"Hello! I am a [Mage or Templar] and it is a splendid day to come visiting New Far Distant Pooptown. You there, what is your name?"
"Hello, I am Pro von Tagonist, and I am a Certified Public Accountant at our Village Waterpark."
"Oh, splendid! Say, did you know my friends and I are fighting a war with the [opposite group]?"
"No, I did not know that. I am a painfully boring human being with no interest in the world beyond our kick-ass bakery."
"Splendid! I guess it follows logically that I will ask you an important question that will shape your life."
"I would like that. No one talks to me. I spend all of my life writing snarky things on the Chanter's Board and hoping to make someone sad."
"Splendid! No one will miss you if you died, anyways. That answers my question! Now, give me a bag of muffins and my friends and I will depart for Old Poopview using the Waterfall Road. Did I misenunciate? Let me repeat. Ol-d Poop-view, via the Water-Fall Ro-ad."
"You did not misenunciate, because that is not a word and so it is not a thing that you can do."
"Thank you for the Legendary Muffins Of A Unique Recipe, and also go to hell! LOL!" *rides away*
The next morning...
"Hello! I am a member of the [Other Group]! Have you seen a man who says Splendid a lot? I already know the answer, and I will murder you if you lie to me."
"... Yes."
"I will murder you a lot less now, but I still might murder you some unless you tell me where they are."
"They went to Old Poopview via the Waterfall Road."
"They have no provisions, how do they have the energy to travel?"
"I gave them muffins."
"Murder everyone!" *almost everyone is murdered*
"That was a good job of murdering I just did. Ok, survivors, you can now bury your men in the swimming pond and wash your violated women below the waterslides. I ride for Old Poopview via the Waterfall Road."
*We all hate you very much now, from our insides out."
*in the middle of the night, a pillar of fire erupts on the Waterfall Road*
"Hello, Splendid village! We have returned with the dawn after springing our successful trap! Thanks for playing your unwitting part in the ruse! We only regret that [The Other Group]'s leader escaped with a brochure to your waterpark and the half empty bag of Unique Muffins that you and only you produce fresh each morning. Also, he is the Empresses' favorite piccolo performer but I am sure you can explain your helping a known fugitive to the local authorities more believeably than he can. Also, I'm the fugitive, LOL!"
"I hate you now too."
"I guess you and I could follow the haunting melody of his piccolo and perhaps catch up to him in the forest. I owe you that much revenge. We can bring two others at most because of memory concerns on Consoles.
"Consoles?"
"Consoles is my horse and he paranoid around people. He is afraid they will push their genitals against his spine. So I guess he is not really paranoid because that is how you ride a horse."
"What if I do not want to go? It is important to have a choice and I require the choice to stay in this village and be a nobody doing nothing."
"You can stay in this village with your dead friends and your battered women and die when the sheriff comes, or you can come with me and there will be all the spreadsheets and conversations you could ask for, also we can perhaps prevent the sheriff from ever knowing you helped me."
"I am ****ed, am I not?"
"Splendid! It's settled."
Modifié par RinpocheSchnozberry, 07 septembre 2012 - 02:12 .
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:lol:
Brilliant!
