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[The Raveolution]

Okay, hold your noses, folks, here are some lame "Shepars as Chuck Norris" jokes!

The Void did not hold Shepard. Shepard held the void by its throat and slapped it around until it got out of his way!
Shepard does not count to infinity. Infinity counts to Shepard... or, at least it tries. Unsuccessfully.
Cerberus did not revive Shepard. Shepard revived Cerberus.
Shepard was not on the Illusive Man's team. The Illusive Man was on Shepard's team.
Shepard doesn't do FTL. The universe moves to where he is, on his command.
Shepard doesn't do biotics. He says "fly, #&@$*!" and his enemies say "How far away, SIR!!!"
Shepard didn't romance anyone. They took a friggin' NUMBER to get a shot at romancing him.
Shepard didn't beat Saren. Saren heard Shepard was coming and impaled himself on a shard of glass.
Shepard didn't die in a Collector attack. He just stepped out for a smoke.
The war with the Reapers lasted as long as it did because Shepard was bored and fought with handicaps. I mean, really, who wants to pay $60 for a 14 second game???
Bioware called it Mass Effect because they couldn't afford Shepard's fee to name the game after him.
Shepard is so awesome he went back in time to whup the Reapers again, as the other gender, just to humiliate them twice.
Then he went back as different ethnicities, too!
Shepard didn't fight on Hardcore mode. Hardcore tried to play Shepard mode and was killed before the loading screen came up!
Shepard didn't embrace eternity. Eternity got slapped in the noggin with a renegade interrupt while trying to embrace Shepard.

And last, but not least...
The Reapers do not indoctrinate Shepard. Shepard indoctrinated the Reapers!