299 réponses à ce sujet

[Invellous]

To: Interplanetary Combatives Academy Board

It has been several months since I have completed my training at your fine academy. Every lesson has proven to be invaluable in my success in the field. However after completing several missions, specifically ones where I faced Cerberus forces I found myself questioning some of the lessons. Specifically the ones thought to me during my training with the Omni-Shield.

Now understand I am not one to question the experience of my superiors. However after facing many Cerberus Guardian units I can not help but feel that the current training program is lacking. I have seen Cerberus Guardians advance with their shields in one hand and fire a sidearm with the other. Currently your Omni-Shield training program only teaches Paladin Operatives to hold their position when the deploy their much lighter Omni-Shields. I remember the Salarian Professor would go on and on about 'holding the line'. Which works in some situations however far too often 'holding the line' has proven to be ineffective. Especially when the Omni-Shield is light enough for me to carry single handily.

I propose your Professors to start training future Paladin Operatives in manner similar to how Cerberus trains their Guardian Units. I feel that if we were to train to carry our shields single handily, and deploy Tech Powers or fire a weapon in our other hand we could be a far greater asset to our squads in the fields. Here on Earth the battles take place in close quarters where 'holding the line' does work however again far too often I find myself in situations where being immobile hurts the squad, and myself. I hope you will consider what I have said.

Sincerely,
Athene the best N7 Paladin in the world

Modifié par Invellous, 21 juillet 2012 - 10:57 .

[Aurora313]

To: Cerberus,
Subject: Special ops.

You're doing it wrong.

Sincerely,
N7 Operatives.

To: Kai Leng
Subject: Your Cerberus Phantoms v my N7 Shadows.

My Shadows are killing your Phantoms left and right.

Sucks to be you,
Shepard.

Modifié par Aurora313, 21 juillet 2012 - 10:58 .

[N7Kopper]

jacob92883 wrote...

Dear N7 Paladin

Check the contents of your foot locker. Everyone in the galaxy, yes even those criminals on Omega, chipped in to buy you some insulated socks. Please wear them so you no longer drag the team down and cost us all our lives. Thank you, you cheap bastard.

Sincerely,
Everyone everywhere

Dear Everyone,

Insulated socks don't help much when the shield you're carrying is three degrees above absolute zero, and what amounts to the inverse of heat convection is being prevented by carefully-balanced mass effect fields.

You wasted your money.

Annoyed,
N7 Paladin

[Qror_pl]

N7Kopper wrote...

jacob92883 wrote...

Dear N7 Paladin

Check the contents of your foot locker. Everyone in the galaxy, yes even those criminals on Omega, chipped in to buy you some insulated socks. Please wear them so you no longer drag the team down and cost us all our lives. Thank you, you cheap bastard.

Sincerely,
Everyone everywhere

Dear Everyone,

Insulated socks don't help much when the shield you're carrying is three degrees above absolute zero, and what amounts to the inverse of heat convection is being prevented by carefully-balanced mass effect fields.

You wasted your money.

Annoyed,
N7 Paladin

Dear Everyone,
If you'll be part of incoming flamewar if Paladin sucks or it requires skill to be a good class, make sure you buy my indoctrinated popcorn! Latest technology and implants were added to it so it tastes even better and lasts even longer! Buy 2 big cups, and I'll add Harbin-Cola for free!

open for business,
Marauder Shields

Modifié par Qror_pl, 21 juillet 2012 - 11:03 .

[JotunnVII]

Dear N7 Destroyer Operative,

Congratulations are in order! Due to your recent performances in various theaters, you've been nominated to receive the most prestigious honor that can be given to an Alliance marine:

An Oscar Mike!

If your still reading this, then it's clear that you didn't get the joke. Grab a rifle and get to the front, because we've got pizzas to deliver and drones that need to be walked.

With warmest regards,
Alliance Command

P.S: We apologize for the poor performance of the shoulder mounted missile launcher. The boys
in R&D have been preoccupied with developing clever jokes and mixed up the botched launcher with the shoulder mounted Typhoon just before it left for assembly with the rest of your suite.

[Computron2000]

Invellous wrote...

To: Interplanetary Combatives Academy Board

It has been several months since I have completed my training at your fine academy. Every lesson has proven to be invaluable in my success in the field. However after completing several missions, specifically ones where I faced Cerberus forces I found myself questioning some of the lessons. Specifically the ones thought to me during my training with the Omni-Shield.

Now understand I am not one to question the experience of my superiors. However after facing many Cerberus Guardian units I can not help but feel that the current training program is lacking. I have seen Cerberus Guardians advance with their shields in one hand and fire a sidearm with the other. Currently your Omni-Shield training program only teaches Paladin Operatives to hold their position when the deploy their much lighter Omni-Shields. I remember the Salarian Professor would go on and on about 'holding the line'. Which works in some situations however far too often 'holding the line' has proven to be ineffective. Especially when the Omni-Shield is light enough for me to carry single handily.

I propose your Professors to start training future Paladin Operatives in manner similar to how Cerberus trains their Guardian Units. I feel that if we were to train to carry our shields single handily, and deploy Tech Powers or fire a weapon in our other hand we could be a far greater asset to our squads in the fields. Here on Earth the battles take place in close quarters where 'holding the line' does work however again far too often I find myself in situations where being immobile hurts the squad, and myself. I hope you will consider what I have said.

Sincerely,
Athene the best N7 Paladin in the world

To: Athene N7 Paladin

Let us note that you are not the first to say so. However, from captured and interrogated Guardians as well as their equipment, we have ascertained that they are only capable of movement because of the aerodynamic slot in their shields provides sufficent lift from Guardians constantly blowing through it.

Given the number of Guardian deaths from head shots from the slot from the battle feeds of our front line forces, we have determined that the slot is less than optimal for our own special forces.

Further analysis has also shown that as the Guardian's shield weighs 3 tons while our own shields weigh less than 1 kilogram, mass effect generators designed to root you to the spot was the only viable alternative for you not to go flying when hit by anything from a brute to a missile.

We recommend you follow the techniques taught by the teachers to "Be like an engineer" and you will find great success

Dr. Seenail Pays
Head of Secured Housing Immovable Embedded Lightweight Defenses

[Mandalore313]

From : Alliance High Command
To : Newly graduated N7 forces

I see that you've been deployed to Fire base London to bolster our numbers.
I was born there, you know.
Keep fighting the good fight.


Captain David Anderson

[Cornughon]

Dear Cerberus Phantom,

Mind your head!

Sincerely,
N7 Shadow

[Invellous]

To: Alliance R & D
Subject: Body Armor

I Kathrine a N7 Fury Operative humbly request that you send myself and other N7 Fury Operatives currently being deployed to fight enemy forces some 'actual' Body Armor. This modern day cloak you issue us N7 Fury Operatives provides no protection what so ever. It is incapable of warding off bullets, heated energy shots, blades, spikes, enemy elbows, or even dirt.

I am aware of the fact that we received advance training in Field Reconnaissance and we are able to 'teleport' around the battlefield thanks to the best implants credits can buy. As well as create a Shield/Barrier draining biotic field. However we are still in need of actual body armor like the ones provided to our fellow elite N7 Operatives.

Understand that I am not asking for anything fancy like the N7 Destroyer units' T5-V Battlesuits. However and I think I speak for all of the N7 Fury Operatives when I say this, I do not want any glorified BDSM leather suit like the ones worn by some of those Asari Commandos. All I am asking for is some simple, non-high tech body armor, even a bullet-proof vest would be better than what we are wearing now. Our current standard issues outfit will not protect us, or those expensive implants you payed for.

I understand that we are losing supply lines daily, and it is getting harder and harder to get equipment down to us as the bulk of the Reaper's forces approaches Earth. But unless you want Shepard to come back to find nothing but corpses you need to send us some actual armor down here.

Sincerely
Kathrine, N7 Fury Operative

[Aurora313]

Dear N7 Operatives Minus Destroyer

For the love of god, get your asses out of wherever the hell you are and join my squad.

Sincerely,
Commander A. Borelias.

Modifié par Aurora313, 21 juillet 2012 - 04:30 .

[CrutchCricket]

Invellous wrote...
To: N7 Slayer Operative

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have any Ultra Rares. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you return my outfit now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.

Kai Leng

To: Kai Leng

I also stole your cereal. Come at me bro!

N7 Slayer

[WarGriffin]

Inject- wrote...

Invellous wrote...

To: N7 Slayer Operative

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have any Ultra Rares. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you return my outfit now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.

Kai Leng

To : N7 Slayer Operative

We have been building consensus and have come to the conclusion that Kai Leng is mad bro.

Sent From : Geth Infiltrator

To Geth Infiltrator

Yeah his mad

From N7 Slayer 001 KL


To Kai Leng

Really, Skills? I've crawled back to a shuttle with my knees shot out and a broken wrist -don't ask how- I've killed Turians Krogans you name with just a knife. What the **** did you do? Screw up killing an unarmed Salarian, get your ass kicked by a a half dead Drell -even if his the best Xeno Assassin in the galaxy-  Didn't raid the Cerberus Armory for a Harrier or a Talon before making a fool of yourself in front of Shepard. Barely use those biotic implants. When you kill an elcor with your bare hands come talk to me about skill... till then go back to eating cereal!


Form N7 slayer 001 KL



To N7 Slayer 001 KL

I killed one of the most powerful Biotics with a Toothbrush!

from Kai Leng


To Kai Leng

Yeah N7 Fury 018 GG wants to talk to you about that...

From N7 Slayer 001 KL




To Resistance Leader David Anderson , European Cell

Look, Let's make this clear I don't like you, and your not fond of me... for several reasons

However seeing that our homeworld is bieng burned to the ground by Giant alien death machines,
I'm not gonna say let's let bygones be bygones

But seeing that he man I respected has thrown his ideals away and turned the Organiztion into a joke of itself

... I'm sorta kinda glad your running the Resistance and when it all comes down to it you'll stick to our goal.

Killing this SOBS and kicking them off our planet.

From N7 Slayer 001 KL

PS: I always figured you'd and Kahlee would have 3 kids by now... what are you wanting for she ain't getting any younger!

Modifié par WarGriffin, 21 juillet 2012 - 05:11 .

[Draining Dragon]

Dear N7 Paladin,

Nice shield. Excuse me while I go off and kill your team while you stand there being a badass.

Sincerely,
Cerberus Guardian

Modifié par Draining Dragon, 21 juillet 2012 - 05:12 .

[Archontor]

Dear N7 division

You weren't so tough on Mindoir ****es

Yours in trolling

Batarian Soldier

[slescens]

Archontor wrote...

Dear N7 division

You weren't so tough on Mindoir ****es

Yours in trolling

Batarian Soldier

Dear Batarian,

I guess you should ask your friends that had to encounter my N7 buddies on Mindoir how the battle went.  Oh wait a minute, we shot all of their heads off with our Crusaders and Shephard killed your brother with his bare hands.  He told me it was fun.  Maybe if your Hegemony cooperated with the rest of the galactic community, we could have Krogans and Turians on Kar'shan trying to liberate the planet by now.  Instead, the rusty remains of your worthless fleet are now flying courier missions for the Alliance High Command.  Don't worry, we'll colonize all of your planets for you once we kick the Reapers out of this galaxy.  Maybe Aria could use your help taking Omega back.  It'll be the only place left where your ugly mugs are tolerated in this galaxy anyway.

Sincerely,

The Human Systems Alliance

Modifié par slescens, 21 juillet 2012 - 05:34 .

[Archontor]

slescens wrote...

Archontor wrote...

Dear N7 division

You weren't so tough on Mindoir ****es

Yours in trolling

Batarian Soldier

Dear Batarian,

I guess you should ask your friends that had to encounter my N7 buddies on Mindoir how the battle went.  Oh wait a minute, we shot all of their heads of with our Crusaders and Shephard killed your brother with his bare hands.  He told me it was fun.  Maybe if your Hegemony cooperated with the rest of the galactic community, we could have Krogans and Turians on Kar'shan trying to liberate the planet by now.  Instead, the rusty remains of your worthless fleet are now flying courier missions for the Alliance High Command.  Don't worry, we'll colonize all of your planets for you once we kick the Reapers out of this galaxy.  Maybe Aria could use your help taking Omega back.  It'll be the only place left where your ugly mugs are tolerated in this galaxy anyway.

Sincerely,

The Human Systems Alliance

Dear Human Systems Alliance

Hey, why don't you ask tha N7 vanguard who charged us. Oh wait you can't because he slamed into by blade armour.

Our fleet my be doing courier duty but yours is doing scrap duty. Don't worry though we can always find room for a few more indentured servants.

PS. You humans are all racist.

Batarian Soldier

[slescens]

Archontor wrote...

slescens wrote...

Archontor wrote...

Dear N7 division

You weren't so tough on Mindoir ****es

Yours in trolling

Batarian Soldier

Dear Batarian,

I guess you should ask your friends that had to encounter my N7 buddies on Mindoir how the battle went.  Oh wait a minute, we shot all of their heads of with our Crusaders and Shephard killed your brother with his bare hands.  He told me it was fun.  Maybe if your Hegemony cooperated with the rest of the galactic community, we could have Krogans and Turians on Kar'shan trying to liberate the planet by now.  Instead, the rusty remains of your worthless fleet are now flying courier missions for the Alliance High Command.  Don't worry, we'll colonize all of your planets for you once we kick the Reapers out of this galaxy.  Maybe Aria could use your help taking Omega back.  It'll be the only place left where your ugly mugs are tolerated in this galaxy anyway.

Sincerely,

The Human Systems Alliance

Dear Human Systems Alliance

Hey, why don't you ask tha N7 vanguard who charged us. Oh wait you can't because he slamed into by blade armour.

Our fleet my be doing courier duty but yours is doing scrap duty. Don't worry though we can always find room for a few more indentured servants.

PS. You humans are all racist.

Batarian Soldier

In all seriousness the Batarian soldier is probably my favorite class right now.

[Lynx7725]

Dear N7 Team deployed to Rio:

Look, buzz off. I've got this Reaper thingamabob weird thing deactivitating. This is what I've trained for. You're just drawing fire to me.. go play with the nice Banshee or something.

Yours Sincerely,

N7 Shadow.

[Saans Shadow]

Dear Banshee,

Thanks for that rousing game of Hide and Seek. I look forward to our next match.  Maybe you can hug me next time

With love,
Kira (N7 Fury)

[L. Han]

From: Asari High Command
To: Systems Alliance HQ
Subject: Positive

We have notice that our commandos have recently been infected with a human virus, and now currently suffering from an immunodeficiency syndrome. If possible we would like to know the main source for this virus. Contact us immediately once you have found the source.


P.S. Please refrain your men and women from inappropriate activities with our troops.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Re: Positive
To: Asari High Command
From: Systems Alliance HQ

We have taken action and thoroughly scanned our troops. We have found a few suspects for this matter. However an attempt to remedy this virus is futile. We are terribly sorry that our supplies for "protection" has run low. Mainly due to the low supply on rubber which is only found on Earth.

If you still wish the contact these men, you can contact them directly via their personal mails.

HerpZenn33@omeganet (Sergeant Herpsin)
PhatHo0@Freezemail (Private Harley Deepthroat)
Sl4gg@Bampot (Lance Corporal Sukit Hurder)


P.S. We have advised our men to shift their focus more into other species as requested.

[Archontor]

slescens wrote...

Archontor wrote...

slescens wrote...

Archontor wrote...

Dear N7 division

You weren't so tough on Mindoir ****es

Yours in trolling

Batarian Soldier

Dear Batarian,

I guess you should ask your friends that had to encounter my N7 buddies on Mindoir how the battle went.  Oh wait a minute, we shot all of their heads of with our Crusaders and Shephard killed your brother with his bare hands.  He told me it was fun.  Maybe if your Hegemony cooperated with the rest of the galactic community, we could have Krogans and Turians on Kar'shan trying to liberate the planet by now.  Instead, the rusty remains of your worthless fleet are now flying courier missions for the Alliance High Command.  Don't worry, we'll colonize all of your planets for you once we kick the Reapers out of this galaxy.  Maybe Aria could use your help taking Omega back.  It'll be the only place left where your ugly mugs are tolerated in this galaxy anyway.

Sincerely,

The Human Systems Alliance

Dear Human Systems Alliance

Hey, why don't you ask tha N7 vanguard who charged us. Oh wait you can't because he slamed into by blade armour.

Our fleet my be doing courier duty but yours is doing scrap duty. Don't worry though we can always find room for a few more indentured servants.

PS. You humans are all racist.

Batarian Soldier

In all seriousness the Batarian soldier is probably my favorite class right now.

yeah, it is pretty cool.

suck it humans

[MisterJB]

Archontor wrote...

Dear N7 division

You weren't so tough on Mindoir ****es

Yours in trolling

Batarian Soldier

Dear Batarian Soldier

You sounded a lot humbler when you implored for our help after your shackworld burned.
Have no fear, we are always willing to assist morality and culturaly inferior species such as yourself. For starters, we can give you weapons that aren't kept together by glue and spit.

Sincerely,
Humanity, the only species to join the Council in over a millenia

ps: Mindoir? You mean that defenseless colony you still needed a fleet to subdue?
Considering it just took one N7 to kill over 300 000 of your "people", I'd say we're even.

Modifié par MisterJB, 21 juillet 2012 - 06:51 .

[jacob92883]

Dear N7 paladin,

Point taken, you're a pansy who is afraid he might lose a toe. But that doesn't explain why you can't fire a pistol with your other hand. Those cerberus guardians don't seem to have a problem with it.

Sincerely,
Everyone in the galaxy

P.S.
Can we have the socks back, we still have the receipt, and we might be able to return them.

[masswor5]

Dear Everyone.

Don't worry, I'll deal with those mean ol banshees that keep trying to fondle you.

N7 Destroyer

P.S How come I'm not the main character again?.

[AmicusHumaniGeneris]

Dear N7 Paladin.

We must regretfully decline your reqest for a flaming sword. Due to the exorbitant cost of the swords, we are forced to prioritize them for our Shadow operatives. It also seems like a large sword order was somehow misplaced with the Vanguards' training centre, and we've had a hard time getting them back. Regardless, we've found no presedent for Paladins with flaming swords in the N7 archives, and disagree with the notions that swordless Paladins may be percieved as impotent. Requesting a transfer to the Shadow training course could help to push you higher on the priority list, but it's generally reserved for women. Not to be blunt, but Paladins aren't exactly famous for their flexibility, nor reach, both of which are required for the martial programmes.

Sincerely,
N7 requisitons department.