor a black and blue color scheme.

#33
Mordred_Moridin

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Eckswhyzed wrote...

Dear Leena,

100011110101011000011101010101010101010001111100000000111101010101

Sincerely, Infiltration Unit 1138


Platform 1138, message is incomplete, transmit again.

#34
ThatQuarianGuy

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Dear Leena T'Snoog:

I understand that your armor allows for the accentuation of your asses. Just imagine if we had those on OUR girls!

Sincerely,
Captain Esh'Kael vas Rabakka

Modifié par ThatQuarianGuy, 04 juin 2012 - 06:47 .


#35
ThatQuarianGuy

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P.S. Can we order some?
Ciao.

#36
PoetryAvenger

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Miss T'Snoog;

I personally harbor a love for vibrant and verdant greens coupled with a sort of burnished gold color, much like my Turian friend Hosper. It is my understanding, however, that not many Asari wish to colorize their armor in such a fashion. I believe their reasoning is that it "clashes" with their natural skin-tone? I must profess that I don't entirely understand, although I might be a bit color-blind. Regardless, I've also enjoyed mixing a pale brown with a dark red symbolizing the life of my enemies that I happily sling across the battlefield. Perhaps this would be a favorable combination for you?

Hoping this message finds you well,
Vorcha mercenary Ven T. Dysel (Esquire)

#37
holdenagincourt

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Mordred_Moridin wrote...

Leena,

This platform still uses the standard colouring of the heretic hunters to blend among their mobile platforms (since Geth do not infiltrate). We understand the tactical benefits of a skin tight bodysuit, but there are still items that can get caught since your platform does not contain an enhanced movement program. In this case we recommend a similar system to that of the geth: a combat and stealth oriented paint scheme applied to the mobile platforms exterior surface directly. While the paint will need to be applied after each engagement, it holds none of the risks of "clothing" in a combat situation and can still be used to identify the unit to which the mobile platform is assigned.

Regards,
01000110011011110111001000100000011101110110010100100000011000010111001001100101001000000
1101101011000010110111001111001


To my Geth friend,

I've read your message over several times to be sure, but are you recommending that I enter combat naked but for body paint? While your advice is certainly appreciated, I should note that organic bodies cannot be as quickly and easily repaired as your mobile platforms can, and we do not have an option to simply upload our programs upon incurring "critical damage." I don't know if I dislike this uniform enough to run that kind of risk! ;)

However, the Geth Hunters, heretics as you call them, do have quite a sleek look. I did get some advice from a fellow Asari recently to go with a black and dark red color scheme, so your recommendation is in good company.

Best wishes,
Leena

#38
asaiasai

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Dear Leena,
As an Asari Justicar of middle age around 650 give or take a few decades, i will take this moment to explain the necessity of the suits design. As a Justicar i have been involved in many conflicts, some can be resolved with a bullet, others can be resolved in a more subtle manner, it is the task at hand that determines the attire. Never giving it much thought as my Academy days are 5 centuries behind me. I have been involved with conflicts that over the last few centuires have become more about the bullet and less about the bedroom. I have sadly grown accustomed to the typical standard combat issue justicar uniform.   

 I was reminded of the necessity of the strap as my combat suit was ruined after a day of pretty intense fighting as i did not want to look like a Vorcha and smell like a Krogan, even in combat. I was covered in Cerberus entrails from being to close to a biotic explosion as a Phantom went up. Sadly the Adept sister who was fresh out of the Academy by 100 years and had only 50 years or so of actual combat experience made a proper accounting of herself, yet still a child in many ways. She loaded up the aforementioned Phantom with a warp but not before the blade of the Phantom was in motion. I was rushing to assist the sister when i reaved the phantom, detonating the warp which is why my combat suit was ruined. The older suit was one i had in the bottom of my foot locker from a time close to 500 years ago when my metabolism and my dancing in Afterlife to pay my way through the Academy, ensured a trimmer figure. I put the suit on and it was just a bit tighter than i remember it to be, but as it was all i had at the time you go with what you have not what you want.

It was shortly afterwards that we were  attacked by Cerberus again, they seem to come in waves of 10 before we are rotated back to the Citadel. Well it was during an early wave 3 or 4 that the unit got pinned down. As i leapt across an obstruction in an attempt to flank and prevent Cerberus forces from flanking our positions, i performed that little biotic slide that we all mastered as children on the playgrounds on Thessia. Well apparently the slide was a bit too much for my older suit which lacked enough support to contain my breasts. In short i had a wardrobe malfunction in the middle of combat no less. So here i am in the middle of a fight attempting to stuff myself back into my suit. I then notice the Atlas turning a corner starting to bear down on our position, i decide that certain dictates of modesty will have to wait. 

As i returned to cover preparing to order the squad to focus fire on the Atlas bearing down on our position both the Krogan and the Turian seemed more interested in the wardrobe malfunction than the Atlas. I had to kick the Krogan and punch the Turian to get them to focus on the Atlas instead of my breasts which i have still not been able to put away yet. We were almost wiped out by a stray rocket from an Atlas that had the Krogan and the Turian been eyes forward as opposed to staring at my misplaced breasts the Krogan would still have a quad, instead of a 3 pack, serves the perv right.

So sweetheart the suit is designed to be as supportive and as bland as possible. Lets face the realities we know we are attractive, we know twe are smart, we know the rest of the galaxy would spend thier entire fortunes for one peak at what is behind our combat suits, and as i have already pointed out we can be distracting. Which brings me to my point, the last thing we need is our back up distracted from the task at hand by our firm well proportioned backsides. The suit is to contain and focus our powers, and to contain and focus our allies attention spans away from our perfectly well rounded backsides.

Signed
Justicar Dauphean

Modifié par asaiasai, 04 juin 2012 - 08:30 .


#39
MuteSyndrome

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...yes.

#40
holdenagincourt

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asaiasai wrote...

Dear Leena,
As an Asari Justicar of middle age around 650 give or take a few decades, i will take this moment to explain the necessity of the suits design. As a Justicar i have been involved in many conflicts, some can be resolved with a bullet, others can be resolved in a more subtle manner, it is the task at hand that determines the attire. Never giving it much thought as my Academy days are 5 centuries behind me. I have been involved with conflicts that over the last few centuires have become more about the bullet and less about the bedroom. I have sadly grown accustomed to the typical standard combat issue justicar uniform.   

 I was reminded of the necessity of the strap as my combat suit was ruined after a day of pretty intense fighting as i did not want to look like a Vorcha and smell like a Krogan, even in combat. I was covered in Cerberus entrails from being to close to a biotic explosion as a Phantom went up. Sadly the Adept sister who was fresh out of the Academy by 100 years and had only 50 years or so of actual combat experience made a proper accounting of herself, yet still a child in many ways. She loaded up the aforementioned Phantom with a warp but not before the blade of the Phantom was in motion. I was rushing to assist the sister when i reaved the phantom, detonating the warp which is why my combat suit was ruined. The older suit was one i had in the bottom of my foot locker from a time close to 500 years ago when my metabolism and my dancing in Afterlife to pay my way through the Academy, ensured a trimmer figure. I put the suit on and it was just a bit tighter than i remember it to be, but as it was all i had at the time you go with what you have not what you want.

It was shortly afterwards that we were  attacked by Cerberus again, they seem to come in waves of 10 before we are rotated back to the Citadel. Well it was during an early wave 3 or 4 that the unit got pinned down. As i leapt across an obstruction in an attempt to flank and prevent Cerberus forces from flanking our positions, i performed that little biotic slide that we all mastered as children on the playgrounds on Thessia. Well apparently the slide was a bit too much for my older suit which lacked enough support to contain my breasts. In short i had a wardrobe malfunction in the middle of combat no less. So here i am in the middle of a fight attempting to stuff myself back into my suit. I then notice the Atlas turning a corner starting to bear down on our position, i decide that certain dictates of modesty will have to wait. 

As i returned to cover preparing to order the squad to focus fire on the Atlas bearing down on our position both the Krogan and the Turian seemed more interested in the wardrobe malfunction than the Atlas. I had to kick the Krogan and punch the Turian to get them to focus on the Atlas instead of my breasts which i have still not been able to put away yet. We were almost wiped out by a stray rocket from an Atlas that had the Krogan and the Turian been eyes forward as opposed to staring at my misplaced breasts the Krogan would still have a quad, instead of a 3 pack, serves the perv right.

So sweetheart the suit is designed to be as supportive and as bland as possible. Lets face the realities we know we are attractive, we know twe are smart, we know the rest of the galaxy would spend thier entire fortunes for one peak at what is behind our combat suits, and as i have already pointed out we can be distracting. Which brings me to my point, the last thing we need is our back up distracted from the task at hand by our firm well proportioned backsides. The suit is to contain and focus our powers, and to contain and focus our allies attention spans away from our perfectly well rounded backsides.

Signed
Justicar Dauphean


asaiasai, I'm dropping out of character (and also necroing this thread) to commend you for your hilarious post. It has gone unrecognized for far too long, and I thought for a while about how I would respond in character in a way that would not make the thread overdone, or how I would get good photos from my horrible old SDTV, both of which I couldn't manage. Thanks for the creativity and laughs. :)

#41
ParkBom

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To Leena,
Hay gurl, how you doin'? I grew up in da ghettos of Thessia but I be doin' good fo' myself! Bein' da Justicar I be, I learnin' dat my armor has mo' protectiveness than yo suit. You best be wearing somethin' that looks flatterin' but also it best be protectin' you. Gurl, I been seein' some of dese commandos be goin' in with breasts and booty shakin' 'round da battlefield. (Dough it might just be da bodysuit paint...I don't be knowin') Gurl, what I be tryin' to say is armor da way to go. I best be seein' you on da battlefield!

Sincerly,
Justicar Laquisha

#42
ParkBom

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To Leena again,
Gurl, you best be spellin' da title right. I be believin' dat it be "death" not "dearth". Kay gurl? Kay.

Sincerly,
Justicar Laquisha

#43
Major Durza

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Asari,

I do not see the problem with the suit, because you hardly want something loose-fitting in combat.  It tends to make noise precisely when you are trying to get the jump on your enemy.  Sneaking up on someone, you don't want a rustle or a clank to give you away.  That noise can be the difference between a silent kill and a messy fight for your life.  Not sure the current Cerberus drones would notice, but if the Illusive Man had managed to field us, you would not want heavy armor while sneaking up on our position.I'm not sure if I am just speaking for myself, but I do not concern myself with a teammates backside when all of our lives are at risk.  Just know that it is at least a basic part of human psychology that we are a lot more willing to protect someone who is attractive with our lives.  Since all the races in the galaxy consider Asari attractive (with few exceptions), you are actually rather set up well in that regard.It is unlikely that anyone will think less of you for not wearing something clunky in the battlefield.  Unless of course you try to fight like a Krogan, then of course we will have a problem.  That problem won't be someone considering you a bit promiscuous, you would probably end up dead before such a feeling registers.Skintight commando leathers are not as much of a problem as you seem to think.  Personally speaking, I only consider someone to have loose morals in that regard if they act like it.  Don't judge a book by its cover and all that.  Even though that saying came from a time when book covers carried next to no embellishments, I think many people realize it still holds true.

Keep your chin up, eyes front and focused on your target.  Such concerns weigh on your mind and are a distraction from the literal life and death situations we meet every day.

Regards,

Agent Logan Kentsman
Project Pheonix, Cerberus (Former)

Modifié par Major Durza, 22 juin 2012 - 01:04 .


#44
holdenagincourt

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JusticarFlareon wrote...

To Leena,
Hay gurl, how you doin'? I grew up in da ghettos of Thessia but I be doin' good fo' myself! Bein' da Justicar I be, I learnin' dat my armor has mo' protectiveness than yo suit. You best be wearing somethin' that looks flatterin' but also it best be protectin' you. Gurl, I been seein' some of dese commandos be goin' in with breasts and booty shakin' 'round da battlefield. (Dough it might just be da bodysuit paint...I don't be knowin') Gurl, what I be tryin' to say is armor da way to go. I best be seein' you on da battlefield!

Sincerly,
Justicar Laquisha


Dear Laquisha,

I confess that I am envious of your sleek, protective, modern yet stylish battle armor. If I were a servant of the Justicar code as you are...but no, I know that I am unable to fulfill that commitment, and perhaps am even unworthy of that honor. I have unending respect for a strong woman like you who has found it within herself to renounce wordly possessions and desires while working for justice.

To change the subject, I believe you were in my unit on Cyone several weeks ago. I recall a Justicar who spoke in a...unique fashion. If that was indeed you, thank you for your timely placement of biotic spheres over our team, and for reaving all those enemies! That Phantom never knew what hit her! :wizard:

With great admiration,
Leena

#45
ParkBom

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holdenagincourt wrote...

JusticarFlareon wrote...

To Leena,
Hay gurl, how you doin'? I grew up in da ghettos of Thessia but I be doin' good fo' myself! Bein' da Justicar I be, I learnin' dat my armor has mo' protectiveness than yo suit. You best be wearing somethin' that looks flatterin' but also it best be protectin' you. Gurl, I been seein' some of dese commandos be goin' in with breasts and booty shakin' 'round da battlefield. (Dough it might just be da bodysuit paint...I don't be knowin') Gurl, what I be tryin' to say is armor da way to go. I best be seein' you on da battlefield!

Sincerly,
Justicar Laquisha


Dear Laquisha,

I confess that I am envious of your sleek, protective, modern yet stylish battle armor. If I were a servant of the Justicar code as you are...but no, I know that I am unable to fulfill that commitment, and perhaps am even unworthy of that honor. I have unending respect for a strong woman like you who has found it within herself to renounce wordly possessions and desires while working for justice.

To change the subject, I believe you were in my unit on Cyone several weeks ago. I recall a Justicar who spoke in a...unique fashion. If that was indeed you, thank you for your timely placement of biotic spheres over our team, and for reaving all those enemies! That Phantom never knew what hit her! :wizard:

With great admiration,
Leena

To Leena,

Gurl! Dat was you? Haaaay gurl! I be puttin' dose Phantoms in dere place. I am a independent, strong, Asari who don't need no mate. Mmm hmm. I don't be givin' errythin' up dough. I best be keepin' my furs and leathahs fo' some nights out with mah gurls. You welcome to join! We be makin' some good moneys to pay fo' dose Preemeeyum Spekter Pax.

Sincerly,
Justicar Laquisha

#46
Syrus101

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for the most part I have to agree, I never particularly liked the Adept/vanguard outfit. but the thing that kinda dissapointed me the most is the Justicar... shes basically wearing the Human female infil/Engineer armor... why couldn't she have the iconic Asari Commando Armor?

#47
guitarsniper

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Dear Asari
We're sorry you cannot match the classiness of our coats with your somewhat derpy-looking jumpsuits. We do wish that we were issued actual armor to supplement our somewhat poor inherent damage resistance.

Stayin' classy
your friend
The drellguard

#48
megawug

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This thread is awesome!  Made my day!
:D

#49
Guest_Arcian_*

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Dear everyone,

SHUT UP!

Sincerely,
Kai Leng

Modifié par Arcian, 22 juin 2012 - 01:37 .


#50
ParkBom

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Arcian wrote...

Dear everyone,

SHUT UP!

Sincerely,
Kai Leng

To Kai Leng,

GURL! GET OUT MAH FACE! YOU DON'T BE KNOWIN' WHERE I BE COMIN' FROM, WHAT I BE GOIN' THROUGH, WHO I BE SLEEPIN' WITH (wait...) YOU BEST NOT BE JUDGIN' ME! Kay gurl? Kay. Image IPB

Sincerly,
Justicar Laquisha