144 réponses à ce sujet

[Travis2310]

DominusVita wrote...

Only one way to gain experience. At worst, you make a mistake; Mistakes can be learned from, and you can gain more confidence with each attempt. If you're worried that part of your personality is going to repel women, don't; You are who you are, and the person you're hoping to find should appreciate your traits, good and bad. If they don't, I suppose they're not for you. Go get em', Tiger?

My sensei told me when I first started martial arts "you can't learn how to swim unless you get in the water". I have used that saying for almost everything except talking to women.

I just have to man the f**k up and realize that if I fail, there are still people who look up to me, see me as a friend, and enjoy the person I am, even if this girl who just rejected me doesn't.

[Volus Warlord]

android654 wrote...

@VW

Nah, people with problems are interesting to be around. It gives you a new perspective on people and life in general. Boring people have nothing to offer but politeness. Which is nice I suppose, but ultimately pointless in the end.

Everyone has problems. Everyone can give you a different perspective. 

Only some have problems that severely compromise any chance of ..success?

[android654]

Success? There's an end game that I'm unaware of?

[grregg]

Travis2310 wrote...

(...)

I am a coward. No matter what I accomplish in my life, this will always be a fact. The coward in me guides me down the one-way road of life towards the exit ramp of death, never allowing me to view the environment I continue to pass through my windows of opportunity.

Ouch. I do realize that making dramatic statements about the futility of life is the favorite activity of every young generation, but I was hoping that humanity made some progress there. Silly me.

More seriously though, the reality is that when you start this type of a conversation you will likely sound like an idiot. Most people do. Yes, TV and movies are full of examples of smooth talkers but they're generally professional actors and have their lines written by a professional writer. And they can do multiple takes if needed.

So yes, you have to go in there and crash and burn. That's how we learn. Conversation is a skill like any other and you won't get it any other way. And again, you will look silly while learning, we always do. Do you think that the first time you got on a bike you looked like Lance Armstrong? Unlikely.

So, go back and make an idiot out of yourself, it'll be fun. Just try to look like a cute idiot, girls like that.

[Volus Warlord]

android654 wrote...

Success? There's an end game that I'm unaware of?

If you plan to have a bunch of short 'throwaway' relationships, I guess her being screwed up in the head has little no negative consequences. 

If not, it becomes a serious liability. The game is the end game.

[android654]

Define " short 'throwaway' relationships."

[Fishy]

It`s funny because that remind me of a situation I had. I`m introverted and can be rather cold but I was never really concious about it. There was this girl at the job who never talked to me. I though she was interesting. But you know.. Since she never talked to me. I simply guessed she was not interested at all. Since she was talking to every other guy at the working place. That brough me negative though . Feeling like a total looser.  Anyway!

Someday I had to work with her... We started to open up and talked and laughed.. Anyway ... At the end of the day she told me..


- Geez you`re really cool and fun..  The first impression I had when first seeing you was
- This guy want to be left alone. He seem angry lol.

Anyway we worked for 1 month together. Laughed.. Cryed etc .. Had a blast anyway.  We had so much fun ogether which made a lot of other jealous. Some people told me really nasty thing because of this.. Like

- Don`t worry man You will **** her. I will ''leave her to you'' ..
What the **** was that? I remember just freezing in place like ... WTF?

and another time has she came up from the bathroom.. she told me about those chick who just bullied her for no reason.

She was in a relationship so I never asked her out. Than I lost my job and never seen her again. I remember my last day at the job .. When I was walking toward the door she was still working at that table. Looking right into my eyes. Oh well. Life goes on . I don`t know if I was in love with her... But that was pretty damn close.

[Volus Warlord]

android654 wrote...

Define " short 'throwaway' relationships."

Few years tops. Generally a year or shorter.

You start, you maintain for a bit, you split, and you do your best to put it behind you. Act as if nothing ever happened. Repeat. Until for whatever reason you can't anymore.

Throwaway relationships 101.

[android654]

@VW

There's nothing short about a few years. Te rest sounds spot on though.

[Russalka]

It helps to wonder about what you would have to gain and what to lose. Sure, it might end up sucking, but other people forget these things fast, because they have their own egos to deal with.

It helps to let go of awkward situations by just saying "**** happens", courage might lead to something good next time.

But it is easier to dispense advice than to adhere to it.

Modifié par Russalka, 17 juillet 2012 - 02:55 .

[MarchWaltz]

Next time, do not let anything stop you. What is the worse that can happen friend? She rejects you?

You still have your buddies right? Your life? Your video games? Right?

Who the hell cares. I used to be like you. Now I just say to myself "I do not want to regret this moment".

I do not like Nike shoes, but their logo is right; JUST DO IT.

[Kidd]

I'll give you the advice I give most people in, frankly, most romantic situations they find difficult.

Stop thinking.

Why do people generally fare better when they're drunk, even though being drunk obviously dampens pretty much everything there is to dampen? Booze keeps people from thinking. And when they don't think they simply scream-sing along to songs they hear, pee off building roof tops and talk to attractive people. They stopped thinking and started acting.

Now the good part about being sober is you won't start scream-singing or peeing off buildings any time soon. You know what you're doing. So next time you find yourself next to some one you want to talk to. Just do it. In this one case, stop thinking. Just do it.

[Gotholhorakh]

Heh, beating yourself up over this is the first step towards overcompensating, which is the normal route to flowering into a beautifully bold man. It's the male condition.

Embrace the self-loathing, feel like an ass for ages, call yourself a coward - eventually this wlll lead you to puff out your chest and emerge from your shyness like a beautifully bearded manly butterfly from a chrysalis.

Good luck there, fella, there are beautiful changes afoot.

[Daennikus]

Yeah I wouldn't have said anything either.

It takes a lot more than just being cute, and waiting in line to get a sandwich, for a girl to get my attention. Unless I want to mess with her head, in that case I look for the eye contact and then ignore her.

That's all the importance I can give to random "cute" girls.

My advice to you: fill your life with activities that make you meet new people who share your interests. That way you won't let yourself feel confused by these random chicks in some random fast food restaurant.

[BP93]

Can't say I've ever had the thought of asking someone out at a fast food joint.

For obvious reasons if you get my drift.

[Eternal Phoenix]

 Travis...

 

[BatmanPWNS]

End of the world moment, I see.

[CmndrFisher]

Someone posted that he/she was surprised this thread has not been trolled yet.  Well, perhaps that is a testament to the humanity of the folks in here.  Travis wore his heart on his sleeve, exposed his feelings and other forum members rallied to him.  This is very refreshing and I think you should all be proud of yourselves.  For once there was very little rudeness and sarcasm.

@ Travis in particular, I can't say anything encouraging without it sounding cliche and trite.  Such are the tribulations of This Human Drama.  One day you'll be surprised at what comes your way.  Good Luck.

[slimgrin]

Had a similar experience at the public library last year, a doe-eyed lass humming softly and composing music right across from me while I diligently sketched. She got up, looked my way, smiled a bit and then sauntered away. I looked down at my pad and kept sketching. Worked myself over something fierce that night dwelling on it, so I returned the following day at approximately the same time, only now I was thoroughly wasted and all sorts of brave. I haven't been allowed to go back to the library since.

Modifié par slimgrin, 18 juillet 2012 - 01:40 .

[Volus Warlord]

slimgrin wrote...

Had a similar experience at the public library last year, a doe-eyed lass humming softly and composing music right across from me while I diligently sketched. She got up, looked my way, smiled a bit and then sauntered away. I looked down at my pad and kept sketching. Worked myself over something fierce that night dwelling on it, so I returned the following day at approximately the same time, only now I was thoroughly wasted and all sorts of brave. I haven't been allowed to go back to the library since.

Sounds like a moral victory. *nods*

[RedArmyShogun]

All of you baggarts keep offering advice when Thor has spoken his wisedom with me as his instrument. It is no surprise Midgar is doomed.

[jillabender]

Travis, I can definitely relate to what you describe. Although I'm feeling better about life now, I went through a period where I felt as though my inner fears would always hold me back from going after the things I wanted. *hug*

When it comes to approaching women, it might help to keep in mind that women have insecurities, too. These days, I usually feel fairly attractive, but in high school, I thought of myself as socially awkward and a dork. When my ex-boyfriend asked me out for the first time, I said no, not because of anything to do with him, but simply because I had never dated anyone before, and I was afraid to jump into something new. Eventually, he asked me out again, and we ended up dating for close to three years. So, I can say that dating really does get easier with time.

Also, keep in mind that women don't always equate hesitancy and shyness with a lack of confidence – some women find shyness attractive because they associate it with gentleness and sensitivity (In fact, that's how I'd describe my attraction to my current crush! ^^. Many women feel more at ease with a man who's willing to show a bit of vulnerability, and the fact you were able to make this post shows that you have that quality. If you can show a sense of humour about yourself, that will help, too.

My practical suggestion for approaching women is to put less pressure on yourself: you might tell yourself that your goal is to strike up a pleasant conversation with an attractive woman, and that if it leads to a date, that's a bonus. Good luck!

Modifié par jillabender, 18 juillet 2012 - 02:43 .