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[sheppard7]

Deemz wrote...

Horrible execution.

VERY TRUE

[SlottsMachine]

 Spec Ops: The Line

Hallucination starts about 30 seconds in.

Very minor spoilers, don't watch if that's a problem.

Modifié par General Slotts, 19 août 2012 - 04:07 .

[samb]

General Slotts wrote...

 Spec Ops: The Line

Hallucination starts about 20 seconds in.

Very minor spoilers, don't watch if that's a problem.

Off topic but how was that game?  I know it's based off Heart of Darkness which was one of favorite books but I am going through a bit of FPS fatigue. But if the story is decent it might edge me to get it. 

[SlottsMachine]

 I think every gamer needs to play it at some point. Here is a link to the off-topic thread, its what convinced me to buy it. Don't read page 2 to avoid some spoilers.

[Star fury]

I don't need serious thing like that in a video game. Just saying.

[SpamBot2000]

Of course Shepard's PTSD is triggered by a child. Because Mac Walters has his psych degree, and all the textbooks he had to read said this is a common aspect of the syndrome. The original plan was to make Shepard suffer the effects of the indoctrination process, but that proved to be difficult to implement. So Walters comes up with PTDS as an easier alternative, instructing the art department to come up with a model of a child for the specific purpose of killing him off so as to trigger Shep's PTSD. Wonder why no one besides Shep seems to see the child? That's because he's a late addition to the opening scene.

So why make Shep suffer from PTSD? Is it an artistic calling to address the heavy price societies inflict on their armed forces and those close to them in waging seemingly neverending wars for vague and shifting reasons? Nope, it is to make Shepard "ruined" enough by the ending of the game to make sacrificing his/her life for vague purposes seem more acceptable. After all, players would resist the number one imperative of ME3, killing off Shepard, far more if s/he seemed like s/he had some life left in him/her. But now s/he seems already broken, ready for the sacrifice. It being such a chore to care for the traumatized.

Meanwhile, BioWare show their great concern for the ravages of war by aggressively promoting the multiplayer that portrays military operations as nothing more than ratcheting up the body count. They have completely dehumanized the opponents (reaper abominations, those units that have no soul and zombified Cerb troopers) to the point where watching heads explode is as guiltless as can be. And they market more guns to make the slaughter more rewarding for moar real $$$$$ profits.

Now the point here is not to moralize over BioWare selling a militarist fantasy for our entertainment. After all, I bought it too. But thinking that BW are somehow to be commended for clumsily exploiting a serious real world affliction to shepherd us to a serene acceptance of their demolition job conclusion is a bit rich.

Modifié par SpamBot2000, 19 août 2012 - 11:03 .

[Alien Number Six]

The year is 2009. The desert heat is making me sweat profusely. My body armor weighs heavy on my shoulders making my back ache. The heavy kevlar helmet strapped to my head is sliding around. I should adjust it when I get back to the FOB. Uncomfortable does not describe the confines of the metal box I find myself in. The droning of the humvee's engine is tearing a hole in my skull as we slowly drive across the dusty hell the world calls Iraq. The weight of the 240 Bravo light machine gun I'm holding is the only thing making me feel better. Suddenly my heart leaps into my throat as explosion rocks the humvee column. Fighting the intense fear in my gut I kick open the lightly armored humvee door as my fellow soliders scream "IED!" I pull the sixteen pound machine gun out and run to the front of the vehicle. I prop the weapon up on the hood of the humvee just as I was trained to do. I began to scan the side of the road preparing to pound a human target with 7.62 rounds. Then something hits me. At first I don't know what it is. "Have I been shot?" I think to myself as I am knocked to the ground. "Can I stand?" is my next thought. I stand up to my suprise and begin checking my body armor for damage. There is none. Then I notice the blood on my ACU. My arm and shoulder are covered in it. I check the area for holes. I'm not feeling any burning or pain but perhaps shock has already set in. I turn around and see the object that had knocked me to the ground. His name was Anderton. I don't know his first name because they are rarely used in the U.S. Army. He was the driver of the lead humvee. His broken body is laying in front of my 240 Bravo. The very place I was standing a moment before. Anderton has been blowen in half from the waist down. I walk over to him and look into his eyes. He is moments before death. With the strength he has left he asks "Am I going to be ok?" I reach down and lift up his right hand with my own and tell him the greatest lie I have ever told another human being. "Your going to be fine." Anderton's eyes flicker and close. His brain catches up to his body and he dies a long way from home in a garbage filled sand trap. I wake up with a start after this moment. I rub my face. I look around the dark room and realize it's 2012. My wife asks me if I am alright. I say yes. And sometimes I sit there in the dark and wonder. How does this three minute slice of a 34 year life keep stealing my sleep, my heart and my sanity. Sometimes things happen to us that take hold and never let go. When I close my eyes and fall asleep I see Anderton's blue eyes staring back at me. They beg for more life. I cannot give it. The writers of Mass Effect 3 tried to show you what PTSD is like but I doubt they have it themselves. The only way to know what PTSD is like is to have it. But I thank the writers of Mass Effect 3 for trying.

[r3apz515]

knightnblu wrote...

First, I don't agree that Shepard has PTSD. He has nightmares. Combat takes an emotional toll on you. You see things that most people don't, there are damned few that understand the experiences that you have been through, and you want to shelter the people that you love from those things so you usually don't speak of it. It is the not speaking about it part that eats you up inside when you have had to do ugly things.
 
Shepard is lucky. He has an LI that has been through his particular brand of hell in Williams. But when he needs her the most she tells him that he shouldn't go through the loss of Thessia alone and should talk to someone about it. For a minute there, I thought W.T.F.? But writers are civilians after all and their experience with combat, killing, and watching people die in agony is usually very limited. In short, they don't know any better.
 
So Shepard is impacted by his experiences. He is tired, he has nightmares, he has been under the microscope for killing 300K innocents, and until the Reapers showed up in force most people thought of him as nothing more than a crazed alarmist. Watching the kid die that he couldn't save was the straw that broke the camel's back and it stuck with him as a representation of what he has lost and is yet to lose. But that isn't PTSD.
 
I also disagree with you regarding the glorification of war. All too often we are told that violence is not the answer. In fact, we have been told it so much that we now believe that violence is never the answer and that just isn't true. There are heroes in war and they should be celebrated.
 
Of those who participate in combat there are those who demonstrate incredible valor, honor, and loyalty to their fellow soldiers. If you have a problem with the cause of conflict then take it up with a politician because soldiers don't get a say in where they are deployed or why. That is left up to the people who pass the laws and veto them. When the soldier is ordered to go into combat, he goes. Simple as that.
 
By not honoring the sacrifices, acts of valor, and the honor of these people under the banner of "not glorifying war" you do a disservice to the people who fought and died to protect and defend the nation. Was World War II a war not worth fighting? You mentioned Audie Murphy, so I presume that you are aware of the history of that war. Did not the men who fought that war for the Allies deserve to be honored for their actions in securing victory? If you have ever saw the movie Saving Private Ryan, you saw what it was like wading ashore at Normandy. Should the doctrine of not glorifying war prevent those men from being honored by the people back home or remembered with honor?
 
War is at best a necessary evil and at worst an adventure designed to kill the young. But that statement speaks to causation, which resides with the legislature or the executive branches of governments and has absolutely no bearing upon those called up for service. The men of the Light Brigade live on in honor because they followed orders that they knew would likely result in their deaths. The same can be said of the men who died at Gallipoli to follow a pointless order. While the General officers of both actions were roundly criticized for those orders, the men were celebrated for doing their duty despite knowing the likely outcome of death beforehand.
 
The same could be said of the Vietnam war. The government sent men into that conflict and then abandoned them there because they played at war rather than fought a war. The public's interest in the war faded as the years marched by and the men who returned home were not honored with celebratory parades, but viewed as pariahs and baby killers. The same society that sent them into combat now reviled them for performing their duties as soldiers. If you wore a military uniform you marked yourself as a target on the streets. That was the true cause of many cases of Vietnam era PTSD and was the atmosphere from which the phrase "not glorifying war" truly got its meaning. The phrase "not glorifying war" was as hostile to soldiers then as it is today. In other words, it means that there is no such thing as a war hero.
 
I beg to differ and if you are aware of Audie Murphy then you know that of which I speak.
 

you clearly have no idea what PTSD is or how it can manifest in several different ways. Look at Shepard through ME1 and ME2 and tell me that in ME3 he is a lot different emotionally, a bit more depressed, and if your telling me his "nightmares" and waking up from them are just normal especially after him watching his previous comrades die, then you sir need to experience it first hand.

[r3apz515]

sheppard7 wrote...

Blueprotoss wrote...

sheppard7 wrote...

Telling someone "you don't need to lie" is calling the person a liar.

If I mentioned that more then a once or a couple of times then you it wold turn into liar based on.  Either way you're talking about headcannon with Shepard instead of real life soldiers.

sheppard7 wrote...

And I see someone doesn't understand the word IF either. I was saying how I see Bioware would handle it IF they did it.

Insuting people won't help you while you acting as if Bioware stole your milk money. 

Go ask your "granddad" or "uncles" if they would feel worse if YOU died or some random stranger kid they never met. If they say they would feel more for the kid, that just means they don't like you.

Again, I'm talking about the colonist choice they gave us. And you are trying to say real life soldiers will care for the random stranger over family? Yeah, right.

And the colonist incident happened before Shep was a soldier even. So that was a civilian incident.

colonist, soldier, kid, doesnt matter, Shepard has been thru enuff in his life that can break anybody at some point, even if shepard witnessed a meaningles animal die it will trigger it in your subconscious mind and work its way physically. Just because it was a kid doesnt mean he wont be remembering that, ANYTHING of any tragic event can affect a persons mentality, sooner or later he or she will be displaying it. The people saying he doesnt habe it probably wil never have it in real life so its sad from them to draw their conclusions without true experience, and just go by what imbd says.

[sheppard7]

r3apz515 wrote...

sheppard7 wrote...

Blueprotoss wrote...

sheppard7 wrote...

Telling someone "you don't need to lie" is calling the person a liar.

If I mentioned that more then a once or a couple of times then you it wold turn into liar based on.  Either way you're talking about headcannon with Shepard instead of real life soldiers.

sheppard7 wrote...

And I see someone doesn't understand the word IF either. I was saying how I see Bioware would handle it IF they did it.

Insuting people won't help you while you acting as if Bioware stole your milk money. 

Go ask your "granddad" or "uncles" if they would feel worse if YOU died or some random stranger kid they never met. If they say they would feel more for the kid, that just means they don't like you.

Again, I'm talking about the colonist choice they gave us. And you are trying to say real life soldiers will care for the random stranger over family? Yeah, right.

And the colonist incident happened before Shep was a soldier even. So that was a civilian incident.

colonist, soldier, kid, doesnt matter, Shepard has been thru enuff in his life that can break anybody at some point, even if shepard witnessed a meaningles animal die it will trigger it in your subconscious mind and work its way physically. Just because it was a kid doesnt mean he wont be remembering that, ANYTHING of any tragic event can affect a persons mentality, sooner or later he or she will be displaying it. The people saying he doesnt habe it probably wil never have it in real life so its sad from them to draw their conclusions without true experience, and just go by what imbd says.

That's generalizing the psyche of many against the actual one in question. Basically, 500 people have it so that means everyone in thousands have it too. Through 2 games and all the DLC's, Shepard killed millions and millions and millions and witnessed those deaths (collegues, friends, family, people he/she tried to save, people he/she let die, etc) but suddenly out of the blue a kid dies and not even by Shep's choice --- repeat that again CHOICE -- matters at all to Shep as much as this kid. Btw, what is the kid's name? It doesn't matter what his name is because he wasn't important enough to have a name. (He's basically what Guy talked about in the shuttle in the movie Galaxy Quest only he was so unimportant he didn't even get a first name either)

And again if you want to claim someone with this is going to care more about a random stranger than family, not happening. Family will still mean more to the person unless the person just doesn't like the family member at all.

Modifié par sheppard7, 19 août 2012 - 02:24 .

[sheppard7]

And ME2's beginning showed that whoever Shepard CHOSE to leave behind on Virmire weighed on the mind. So BW would have been better off making the one who didn't make it off Virmire the one Shep had the dreams about.

Modifié par sheppard7, 19 août 2012 - 02:26 .

[tyrvas]

@ sheppard7, I recommend you read Alien Number Six's post, if you haven't done so already.

[sheppard7]

tyrvas wrote...

@ sheppard7, I recommend you read Alien Number Six's post, if you haven't done so already.

He talks about Anderton (or was it a typo and his comrade's name is Anderson not sure). But anyhow that's a comrade and not some random stranger kid as people are trying to convince everyone happens.

And he ends it with ". But I thank the writers of Mass Effect 3 for trying.
" He shows they didn't do the job right but attempted.

Modifié par sheppard7, 19 août 2012 - 02:39 .

[tyrvas]

sheppard7 wrote...

tyrvas wrote...

@ sheppard7, I recommend you read Alien Number Six's post, if you haven't done so already.

He talks about Anderton (or was it a typo and his comrade's name is Anderson not sure). But anyhow that's a comrade and not some random stranger kid as people are trying to convince everyone happens.

And he ends it with ". But I thank the writers of Mass Effect 3 for trying.
" He shows they didn't do the job right but attempted.

Anderton is the dead soldiers surname, he does not know Anderton's first name.
When you know people well, you tend to know their first name, especially if it's your friend.

Modifié par tyrvas, 19 août 2012 - 02:49 .

[sheppard7]

tyrvas wrote...

sheppard7 wrote...

tyrvas wrote...

@ sheppard7, I recommend you read Alien Number Six's post, if you haven't done so already.

He talks about Anderton (or was it a typo and his comrade's name is Anderson not sure). But anyhow that's a comrade and not some random stranger kid as people are trying to convince everyone happens.

And he ends it with ". But I thank the writers of Mass Effect 3 for trying.
" He shows they didn't do the job right but attempted.

Anderton is the dead soldiers surname, he does not know his first name.
When you know people well, you tend to know their first name, especially if it's your friend.

And the person I was going back and forth about said COMRADES and FELLOW SOLDIERS do not affect people as much as some random stranger civlian. So Alien Number Six actually proved that was not true. And he also said that first names are rarely used in the Army as well.

Modifié par sheppard7, 19 août 2012 - 02:55 .

[tyrvas]

sheppard7 wrote...

tyrvas wrote...

sheppard7 wrote...

tyrvas wrote...

@ sheppard7, I recommend you read Alien Number Six's post, if you haven't done so already.

He talks about Anderton (or was it a typo and his comrade's name is Anderson not sure). But anyhow that's a comrade and not some random stranger kid as people are trying to convince everyone happens.

And he ends it with ". But I thank the writers of Mass Effect 3 for trying.
" He shows they didn't do the job right but attempted.

Anderton is the dead soldiers surname, he does not know his first name.
When you know people well, you tend to know their first name, especially if it's your friend.

And the person I was going back and forth about said COMRADES and FELLOW SOLDIERS do not affect people as much as some random stranger civlian. So Alien Number Six actually proved that was not true.

NO! Don't take it that way,
those you are talking about never said it ONLY happens when they see civilians affected,
they said it WAS/IS one of the most common triggers of PTSD, that we recently know of.

[sheppard7]

tyrvas wrote...

sheppard7 wrote...

tyrvas wrote...

sheppard7 wrote...

tyrvas wrote...

@ sheppard7, I recommend you read Alien Number Six's post, if you haven't done so already.

He talks about Anderton (or was it a typo and his comrade's name is Anderson not sure). But anyhow that's a comrade and not some random stranger kid as people are trying to convince everyone happens.

And he ends it with ". But I thank the writers of Mass Effect 3 for trying.
" He shows they didn't do the job right but attempted.

Anderton is the dead soldiers surname, he does not know his first name.
When you know people well, you tend to know their first name, especially if it's your friend.

And the person I was going back and forth about said COMRADES and FELLOW SOLDIERS do not affect people as much as some random stranger civlian. So Alien Number Six actually proved that was not true.

NO! Don't take it that way,
those you are talking about never said it ONLY happens when they see civilians affected,
they said it WAS/IS one of the most common triggers of PTSD, that we recently know of.

No they said random strangers a person never met would trigger it before other soldiers and even FAMILY.

[knightnblu]

r3apz515 wrote...

knightnblu wrote...

First, I don't agree that Shepard has PTSD. He has nightmares. Combat takes an emotional toll on you. You see things that most people don't, there are damned few that understand the experiences that you have been through, and you want to shelter the people that you love from those things so you usually don't speak of it. It is the not speaking about it part that eats you up inside when you have had to do ugly things.
 
Shepard is lucky. He has an LI that has been through his particular brand of hell in Williams. But when he needs her the most she tells him that he shouldn't go through the loss of Thessia alone and should talk to someone about it. For a minute there, I thought W.T.F.? But writers are civilians after all and their experience with combat, killing, and watching people die in agony is usually very limited. In short, they don't know any better.
 
So Shepard is impacted by his experiences. He is tired, he has nightmares, he has been under the microscope for killing 300K innocents, and until the Reapers showed up in force most people thought of him as nothing more than a crazed alarmist. Watching the kid die that he couldn't save was the straw that broke the camel's back and it stuck with him as a representation of what he has lost and is yet to lose. But that isn't PTSD.
 
I also disagree with you regarding the glorification of war. All too often we are told that violence is not the answer. In fact, we have been told it so much that we now believe that violence is never the answer and that just isn't true. There are heroes in war and they should be celebrated.
 
Of those who participate in combat there are those who demonstrate incredible valor, honor, and loyalty to their fellow soldiers. If you have a problem with the cause of conflict then take it up with a politician because soldiers don't get a say in where they are deployed or why. That is left up to the people who pass the laws and veto them. When the soldier is ordered to go into combat, he goes. Simple as that.
 
By not honoring the sacrifices, acts of valor, and the honor of these people under the banner of "not glorifying war" you do a disservice to the people who fought and died to protect and defend the nation. Was World War II a war not worth fighting? You mentioned Audie Murphy, so I presume that you are aware of the history of that war. Did not the men who fought that war for the Allies deserve to be honored for their actions in securing victory? If you have ever saw the movie Saving Private Ryan, you saw what it was like wading ashore at Normandy. Should the doctrine of not glorifying war prevent those men from being honored by the people back home or remembered with honor?
 
War is at best a necessary evil and at worst an adventure designed to kill the young. But that statement speaks to causation, which resides with the legislature or the executive branches of governments and has absolutely no bearing upon those called up for service. The men of the Light Brigade live on in honor because they followed orders that they knew would likely result in their deaths. The same can be said of the men who died at Gallipoli to follow a pointless order. While the General officers of both actions were roundly criticized for those orders, the men were celebrated for doing their duty despite knowing the likely outcome of death beforehand.
 
The same could be said of the Vietnam war. The government sent men into that conflict and then abandoned them there because they played at war rather than fought a war. The public's interest in the war faded as the years marched by and the men who returned home were not honored with celebratory parades, but viewed as pariahs and baby killers. The same society that sent them into combat now reviled them for performing their duties as soldiers. If you wore a military uniform you marked yourself as a target on the streets. That was the true cause of many cases of Vietnam era PTSD and was the atmosphere from which the phrase "not glorifying war" truly got its meaning. The phrase "not glorifying war" was as hostile to soldiers then as it is today. In other words, it means that there is no such thing as a war hero.
 
I beg to differ and if you are aware of Audie Murphy then you know that of which I speak.
 

you clearly have no idea what PTSD is or how it can manifest in several different ways. Look at Shepard through ME1 and ME2 and tell me that in ME3 he is a lot different emotionally, a bit more depressed, and if your telling me his "nightmares" and waking up from them are just normal especially after him watching his previous comrades die, then you sir need to experience it first hand.

First off, don't tell me what I know or don't know because when you do you speak out of your backside. You don't know me, my experiences, my education, or my training in order to make that judgment. You just shoot off your mouth and I would appreciate it if your removed your head from your colon before you open it again.

[sheppard7]

And the guy told me don't lie so this morning woke up and called Major Dad (He retired at major and my dad so I call him that). I asked him how would he feel if I or any of my siblings died and he said "I'd rather be buried myself before that happens." I then asked how would he feel if a random stranger kid he never met was killed and he saw it with his own eyes. "Feel sad for the kid but can't say I'd be as broken up since I don't know him."

[Han Shot First]

There have been some posts in this thread disputing whether Shepard actually had PTSD. Ultimately whether or not Shepard would have been diagnosed with it is irrelevent. He was most definitely experiencing a combat stress reaction, regardless of whether that reaction was full blown PTSD. IMO whether or not Bioware handled the dream sequences well, I think they deserve for some credit for touching on some real world issues. If you are going to create a work of fiction where war is a central focus, I think you also need to explore some of the consequences of it.

And again if you want to claim someone with this is going to care more about a random stranger than family, not happening. Family will still mean more to the person unless the person just doesn't like the family member at all.

Shepard seeing the child in his dreams doesn't mean that he cared more about the child than the squadmates and crewmen he lost, his comrades-in-arms lost at either Elysium, Torfan, or Akuze, or the family members and fellow colonists lost on Mindoir. That isn't how the brain works. Reapeted exposure to traumatic events increases a person's risk factor for developing PTSD. It doesn't necessarily have to be the most traumatic of those events that acts as the final trigger. The fall of Earth and the deaths of millions that Shepard had failed to save, would have just been the straw that broke the camel's back. All these traumatic events have been piling up, and he's finally reached his limit.

[tyrvas]

sheppard7 wrote...

And the guy told me don't lie so this morning woke up and called Major Dad (He retired at major and my dad so I call him that). I asked him how would he feel if I or any of my siblings died and he said "I'd rather be buried myself before that happens." I then asked how would he feel if a random stranger kid he never met was killed and he saw it with his own eyes. "Feel sad for the kid but can't say I'd be as broken up since I don't know him."

If I was asked those same questions, I would reply exactly the same.

That's the thing, why would the death of unknown person affect you, well  PTSD proves it can.

[sheppard7]

tyrvas wrote...

sheppard7 wrote...

And the guy told me don't lie so this morning woke up and called Major Dad (He retired at major and my dad so I call him that). I asked him how would he feel if I or any of my siblings died and he said "I'd rather be buried myself before that happens." I then asked how would he feel if a random stranger kid he never met was killed and he saw it with his own eyes. "Feel sad for the kid but can't say I'd be as broken up since I don't know him."

If I was asked those same questions, I would reply exactly the same.

That's the thing, why would the death of unknown person affect you, well  PTSD proves it can.

And since it can be developed in civilians, it's odd that they have dreams about the experience itself.

Shark attack victim got it and had bad dreams about the shark attack. (Shark Week on Discovery last week saw that)

Bottom line is Bioware did a poor execution of it even though they could have used a TON of things from the first two games but took the cheap way out.

[sheppard7]

Han Shot First wrote...

There have been some posts in this thread disputing whether Shepard actually had PTSD. Ultimately whether or not Shepard would have been diagnosed with it is irrelevent. He was most definitely experiencing a combat stress reaction, regardless of whether that reaction was full blown PTSD. IMO whether or not Bioware handled the dream sequences well, I think they deserve for some credit for touching on some real world issues. If you are going to create a work of fiction where war is a central focus, I think you also need to explore some of the consequences of it.

And again if you want to claim someone with this is going to care more about a random stranger than family, not happening. Family will still mean more to the person unless the person just doesn't like the family member at all.

Shepard seeing the child in his dreams doesn't mean that he cared more about the child than the squadmates and crewmen he lost, his comrades-in-arms lost at either Elysium, Torfan, or Akuze, or the family members and fellow colonists lost on Mindoir. That isn't how the brain works. Reapeted exposure to traumatic events increases a person's risk factor for developing PTSD. It doesn't necessarily have to be the most traumatic of those events that acts as the final trigger. The fall of Earth and the deaths of millions that Shepard had failed to save, would have just been the straw that broke the camel's back. All these traumatic events have been piling up, and he's finally reached his limit.

How many have dreams of running through trees and then the victim catches on fire?

The dreaming thing how Bioware depicted it as not known. Nightmares can be a symptom but Bioware's running through trees thing was just a lazy way of doing it.

Alien posted about Anderton but he dreams of Anderton he said. So even Shep dreaming of Jenkins would be closer to what he posted.

[hostaman]

The curse of the RPG.

One persons Shepherd thinks that kids are just like adults, and if they refuse help, well, **** them. My Shepherd was very personaly affected when he saw the kids shuttle destroyed, and that image haunted him in his dreams.

The only problem is that the character must have some dominant personality to enable the story to function. BW obviously felt that Shepherd was inately good and caring, and designed the story around this. However, it seems that many players like to see shephard as a more gung ho, disspansionate type, which fits less well with the PTSD narative, and may be a major reason that so many players dislike the star child. It makes shep look weak, as Grunt might say.

I too think that is was a bold, brave move by BW to write this story, but unfortunately I'm in a minority, and most players prefer a traditional hero narative. A shame.

[Han Shot First]

It doesn't necessarily have to be the death of a person you knew very well for it to have an effect on you.

A few years ago I watched a program on PTSD, and one of the stories was about a Vietnam veteran. Towards the end of his tour he had lost quite a few friends, and as a defense mechanism had built a wall around himself. When a new guy came to his unit and tried to befriend him, the veteran told him, "I don't want to be your friend. I don't want to know if you have a wife or kids or a brother or sister or a dog waiting for you back at home. Lets just do our jobs." It wasn't that he didn't like the new guy...he just had lost too many of his friends already, and not wanting to go through that pain again, was trying to remain emotionally distant. Not long afterwards the new guy was killed in action, and the veteran ended up rotating back stateside.

The years passed and the veteran didn't have any symptoms of PTSD. Seemingly out of the blue many years later he started having recurring nightmares about the death of the new guy, to the point where it was affecting his daily life. Eventually he sought help from a psychiatrist, and after a few sessions it was discovered that the trigger had been the fact that with the passage of time, he had forgotten that new guy's name. The veteran had been carrying around the guilt  for years of not having been the man's friend before he died, and forgetting his name had been the straw that broke the camel's back. He had felt he had let the dead man down, and that was the cause of his survivor's guilt.

The veteran had lost many close friends, but it had been the death of a man he didn't befriend that had affected him.