241 réponses à ce sujet

[DarkOrgasm]

Jack Crapper wrote...

DarkOrgasm wrote...

Dear Sir:

We have been following your Biagra experiences with great interest here at Dark Space Pharmaceutical Laboratories through our ever expanding extranet portals in your known galaxy.

You see, here in our own indoctrination facilities in Dark Space, we have had tremendous success with various species you may know in your own galaxy that exhibit similar symptoms as your Biagra. We have been able to synthesize a new performance enhancing drug that overcomes any resistance to our idea of extreme dysfunctional existence that your organic species seems to have embraced for the last 50,000 years.

Perhaps you have seen some of our proudest subjects? The biotic subjects we have tested this strain on who normally would only be interested in their own needs are now full fledged biotic monsters that can teleport through walls in a single jump, have magnet hands, and with their new enhanced skills can throw psychic snowballs at the enemy! How wonderful is that now?

We have also had some great success with some of our pyro units. Since giving them our latest test sample, they now have extended reach beyond what it appears is possible and can fry many of your squishy species with relative ease. We greatly enjoy watching you burn.

But we do have a problem with some of your human species. They keep reporting back to us that they are taking casualties, and although our ninja warriors do well, their failure rate is very disappointing to us.

For that reason alone, we would like to have you as a middle man and ship us some samples of this Biagra, so that we may try to improve upon the present formula and buff our indoctrinated subjects to an even greater level. After all, nobody wants a nerfed libido, right? Dark orgasms are an essential goal for a healthy universe in our minds.


Sincerely yours,

Starburst XXX

Dark Space Pharmaceuticals Laboratories, Inc
A wholly owned subsidiary of Brute, Banshee & Marauder Shields Ltd.

As usual, if you are caught shipping these samples to us, we will have to disavow any knowledge of our agreement, and you are on your own.

Dear Mr Starburst XXX,

We deeply appreciate your interest in our product, and we wish you as much luck as you deserve in your endeavours.  However, we must respectfully decline your request, as we have policies against collaborating with other Pharmaceutical Laboratories.  We feel that it may potentially compromise the quality of both our product and our ideals we have worked so diligently to maintain.

We have done some research into the history of your organization and find that many of the records have either been blocked or destroyed.  We cannot associate ourselves with such a "closed" company.

It is always exciting to be on the cutting edge of technology and medicine, especially when the two fields intertwine, so we can respect your fervor, yet we cannot accept your offer.

Sincerely,

Biagra Inc

Dear Sir:

Your response saddens us. You leave us no choice but to send our finest test subjects to your facilities and f necessary, take by force any and all samples that we may require for our continuing operations throughout your galaxy.

You think you can take solace in a late 20th century song Don't fear the Reaper? You WILL fear us once we get our finest Primes, Ravengers and Banshees to your locations. We know your Typhoons don't work any more, and we have long been laughing at the pitiful Locusts you use.

And we also know that any other gun you use on us with any success will be limited in scope since your Alliance Command is constantly nerfing them into uselessness. We LOVE your strategy.

I must admit, the Krogan species are somewhat puzzling to us. Where every other species constantly whines about dying even when using this Biagra product, the Krogan just seems to laugh hysterically smashing our low level subjects to pieces. We sadly have not been able to produce simlar laughing symptoms on our test subjects, the Geth Hunters, but an amusing side effect of our current strain lets them own you even while dying so we are coming, nevertheless.

Dark Space Pharmaceuticals

Modifié par DarkOrgasm, 22 août 2012 - 11:37 .

[Learn To Love Yourself]

DarkOrgasm wrote...

Dear Sir:

Your response saddens us. You leave us no choice but to send our finest test subjects to your facilities and f necessary, take by force any and all samples that we may require for our continuing operations throughout your galaxy.

You think you can take solace in a late 20th century song Don't fear the Reaper? You WILL fear us once we get our finest Primes, Ravengers and Banshees to your locations. We know your Typhoons don't work any more, and we have long been laughing at the pitiful Locusts you use.

And we also know that any other gun you use on us with any success will be limited in scope since your Alliance Command is constantly nerfing them into uselessness. We LOVE your strategy.

I must admit, the Krogan species are somewhat puzzling to us. Where every other species constantly whines about dying even when using this Biagra product, the Krogan just seems to laugh hysterically smashing our low level subjects to pieces. We sadly have not been able to produce simlar laughing symptoms on our test subjects, the Geth Hunters, but an amusing side effect of our current strain lets them own you even while dying so we are coming, nevertheless.

Dark Space Pharmaceuticals

SO BE IT.  Haha just kidding.
Your thinly veiled threats do not scare us.  However, upper management has sent an urgent update, and we may be able to assist you.  Please advise your coordinates along with placing your order.  We will be sure to donate some special packages to you ASAP.

I'm sorry for any inconvenience caused by our previous response, and we hope you understand where we were coming from.

Respectfully,

Biagra Inc.

[JaimasOfRaxis]

Once, I was finding myself having increasing difficulty with Cerberus Phantoms. They'd routinely grab me out of Biotic Charges, and make derailing comments about my performance to their Nemesis co-workers. Even punching several of them through inch-thick durasteel paneling was not enough to get their mockery to stop.

Then, this week, Biagra was added to our Biotic supplement packs. My life changed instantly. I now send Phantoms flying like a wrecking ball, with my melee attacks and discharges from my pistol and shotgun quickly exterminating the survivors. Now I need fear no Phantom - PHANTOMS FEAR ME! MUAHAHAHA!!

Thank you, Biagra.

[TianKY]

Jack Crapper wrote...

Mazandus wrote...

Will Biagra help my...Singularity...expand? I'm making mistakes in the field, my CO is chewing me out for being unable to...prime shields without assistance from my partner...

Of course!  We have some rare, yet amazing success stories from Human Adepts, who have claimed that, since taking Biagra, their Singularities have effect on amazingly not only shielded enemies, but also armored ones!  There is nothing more satisfying than watching an Atlas swirling around your blacky black hole.

One success story has even reported the magnitude of her singularity has grown so epic, that it actually split into a Dualarity!  Now, if that doesn't bring a big blue biotic tear to your eye, I don't know what will.

Come join the others and start to enjoy the life you deserve.

That's a lie! It just isn't possible for an Atlas to be affected by Singularity! I've never been able to do it myself despite trying countless times! Its just not possible... no, not possible I tell you!

[Learn To Love Yourself]

JaimasOfRaxis wrote...

Once, I was finding myself having increasing difficulty with Cerberus Phantoms. They'd routinely grab me out of Biotic Charges, and make derailing comments about my performance to their Nemesis co-workers. Even punching several of them through inch-thick durasteel paneling was not enough to get their mockery to stop.

Then, this week, Biagra was added to our Biotic supplement packs. My life changed instantly. I now send Phantoms flying like a wrecking ball, with my melee attacks and discharges from my pistol and shotgun quickly exterminating the survivors. Now I need fear no Phantom - PHANTOMS FEAR ME! MUAHAHAHA!!

Thank you, Biagra.

Dear sir,

We are absolutely thrilled to hear such an outstanding success story and are deeply humbled to have been able to contribute to the war effort in some way.  It is no doubt you were a force to be reckoned with before, but Cerberus, for generations, will now be telling their children horror stories about you.  If I had the honor to meet you in public, a bottle of Ryncol and glorious, victory headbutts would definitely be shared.

MRWAAAGHAGAHGHAAGHH!!  Ha!  They're dead!

Fight the good fight, dear brother.  Show them what it means to be Krogan!

With Warm Regards,

Biagra Inc.

[DarkOrgasm]

Jack Crapper wrote...

DarkOrgasm wrote...

Dear Sir:

Your response saddens us. You leave us no choice but to send our finest test subjects to your facilities and f necessary, take by force any and all samples that we may require for our continuing operations throughout your galaxy.

You think you can take solace in a late 20th century song Don't fear the Reaper? You WILL fear us once we get our finest Primes, Ravengers and Banshees to your locations. We know your Typhoons don't work any more, and we have long been laughing at the pitiful Locusts you use.

And we also know that any other gun you use on us with any success will be limited in scope since your Alliance Command is constantly nerfing them into uselessness. We LOVE your strategy.

I must admit, the Krogan species are somewhat puzzling to us. Where every other species constantly whines about dying even when using this Biagra product, the Krogan just seems to laugh hysterically smashing our low level subjects to pieces. We sadly have not been able to produce simlar laughing symptoms on our test subjects, the Geth Hunters, but an amusing side effect of our current strain lets them own you even while dying so we are coming, nevertheless.

Dark Space Pharmaceuticals

SO BE IT.  Haha just kidding.
Your thinly veiled threats do not scare us.  However, upper management has sent an urgent update, and we may be able to assist you.  Please advise your coordinates along with placing your order.  We will be sure to donate some special packages to you ASAP.

I'm sorry for any inconvenience caused by our previous response, and we hope you understand where we were coming from.

Respectfully,

Biagra Inc.

Dear Sir:

We sincerly appreciate your cooperation. In return, we can offer some of our outdated technology we no longer use, such as giving your Turians ability to roll like a human and some specialized gear that will allow you to buff your weapons to OP levels. But again, we can not be compromised and will disavow any knowledge of this agreement.

Please send your agent(s) to Omega. We will contact you when you arrive.

Sincerely,

Starburst XXX

[Learn To Love Yourself]

TianKY wrote...

Jack Crapper wrote...

Mazandus wrote...

Will Biagra help my...Singularity...expand? I'm making mistakes in the field, my CO is chewing me out for being unable to...prime shields without assistance from my partner...

Of course!  We have some rare, yet amazing success stories from Human Adepts, who have claimed that, since taking Biagra, their Singularities have effect on amazingly not only shielded enemies, but also armored ones!  There is nothing more satisfying than watching an Atlas swirling around your blacky black hole.

One success story has even reported the magnitude of her singularity has grown so epic, that it actually split into a Dualarity!  Now, if that doesn't bring a big blue biotic tear to your eye, I don't know what will.

Come join the others and start to enjoy the life you deserve.

That's a lie! It just isn't possible for an Atlas to be affected by Singularity! I've never been able to do it myself despite trying countless times! Its just not possible... no, not possible I tell you!

Dear Sir,

I understand how incredulous this may seem.  In fact, I felt the same way until I was shown the war footage.  It really is a spectacle to behold.  Again, this was a very, very rare case indeed.  Miraculous, yet rare.

Who knows?  You might have that same biotic potential!  I say Jump In!  The water feels great!

[Learn To Love Yourself]

DarkOrgasm wrote...

Jack Crapper wrote...

DarkOrgasm wrote...

Dear Sir:

Your response saddens us. You leave us no choice but to send our finest test subjects to your facilities and f necessary, take by force any and all samples that we may require for our continuing operations throughout your galaxy.

You think you can take solace in a late 20th century song Don't fear the Reaper? You WILL fear us once we get our finest Primes, Ravengers and Banshees to your locations. We know your Typhoons don't work any more, and we have long been laughing at the pitiful Locusts you use.

And we also know that any other gun you use on us with any success will be limited in scope since your Alliance Command is constantly nerfing them into uselessness. We LOVE your strategy.

I must admit, the Krogan species are somewhat puzzling to us. Where every other species constantly whines about dying even when using this Biagra product, the Krogan just seems to laugh hysterically smashing our low level subjects to pieces. We sadly have not been able to produce simlar laughing symptoms on our test subjects, the Geth Hunters, but an amusing side effect of our current strain lets them own you even while dying so we are coming, nevertheless.

Dark Space Pharmaceuticals

SO BE IT.  Haha just kidding.
Your thinly veiled threats do not scare us.  However, upper management has sent an urgent update, and we may be able to assist you.  Please advise your coordinates along with placing your order.  We will be sure to donate some special packages to you ASAP.

I'm sorry for any inconvenience caused by our previous response, and we hope you understand where we were coming from.

Respectfully,

Biagra Inc.

Dear Sir:

We sincerly appreciate your cooperation. In return, we can offer some of our outdated technology we no longer use, such as giving your Turians ability to roll like a human and some specialized gear that will allow you to buff your weapons to OP levels. But again, we can not be compromised and will disavow any knowledge of this agreement.

Please send your agent(s) to Omega. We will contact you when you arrive.

Sincerely,

Starburst XXX

Dear Sir,

I'm afraid we cannot send our delivery carriers to Omega, as it is too unsafe for their own good.  Please give us coordinates to your headquarters, and we would be more than happy to ship this special package directly to you.
Much appreciated for your kind exchange gesture.

Have a wonderful day!

Biagra, Inc.

[Iezza]

DO NOT GET INCPACITATED WHILE USING A BIAGRA INFLUENCED ABILITY.

-sent from iOmni 500 meters above ground. Human vanguard.

[JohnDoe]

what the hell am I reading? D:

[DarkOrgasm]

Jack Crapper wrote...

DarkOrgasm wrote...

Jack Crapper wrote...

DarkOrgasm wrote...

Dear Sir:

Your response saddens us. You leave us no choice but to send our finest test subjects to your facilities and f necessary, take by force any and all samples that we may require for our continuing operations throughout your galaxy.

You think you can take solace in a late 20th century song Don't fear the Reaper? You WILL fear us once we get our finest Primes, Ravengers and Banshees to your locations. We know your Typhoons don't work any more, and we have long been laughing at the pitiful Locusts you use.

And we also know that any other gun you use on us with any success will be limited in scope since your Alliance Command is constantly nerfing them into uselessness. We LOVE your strategy.

I must admit, the Krogan species are somewhat puzzling to us. Where every other species constantly whines about dying even when using this Biagra product, the Krogan just seems to laugh hysterically smashing our low level subjects to pieces. We sadly have not been able to produce simlar laughing symptoms on our test subjects, the Geth Hunters, but an amusing side effect of our current strain lets them own you even while dying so we are coming, nevertheless.

Dark Space Pharmaceuticals

SO BE IT.  Haha just kidding.
Your thinly veiled threats do not scare us.  However, upper management has sent an urgent update, and we may be able to assist you.  Please advise your coordinates along with placing your order.  We will be sure to donate some special packages to you ASAP.

I'm sorry for any inconvenience caused by our previous response, and we hope you understand where we were coming from.

Respectfully,

Biagra Inc.

Dear Sir:

We sincerly appreciate your cooperation. In return, we can offer some of our outdated technology we no longer use, such as giving your Turians ability to roll like a human and some specialized gear that will allow you to buff your weapons to OP levels. But again, we can not be compromised and will disavow any knowledge of this agreement.

Please send your agent(s) to Omega. We will contact you when you arrive.

Sincerely,

Starburst XXX

Dear Sir,

I'm afraid we cannot send our delivery carriers to Omega, as it is too unsafe for their own good.  Please give us coordinates to your headquarters, and we would be more than happy to ship this special package directly to you.
Much appreciated for your kind exchange gesture.

Have a wonderful day!

Biagra, Inc.

Dear Sir:

I'm sorry, you cannot reach our headquarters with your current technology. However, I can offer a compromise. Please send as many agents as you can to Noveria. I hear that is a popular tourist place to visit with your troops. Please do not mistake the huge red Geth Primes for us. We will be waiting for you on the back launching pad behind the counter room. For secrecy purposes, our agents will be cloaked as Hunters and Phantoms. We will see you before you see us. We look forward to this exchange.

Starburst XXX

Dark Space Pharmaceuticals, Inc

[Outlawstar15a2]

I suffered from Biotic Explosion Dysfunction but ever since I took Biagra I can detonate more regularly now. I feel like a new Adept. Thank you Biagra.

[N1GHTHeR0]

Threads like these make me love the forums.

[Learn To Love Yourself]

Iezza wrote...

DO NOT GET INCPACITATED WHILE USING A BIAGRA INFLUENCED ABILITY.

-sent from iOmni 500 meters above ground. Human vanguard.

Oh dear.  Unfortunately, I am quite sure this was a pre existing condition, sir.  It has to do with the output regulation of a faulty L4 implant.  It happens when you engage biotic charge, the amplifier engages a tad too late, and you actually initiate as you are falling, staring at the sky.  The sudden absence of a target to charge short circuits the amplifier's logic processing and continually performs mini-charges, visibly noticeable as stuttering, in an upwards direction.

Our technical team is working feverishly around the clock to assist with these types of occurences.  As of last week, a prototype reverse-gravity umbrella has been developed.  If you have ever seen the classic Asary Poppins, it is similar to that, but upside down.  You should hopefully never need to use it in the future, but you should definitely have your L4 recalibrated or replaced.

We do our best to both give hope and keep one foot on the ground.

Thank you

[Learn To Love Yourself]

Outlawstar15a2 wrote...

I suffered from Biotic Explosion Dysfunction but ever since I took Biagra I can detonate more regularly now. I feel like a new Adept. Thank you Biagra.

Congratulations, and thank you for choosing to use our product.  And by the way, that new Adept you feel like... it's always been you, the real you.  It fills my heart to see and know this.

May the goddess give you many blessings

[Outlawstar15a2]

Jack Crapper wrote...

Outlawstar15a2 wrote...

I suffered from Biotic Explosion Dysfunction but ever since I took Biagra I can detonate more regularly now. I feel like a new Adept. Thank you Biagra.

Congratulations, and thank you for choosing to use our product.  And by the way, that new Adept you feel like... it's always been you, the real you.  It fills my heart to see and know this.

May the goddess give you many blessings

Indeed, Thank the Goddess.

[Learn To Love Yourself]

DarkOrgasm wrote...

Dear Sir:

I'm sorry, you cannot reach our headquarters with your current technology. However, I can offer a compromise. Please send as many agents as you can to Noveria. I hear that is a popular tourist place to visit with your troops. Please do not mistake the huge red Geth Primes for us. We will be waiting for you on the back launching pad behind the counter room. For secrecy purposes, our agents will be cloaked as Hunters and Phantoms. We will see you before you see us. We look forward to this exchange.

Starburst XXX

Dark Space Pharmaceuticals, Inc

Dear Starburst XXX,

This is acceptable, and we will prepare a very special package for you.  Please note that it is of utmost importance that the package be opened at your headquarters by your lead scientists, as they will probably be the only ones capable of proper handling of the material.  Explicit instructions of mixtures, dosages and general handling are within the package, but all must be kept sterile.  Noveria is known to have a strain of bacteria which will essentially destroy one of the key ingredients of our product.  Please ensure it is opened in a sterile lab at your headquarters. 

Please also remember to give us feedback.  I do hope you receive all you deserve and more through use of this batch of our product.

Thank you for your business

Biagra, Inc.

[DarkOrgasm]

Jack Crapper wrote...

DarkOrgasm wrote...

Dear Sir:

I'm sorry, you cannot reach our headquarters with your current technology. However, I can offer a compromise. Please send as many agents as you can to Noveria. I hear that is a popular tourist place to visit with your troops. Please do not mistake the huge red Geth Primes for us. We will be waiting for you on the back launching pad behind the counter room. For secrecy purposes, our agents will be cloaked as Hunters and Phantoms. We will see you before you see us. We look forward to this exchange.

Starburst XXX

Dark Space Pharmaceuticals, Inc

Dear Starburst XXX,

This is acceptable, and we will prepare a very special package for you.  Please note that it is of utmost importance that the package be opened at your headquarters by your lead scientists, as they will probably be the only ones capable of proper handling of the material.  Explicit instructions of mixtures, dosages and general handling are within the package, but all must be kept sterile.  Noveria is known to have a strain of bacteria which will essentially destroy one of the key ingredients of our product.  Please ensure it is opened in a sterile lab at your headquarters. 

Please also remember to give us feedback.  I do hope you receive all you deserve and more through use of this batch of our product.

Thank you for your business

Biagra, Inc.

Dear Sir:

You should know better than to try any of Gavorn's tricks on us. What kind of reaper fools do you take us for? Which reminds me, we are releasing very soon a new reaper enemy for you to contend with. Early reports indicate it will be very successful and should be annoying as hell to your troops. Buffing up the Vorcha Bloodlust with our version of your Biagra has made his flamer out of this world (literally!)

Please do not leave any Fornax literature laying around as it can inflame them even more.

You will be flamed as soon as you spawn in the LZ and there is no hope for extraction once we spawn multiple Vorcha reapers to kill you. And the best part? Wait til you see their new hopped up melee attack, oh it is glorious Your Alliance HQ will have to issue your troops 5 new weapons alone just to contend with our Vorcha, and we know what happens then right?  Nerf! Break your fans they will

Your Doom awaits you as you know. Your Salvation is your destruction

,,,,,,,, ( extranet connection lost, please reboot system).......

[Rickochet101]

 WOW... everyone who posted ACTUALLY READ the OP!!!
......... I think I just got primed without using Biagra... 

[Learn To Love Yourself]

Rickochet101 wrote...

 WOW... everyone who posted ACTUALLY READ the OP!!!
......... I think I just got primed without using Biagra... 

The inner potential is strong in this one

[Learn To Love Yourself]

DarkOrgasm wrote...

Jack Crapper wrote...

DarkOrgasm wrote...

Dear Sir:

I'm sorry, you cannot reach our headquarters with your current technology. However, I can offer a compromise. Please send as many agents as you can to Noveria. I hear that is a popular tourist place to visit with your troops. Please do not mistake the huge red Geth Primes for us. We will be waiting for you on the back launching pad behind the counter room. For secrecy purposes, our agents will be cloaked as Hunters and Phantoms. We will see you before you see us. We look forward to this exchange.

Starburst XXX

Dark Space Pharmaceuticals, Inc

Dear Starburst XXX,

This is acceptable, and we will prepare a very special package for you.  Please note that it is of utmost importance that the package be opened at your headquarters by your lead scientists, as they will probably be the only ones capable of proper handling of the material.  Explicit instructions of mixtures, dosages and general handling are within the package, but all must be kept sterile.  Noveria is known to have a strain of bacteria which will essentially destroy one of the key ingredients of our product.  Please ensure it is opened in a sterile lab at your headquarters. 

Please also remember to give us feedback.  I do hope you receive all you deserve and more through use of this batch of our product.

Thank you for your business

Biagra, Inc.

Dear Sir:

You should know better than to try any of Gavorn's tricks on us. What kind of reaper fools do you take us for? Which reminds me, we are releasing very soon a new reaper enemy for you to contend with. Early reports indicate it will be very successful and should be annoying as hell to your troops. Buffing up the Vorcha Bloodlust with our version of your Biagra has made his flamer out of this world (literally!)

Please do not leave any Fornax literature laying around as it can inflame them even more.

You will be flamed as soon as you spawn in the LZ and there is no hope for extraction once we spawn multiple Vorcha reapers to kill you. And the best part? Wait til you see their new hopped up melee attack, oh it is glorious Your Alliance HQ will have to issue your troops 5 new weapons alone just to contend with our Vorcha, and we know what happens then right?  Nerf! Break your fans they will

Your Doom awaits you as you know. Your Salvation is your destruction

,,,,,,,, ( extranet connection lost, please reboot system).......

Dear Sir,

The package was a message.  We are not afraid.  I am impressed with the quality of your sensors.  The Alliance assured me that the contents were... undetectable.  In any case, you may threaten, you may bully, but we will never give in, and we will never aid the likes of you.

Bring your army of indoctrinated of Vorcha.  We have an army of dentists, the Vorcha's greatest fear.

Enjoy the trip.  We shall be waiting, united.

[Killahead]

No matter what one thinks of the product, the quality of the customer support sure is brilliant.

[Untonic]

Aww I thought this was a real deal, was waving money and whatnot. Now the asari will never like me because of my biotic dysfunction.

[TianKY]

Dear Biagra Inc,

I have a somewhat different problem. It isn't related to biotics, but rather, I have been having issues with my connectivity of late. I used to be able to maintain extended periods of solid, rock hard connection, but recently I find myself frequently disconnecting when I'm not yet ready to. Sometimes it becomes so bad that I may disconnect a dozen times within half an hour. May I inquire as to whether you have any product similar to Biagra for my condition?

[slab0meat]

Killahead wrote...

No matter what one thinks of the product, the quality of the customer support sure is brilliant.

Very true.  I'm loving all the prompt, courteous, and detailed responses.