83 réponses à ce sujet

[guitarbard]

Zekebugs wrote...

I'm still looking for that hidden end cut scene where Zevran and Leliana go into business together and make intimate clothing for the discriminating noble.

If this is real, I'd LOVE to see it - especially since they both seem to be into boots.

These jokes are AWESOME!!! Now I have to try and think of one...

Here's my attempt:
Q: What's the difference between Morrigan and Alistair?
A: Morrigan actually knows how to use her staff...

Message me if you want to know the difference between a male blood mage and a female blood mage - I don't think I can post the answer here...

[mrofni]

Try anyway! All of these jokes are terrible. Hence the topic name.

[guitarbard]

I did try! See above! My blood mage one is a little rude though, so I'm debating as to whether or not I should post it...

[mrofni]

If my rape joke is ok, then yours is too. "POST IT!!!" says the devil in your left ear.

[Eliende]

Do you know why mabari are so eager to go to battle with the darkspawn?



Because if they don't they'll be treated no better than elves!

[totertot]

Ohhh this thread is awesome. In a bad, bad way.

[Tirigon]

Why can only giants behead elves?

They are below you, so everyone tries to strike down on them. You wouldnt actually raise a blade up for one, right?



What is the difference between City elves and Slaves?

If you take a slave for your fun at least his owner would mind.



Why is the Fereldan population scared of mages?

Honestly, women whith staffs? WTF?!... and the men are simply envied for theirs are so big......

[KnightofPhoenix]

thegreateski wrote...

These jokes are terrible.

The Joker approves.

[CREinstein]

Popular Dalish jokes:

What do you call a confused male human?
A Shem Male.


What use are armored dwarves?
They make great stepping stones in a deep swamp.


Why do Dalish elves mock cities?
Don't they also crowd cows into tight places prior to slaughtering them?



Why does a templar have such thick armor?
To help hide it's horrible stench!

Modifié par CREinstein, 28 décembre 2009 - 03:59 .

[CREinstein]

Ok now for the city elf jokes.



My master asked me to do the dishes, some of them actually had food on them still, ha! The jokes on him for sure!



My master complimented me on the new fragrances I added to the clothes I wash for her, little does she know I use ****** now for the water...



Today a rich, drunk, foreign noble was handing out golds, golds! The entire Aielienge came out, we are all Veterans... except him, he is an orphan... of the saving of Ferelden... I cannot believe the sap bought it. This pays for my antidote to the plague... they are very excited to bring me in for my cure...





Haha, I hid the mistresses comb, and she thought Theral did it! I watched as he was killed, she has no clue, this is so wonderful!













Ok so I am a crappy city elf, Dalish ftw!

[CREinstein]

Now for mage elf jokes (yeah they are the last possible class)



Why do the Dalish have tatoos? Cause they aint reinvented paper.



Why do the templars have such thick armor? How else would they fit the toilet... always pissing their pants at the sight of an Elvish mage!



Why do dwarves have beards? So we can set them on fire!



Why did the Golem cross the road? To eat the other side of the road of course!



Fire, Ice, Lightning... Which is worst? If your a dwarf, fire, if your a Dalish, Ice, and the en-lightning I am going to give you!

[Jester8183]

What do you call a flat-ear lost in the forest?

Enlightened.

What do you call a Durgen’len lost in the forest?

Merchant.

What do you call a Qunari lost in the forest?

Invading.

What do you call a Shemlen lost in the forest?

Target practice.

Modifié par Jester8183, 28 décembre 2009 - 05:48 .

[guitarbard]

Why do female blood mages have an advantage over male blood mages? Females get free recources once a month.



What's the difference between castless dwarves and city elves? The dwarves have something over their heads to keep out the rain.



What's the difference between Sten and a brain-damaged Mabari? Sten can talk.



And I can think of a way to phrase this as a joke, but notice that Connor made a deal with a DESIRE demon? Pre-pubescent/pubescent kid much?



Why did the werewolves attack the Dalish, but not stray city elves (let's pretend there were some around)? The city elves might have given them fleas.

[fairandbalancedfan]

Human: "you know about that Elf being all gay stereotype ?"



Dwarf: You mean there are non Homosexual elves ?



Q: What did Morrigan say to the PC after their lay.



A: Morrigan disapproves of your performance, -15

[CREinstein]

A werewolf pack had a good hunting day, they had a human mage, a human noble, a dwarf noble, a dwarf from dust town, an elven mage, a Dalish elf, and a city elf. They decided to make a sampler for all the werewolves so they all could decide which tasted best, and such.



The first morsel was the human mage, which all agreed was to fatty from living a life of scholarly pursuit. They then tried the other human, which was decently meaty, having been trained as a warrior. However his meat was kind of bland they decided.



Next up were the dwarves, the dust town dwarf was first, but the elder declared the meat rancid with worms and diseases, avoid this meat. So they tried the Dwarf Noble. All involved agreed his meat was tasty, but way to stringy. After a period of cleaning their teeth they agreed dwarfs make bad meals.



Finally they got to the elves. First was the mage, who had a tangy taste, which seemed to be a bit to much Lyrium in his blood. The Dalish was tasty tho, even seemed like it had it's own garnishes included. All involved agreed this was an exceptional meal. The city elf, they fed to their blighted wolves (Hey even werewolves have standards!)

[CREinstein]

There is a reason no elves are born of a human/elf relationship, you see even the embryo understand that all elves are losers...

[CREinstein]

A Dwarf comes across a fungus, never seeing a fungus before, he decides to collect a bit, and try to brew a beer from it... Duncan got upset however at the attack upon his beard.





(Hey this fits topic, no shooting me please!)

[Xaltar81]

How many orlesians does it take to milk a cow?
21, one to hold the udder and the rest to lift the cow up and down.

A group of male Antivan adventurers are sitting around the fire having a farting contest when a fereldian wanderer stubles on their camp and they ask him to join in. The antivans start with "silent but deadlys" and the fereldian lets off a thunder ******. The antivans yell

"Get him, he's still a virgin."

Whats the favorite line in an antivan gentlemans club?
Can I push your stool in.

Modifié par Xaltar81, 28 décembre 2009 - 10:53 .

[almostglass]

Mummolus wrote...

The best thing about this thread is all the jokes being racist in real-life but totally alright in Ferelden.

I agree, but isn't it the other way around? 

Modifié par almostglass, 28 décembre 2009 - 12:13 .

[Tirigon]

What is the difference between an elf girl from the Alienage and a prostitute?
The price.

Modifié par Tirigon, 28 décembre 2009 - 04:22 .

[andybuiadh]

What is the difference between Alistair and your Mabari?



One is funny, cute, brave and dependable. The other is an ex-templar.

[guitarbard]

Shavon wrote...

Q: What would this game be called if Wynne was the main character?

A: Epic Wynne

I know, I know, terribly NOT funny, but I tried Some of these are hysterical, but the elf jokes are mean

*groan* Congratulations on writing a good pun!

[Kimarous]

Once there were three people living in three houses: an elf in a house of sticks, a human in a house of wood and stone, and a dwarf in a house of solid stone. One day, a hungry werewolf decided to eat the three. He first approached the elf's house and cried out:

"Little elf! Little elf! Let me come in!"

"Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin!" replied the elf.

Realizing that elves cannot have facial hair, the werewolf realized he had been outwitted and abandoned his plan.

ALTERNATIVE:

"Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down!"

And so the werewolf blew the house of sticks down and ate the elf. He then proceeded to the human's house and repeated his cry:

"Little human! Little human! Let me come in!"

"But of course!" replied the human, for he was Fereldan and thus respected canines. And so the human was likewise consumed. However, the werewolf's hunger was not yet sated and he proceeded to the dwarf's stone house. For the third time, he cried out:

"Little dwarf! Little dwarf! Let me come in!"

"Who are you calling little?" replied the drunken dwarf, who ran out with his axe in a berserk rage and slew the werewolf.

Modifié par Kimarous, 29 décembre 2009 - 04:37 .