132 réponses à ce sujet

[SkreeMalicious]

Live for 1000+ years and you may change your mind on those underbreast straps...

[pantherdan]

LOL! I do hate the clown look of the striped Asari outfits. the first time I noticed how funny it looked was when someone had red and yellow. She looked like Ronald McDonald kicking butt!

[holdenagincourt]

Shad Croly wrote...

Dear Asari,

With how often Asari rely on Biotic Barriers to keep them safe instead of actual armor, it's a wonder you don't see more of them running around naked, for all the good their outfits do protecting them.

Be glad you actually get to wear something that's both professional and casual. While I rather like my armor, it's not exactly something you can slip into a bar for a few drinks wearing.

Julius Crozier, Turian Sentinel

Dear Julius,

I understand your armor prevents you from executing combat rolls, except when you are already in cover. While I don't pretend to understand the Turian Hierarchy's logic in diminishing its armed forces' effectiveness in this time of war, I won't question the wisdom of the strongest and most respected military in the galaxy.

Somebody once told me that some Turians have reach, while others have flexibility. I'm guessing you're not the latter, though I'm always up for a friendly sparring match if you'd like to prove me wrong. 

Best wishes,
Leena

[holdenagincourt]

SkreeMalicious wrote...

Live for 1000+ years and you may change your mind on those underbreast straps...

Dear friend,

When I lived on Ilium, I bumped into the revered Justicar Samara (literally, as I was walking up to a taxi when she intercepted me and informed me that she urgently needed said cab to fulfill the commands of the Justicar Code). Of course, I yielded the cab, and saw her entering the precint police station when I arrived in the next taxi 20 minutes later.

Based on my brief interactions with this nearly-1000 year old icon, I feel I can safely say that her breasts did not suffer one bit from going without support on a regular basis, and even in the most dire of combat situations. They were as pert and round as my own. Of course, I would never suggest that I should have such an ostentatious costume for myself, as Justicar Samara has earned that honor through long service and proven that she can perform in battle without excessive...protection.

As a side note, I suspect you may be a member of a race whose bodies age as they near closer and closer to Eternity, but you should know that Asari, blessedly, are not subject to the same degeneration. I'll have this body till I die! :happy:

Best wishes,
Leena

[ToLazy4Name]

Black/White with Red/Blue secondary color. The rest is your own choice.

[Stinja]

 *** EYES ONLY ***


From:  Justicar <information redacted> aka Stinja
Subject:  Human late summer collection
Date: <information redacted>
Priority: Urgent!


Dearest Matriarch <information redacted>,


It is with great alarm we can report Human, so-called, N7 Operatives have been spotted wearing a new late summer collection!


This information has been confirmed by a number of our deployed forward units: specifically Commando <information redacted> on Ontoram; Specialist <information redacted> on Sur'Kesh; and Justicar <information redacted> on Noveria.  Weirdly these latter Humans were noted to be crouched behind desktop counters, almost immobile.  With additional less reliable sighting too.


The human fashion stylists have gone for a darker pallet theme, obviously trying for the moody "goth" look, or perhaps intimidatory designs based upon human historical cultural and fictional styles - i believe "space ninjas" is another term reported to describe this new collection amongst themselves.  Please see supplemental video evidence on the included data disc.


This information is obviously very distressing, as our own units are wearing clothing from up to two seasons old!  Some of the maidens under my command are showing greatly reduced combat effectiveness, moral has plummeted, and even my sister Justicar <information redacted> has had to go on stress leave.


It is VITAL and URGENT our forward units have an updated wardrobe IMMEDIATELY;  divert resources from Matriarch <information redacted>'s frivolous stealth-cruiser project if needed.  We can not continue operations against the Reapers with the status quo!


For Thessia, 
Justicar <information redacted> aka Stinja

p.s. please send at least four gross of the Type 27 buckles.  We've had some wardrobe failures, the Type 28's do not sit right, and cause pinching in certain private areas.

Modifié par Stinja, 17 juillet 2012 - 04:36 .

[RedSpectrum47]

 Dear Leena,
 From what I have seen-and bore witness too from my own partner- I would recommend and color scheme consisting of white and purple or pink and blue to complement your lushious blue looks.  I can almost guarantee their success.
Your popped-collar Drell friend,
Arid

[MaggotFragger]

Dear Everyone,

Red and Orange. RED. AND. ORANGE.

Your Friend,
Urdnot "Stimpy" Kharator

[Strik1101]

This unit suggests grafted dermal plating if biological units are unsatisfied with their protective coverings.

[holdenagincourt]

MaggotFragger wrote...

Dear Everyone,

Red and Orange. RED. AND. ORANGE.

Your Friend,
Urdnot "Stimpy" Kharator

Dear Urdnot Kharator,

As a matter of fact, I just picked up a uniform in vermilion, burnt orange and goldenrod. I believe on the designer's extranet site it was called "Aralakh Sunrise," as the fashion house in question was founded by a female Krogan designer who was living in exile on Thessia and longed for the fiery sun of her home system. So it seems your suggestion is in good company.

Perhaps you'll run into someone wearing this new outfit, as it's quite "in" right now. Perhaps it will be me!

Best wishes,
Leena

[douale]

Dear Asari High Command,

I believe that there has been a terrible mix-up. My office recently received a battalion's worth of Serrice Council commando battle armor instead of the bondage costumes that we had requested. I had no idea what happened until I was watching that Alliance show "Battlespace" and I saw footage of your Asari adepts in action.

I have taken the liberty of forwarding the battle armor to you. Please send us our costumes as soon as possible. We need them ASAP if we are to publish our Asari/Elcor special "tentacles" edition on time.

Yours against the Reapers,

Cornelius Lewis
Editor-in-Chief
Fornax Magazine
(http://masseffect.wi...com/wiki/Fornax)

[Teratoid]

KIIEEEY!!!!
AAAAAASSSRRIIIIII!


SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIYYYYYYYYY!


...........AAAAAIIIIIIIIIII.

SKRIIIIIIIIIYYEEEEEEE,
EEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRR,

BEEEAAAAIIIII!


*************GALACTIC TRANSLATOR SERVICE INITIATED******


Dear Leena,

Damn my nipples are cold.


.....Seriously cold.

Looking forward to stabbing you soon,
Hugs and kisses,

Banshee.

[Charaxan]

I don't care.

I kick butt.

And then, when all is over, I'll kick butt of the e-governement (army section) stylist.

Yeah, my father is a Krogan and the father of my mother a batarian. I know.

"Just" Aliana. Does not mean I am "just", it just mean it is just "Aliana".

[elodar11]

Dear Leena,

I would like to add my full support to your cause.

While recently on an assignment on Firebase White, the other members of my team had bled out and were therefore supporting me via spectator mode.

While I was running up the outer stairs to dispatch one of the remaining geth troopers, one of my team mates made a rather rude comment about the view of my "outfit".

In following waves, my team mates continued to bleed out leaving me to solo said waves.

I am of the belief that they were doing this, not because they were inferior soldiers, but that they were persuing cheap thrills in watching my fit form farm geth.

I suppose that's what I get for volunteering to help with geth farming. Fellow soldiers looking for both cheap credits and cheap thrills.

If there is anything I can do to assist in your crusade, please let me know.

For Thessia,
Lelo T'Dari

[MearasNZ]

Dear Sister Leena,

I am unhappy to read that you are troubled by our Commando battlekit.  As the CEO of Maiden Battlekit Manufacturing, Inc.®, I can assure you that we are doing everything we possibly can to keep our soldiers safe.

Admittedly, we had it rather good for a while when we were able to supply quality, protective Commando uniforms made from cured Pyjak leather burnished to within an inch of a mirror's life (and I do realise this was several years ago, but I believe a brief history is practical and warranted here as it seems that your conundrum has attracted the interest of several different species throughout the Galaxy). 

Nowadays, what with the Reaper invasion, Cerberus (humans!!) going all guerilla (even worse than previously observed), the possibility of Krogans breeding again and therefore Pyjaks becoming squeaky rattle toys for newborn Krogans, the supplies of quality leather coming in to our cutters and machinists has all but dried up and we are forced to think of alternatives.

As I'm sure you can appreciate by viewing your weekly pay check on the Extranet, credits these days are also perilously difficult to come by.  We have had to get pretty inventive to make sure that our elite warriors are a) clothed in such a manner that it would not be dangerously distracting to members of other species that, let's face it, are not as evolved as we are, and clothed in fabric that will provide some protection.  At least from the cold, if not from Reaper tusks/talons/warp beam lasers of doom.  So we have turned to Polyvinyl Chloride with plasticizers.  Or, recycled plastic stuff, for short. 

Unfortunately, depending upon the colour application choices of some individuals within the military, this can mean that some of our esteemed warriors look somewhat like oddities from a human-designed, basement-located, after hours, role-playing club, but really, I feel that reflects more upon the individual than upon the military, and of course, Maiden Battlekit Manufacturing, Inc.®. 

This enables us to have our Commandos dressed in sleek, snug-fitting attire that can still look shiny, that allows great freedom of movement, and as is the nature of plasticy stuff when worn close to the skin, keeps our fighting elite warm.  It is also very easy to apply individual colour schemes to, and very easy to remove blood and other biological debris from (and I am sure you will agree, that is a big bonus!).

As a gesture of goodwill, I am sending you a couple of newly made Battlekits to try for yourself, in the current seasonal range - Shadow Black™ with Cyan and Teal highlights, and Noveria Storm™ with Pearl Blush™ overtones.  I trust you will find them comfortable, practical, and flattering.

Kind regards,

And may the Godess bless you
Sarieka T'Valhana
CEO Maiden Battlekit Manufacturing, Inc.®
Thessia

Modifié par MearasNZ, 26 juillet 2012 - 09:35 .

[MearasNZ]

PS... Any chance, dear Sister Leena, that you would be interested in earning a few extra credits as a catalogue model for our next season's Battlekit accessory range? We're always looking for new talent, and the war raging on throughout the galaxy has depleted our reserves somewhat; either through our dear Sisters embracing Eternity, enlisting in various military groups (though we have been able to do some exciting war-time photo shoots, so that is a positive at least), and a disproportionately high number of elopements. We could throw in a few extra supplies to make it worth your while?

[megabeast37215]

Dat Necro...

Pink outfit, yellow pattern.

[Feonir]

Consensus reached: All y'all are ****s for painting this platform bright pink during maintenance shutdown period. Sincerely - Geth.

[Joran Anduril]

Oh my goodness this thread wins all the internets! I literally lol'd. Well done holdenagincourt and everyone who contributed in kind

[holdenagincourt]

megabeast37215 wrote...

Dat Necro...

Pink outfit, yellow pattern.

Dear friend,

It turns out that I was recently looking for a new outfit to wear, so your retrieval of this advice thread is quite fortuitous. The story of what happened to my previous outfit is perhaps still too traumatizing for me to tell in any great detail, but I suppose I should try to push through it so as to begin the healing process.

There is a horrible new addition to the Cerberus faction that somehow made ablative armor weigh less than that group's collective dignity. It seems to be called a Dragoon, and one of them ambushed me as I was reloading my Disciple on Benning. I had been informed at the N7 base that we might be encountering these specialist units on the mission, but the presentation given by the aged Turian director with rigormortis of the legs was as stultifying as ever and I must have nodded off. For that reason I did not know they had electrical whips until said appendages were slashing at my uniform violently, exposing the street clothes I had underneath to my entire team as well as the squad of Cerberus goons in the area. Thank goodness I didn't take Miranda Lawson's advice to go sheer.

In any case, my beautiful olive green, tangerine, taupe and pink suit was torn to pieces by the time we extracted. I was quite downtrodden, as that suit had gotten me through many encounters, including several far worse than that one. It was also what I wore on my first date with Roland the human vanguard. I credit it for netting me a string of flirtatious texts and extranet memes from him over the next several days. But I digress.

I did try on your suggestion today, as it was just a day of administrative work and R&R around the base for me. It seems I've acquired an unfortunate nickname among some of the young kids who have joined us recently: Sex on the Beach. The first one who referred to me by this moniker received a stern backhand, until the gaggle of human males around him assured me that it was simply the name of a pink and yellow alcoholic beverage back on Earth and had nothing to do with my perceived sex appeal. Even so, I might respectfully shelve your suggestion and try on some others for size. As so many others have mentioned, it is important that my outfit not serve as a distraction to the rest of the squad in hot situations (no pun intended).

Warmly,
Leena

[White Flag]

This thread has so much win

[Eckswhyzed]

holdenagincourt wrote...

megabeast37215 wrote...

Dat Necro...

Pink outfit, yellow pattern.

Dear friend,

It turns out that I was recently looking for a new outfit to wear, so your retrieval of this advice thread is quite fortuitous. The story of what happened to my previous outfit is perhaps still too traumatizing for me to tell in any great detail, but I suppose I should try to push through it so as to begin the healing process.

There is a horrible new addition to the Cerberus faction that somehow made ablative armor weigh less than that group's collective dignity. It seems to be called a Dragoon, and one of them ambushed me as I was reloading my Disciple on Benning. I had been informed at the N7 base that we might be encountering these specialist units on the mission, but the presentation given by the aged Turian director with rigormortis of the legs was as stultifying as ever and I must have nodded off. For that reason I did not know they had electrical whips until said appendages were slashing at my uniform violently, exposing the street clothes I had underneath to my entire team as well as the squad of Cerberus goons in the area. Thank goodness I didn't take Miranda Lawson's advice to go sheer.

In any case, my beautiful olive green, tangerine, taupe and pink suit was torn to pieces by the time we extracted. I was quite downtrodden, as that suit had gotten me through many encounters, including several far worse than that one. It was also what I wore on my first date with Roland the human vanguard. I credit it for netting me a string of flirtatious texts and extranet memes from him over the next several days. But I digress.

I did try on your suggestion today, as it was just a day of administrative work and R&R around the base for me. It seems I've acquired an unfortunate nickname among some of the young kids who have joined us recently: Sex on the Beach. The first one who referred to me by this moniker received a stern backhand, until the gaggle of human males around him assured me that it was simply the name of a pink and yellow alcoholic beverage back on Earth and had nothing to do with my perceived sex appeal. Even so, I might respectfully shelve your suggestion and try on some others for size. As so many others have mentioned, it is important that my outfit not serve as a distraction to the rest of the squad in hot situations (no pun intended).

Warmly,
Leena

<BEGIN TRANSMISSION>

RECIPIENT: N7 Operative 'Leena'
SENDER: Infiltration Unit 1138

Abstract: Geth analysis of increases in enemy weapon effectiveness against existing armour technology implemented by organics

CERBERUS: Mobile heavy infantry platform designated 'DRAGOON' is armed with whips of biotic energy. Impact causes severe lacerations and pain, momentarily disabling movement due to electrial currents - informally designated 'stunlock' by N7 operatives. Effect on existing ablative ceramics is minimal but lightly armoured units (ASARI, VORCHA) can receive permanent armour damage necessitating replacement. Heavy mechanized unit designated 'ATLAS' now equipped with incendiary rocket munitions causing severe damage to all armour types. Recommendation: replace Asari light armour with heavier protection.

GETH: Anti-infantry drone designated 'BOMBER' utilizes multiple grenades containing large amounts of shrapnel which are highly effective against infantry-class kinetic barriers and hardsuits. Electromagnetic pulse technology can render any operative caught in the blast radius of mini-grenades temporarily immobile ('stunlocked' as referred to in reports). Recommendation: replace Asari light armour with heavier protection.

Conclusion: Current personal protection technology employed by Asari deemed inadequate. Recommend heavier armour for greater protection against warp/corrosive/incendiary effects.

<END TRANSMISSION>

[KyreneZA]

Leena Asari,

Extranet sources scanned by the Geth concencus seem to indicate that Asari Vanguard units should wear the "exposed" version of commando armour. This unit offers the Special Forces introduction video from the official Alliance source as collaboration for its claim. Concencus has not yet been reached whether this should be the case for Commando or Sentinel units.

Unit #19710513
Geth Engineer assigned to N7 Special Forces

[Titus Thongger]

FOOOOOOOOOR TUUUUUUUUCHAAAAAAAANKAAAA!

MWAAAARHHH

HWAAAAARGHHH

I should go

[megabeast37215]

holdenagincourt wrote...

Dear friend,

It turns out that I was recently looking for a new outfit to wear, so your retrieval of this advice thread is quite fortuitous. The story of what happened to my previous outfit is perhaps still too traumatizing for me to tell in any great detail, but I suppose I should try to push through it so as to begin the healing process.

There is a horrible new addition to the Cerberus faction that somehow made ablative armor weigh less than that group's collective dignity. It seems to be called a Dragoon, and one of them ambushed me as I was reloading my Disciple on Benning. I had been informed at the N7 base that we might be encountering these specialist units on the mission, but the presentation given by the aged Turian director with rigormortis of the legs was as stultifying as ever and I must have nodded off. For that reason I did not know they had electrical whips until said appendages were slashing at my uniform violently, exposing the street clothes I had underneath to my entire team as well as the squad of Cerberus goons in the area. Thank goodness I didn't take Miranda Lawson's advice to go sheer.

In any case, my beautiful olive green, tangerine, taupe and pink suit was torn to pieces by the time we extracted. I was quite downtrodden, as that suit had gotten me through many encounters, including several far worse than that one. It was also what I wore on my first date with Roland the human vanguard. I credit it for netting me a string of flirtatious texts and extranet memes from him over the next several days. But I digress.

I did try on your suggestion today, as it was just a day of administrative work and R&R around the base for me. It seems I've acquired an unfortunate nickname among some of the young kids who have joined us recently: Sex on the Beach. The first one who referred to me by this moniker received a stern backhand, until the gaggle of human males around him assured me that it was simply the name of a pink and yellow alcoholic beverage back on Earth and had nothing to do with my perceived sex appeal. Even so, I might respectfully shelve your suggestion and try on some others for size. As so many others have mentioned, it is important that my outfit not serve as a distraction to the rest of the squad in hot situations (no pun intended).

Warmly,
Leena

This thread is hilarious.... extranet memes, lol.

Leena, having an outfit on that makes you a walking sex symbol increases morale/batlefield performance amongst your male squadmates, especially humans.

Something about gorgeous pink curves and Cerberus whips, will bring out the hero in any soldier.

...and just so we're clear. Color 1, hot pink, color 2, hot pink, highlight color, hot pink, pattern bright yellow (select the pattern that colors the shoulders, I believe it's the first one).

Edit: Renamed my Asari Huntress Leena, will always think of Sex on the Beach with her

Modifié par megabeast37215, 28 novembre 2012 - 03:37 .