Dear everyone on my friends list,
Do you ever get the feeling that some omniscient presence is influencing how you act and what you say throughout the day? I had the weirdest dream about this last night, I don't remember much except for some chubby person sitting on a couch in front of a television, and they were selecting words from some sort of wheel-like shape. idk, maybe i should just lay off the ryncol...
Sincerely,
Shepard
Emails/Messages Shepard ought to have written:
Débuté par
CanadianGunshy
, juin 07 2012 12:23
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#177
Posté 08 juin 2012 - 01:04
thesnake777
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- Members
- 2 158 messages
To: Zaeed
From: Shepard
Subject: Secutry Cameras...
Listen Zaeed, we found some of the back logged surveillance footage of the Normandy..Um...really as a friend...You need to see someone about the relationship between you and "Jessie"...what you were doing...it....that...Just see someone.
From: Shepard
Subject: Secutry Cameras...
Listen Zaeed, we found some of the back logged surveillance footage of the Normandy..Um...really as a friend...You need to see someone about the relationship between you and "Jessie"...what you were doing...it....that...Just see someone.
#178
Posté 08 juin 2012 - 01:12
LetsGoToMyHouse
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"Dear Quarian Admirals,
Just like how it is stupid to decide to finally clean your basement while your house is on fire, so too is it incomprehensibly stupid to start a war while a much bigger war is threatening us with extinction.
Sincerely,
Commander Shepard"
Just like how it is stupid to decide to finally clean your basement while your house is on fire, so too is it incomprehensibly stupid to start a war while a much bigger war is threatening us with extinction.
Sincerely,
Commander Shepard"
#179
Posté 08 juin 2012 - 01:21
Apathy1989
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Ash,
Just to prove I'm not a cerberus xenophobe, I've banged Tali.
We cool?
-Shepard
Just to prove I'm not a cerberus xenophobe, I've banged Tali.
We cool?
-Shepard
#180
Posté 08 juin 2012 - 01:37
The Love Runner
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Rhz wrote...
After Me 3 ending to the illusive man (if hes alive)
This was a triumph.
I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS.
It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.
Aperture Science
We do what we must
because we can.
For the good of all of us.
Except the ones who are dead.
But there's no sense crying over every mistake.
You just keep on trying till you run out of cake.
And the Science gets done.
And you make a neat gun.
For the people who are still alive.
I'm not even angry.
I'm being so sincere right now.
Even though you broke my heart.
And killed me.
And tore me to pieces.
And threw every piece into a fire.
As they burned it hurt because I was so happy for you!
Now these points of data make a beautiful line.
And we're out of beta.
We're releasing on time.
So I'm GLaD. I got burned.
Think of all the things we learned
for the people who are still alive.
Go ahead and leave me.
I think I prefer to stay inside.
Maybe you'll find someone else to help you.
Maybe Cerberus Headquaters.
THAT WAS A JOKE.
HAHA. FAT CHANCE.
Anyway, this cake is great.
It's so delicious and moist.
Look at me still talking
when there's Science to do.
When I look out there, it makes me GLaD I'm not you.
I've experiments to run.
There is research to be done.
On the people who are still alive.
And believe me I am still alive.
I'm doing Science and I'm still alive.
I feel FANTASTIC and I'm still alive.
While you're dying I'll be still alive.
And when you're dead I will be still alive.
STILL ALIVE
P.S. That is all.
#181
Posté 08 juin 2012 - 01:54
George-Kinsill
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- 517 messages
Dear Blasto,
Thank you for that shout out in Blasto 4! That scene where you said to that pesky reporter trying to sully your good name, "This one is tired of your disingenuous assertions" and tentacle...did stuff to her...really gave me a good laugh. I'm not sure if you know this, but I'm a huge fan and always ask myself when conducting missions, "What would Blasto do?" On a related note, if you had to choose a favorite color, what would it be: red, blue or green?
Sincerely,
Commander Shepard
Thank you for that shout out in Blasto 4! That scene where you said to that pesky reporter trying to sully your good name, "This one is tired of your disingenuous assertions" and tentacle...did stuff to her...really gave me a good laugh. I'm not sure if you know this, but I'm a huge fan and always ask myself when conducting missions, "What would Blasto do?" On a related note, if you had to choose a favorite color, what would it be: red, blue or green?
Sincerely,
Commander Shepard
#182
Posté 08 juin 2012 - 02:04
Goaliebot
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- Members
- 434 messages
To: [LIST TRUNCATED DUE TO LENGTH]
Re: Space Herpes Test Results
Dear Everyone,
You should probably get yourselves tested.
- Shep
Re: Space Herpes Test Results
Dear Everyone,
You should probably get yourselves tested.
- Shep
#183
Posté 08 juin 2012 - 02:08
Tealjaker94
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- Members
- 2 947 messages
To: Asari Military High Command
Kai Leng,
So...is there a reason you disguised this email? Literally half my emails are from people who I've never met and I read all of them. You literally could have put Harbinger as the sender and I would have opened it. I'm sure you spent a lot of time thinking up such a "clever" ploy, and I want you to know it was completely unnecessary. You are a complete failure of a human being.
Best of wishes, Shepard
Kai Leng,
So...is there a reason you disguised this email? Literally half my emails are from people who I've never met and I read all of them. You literally could have put Harbinger as the sender and I would have opened it. I'm sure you spent a lot of time thinking up such a "clever" ploy, and I want you to know it was completely unnecessary. You are a complete failure of a human being.
Best of wishes, Shepard
#184
Posté 08 juin 2012 - 02:47
SackofCat
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- Members
- 409 messages
Dear Chorban,
No $h*t.
Commander Shepard
No $h*t.
Commander Shepard
#185
Posté 08 juin 2012 - 02:51
akenn312
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- Members
- 248 messages
To: Miranda Lawson
Miranda,
I was just thinking, I know you want to go on your own to find your sister and find out what your father is up to, but I could really use the knowledge of the top Cerberus operative who worked close to TIM for all those years. So how about we get Liara to quickly get you the info you need and then you can come onto the Normandy and help us figure out the Cerberus plot with the Reapers? This is probably the safest place for you right now.
Thoughts?
Miss you,
Shepard
P.S We could also get you a different outfit so you could hide better from the Cerberus agents trying to hunt you down.
To: Commander Shepard
Sorry for the late reply, I was just finishing up this Sobe Life Water photoshoot. Well the plot won't let me do something as sensible as that, so I'll just stay in contact via email and quick interactions until I fall into the trap my father made so you will have to come and save me anyway. Thanks for thinking of me though, thats sweet now I may not die.
Miranda
P.S. I would love a new outfit but this one shows off my butt quite well so I'll just keep it. See you later on the Citadel to have a unfulfilling love scene with you.
Miranda,
I was just thinking, I know you want to go on your own to find your sister and find out what your father is up to, but I could really use the knowledge of the top Cerberus operative who worked close to TIM for all those years. So how about we get Liara to quickly get you the info you need and then you can come onto the Normandy and help us figure out the Cerberus plot with the Reapers? This is probably the safest place for you right now.
Thoughts?
Miss you,
Shepard
P.S We could also get you a different outfit so you could hide better from the Cerberus agents trying to hunt you down.
To: Commander Shepard
Sorry for the late reply, I was just finishing up this Sobe Life Water photoshoot. Well the plot won't let me do something as sensible as that, so I'll just stay in contact via email and quick interactions until I fall into the trap my father made so you will have to come and save me anyway. Thanks for thinking of me though, thats sweet now I may not die.
Miranda
P.S. I would love a new outfit but this one shows off my butt quite well so I'll just keep it. See you later on the Citadel to have a unfulfilling love scene with you.
Modifié par akenn312, 08 juin 2012 - 02:56 .
#186
Posté 08 juin 2012 - 03:07
SackofCat
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- Members
- 409 messages
Dear Commander Shepard,
You should probably get tested...
Urz
You should probably get tested...
Urz
#187
Posté 08 juin 2012 - 03:10
Deltakarma
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- Members
- 617 messages
"Dear Mother,
I miss you. I havent replied to your other message from 6 months ago, and I am sorry. Love to go out to lunch with you along with my Asari girlfriend.
With Love From Your Son,
Shepard"
I mean really.... No family emails? I is dissapoint.
"Dear Emily Wong,
Oh wait...."
"Dear Urz,
That night on Tuchanka was special. I never knew Varren were like Asari.
With Love From Your Partner,
Shepard"
I miss you. I havent replied to your other message from 6 months ago, and I am sorry. Love to go out to lunch with you along with my Asari girlfriend.
With Love From Your Son,
Shepard"
I mean really.... No family emails? I is dissapoint.
"Dear Emily Wong,
Oh wait...."
"Dear Urz,
That night on Tuchanka was special. I never knew Varren were like Asari.
With Love From Your Partner,
Shepard"
#188
Posté 08 juin 2012 - 03:11
SackofCat
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- Members
- 409 messages
Dear Kai,
This is probably a stupid question but did you eat my cereal?
David Anderson
This is probably a stupid question but did you eat my cereal?
David Anderson
#189
Posté 08 juin 2012 - 03:12
Made Nightwing
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- Members
- 2 080 messages
Grimez7 wrote...
I'm not good with words but I wish Shepard would have responded to Ash's email in ME2
Dear Ash,
I apologise for having the eloquence of a three year old, the sensitivity of a juvenile krogan and as much reasoning capacity as a brain dead hanar. Thank you also for being the only moral person in a seemingly amoral galaxy.
We'll bang, OK?
Shepard.
#190
Posté 08 juin 2012 - 03:32
tamperous
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- Members
- 745 messages
Dear mom,
Please get off my case about not calling home. I've been kind of busy.
Please get off my case about not calling home. I've been kind of busy.
#191
Posté 08 juin 2012 - 03:33
SackofCat
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- Members
- 409 messages
Dear Harbinger,
Are you avoiding me? I thought we had something special. You were right, I couldn't resist. You asked me to relinquish my form an i did. You said you were going to make me "ascend" You never really loved me, did you? You just wanted my body. You know I feel this. There is pain. It is not an illusion nor is it irrelevant. You could have been the harbinger of our perfection. But now I stand alone.
This changes everything. This the conclusion. We are finished.
Shepard
Are you avoiding me? I thought we had something special. You were right, I couldn't resist. You asked me to relinquish my form an i did. You said you were going to make me "ascend" You never really loved me, did you? You just wanted my body. You know I feel this. There is pain. It is not an illusion nor is it irrelevant. You could have been the harbinger of our perfection. But now I stand alone.
This changes everything. This the conclusion. We are finished.
Shepard
#192
Posté 08 juin 2012 - 03:49
LetsGoToMyHouse
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- Members
- 384 messages
Note to self,
The dog does nothing interesting. I may as well stop trying.
-Shepard
The dog does nothing interesting. I may as well stop trying.
-Shepard
#193
Posté 08 juin 2012 - 03:59
Phydeaux314
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- Members
- 1 400 messages
TO: ltsoni@sr2.org
FROM: eshepard@sr2.org
SUBJECT: Re: Buckeyball?
It's called a “football.” I think James brought it on board.
I'd suggest staying toward the edge of the elevator when going down to the cargo bay from now on.
TO: jvega@sr2.org
FROM: eshepard@sr2.org
SUBJECT: For the last time
DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT use the elevator as a goalbox! I've sent more people to Doctor Chakwas with bloody noses than when EDI started walking. Either have Cortez rig up a proper net or stop kicking that thing around.
That's an order, Lieutenant. In writing, even.
FROM: eshepard@sr2.org
SUBJECT: Re: Buckeyball?
It's called a “football.” I think James brought it on board.
I'd suggest staying toward the edge of the elevator when going down to the cargo bay from now on.
TO: jvega@sr2.org
FROM: eshepard@sr2.org
SUBJECT: For the last time
DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT use the elevator as a goalbox! I've sent more people to Doctor Chakwas with bloody noses than when EDI started walking. Either have Cortez rig up a proper net or stop kicking that thing around.
That's an order, Lieutenant. In writing, even.
#194
Posté 08 juin 2012 - 04:35
SackofCat
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- Members
- 409 messages
Dear Monuel,
You were right. Sorry I hit you.
Commander Shepard
You were right. Sorry I hit you.
Commander Shepard
#195
Posté 08 juin 2012 - 05:31
Ticonderoga117
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- Members
- 6 751 messages
"Dear Ash,
Please stop thinking I'm with Cerberus. Seriously, we wrecked thier crap two years ago after finding Kahoku's dead Marine team. Also, I stole this ship and his fancyAI VI and wrecked his plans to use the Collector Base by use of excessive explosives. Not too mention that whole David Archer thing. Seriously, I didn't like them after I found out about Akuze, I didn't like them after they brought me back from the dead but I worked with them because other people who could've done something acted like YOU did and couldn't see the problem right in front of you.
Also, since that whole thing before Ilos apparently meant nothing besides a dinky little email, yeah, your not welcomed on the Normandy any more.
-Cmdr Ramius Shepard
PS. Tali was totally better than you were."
Please stop thinking I'm with Cerberus. Seriously, we wrecked thier crap two years ago after finding Kahoku's dead Marine team. Also, I stole this ship and his fancy
Also, since that whole thing before Ilos apparently meant nothing besides a dinky little email, yeah, your not welcomed on the Normandy any more.
-Cmdr Ramius Shepard
PS. Tali was totally better than you were."
#196
Posté 08 juin 2012 - 06:56
Orion1836
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- Members
- 800 messages
Dear Citadel Council,
I couldn't help but notice that even with the Reapers staring you in the face, you STILL have not apologized to me for your dismissal of my warnings over the years. The mortal consequences of your inaction are reported daily in the billions.
Fair warning - when this is all over, we'll meet again... and I will be the last thing you ever see.
Shepard
Dear Kai Leng,
Everybody gets lucky; do not confuse luck with skill. I've killed thresher maws and reapers on foot - how much of a chance do you really think you have?
But, I won't kill you after I beat you. I have an unstable biotic friend who takes serious issue with Cerberus. I think it would do her psyche well to 'play' with you for a few hours... or days.
Shepard
Dear Illusive Man,
Your former minion, EDI, tells me that you spent nearly a fifth of Cerberus' resources to bring me back to life and build the SR-2 for me. I just thought I'd let you know that I've been using this ship and my six-billion-credit body to pleasure an alien.
Oh, and I just sent about a million credits hacked from various Cerberus terminals back to her flotilla.
Have a great day,
Shepard
I couldn't help but notice that even with the Reapers staring you in the face, you STILL have not apologized to me for your dismissal of my warnings over the years. The mortal consequences of your inaction are reported daily in the billions.
Fair warning - when this is all over, we'll meet again... and I will be the last thing you ever see.
Shepard
Dear Kai Leng,
Everybody gets lucky; do not confuse luck with skill. I've killed thresher maws and reapers on foot - how much of a chance do you really think you have?
But, I won't kill you after I beat you. I have an unstable biotic friend who takes serious issue with Cerberus. I think it would do her psyche well to 'play' with you for a few hours... or days.
Shepard
Dear Illusive Man,
Your former minion, EDI, tells me that you spent nearly a fifth of Cerberus' resources to bring me back to life and build the SR-2 for me. I just thought I'd let you know that I've been using this ship and my six-billion-credit body to pleasure an alien.
Oh, and I just sent about a million credits hacked from various Cerberus terminals back to her flotilla.
Have a great day,
Shepard
#197
Posté 08 juin 2012 - 08:04
Col.Aurion
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- Members
- 383 messages
To: Dr. Catherine Halsey
From: Shepard
Subject: AIs
Just met an AI who acts like a god and supposedly is one. Got any spare sucessful clones of your brain to make another smart AI to erase said God AI line by line?
please respond soon !
Shepard.
From: Shepard
Subject: AIs
Just met an AI who acts like a god and supposedly is one. Got any spare sucessful clones of your brain to make another smart AI to erase said God AI line by line?
please respond soon !
Shepard.
#198
Posté 08 juin 2012 - 08:11
Erield
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- Members
- 1 220 messages
To: EDI
From: Shepard
Subject: Camels are Joker's favorite animal
I heard that Joker's favorite part are their toes. If you have one, you may want to give it to him, or let him see it. Maybe let him play with it some.
Just a friendly heads-up,
Shepard
From: Shepard
Subject: Camels are Joker's favorite animal
I heard that Joker's favorite part are their toes. If you have one, you may want to give it to him, or let him see it. Maybe let him play with it some.
Just a friendly heads-up,
Shepard
#199
Posté 08 juin 2012 - 08:17
dorktainian
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- Members
- 4 419 messages
To: Garrus (my little pony) Vakarian
from: John (ride em cowboy) Shepard
Subject: that probing.
I'm sorry for repeatedly probing uranus.
Sheploo
from: John (ride em cowboy) Shepard
Subject: that probing.
I'm sorry for repeatedly probing uranus.
Sheploo
#200
Posté 08 juin 2012 - 06:56
RyrineaNara
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- Members
- 2 199 messages
CCC:Kaidan the real Biotic God
CC: Sorry, I was dead for Two years
Dear Kaidan,
Why didn't you do anything to find me? Why did Laira find me? Which to me is a little bit creepy.
CCC: Cmdr. Shepard of the SSV NORMANDY
ccc: Sorry, I was dead for two years
Dear Cmdr Shepard,
I'm sorry about not trying to find you thought I cared enough to let you lay in peace. Thought, if I had known your body was about to be given to the collectors, I would've done something to save you.
Love Kaidan,
CC: Sorry, I was dead for Two years
Dear Kaidan,
Why didn't you do anything to find me? Why did Laira find me? Which to me is a little bit creepy.
CCC: Cmdr. Shepard of the SSV NORMANDY
ccc: Sorry, I was dead for two years
Dear Cmdr Shepard,
I'm sorry about not trying to find you thought I cared enough to let you lay in peace. Thought, if I had known your body was about to be given to the collectors, I would've done something to save you.
Love Kaidan,
