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[Lord_Frostwind]

Finding a T-Shirt in the Illusive Man's office that says "I ****ed with Aria"

TIM: Shepard, that's my shirt.
--

Kai Leng: I'm here to eliminate the council

Shepard: I'll stop... wait, you want to kill them? Can I help?

Kai Leng: Umh, well I suppose...

Shepard: AWESOME! You can have the rest but Councilor Airquotes is mine!
--

Jack: *Punches Shepard in the face* I told you not to trust Cerberus

Shepard: ...Jack...*Biotic Charges Jack across the room* Anybody else think it is a good idea to greet the cyborg super soldier with a punch to the face?

[Made Nightwing]

(Parallel world where Kai Leng actually makes it to the Council)

Kai Leng: Halt! Alien scum, prepare to meet your doom! (Flourishes sword elaborately)
Ashley: *Shoots him with a full clip from Carnifex. Reloads, then shoots him another six times to be sure.* Who the hell uses a sword? Cerberus idiots.

[dorktainian]

Tali: I heard about your talk with Liara. You act so angry, but you really care about us.

Javik: I need you functional to destroy the Reapers.

Tali: You care about Liara. You like her.

Javik: You are intoxicated. A foolish risk given quarian symbiotic physiology.

Tali: And you like me, too!

Javik to Shepard: Threesome?

[MegaBadExample]

Made Nightwing wrote...

(Parallel world where Kai Leng actually makes it to the Council)

Kai Leng: Halt! Alien scum, prepare to meet your doom! (Flourishes sword elaborately)
Ashley: *Shoots him with a full clip from Carnifex. Reloads, then shoots him another six times to be sure.* Who the hell uses a sword? Cerberus idiots.

Lol! I can see something like that happening.

[M Hedonist]

Shepard: "I have no strong feelings of either side regarding this topic."

[M Hedonist]

Kai Leng: "It didn't go as planned. Wait - why did we attack the Citadel in the first place?"

[Joe Del Toro]

Anderson: You look good, Shepard. Maybe a little soft around the edges.
Shepard: Haha, you look a little soft in the left side of your stomach there.
Anderson: What?
Shepard: Nothing

[dorktainian]

Ashley. ''Shepard?''

Shepard. ''Ashley is that you? what the hell you done to your face? I mean Dang woman. Is there a valve on those lips to pump em up? Botox? Did you empty the whole factory?''

[Nitrocuban]

Joker: "Are you f****n serious man? Heavy Bone Weave costs only 25k platinum and instead of healing my legs you buy some stupid fish?"
Shepard: "Well um that´s ...wanna see Kelly pole dancing?"

[Aurora313]

Liara: *Drops out of the vent after killing Cerberus mooks.*
Shepard: Open Fire, Lieutenant.
James: Yes sir.

Shepard: I killed four Reapers, on foot. You really think I'm afriad of you?
Kai Leng: A smart person would be. But you're still weak Shepard.
Shepard: An equally smart person would take me seriously.
Kai Leng: How can I, when I know I'll win!
*Curbstomp battle later*
Shepard: You were saying?

Salarian: Shepard, He's going to kill us all!
Shepard: Remains to be seen.
Salarian: No! Udina! He's staged with entire coup!
Shepard: Three on one pal. It's over.
Kai Leng: No. Now it's fun. You wouldn't risk wounding a 'precious' Councilor -
Shepard: *caps Salarian councilor* Hostages only work if your enemy actually gives a rat's ass. *several headshots at Leng.*

Modifié par Aurora313, 08 juin 2012 - 10:36 .

[dorktainian]

Shepard: What sort of trouble has that Mouse gotten himself into?

Captain Bailey: Odd jobs for shifty people. Disney Rejects take whatever’s available to get by—data running, fencing dodgy goods, selling illegal VI personalities. Actually, he was selling one of you.

Shepard: Me?

Captain Bailey: Yeah. When you erased a file, it would say, “star child told me to do it.”

Garrus: That’s pretty extreme, Commander.

Shepard: Laugh it up, fishface.

Captain Bailey: ''Could be worse.  It could be a Casey Hudson one telling you your choices actually matter''. 

[jijeebo]

Joker: "Hey Shepard, whatcha doin?"

Shepard: "Watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer reruns."

Joker: "Oh, who's your favourite character?"

Shepard: "Willow, I'm glad she turned gay, that Oz guy was an absolute dick and the show was suffering because of it... That actor is TERRIBLE."

Joker: "Oh..."

EDI: "We are approaching the relay now, after the jump it's straight into the battle for Earth."

Shepard: "This is it... Good luck Jeff."

Joker: "Yeah, see you on the other side... *cough* not likely *cough*"

Shepard: "Sorry?"

Joker: "Oh nothing, nothing..."

Modifié par jijeebo, 08 juin 2012 - 11:30 .

[The Vanquished1]

Catalyst: It is time to choose.

Shepard: Ehhh, I feel like I really want to say something here but I'm having some difficulty. I mean I really need to ask you about whatever, but it seems I'm uhhhhh, *Aarrghh not supposed to, because it would basically ruin something important. AAAaaah my head is killing me, I can't seem to find the words.. Something, something, indoctri-doctrination? I feel like I'm getting stupidity stupider. D*ngitt, my brain es, leaving meeee.

Catalyst: Oh you mean indoctrination? No Shepard, You are not being indoctrinated, believe me I would know. You are not under any Reaper influence at the moment.

Shepard: Then why the he- hell can't I cha-cha-ch$ng, d@meit, challenge this insane ending?

Catalyst: Shepard, the only thing I can tell you is that the people must speculate.... The power of Artistic Integrity is at hand and time is short and so is the money... No time, no time, no time, must buy DLC. *** Hey Mac, this is too easy. HEHEHE Yeah, too easy...

Shepard: Wud, da fug? Sumbody pleezzz, helb meeee.

[Joe Del Toro]

Somewhere, in Dark Space...

Destroyer: Gee, Harbinger, ZORT, what are we gonna do this Cycle?

Harbinger: Same thing we do every Cycle, Destroyer. Harvest all advanced organic life.

[GreyLycanTrope]

Joe Del Toro wrote...

Anderson: You look good, Shepard. Maybe a little soft around the edges.
Shepard: Haha, you look a little soft in the left side of your stomach there.
Anderson: What?
Shepard: Nothing

self esteem issues!

Modifié par Greylycantrope, 08 juin 2012 - 01:25 .

[BrowncoatN7]

Shepard: This is something Thane has to do for himself.
Thane: NO! NO, IT'S NOT!
Shepard: Oh! *opens fire*

[filetemo]

Anderson: I was born in London.
Shepard: You will die here too.(kicks him out of the shuttle)
Major Coats:I'm the sniper guy from the Big Ben trailer.
Shepard: You do not look like him, liar. (kicks him out of the shuttle)

Modifié par filetemo, 08 juin 2012 - 01:34 .

[dorktainian]

Sovereign: Rudimentary creatures of blood and flesh. You touch my parts, fumbling in ignorance, incapable of understanding. I like you. Whats your name?

Kaiden Alenko: I don’t think this is a pleasure VI.

Sovereign: There is form of pleasure so far beyond your own you cannot even imagine it. I am trained in its use. It is beyond your comprehension. I am Sovereignatrix.

Shepard. Nice

Kaiden. Double Nice.

Shepard. We'll bang ok?

[Edolix]

Aurora313 wrote...

Liara: *Drops out of the vent after killing Cerberus mooks.*
Shepard: Open Fire, Lieutenant.
James: Yes sir.

Dear me, that one had me in stiches!

[Joe Del Toro]

They Reap, and Reap!
And Reap and Reap and Reap!

Reap Reap Reap!
Reap Reap Reap!

Harbinger and Sovereign Shooow! 


Jona Sederis: Boolsheet. You hav naw choys.
Shepard: Why do you have an Eastern Europian accent?
Jona Sederis: *Removes Asari mask* I AM HEAVY WEAPONS GUY! YOUU SO SMALLL. IS FENNY TO ME.

Modifié par Joe Del Toro, 08 juin 2012 - 01:59 .

[EricHVela]

lament.ballad wrote...

Shepard: This is something Thane has to do for himself.
Thane: NO! NO, IT'S NOT!
Shepard: Oh! *opens fire*

+50 for Firefly reference. +50 for flawlessly working it into one of the big annoyances in the game.



Chakwas: "Was that EDI that just walked by?"
Shepard: "Yes. It was."
Chakwas: *laughing* "Joker's going to have a field day with this!"
Shepard: "Yes. He is."



Joker: "I mean: Look at that!" *framing her visage with his fingers* "I would have baked a cake!"
EDI: "I am right here, Jeff." "I am beginning to think this was a bad idea, Shepard."
Joker: "Yes you are, EDI. Yes you are."
Shepard: "As long as Joker doesn't break his own neck with whiplash, I think it'll be fine. Right, Joker?"
Joker: "Huh? Sorry. I was lost in the moment."
Shepard: "I'm beginning to think this was a bad idea, too, EDI."

Modifié par ReggarBlane, 08 juin 2012 - 02:22 .

[Aurora313]

Edolix wrote...

Aurora313 wrote...

Liara: *Drops out of the vent after killing Cerberus mooks.*
Shepard: Open Fire, Lieutenant.
James: Yes sir.

Dear me, that one had me in stiches!

Not sure if serious...

[Edolix]

Aurora313 wrote...

Edolix wrote...

Aurora313 wrote...

Liara: *Drops out of the vent after killing Cerberus mooks.*
Shepard: Open Fire, Lieutenant.
James: Yes sir.

Dear me, that one had me in stiches!

Not sure if serious...

Perfectly serious, I found it pretty funny.

[mamba 12]

One thing i always wanted to say, but never got to, was to tell off TIM for good.

"You say Cerberus is for the advancement of humanity, but by taking the Reapers' upgrades, you're no longer human! Look at the Collectors - it's not like the Protheans are happy they 'advanced' into those monsters."

[Scam_poo]

"Can it wait a bit? I'm in the middle of some calibrations"

I hated how he just said "Maybe later".