314 réponses à ce sujet

[Abraham_uk]

Dear Jane Shepard

 I don't know how you learnt your biotic and tech skills. I don't know how you managed to convince my crew that I had a sex change! You're just another Conrad Verner intruding on MY SHIP! Get the hell of my ship!

Sincerely

John Shepard

P.s. Why am I still in a brig when the Reapers are tearing the galaxy apart?
P.P.S: Why would anyone believe that I had a sex change?

Modifié par Abraham_uk, 14 juillet 2012 - 09:18 .

[ottifant64]

Abraham_uk wrote...

Dear Jane Shepard

 I don't know how you learnt your biotic and tech skills. I don't know how you managed to convince my crew that I had a sex change! You're just another Conrad Verner intruding on MY SHIP! Get the hell of my ship!

Sincerely

John Shepard

P.s. Why am I still in a brig when the Reapers are tearing the galaxy apart?
P.P.S: Why would anyone believe that I had a sex change?

Dear Johnny-boy,

I don't know what the hell you're talking about. Little brothers can be such nuisances.

Mocking,

your big sister Jane.

[Abraham_uk]

ottifant64 wrote...

Abraham_uk wrote...

Dear Jane Shepard

 I don't know how you learnt your biotic and tech skills. I don't know how you managed to convince my crew that I had a sex change! You're just another Conrad Verner intruding on MY SHIP! Get the hell of my ship!

Sincerely

John Shepard

P.s. Why am I still in a brig when the Reapers are tearing the galaxy apart?
P.P.S: Why would anyone believe that I had a sex change?

Dear Johnny-boy,

I don't know what the hell you're talking about. Little brothers can be such nuisances.

Mocking,

your big sister Jane.

Dear Jane Shepard

You better not have harmed my crew.
I still have the hots for Ashley. If it turns out that you got her killed or even worse slept with her, I'll be very upset!

Also the joke about the sex change was not appreciated!


Sinerely and still very angry

Your locked up brother. John

P.s. I can't believe I'm still in the brig. I had to smash that asteroid into a mass relay. We'd all be dead if I hadn't made that choice. Now you've taken my place and cured the genophage with Udnot Wreav in charge.

[draken-heart]

Dear Sammie-bear

Quit being angry for catching me with Ash. WE WERE DRUNK, THAT IS ALL!

your hopefully not ex-girlfriend
Shepard

PS: i quit drinking.

[Hadeedak]

Abraham_uk wrote...


Dear Jane Shepard

You better not have harmed my crew.
I still have the hots for Ashley. If it turns out that you got her killed or even worse slept with her, I'll be very upset!

Also the joke about the sex change was not appreciated!


Sinerely and still very angry

Your locked up brother. John

P.s. I can't believe I'm still in the brig. I had to smash that asteroid into a mass relay. We'd all be dead if I hadn't made that choice. Now you've taken my place and cured the genophage with Udnot Wreav in charge.

Dear John:

You're the one who killed Mordin and Wrex off. And I'm going with control anyway. A reaper-based smackdown is so much more satisfying when it's deserved. Don't worry. I'm taking good care of your crew. Especially Garrus and Vega. Heh. Talk about a gun show.

Though I have talked Ashley back into Pheonix armor. The miniskirt was creeping me out. I hope that's not a problem. Anyway. I'll throw around some of the old spectre mojo and get you out. Any day now.

Jane Shepard

[Abraham_uk]

Hadeedak wrote...

Abraham_uk wrote...


Dear Jane Shepard

You better not have harmed my crew.
I still have the hots for Ashley. If it turns out that you got her killed or even worse slept with her, I'll be very upset!

Also the joke about the sex change was not appreciated!


Sinerely and still very angry

Your locked up brother. John

P.s. I can't believe I'm still in the brig. I had to smash that asteroid into a mass relay. We'd all be dead if I hadn't made that choice. Now you've taken my place and cured the genophage with Udnot Wreav in charge.

Dear John:

You're the one who killed Mordin and Wrex off. And I'm going with control anyway. A reaper-based smackdown is so much more satisfying when it's deserved. Don't worry. I'm taking good care of your crew. Especially Garrus and Vega. Heh. Talk about a gun show.

Though I have talked Ashley back into Pheonix armor. The miniskirt was creeping me out. I hope that's not a problem. Anyway. I'll throw around some of the old spectre mojo and get you out. Any day now.

Jane Shepard

Dear Jane

Sorry if my previous emails were angry. Being in a cell makes me very angry. I'll be joining your crew for taking down Cerberus. So I'm afraid that I'll be taking my rightfull place as your boss. Which means no more stupid decisions.

I heard that you managed to achieve Geth/Quarian peace?
You see if that were me, I would have just destroyed the Geth.
You kept the Rachni Queen alive too? The reaperised Rachni Queen?
You chose that colony that no one cares about over a Volus Bombing Fleet?

Your only good decision was beating up James Vega. That was awesome. Where did you learn to dance?

Do you remember the good old days when you used to be one of my squadmates?
I used to bring you on the team all the time. Just so that I could make jokes about the fact you're a ginger.

Sincerely

John


P.s: What the hell have you done to my Ashley! She looks wrong!

Modifié par Abraham_uk, 14 juillet 2012 - 11:04 .

[DirtySHISN0]

Normandy crew

Primitives.


J.

[ottifant64]

DirtySHISN0 wrote...

Normandy crew

Primitives.


J.

Dear Javik,

would you mind if I call you Prothy the Prothean?

Sincerely,

Joker

[Abraham_uk]

ottifant64 wrote...

DirtySHISN0 wrote...

Normandy crew

Primitives.


J.

Dear Javik,

would you mind if I call you Prothy the Prothean?

Sincerely,

Joker

Dear Joker

The fact you still insist calling me "Prothy the Prothean" when I have threatened to throw you out the air lock is proof that you are a primitive.

Good luck basking in your ignorance. I have some Reapers to kill.

Sinerely Javik

P.s. Where are the collectors? I have some prothean traitors to kill.

[BrysonC]

Abraham_uk wrote...

ottifant64 wrote...

DirtySHISN0 wrote...

Normandy crew

Primitives.


J.

Dear Javik,

would you mind if I call you Prothy the Prothean?

Sincerely,

Joker

Dear Joker

The fact you still insist calling me "Prothy the Prothean" when I have threatened to throw you out the air lock is proof that you are a primitive.

Good luck basking in your ignorance. I have some Reapers to kill.

Sinerely Javik

P.s. Where are the collectors? I have some prothean traitors to kill.

To: Javik
cc: James Vega, Steve Cortez, Ken, Gabby, Kaiden Alenko, 4RCH4NG3L, NormandySR2Cyberwarfaresuite, Joker, Tali, Liara, Samantha Traynor, general personnel
From: Commander Shepard

As of this date, all crew members will refer to our Prothean crewmember Javik as 'Prothy the Prothean.' That is an order.

Not so fun when you're the one getting trolled, is it, Prothy?

[Abraham_uk]

BrysonC wrote...

Abraham_uk wrote...

ottifant64 wrote...

DirtySHISN0 wrote...

Normandy crew

Primitives.


J.

Dear Javik,

would you mind if I call you Prothy the Prothean?

Sincerely,

Joker

Dear Joker

The fact you still insist calling me "Prothy the Prothean" when I have threatened to throw you out the air lock is proof that you are a primitive.

Good luck basking in your ignorance. I have some Reapers to kill.

Sinerely Javik

P.s. Where are the collectors? I have some prothean traitors to kill.

To: Javik
cc: James Vega, Steve Cortez, Ken, Gabby, Kaiden Alenko, 4RCH4NG3L, NormandySR2Cyberwarfaresuite, Joker, Tali, Liara, Samantha Traynor, general personnel
From: Commander Shepard

As of this date, all crew members will refer to our Prothean crewmember Javik as 'Prothy the Prothean.' That is an order.

Not so fun when you're the one getting trolled, is it, Prothy?

Dear Normandy Crew

Why am I surrounded by Primitives?

Sincerely

Javik

P.s. Now if you excuse me, I have some reapers to kill.

Modifié par Abraham_uk, 15 juillet 2012 - 07:57 .

[ottifant64]

OneWomanArmy wrote...

Dear Female Shepard!

I never got an answer to whether you are interested in me or not. I sent so many agents after you to get the message through but you just assumed they were hostile and killed them all! I even tried to get rid of your boyfriend Kaidan to get the competition out of the way.

I gave you a ship with servants and it was still not enough, what more do you want?

Do you love me back?

I love you from Illusive Man.

Dear Illusive Man,

I'm sorry that I killed your agents, but where did you get the information that Kaidan is my boyfriend?
I'm into girls, not whiny ****es.

Sincerely,

Shepard.

[ottifant64]

OneWomanArmy wrote...

ottifant64 wrote...

OneWomanArmy wrote...

Dear Female Shepard!

I never got an answer to whether you are interested in me or not. I sent so many agents after you to get the message through but you just assumed they were hostile and killed them all! I even tried to get rid of your boyfriend Kaidan to get the competition out of the way.

I gave you a ship with servants and it was still not enough, what more do you want?

Do you love me back?

I love you from Illusive Man.

Dear Illusive Man,

I'm sorry that I killed your agents, but where did you get the information that Kaidan is my boyfriend?
I'm into girls, not whiny ****es.

Sincerely,

Shepard.

Dear female Shepard!

I wasn't writing to the commander in the world of "Adam and Steve" or "Madam and Eve" but to the commander in the world of "Adam and Eve". The email must have gone to the wrong commander.

Illusive Man.

Dear Illusive Man,

Shepard is mine. And stop killing colonists from Horizon, you bastard!

Sincerely,

Lieutenant Samantha Traynor

[Abraham_uk]

OneWomanArmy wrote...

ottifant64 wrote...

OneWomanArmy wrote...

Dear Female Shepard!

I never got an answer to whether you are interested in me or not. I sent so many agents after you to get the message through but you just assumed they were hostile and killed them all! I even tried to get rid of your boyfriend Kaidan to get the competition out of the way.

I gave you a ship with servants and it was still not enough, what more do you want?

Do you love me back?

I love you from Illusive Man.

Dear Illusive Man,

I'm sorry that I killed your agents, but where did you get the information that Kaidan is my boyfriend?
I'm into girls, not whiny ****es.

Sincerely,

Shepard.

Dear female Shepard!

I wasn't writing to the commander in the world of "Adam and Steve" or "Madam and Eve" but to the commander in the world of "Adam and Eve". The email must have gone to the wrong commander.

Illusive Man.

Dear Illusive Man

You silly man. You keep confusing me with Comander Shepard.
Sure we look almost the same but we're very different people.

Anyway, I'm always willing to see you in your spare time. I'm still waiting for your invite though.

Here's my number (04526 3250  356849 38209738 87289 8375830920183738 398509274762190)
Call me maybe?

From

Comander Carly Rae Jepsen

P.s. Why can't omnitools have shorter phone numbers?
PPS. I think Miranda has a crush on me. When she recreated Shepard, she altered Shepard's appearance to make her look like me.

Modifié par Abraham_uk, 15 juillet 2012 - 05:03 .

[ottifant64]

Abraham_uk wrote...

OneWomanArmy wrote...

ottifant64 wrote...

OneWomanArmy wrote...

Dear Female Shepard!

I never got an answer to whether you are interested in me or not. I sent so many agents after you to get the message through but you just assumed they were hostile and killed them all! I even tried to get rid of your boyfriend Kaidan to get the competition out of the way.

I gave you a ship with servants and it was still not enough, what more do you want?

Do you love me back?

I love you from Illusive Man.

Dear Illusive Man,

I'm sorry that I killed your agents, but where did you get the information that Kaidan is my boyfriend?
I'm into girls, not whiny ****es.

Sincerely,

Shepard.

Dear female Shepard!

I wasn't writing to the commander in the world of "Adam and Steve" or "Madam and Eve" but to the commander in the world of "Adam and Eve". The email must have gone to the wrong commander.

Illusive Man.

Dear Illusive Man

You silly man. You keep confusing me with Comander Shepard.
Sure we look almost the same but we're very different people.

Anyway, I'm always willing to see you in your spare time. I'm still waiting for your invite though.

Here's my number (04526 3250  356849 38209738 87289 8375830920183738 398509274762190)
Call me maybe?

From

Comander Carly Rae Jepsen

P.s. Why can't omnitools have shorter phone numbers?
PPS. I think Miranda has a crush on me. When she recreated Shepard, she altered Shepard's appearance to make her look like me.

Dear Commander Jepsen,

Who are you?

Shepard

[Abraham_uk]

Dear Shepard

I am a comander who works for the Illusive Man
I used to be a singer. We should totally hang out.

I think it's so cool how you kicked those collectors butts.
I run a pretty tight crew at the moment. To be honest I'm not really comfortable with this whole deal of turning people into husks. I know controlling the Reapers is for the greater good, but do we really have to turn people into husks?
Perhaps you can help me out.

I so want to meet you. You are a hero to me.

Here's my number (04526 3250 356849 38209738 87289 8375830920183738 398509274762190)
Call me maybe?

Sincerely

Comander Jepsen

Modifié par Abraham_uk, 15 juillet 2012 - 05:23 .

[Hadeedak]

Abraham_uk wrote...



Dear Jane

Sorry if my previous emails were angry. Being in a cell makes me very angry. I'll be joining your crew for taking down Cerberus. So I'm afraid that I'll be taking my rightfull place as your boss. Which means no more stupid decisions.

I heard that you managed to achieve Geth/Quarian peace?
You see if that were me, I would have just destroyed the Geth.
You kept the Rachni Queen alive too? The reaperised Rachni Queen?
You chose that colony that no one cares about over a Volus Bombing Fleet?

Your only good decision was beating up James Vega. That was awesome. Where did you learn to dance?

Do you remember the good old days when you used to be one of my squadmates?
I used to bring you on the team all the time. Just so that I could make jokes about the fact you're a ginger.

Sincerely

John


P.s: What the hell have you done to my Ashley! She looks wrong!

Dear John:

You always have to renegade it out. Well, you're the one who kept telling everyone that asked you're alliance, then cheered on Cerberus. I'm the one who decided Spectre was the way to go. Yeah, I do prefer galactic peace over a shotgun. I hope your scars are healing nicely. I promise when you get out and resume command, I won't throw the Spectre thing around too much. Just a bit. You know how it is.

Ginger, huh? At least I HAVE hair. What the hell is that grey thing on your head? It's ok if you spray it on to hide your early baldness. And who goes grey before 30, anyway?

I've known how to dance for forever. I'm the one who went vanguard. Speaking of which. Kind of given up on grenades. I figured out how to use my fist instead. Wait until you see what I can do these days.

Ok, don't be mad at me, but Garrus and I hooked up again. I know he's your friend and it's kind of weird, but he's mine too. And come on. He's Garrus. So I've got that going. Just thought I'd warn you so you wouldn't be weirded out.

Shep Sr.

PS: Oh, she does not look wrong. She's so much hotter in armor and you know it. Men.

[BrysonC]

To: Admiral David Anderson
From: RUSHJUNKIE59 (Kai Leng)

Hey there it's me, Kai Leng, you probably remember me as the guy who kicked your ass in a one on one fight on Omega way back. Just wanted to tell you, you have a really crappy pad. Should probably lock it up better.

Oh, and by the way, check your cereal supply. THERE'S LESS CEREAL IN THIS BOX? WHAT HAPPENED TO MY CEREAL? Hahahaha scrub.

PS You suck.

[CptData]

Dear naked lady in Shepard's bed.

Get out. Or I'll test my Black Widow on your head.

- Ashley

PS: Liara is supporting me too.

[Abraham_uk]

OneWomanArmy wrote...

Dear Shephard my love!

Finally you give in! I will give you a call soon or send you a message with some more agents but don't kill them this time.

ps. Miranda is really a man....

Pps. Are you not Shephard???

Illusive Man.

Dear Illusive Man

It's finally great to be back.

Miranda's a man? Never knew that. Well that's strange. Well you learn something new every day. Well I do like Miranda. She has a thing for me you know.

By the way. I recieved a strange message from Conrad Verner. It creaped me out



Lots of love

Comander Jepsen

P.s I did explain to you that I'm just a singer. You invited me to sing for your 40th Birthaday.
Ever since you've hired me to become a Comander because of some mixup with Comander Shepard.
Funny how things turn out.

Modifié par Abraham_uk, 15 juillet 2012 - 06:27 .