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My ME3-ME4 Short story


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#1
harbinger of war

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Begining of my mass effect short story, This is chapter 1 that starts off an hour before the battle of earth no action yet chapter 2 will have the bigining of the battle. this story is based on Liara during the ending of ME3 and iwill continue to ME4 I hope you like it here it is:



Mass Effect 3
 
Chapter 1 Liara Love from a hero
 
It was only an hour left to go before Sheppard and his team touched down on Earth the human home world that was ravished by the reapers. She knows that this may be the only time to speak with her love, The one man that swooped her off her feet the first time they meet on the Prothean planet all those years back Commander Sheppard. The thought made her smile to herself, the once lone doctor that thought her life was set on understanding the Protheans, now in the greatest fight the galaxy will ever endure in its history with the one she loved. She was exited but also afraid of the outcome that was soon to come; if the species that rallied behind Sheppard were to lose the only thing that would be waiting for them would be extinction. This thought brought an uneasiness through her body, while thinking about what to do if that was the case, she heard a voice call to her, but she kept walking like if the voice was coming from her own head.
 
Familiar voice: “Liara!”
 
She was about to keep on walking because she wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone at this moment, until she was stopped by a claw like hand that grabbed her arm. She spun around to face the individual.
 
Liara: “What do you want Garrus.”
 
She saw Garrus was a bit taken back by her unfriendly tone, making a startled face.
 
Garrus: “Wow their Liara I just wanted to have a bit of a chat with you about the upcoming battle.”
 
She did not really want to talk about it right away, well not with Garrus but with Sheppard holding her in his arms. Their was only one problem, Garrus was a close friend to her, she didn’t want to upset him before this final battle which would decide the fate of all the races in the galaxy. She forced herself to use a more friendly matter.
 
Liara: “What’s the matter Garrus you don’t sound like yourself?”
 
He seemed to hesitate with his reply, eyes looking everywhere as if to find an object to help him find something to say. Then his eye’s meet with hers.
 
Garrus: “Liara I think the odds our in our favour, I think we have a chance at actually destroying the reapers with the force that Sheppard has behind him, but-”
 
She saw he trailed off again, trying to find the right words to say or words that wont offend her. She didn’t feel comfortable with Garrus’s “but” though. She placed a hand on his chest to comfort him.
 
Liara: “But?”
 
Garrus seemed to become relaxed by her touch and began to continue his sentence.
 
Garrus: But the reapers are an ancient machine/organic race that have wiped out previous other species…Hell not even species but entire races in each cycle, what makes you or me think  that we can ma-.” A smile appeared on his face
 
Liara realized Garrus was beginning to laugh, startled by this gesture she asked
 
Liara: “What’s so funny Garrus”
 
Garrus: “I’m laughing because I was beginning to second guess Sheppard’s ability, if anyone can defeat the reaper threat it is him. He was the one who stopped Saren and sovereign when they tried to bring back the reapers with my and your help, he’s also the one who killed that reaper human prototype bastard and blew up the whole damn Collector base because they pissed him off. Not only that but he fought a reaper on foot, that crazy bastard. Yes we can win this with his leadership.”
 
To Liara it sounded like he was answering his own questions. With another smile and a chuckle to himself he said
 
Garrus: “Thank you Liara for hearing me out, you have always been a good friend”
 
With that he turned around and started to walk away.
 
Liara for some odd reason wanted to know what he was going to do in the hour time before the battle of earth began. With a smile on her face she asked
 
Liara; “Garrus what are you going to do in the hour we have left before the war starts.”
 
Garrus stops in mid stride and turns around with a crap eating grin and says.  
  
Garrus: You have to excuse me but I need to finish my calibrations with the weapon system before we go to war, which will probably take 15 minutes tops to finish.” Another smile comes on his face. “And then I got a date with Tali.”
 
With that Garrus was gone down the elevator shaft.
 
After she was left alone again she could feel her heart way heavy in her chest. She know exactly what Garrus was about to say when he was speaking his mind. What makes you or me think that we can make a difference to such genicidal monsters? She put the thought in the back of her mind right know was not the time to be thinking of such dire circumstances when Sheppard has needs her help the most.    
 
She smiled at the thought and hurried off towards the elevator that Garrus just used so no one else can ask her questions so she could be with Sheppard. Pressing the button going up to the captain’s quarters she found herself getting nervous, she had been in Sheppard’s presents before. For her though these were different circumstances, Sheppard had the stress of the entire galaxy on his shoulders, one wrong move means extinction for everybody. All she wanted to do consol him and say everything was going to be okay, which she knew was a lie.
 
The door finally opened and she felt this aura of frustration coming from him, since their first time being intimate all those months past made their bond stronger than ever. She walked up slowly behind him while he was sitting on the couch, like a predator stalking it’s pray. Then she wrapped her arms around his shoulder and said.   
 
Liara: “Sheppard what’s the matter you seem very frustrated.”
 
Sheppard just looked at her with a weary smile; to her view it seemed that he hadn’t had any sleep for days. He kept staring at her with weary eyes then said.
 
Sheppard: “Liara I need to get something off my chest, I love you very much but the upcoming hours will put a lot of strain on us.”
 
He put his hand right on her face for enfaces and continued talking
 
Sheppard: “I don’t want you to get hurt, I now this would probably sound cheesy but did you know that you’re the only reason why I haven’t lost my mind yet. When I think of you it gives me the strength to hurdle any obstacle.”
 
Liara felt her eye’s water all of a sudden but at the same time she felt herself smiling, She hadn’t felt that way before it was strange to her, scared her a bit. She could only reply
 
Liara: “I love you Sheppard but I don’t know what cheesy means but I love you very much and no matter what I will be with you to the end.”
 
She felt herself instinctively lean in towards Sheppard and Sheppard seemed to be following with the motion to their lips connected, their body’s started to tangle around each other and suddenly she was to hot and bothered to resist the temptation. She took off her cloths while Sheppard did the same thing, their naked body’s intertwined and after 20 minutes the passion was over and they were both sweaty from doing the deed. Sheppard looked at her and smiled saying
 
Sheppard: “I was going to ask you if to stay on the Normandy during the battle, but I realize that I want you by my side on the battle field because I know you would rather take part in the war than sit it out.”
 
Liara: “Sheppard I would never leave you alone because we belong together, I rather spend my final moments with you on earth fitting the reaper forces and dying with you.”
 
Sheppard looked in her eye’s gave her another kiss and replied
 
Sheppard: “you’re right"
 
The end of Chapter one

Modifié par harbinger of war, 02 octobre 2012 - 07:50 .


#2
harbinger of war

harbinger of war
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If you finish reading please give some feedback so I could do chapter 2 even better than chapter 1 please comment below

Modifié par harbinger of war, 02 octobre 2012 - 01:50 .


#3
harbinger of war

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I want to become a story writer so please comment on my work if it's okay with you guy's Im already making a videogame story called Invaision. I love ME series too please help me out so I could learn more on how to become a better writer, much appritiated.

#4
CDR David Shepard

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Shepard only has one p.

#5
harbinger of war

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I know that but the story wasn't about Shepard, it was about Liara and how she felt about the war with the reapers that was only an hour away. How she put her mind at ease with seeing the one she loved Shepard.

Modifié par harbinger of war, 02 octobre 2012 - 02:06 .


#6
CDR David Shepard

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harbinger of war wrote...

I know that but the story wasn't about Shepard, it was about Liara and how she felt about the war with the reapers that was only an hour away. How she put her mind at ease with seeing the one she loved Shepard.


Right...but you asked for help on how to become a better writer. Better spelling is one way to do so...especially when it comes to one of your characters.

#7
harbinger of war

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Thanks for your help man, in my next chapter I will focus more on Better spelling deffinatly.
Thank you

#8
harbinger of war

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I need more critisim please on my story development ect

#9
AustereLemur799

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First of all I'm dyslexic, so I'm hardly in a position to criticise. There are a few grammatical errors as well as spelling mistakes - don't worry; I make them all the time (it helps to have another set of eyes to check your work).

Also I think you need to work out the format of your story a little better. It comes across as prose, and yet you precede direct dialogue with the character name - like a script.

As for the story itself, it seems sound so far Posted Image. I do, however, think it's a little weird that Shepard and Liara would have sex in the middle of a warzone (that's what the scene before the Cronos mission was for), but that's just me.

Keep writing. Posted Image

#10
harbinger of war

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AustereLemur799 wrote...

First of all I'm dyslexic, so I'm hardly in a position to criticise. There are a few grammatical errors as well as spelling mistakes - don't worry; I make them all the time (it helps to have another set of eyes to check your work).

Also I think you need to work out the format of your story a little better. It comes across as prose, and yet you precede direct dialogue with the character name - like a script.

As for the story itself, it seems sound so far Posted Image. I do, however, think it's a little weird that Shepard and Liara would have sex in the middle of a warzone (that's what the scene before the Cronos mission was for), but that's just me.

Keep writing. Posted Image


Lol thanks for your critisisim and thanks for motivating me to keep on writing.
In general thank you 
Yes its before the cronos mission.

Modifié par harbinger of war, 02 octobre 2012 - 03:59 .