241 réponses à ce sujet

[NobodyofConsequence]

Dear Sirs,

How this day are you? We hopes the Goddess sends you many of the blessings.

I have heard much good about your companies and this is why today I am contcting you to speak of the problems I am has. EEZO.

As a well known businessman and a respected politician, my father was brutally murdered by Batarian pirates working as operatifs for the regime of the Batarian Hegemoney in the Alliances Spaces, as he was accused of fermenting dissent against the Bartarians. My mother was the youngest of the wifes of my father, and I and my crippled brother as the only of her children were left penniless and ditraught as the the older wifes of my father cruelly stripped us of our inheritances, despite my mother being the most lovign anc caring of the wifes and playing a great roll in the management of hhis steates while he was alive, leaving her heart brokened and destitute.

Right now we are passing through the great dfificulties and I have only now founded the document that shows my father whil e he was alive deposited a large consignment of EEZO with my name as the next of kin with a security outfit in our colony. We have made all enquiries with the secuirty outfit to confirm the fact. Therefore my mum and I have decided to sell this consignment of EEZO to a potential buyer off-worled to enable us to use the proceeds to put our lifes on course so we can leave this colony completely to off-worlds so we can start life afresh.

I want you to come to my colnoy and see for yourself what I am talking about as my beneficiary or help us effect the sale off-worled. We are prepared to go into any agreement for percentage compensatino for your help of us, and we are very much prepared to part with 20% of the sale moneys for your help abnd assistance. On the contrary if you are a potential buyer then a fresh agrteeement would be reached in respect of thistransaction.

I am looking forward to hear from you as soon as you receive this message.

May the goddess has the mercy on you.

With the respect and Kind regards,
Your friend,
Nobody

[Daynan]

And all I have to do is take a little biotic-blue pill? ;o)

[Learn To Love Yourself]

Killahead wrote...

This looks like an even better deal than that Batarian iridium company someone was kind enough to send me a message about, recommending that I invested a lot of credits in it. They even offered to do all the work, provided that I gave them the details of my Galactic Express credit card.

This hits me on a personal level though. You see, I've been making up excuses for years now. When in battle I would always come up with one, "hey, that idiot engineer over there is messing up my combos", "oh man, I was dumb enough to load my weapon with disruptor rounds today". Usually I would get away with it, but after a while I ran out of excuses, and it became painfully evident that something was wrong when I was shouting out the former excuse only to realize there were no engineers on the battlefield. I finally understood the gravity of my problem and how little it made me feel when I was paired up with this hot Asari on a spec ops mission, deep in Terminus Space. Her cute butt was reaving everything and all I could say was "sorry, my implants are giving me a migraine today".

So sign me up, and bless you for giving me this chance to improve my life. Without my biotics, I am nothing.

Dear sir,

Admitting it is the utmost courageous and the most important first step.

Without biotics, you are nothing?  Yes, that's what others would like you to believe, but at Biagra, we know better.  No longer will you have to use excuses, no longer will you know shame.  We, at Biagra, know you have limitless potential, and it is your turn to shine.  You might have to get a biotic bat just to keep all the little blue bombshells off you! 

A small tip.  Next time you are on a spec op with this hot little number, bring your mp7200 and put in Sparky Sparks' hit single, "Gonna Blow Your Reave, Like You Blow My Mind"

"Giiiirl, the way you set up those biotic detonaaations
Gives me the clearest revelaaation!
Wanna feel that magical bright, blue force!
Wanna find out what it's like at the source...

Girrrl... gonna blow your Reeeave,
Like you blowww myyy miiind.
You ain't never gonna wanna leeeave.
Cuz I'm gonna give you all my prime...
All the time

Played that one at my wedding.

Enjoy a brighter future, one that you deserve.

[Learn To Love Yourself]

DHKany wrote...

Just a heads up on my friends who took Biagra.
They have been reporting major successes with the dudded explosions and the teleporting projectiles.
95% of their warps hit and register, improving their battle performance dramatically and improving their popularity among the barracks. They were very close to being, moved down to toilet duties but have now instead, been promoted to commanding their own platoon!
Thank you so much Biagra, you don't only heal people you change their lives for the better.

A Loyal Customer,
DHKany

Sir, thank you so much for the follow up.  You have no idea how much it fills our hearts to see such turn arounds. 

95% is quite the result!  That was a close call, and I can imagine how they feel!  No one likes to be around the Crapper that long.  Just ask my wife!  Nyuk nyuk.

In all seriousness.  It is cases like these that make it all worth it.  And we can't take all the credit.  Most of it comes from within our patients, especially the skills to command.  We just help to bring it to the surface.  The rest is up to you!

Please give your friends a warm, heartfelt thanks and congratulations from their friends over at Biagra.

[Dudeskio]

Very awesome thread. Had me loling.

[NikkoJT]

This is hilarious. 10/10 as good as Descy_ would read again best thread ever TOTY five stars

[Learn To Love Yourself]

deCastro_1188 wrote...

After a botched biotic charge I medi geled and took a dose of Biagra to get me back in the fight. IT FELT GREAT! Like I could fly floating on cloud nine. One of the greatest experiences of my life. Don't remember if I was effective in battle and I did miss my extraction but it has changed my life forever. Went back to dancing at omega and LOVING LIFE. YOLO.

xoXo Biagra,
Asari ex vanguard

YOLO indeed!  In fact, I'd say this deserves a YOLOAIYAATIRISMSWLMLTORBISFTS (You Only Live Once, And If You're An Asari, Then It Really Isn't Saying Much Since We Live Much Longer Than Other Races, But It's Still Fun To Say)!  That is amazing indeed.  Plus, you even saved money on Space Fare! 

What I believe, is that you missed extraction because you were drawing aggro from the enemy for the sake of your comrades.  Now that's real heroism, right there.  Quite inspirational.

I think I saw you on Omega dancing, by the way.  You are the creator of the dance, The Blurry Blue Pole Glitch!  Spent all my earnings that weekend.  Use it wisely!  I'm sure at least one of my kids won't be going to college anyway.  Hahha I jest.

Thank you for choosing Biagra.

[Learn To Love Yourself]

NobodyofConsequence wrote...

Dear Sirs,

How this day are you? We hopes the Goddess sends you many of the blessings.

I have heard much good about your companies and this is why today I am contcting you to speak of the problems I am has. EEZO.

As a well known businessman and a respected politician, my father was brutally murdered by Batarian pirates working as operatifs for the regime of the Batarian Hegemoney in the Alliances Spaces, as he was accused of fermenting dissent against the Bartarians. My mother was the youngest of the wifes of my father, and I and my crippled brother as the only of her children were left penniless and ditraught as the the older wifes of my father cruelly stripped us of our inheritances, despite my mother being the most lovign anc caring of the wifes and playing a great roll in the management of hhis steates while he was alive, leaving her heart brokened and destitute.

Right now we are passing through the great dfificulties and I have only now founded the document that shows my father whil e he was alive deposited a large consignment of EEZO with my name as the next of kin with a security outfit in our colony. We have made all enquiries with the secuirty outfit to confirm the fact. Therefore my mum and I have decided to sell this consignment of EEZO to a potential buyer off-worled to enable us to use the proceeds to put our lifes on course so we can leave this colony completely to off-worlds so we can start life afresh.

I want you to come to my colnoy and see for yourself what I am talking about as my beneficiary or help us effect the sale off-worled. We are prepared to go into any agreement for percentage compensatino for your help of us, and we are very much prepared to part with 20% of the sale moneys for your help abnd assistance. On the contrary if you are a potential buyer then a fresh agrteeement would be reached in respect of thistransaction.

I am looking forward to hear from you as soon as you receive this message.

May the goddess has the mercy on you.

With the respect and Kind regards,
Your friend,
Nobody

My, my, what a heart-wrenching story.  I truly am sorry for the tribulations you have faced at the hands of such cruel and unjust circumstances.  This story has touched me so deeply, that I have elevated your request straight to our founders, Drs Vishael Tulimen & Thane Sumiville.  They both contribute to a wide array of charities, including those of orphans and survivors of traumatic events, both of which would apply to you.

They have given me permission to inform you that we will assist you free of charge.  We will send an investigator and a lawyer to assist you with your transaction.  If everything turns out well, we will not be accepting 20% of your sale, but we will be donating 20% of your sale to you and your mother.  Whether or not you take or believe in our product will have no bearing on this offer.

I hope you can find the strength to build your life back together. 

Godessspeed.

[Learn To Love Yourself]

Daynan wrote...

And all I have to do is take a little biotic-blue pill? ;o)

Actually, we have a new line of different colors.  We have found a small group of victims who have been attacked by Justicars through mistaken identity (a very rare case, as Justicars are usually very thorough) have become traumatized by the color blue.  We now have quite an array of different colors for you to choose from.  Now you can color coordinate your pills with your pillbox!  I know, right?

[Rickochet101]

Jack Crapper wrote...

Actually, we have a new line of different colors.  We have found a small group of victims who have been attacked by Justicars through mistaken identity (a very rare case, as Justicars are usually very thorough) have become traumatized by the color blue.  We now have quite an array of different colors for you to choose from.  Now you can color coordinate your pills with your pillbox!  I know, right?

Thank goodness! I wouldn't know what to do without a red and a green choice that still do the exact same thing! 

Modifié par Rickochet101, 25 août 2012 - 07:20 .

[Learn To Love Yourself]

Rickochet101 wrote...

Jack Crapper wrote...

Actually, we have a new line of different colors.  We have found a small group of victims who have been attacked by Justicars through mistaken identity (a very rare case, as Justicars are usually very thorough) have become traumatized by the color blue.  We now have quite an array of different colors for you to choose from.  Now you can color coordinate your pills with your pillbox!  I know, right?

Thank goodness! I wouldn't know what to do without a red and a green choice that still do the exact same thing! 

I know!  It brings you the very same joy m&ms do.

[MIA115]

This deserves to be necro'd.

[YIRAWK]

Does it come in suppository form?

[Charmile]

What about the rumors that it is the leading cause of Total Cerebral Explosion?

Where there is no cure and you experience debilitating pain in you head?

[Learn To Love Yourself]

YIRAWK wrote...

Does it come in suppository form?

Good Afternoon,

As a matter of fact, yes, it does!  There really wasn't a need until recently.  As you know, Turian Biotics are quite rare, and a case finally turned up of a Turian Adept with Projectile Dysfunction.  Unfortunately, their mouths are not very good at holding water, as they have holes in their cheeks. 

To assist, we have created an array of suppositories in different shapes and sizes, depending on your mood and strutcture.

Please send us either dimensions or a picture of the soon-to-be grabbity cavity, and we'd be more than happy to offer you suggestions on which shape to take!

[Learn To Love Yourself]

Charmile wrote...

What about the rumors that it is the leading cause of Total Cerebral Explosion?

Where there is no cure and you experience debilitating pain in you head?

Cases of TCE have been reported long before Biagra has been around, sir.  I can understand your concern, but our researchers have done numerous long term tests to ensure there are no side effects.

In fact, our research shows a pattern in the timeline between the first cases of TCE & the initial misuse of the Striker.  Apparently, some terrorists have found that the Striker can be altered to fire missiles.  However, these alterations are done via radioactive components, which negatively interact with biotic implants, causing a swelling, melting, then explosion of the cerebrum. 

The only function retained is, sadly, the ability to use the altered Striker.  All Alliance Combat, Biotic, and life training disappear.  It is truly tragic to see soldiers with great potential turn into mindless zombies incapable of anything other than one task alone.

Biagra does sponsor research in TCE, as well as many other ailments.  We here at Biagra are concerned with overall well-being of our galactic community.

Thank you & good day!

[DHKany]

A new case has arisen amongst my friends.
Him being an outlaw of Cerberus is under enormous stress you see.
But whilst his main power of whipping enemies has remained the same, he just does not possess the accuracy nor will power, to 'get them over here' with his infamous lash power.
I recommended Biagra of course, but even after the trial period, no improvements were to be seen.

If you could help my friend I would be forever in your debt

A Loyal Customer
DHKany

[Grinch57]

DHKany wrote...

A new case has arisen amongst my friends.
Him being an outlaw of Cerberus is under enormous stress you see.
But whilst his main power of whipping enemies has remained the same, he just does not possess the accuracy nor will power, to 'get them over here' with his infamous lash power.
I recommended Biagra of course, but even after the trial period, no improvements were to be seen.

If you could help my friend I would be forever in your debt

A Loyal Customer
DHKany

Does your "friend" have three arms?  I don't think Biagra works for those with odd numbers of (primary) appendages.

[DHKany]

Grinch57 wrote...

DHKany wrote...

A new case has arisen amongst my friends.
Him being an outlaw of Cerberus is under enormous stress you see.
But whilst his main power of whipping enemies has remained the same, he just does not possess the accuracy nor will power, to 'get them over here' with his infamous lash power.
I recommended Biagra of course, but even after the trial period, no improvements were to be seen.

If you could help my friend I would be forever in your debt

A Loyal Customer
DHKany

Does your "friend" have three arms?  I don't think Biagra works for those with odd numbers of (primary) appendages.

Fortuneately he was not involved in the "DNA modifications" experiment that Cerberus unfortunately conducted on his dear friend Jeoffrey. 

[JayCally80]

Hi, my name is Jay and I have biotic disfunction or BD. I have a hard time detonating dark channel. I hit my target with DC then pop a throw on them but they just don't explode. I was a biotic God. What happened BioWare? I feel so ashamed.

Can I get one of those blue pills?

[Grinch57]

JayCally80 wrote...

Hi, my name is Jay and I have biotic disfunction or BD. I have a hard time detonating dark channel. I hit my target with DC then pop a throw on them but they just don't explode. I was a biotic God. What happened BioWare? I feel so ashamed.

Can I get one of those blue pills?

Jack Crapper wrote...

Actually, we have a new line of different colors.  We have found a small group of victims who have been attacked by Justicars through mistaken identity (a very rare case, as Justicars are usually very thorough) have become traumatized by the color blue.  We now have quite an array of different colors for you to choose from.  Now you can color coordinate your pills with your pillbox!  I know, right?

[Volc19]

I have the a very vauge feeling like this line will soon end.

THE LINE HAS REPEATED ITSELF MORE TIMES THAN YOU CAN FATHOM. THREADS RISE, EXPAND, AND AT THE APEX OF THEIR GLORY, THEY ARE EXTINGUISHED.

But seriously though, I find this thread humorous. Carry on, gents.

[DHKany]

Volc19 wrote...

I have the a very vauge feeling like this line will soon end.

THE LINE HAS REPEATED ITSELF MORE TIMES THAN YOU CAN FATHOM. THREADS RISE, EXPAND, AND AT THE APEX OF THEIR GLORY, THEY ARE EXTINGUISHED.

But seriously though, I find this thread humorous. Carry on, gents.

IT SHALL BREAK THE CYCLE. 

[IllusiveManJr]

Sometimes... whenever my biotics just refuse to work. I think about switching to tech. Is that wrong?

[DHKany]

theillusiveman11 wrote...

Sometimes... whenever my biotics just refuse to work. I think about switching to tech. Is that wrong?

I'm sure they don't discriminate.

Or do they?