sami jo wrote...
I should truncate the posts above, but I'm too tired to not muck it up.
I agree that Zev is sorting out his feelings still, but the follow-up conversation in which he refuses the tent happens whether you refuse the earring or not. I also get the sense that he is very insecure in that emotional role. I take that from his reaction if the Warden is romancing two people (he seems to expect to be dumped), from the "what about love" conversation after the tent, from his reaction to the gloves and from the way he downplays his opinion. He always predicates his comments with "it's just the opinion of an assassin" or something like it. He doesn't know what to do with his feelings and he isn't used to having anyone actually love and value him. He is afraid of what he is feeling, afraid of being rejected, afraid of being vulnerable and all of it leads to him dancing around expressing his emotions in a serious way.
I don't know a single person with an abuse history who doesn't get a little wonky at times. Some are incredibly good at recognizing when it's happening and adjusting, some are very good at hiding it (99% of my emo lunies are missed by pretty much everyone), but all of them get nailed now and then. Zev has no experience in that area, so it's bound to take him a bit to adjust. He's never even had a real friend. He wants to seem confident and put together. It was a matter of survival for him. That doesn't mean he is.
I know two people with histories of horrible abuse that don't get wonky at times; both men are amazingly resilient people, though (I cannot say the same for either of their siblings -- they are all very messed up).
I'm not sure where I implied that the refusing the earring or keeping it makes any difference in the tent refusal. The only difference is whether he offers the earring as a token of affection and perhaps a proposal.
But you are right, he does maintain a distance, and he does expect to be dumped when he forces a choice. Yet he feels the need to force that choice (which is why I think his feelings have been running deeper for a longer time).
I guess what stands out for me most about Zevran is the remarkable inner strength he has. The training is supposed to kill off people who still feel, yet he not only survives but excels. This is not a weak person in mind or body or spirit. And he's aware of his strength. He's extremely confident of his ability as a lover. He is extremely confused about his own feelings towards the warden. He is unsure of his standing in the relationship with the warden since he has never been close to someone in this way.
I'm not wording this well, I can see. I just see his motives differently, I suppose, when offering the earring the way he does the first time. I don't see it as an offer from someone who's sure he's going to be rejected. And he certainly isn't taking it as a rejection of him or of the relationship if you turn the earring down.
When I think about it, I'm not actually sure why he offered the earring the first time. He's probably telling himself it's as a thank you as he says. But he's not asking for a commitment, he goes out of his way to make that clear (just like he goes out of his way to say he will not fall in love when asked about it earlier -- true or not, he is trying very hard to convince himself of this). I think at that point he's still trying to convince himself that everything means less to him than it actually does.
Gah, I need more coffee because I KNOW I am not wording this well!
Modifié par ejoslin, 03 mai 2010 - 02:03 .
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