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[Volc19]

Turian Councilor: Shepard, the Reapers have targeted Palaven. Please help.

Shepard: Ah yes, "Shepard", the first human spectre and probably the only guy who can get anything done in the Galaxy. We've already dismissed that claim.

TC: Shepard, please, I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you.

Shepard: So am I, and I'm failing. And I'm sorry about that.

TC: Please. You were right all along. Since the very beginning. Saren, Sovereign, the Collectors, and the Reapers. You are the only one that can he-

Shepard: Oh yeah, baby, work the shaft.

TC: I'm-... what?

Shepard: Oh, I'm sorry, I just like to dirty talk when someone is S*cking my d*ck.

TC: I should go.

[Unholyknight800]

ReggarBlane wrote...

Shepard: "Seven zetabytes?" (of explicit images uploaded to Cerberus' servers)
EDI: "Most of it was Joker's. ... That was --"
Shepard: "Can I get a copy?"

EDI: It mostly contained images of you and (insert LI).
Shepard:....

[EricHVela]

Shepard: "I died."
Joker: "You died."
Conrad: "You died."
Anderson: "You died."
Shepard: "I died."
Hackett: "You died."
Javik: "You died?"
Shepard: "I died."

[Joe Del Toro]

TIM: Look at what we can do!

*Shepard is forced to shoot Anderson*

Anderson: TSSSS...AAAAUGH. 

[EricHVela]

Shepard: "Dammit!"
Javik: "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

[C-Sec Officer]

Star Kid: Wake up

Shepard: NO.

Star Kid: You're the first orga-

Shepard: Don't care.

Star Kid: I know you thought about destr-

Shepard: Not Interested.

Star Kid: But, the Citadel its my ho-

Shepard: Mmmm, Cold Floor.

[EricHVela]

Shepard: "Udina! What the #&@*%? You were actually being nice to me -- to the council! You set up the multi-species refugee camp in the docking bay right next to the Normandy! Now? Now, you're joining the worst Humanist organization to ever exist?"

[Unholyknight800]

Udina: Shepard
Shepard: Udina
Wrex: Shepard
Shepard: Wrex
Grunt: Shepard
Shepard: That's all for now
Grunt: Shepard =(

[jijeebo]

Catalyst: "Wake up..."

Shepard: "Urgh, hmmm?"

Catalyst: "I am the Catalyst, you are the first organic to ever meet me."

Shepard: "I'm the first organic you've never met?"

Catalyst: "Indeed."

Shepard: "Then can I interest you in a... Butt-scratcher?"

Catalyst: "What?"

Shepard: "Butt-scratcher?"

Catalyst: "I don't even..."

Shepard: "BUTT-SCRATCHER??"

Catalyst: "Stop..."

Shepard: "BUTT-SCRATCHER???"

Catalyst: "Grr..."

Shepard: "BUTT-SCRATCHER????"

Catalyst: "Screw this... Harby send the lift back down, we'll wait for the next cycle."

Shepard: "...Buutt-scraatcher."

[Joe Del Toro]

Catalyst: The paths are open, but you have to choose.

Shepard: I choose...YOU, PIKACHU

[Unholyknight800]

Joker: Krogan fleet reporting in.
Shepard: Wait what?
(Cut to shot of Wrex riding a Scooty Puff Jr.)

[filetemo]

Asari fleet reporting
Turian fleet reporting
Geth fleet reporting
Quarian fleet reporting
Volus fleet reporting
Salarian fleet reporting
Elcor fleet reporting
Hanar fleet reporting
All fleets reporting in sir
Shepard: ok everybody, this is it, be ready on my signal!
Joker: (whispering) Samantha, you are very good impersonating voices over the comm speaker
Traynor: I haven't got the heart to tell Shepard our fleet only consists of the Normandy, two Alliance cruisers and my uncle's old space cab.
Joker: I told you to play some multiplayer damn it!

[jsar72]

*After intentionally missing the shot in the shooting match with Garrus*

BAM!

Harbinger: Awww ****, somebody shot me in my glowy port hole...I am dying...war over! Now nobody gets to see the little glow boy!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sheppard: Is there a choice where I don't die?

Star Child: Not unless you have enough war assets.

Sheppard: Can I roll a survival check?

Star Child: sure

Sheppard: *rolls d20* ****! I botched

Bioware Employee: heeheehee

[Joe Del Toro]

Unholyknight800 wrote...

Joker: Krogan fleet reporting in.
Shepard: Wait what?
(Cut to shot of Wrex riding a Scooty Puff Jr.)

This, so much.

[jijeebo]

Catalyst: Make your choice, Destroy or Control?

Shepard: Okay Noel, this is a tough decision...

Catalyst: Noel?

Shepard: DON'T RUSH ME NOEL!

Catalyst: I don't even...

Shepard: It's tempting, but my granny needs a new hip so I'm going to take the money... NO DEAL!

Catalyst: Wha..?

Shepard: Tell the banker I'm grateful for the experience, but it's just too risky... Peace out.

Catalyst: ... Humanity is going to make the thickest reaper ever.

[Joe Del Toro]

jijeebo wrote...

Catalyst: Make your choice, Destroy or Control?

Shepard: Okay Noel, this is a tough decision...

Catalyst: Noel?

Shepard: DON'T RUSH ME NOEL!

Catalyst: I don't even...

Shepard: It's tempting, but my granny needs a new hip so I'm going to take the money... NO DEAL!

Catalyst: Wha..?

Shepard: Tell the banker I'm grateful for the experience, but it's just too risky... Peace out.

Catalyst: ... Humanity is going to make the thickest reaper ever.

I love how ours are getting progressively more and more English:lol:

[Taboo]

English? What about the cockney version?

Shepard: OY, WE'VE GOT UHSELVES EN A BIHT OF A STICKY WICKET AIN'T WE?

Garrus: BLIMEY.

[jijeebo]

Catalyst: Harbinger, the Citadel is dirty, sweep those chimneys immediately!

Harbinger: EERE, THIS URTS ME, GUVNAH!!!

[Volc19]

Taboo-XX wrote...

English? What about the cockney version?

Shepard: OY, WE'VE GOT UHSELVES EN A BIHT OF A STICKY WICKET AIN'T WE?

Garrus: BLIMEY.

Taboo, you are one of my favorite people. Ever. Of all time.

[DieHigh2012]

Volc19 wrote...

Turian Councilor: Shepard, the Reapers have targeted Palaven. Please help.

Shepard: Ah yes, "Shepard", the first human spectre and probably the only guy who can get anything done in the Galaxy. We've already dismissed that claim.

TC: Shepard, please, I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you.

Shepard: So am I, and I'm failing. And I'm sorry about that.

TC: Please. You were right all along. Since the very beginning. Saren, Sovereign, the Collectors, and the Reapers. You are the only one that can he-

Shepard: Oh yeah, baby, work the shaft.

TC: I'm-... what?

Shepard: Oh, I'm sorry, I just like to dirty talk when someone is S*cking my d*ck.

TC: I should go.

Ok, that got me laughing. Nice one

[Taboo]

Miranda: ME ARSE IS STUCK IN ME JUMPER

Shepard: COME AGAYN? AOWE IS THAT POSSIBLE?

Miranda: I COULDN'T GET IT OFF ME HEAD.

[DRTJR]

Legion: All 1183 programs have reached concencous... To dance.

TIM: laleluleylo

[jijeebo]

Harbinger: Sir Catalyst Sir, we have run out of humans on Earth Sir...

Catalyst: And?

Harbinger: Well Sir, Mr Catalyst Sir... We haven't finished the Reaper yet so we was wondering if we could borrow some of yours on that there Citadel please Sir thank you Sir?

Catalyst: Excuse me?

Harbinger: Sir Catalyst Mr Sir Sir, we need... Moar... Sir...

Catalyst: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAR!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!???!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

[Joe Del Toro]

James: Eyyyy Loco, time to say adios to some pendejos, no?
Shepard: Oh can it, James, you're German.
James: Yes sir:crying: 

[Unholyknight800]

Here's another one I'm going to share(steal) from Youtube

Wreav: Prothean huh? And how many of you are left?

Javik: Enough to kill you.

Shepard: Want some Medi-gel Wreav?

Wreav: Why?

Shepard: For that burn!