35177 réponses à ce sujet

[sleepingbelow]

soignee wrote...
I am not talking about adjusted, nice men. I'm talking about Nice Guy Syndrome.

I knew a Nice Girl once.  We were friends for a couple of months, and very early on I thought I felt like, tension.  I told her I wasn't looking for that, and she said that wasn't what she was hoping to hear, but she was cool with that.  But then she invited me to a party, and when she introduced me to her friends, they were all like, "Oh, so you're so-n-so!" in that really weird tone of voice.  Y'know the one.  There's implication.

I just told myself I was being paranoid.  But I kept showing up to her apartment and there would be things like a candlelit meatloaf dinner when we were just supposed to be watching a DvD.  I kept on telling her for weeks that I just wanted to be friends, is that cool? and she would be like, yeah, that's cool.

I asked her at the point when I thought thing were really bad, "Please, could we just be friends?  Go back a few steps?  I feel like you've emotionally gone in a different direction than me."  And she replied that she didn't think she could be just friends.  So I thought about it and said I was sorry, but I couldn't hang out with her anymore.

THEN things got crazy.  I wanted to leave the apartment, I was getting physically restrained and kissed in what I think she thought was a very dramatic way like in the movies but was actually sort of scary.  Which is a feat, because I'm not a small dude.  And there was this really, really un-PC thought I had at the time, but I was like, "Whoa!  I thought having male privilege meant not having to fear for my safety like this!"  Please don't kill me.

I stumbled out of her apartment, sans my flannel shirt.  Later she messaged me and told me she was wrong, she could totally go back to being friends.  I said I thought that was a bad idea, and that I thought she was a nice girl but we should both just acknowledge that sometimes things get too weird.  She got very insistent, she was my friend, she needed my friendship, she knew we really had a great rapport, blah blah blah.

Anyway, montaging the rest, I got eight months of text messages that rapidly oscillated between really angry/mean to really conciliatory to occasionally really bad, drunk sounding poetry.  It was strange because it seemed like a lot of effort towards a friendship (or whatever she wanted) that was obviously six feet under.  I am not really a handsome dude.  I have no idea what happened.  But there are sections of town I actually avoid now.

*turns to self*
tl; dr, but cool story bro
*turn to other self*
eff off, jerk
*turns back to self*
wharrgarbl

EDIT: Top of page.

Modifié par sleepingbelow, 16 mai 2010 - 02:11 .

[sami jo]

@sleepingbelow: psycho girl needs a warning label tattooed on her forehead.

[Cuddlezarro]

*looks at sleepings post*





gee and my last 2 ex's though *I* was overly clingy (though I am clingy...)

[ejoslin]

Agreed. That is truly a frightening story.

[soignee]

sleepingbelow wrote...

soignee wrote...
I am not talking about adjusted, nice men. I'm talking about Nice Guy Syndrome.

I dated a Nice Girl once.  We were friends for a couple of months, and very early on I thought I felt like, tension.  I told her I wasn't looking for that, and she said that wasn't what she was hoping to hear, but she was cool with that.  But then she invited me to a party, and when she introduced me to her friends, they were all like, "Oh, so you're so-n-so!" in that really weird tone of voice.  Y'know the one.  There's implication.

Oh lord, I can see where this is going.

I just told myself I was being paranoid.  But I kept showing up to her apartment and there would be things like a candlelit meatloaf dinner when we were just supposed to be watching a DvD.  I kept on telling her for weeks that I just wanted to be friends, is that cool? and she would be like, yeah, that's cool.

I asked her at the point when I thought thing were really bad, "Please, could we just be friends?  Go back a few steps?  I feel like you've emotionally gone in a different direction than me."  And she replied that she didn't think she could be just friends.  So I thought about it and said I was sorry, but I couldn't hang out with her anymore.

Out of curiosity, was there a point where you thought, "well I suppose a tumble is a tumble?" Even if you shoved it down to a place of NO THE CRAZY WOULD BR STRONG NOOOO

THEN things got crazy.

Oh! Speak of the devil....

I wanted to leave the apartment, I was getting physically restrained and kissed in what I think she thought was a very dramatic way like in the movies but was actually sort of scary.  Which is a feat, because I'm not a small dude.  And there was this really, really un-PC thought I had at the time, but I was like, "Whoa!  I thought having male privilege meant not having to fear for my safety like this!"  Please don't kill me.

It's ok, I won't shove your privilege back in your face. NO ONE should be in that position, regardless of gender.

I stumbled out of her apartment, sans my flannel shirt.  Later she messaged me and told me she was wrong, she could totally go back to being friends.  I said I thought that was a bad idea, and that I thought she was a nice girl but we should both just acknowledge that sometimes things get too weird.  She got very insistent, she was my friend, she needed my friendship, she knew we really had a great rapport, blah blah blah.

Anyway, montaging the rest, I got eight months of text messages that rapidly oscillated between really angry/mean to really conciliatory to occasionally really bad, drunk sounding poetry.  It was strange because it seemed like a lot of effort towards a friendship (or whatever she wanted) that was obviously six feet under.  I am not really a handsome dude.  I have no idea what happened.  But there are sections of town I actually avoid now.

Dude I'm sorry :-/

*turns to self*
tl; dr, but cool story bro
*turn to other self*
eff off, jerk
*turns back to self*

This made me lulz, not going to lie.

wharrgarbl

[Herr Uhl]

sleepingbelow wrote...

I just told myself I was being paranoid.  But I kept showing up to her apartment and there would be things like a candlelit meatloaf dinner when we were just supposed to be watching a DvD.  I kept on telling her for weeks that I just wanted to be friends, is that cool? and she would be like, yeah, that's cool.

Candlelit meatloaf dinner?

*giggles*

Edit: For the record, I wasn't nearly that bad. And it was usually I that ended contact because I started to feel like an idiot.

Modifié par Herr Uhl, 16 mai 2010 - 02:18 .

[Sarah1281]

The Poster Boy for Nice Guys.

Newsflash, Tom: WHEN SHE SAYS SHE'S NOT LOOKING FOR LOVE THAT DOESN'T MEAN SHE NEEDS YOU TO SAVE HER FROM HER POOR, LOVELESS EXISTENCE!

[soignee]

Oh god that movie. So glad I wasn't the only one screaming at the TV screen.

[SurrealSadi]

.. Sleeping, as soon as you hit the "Am I being paranoid?" moment, RUN.

[Sarah1281]

soignee wrote...

Oh god that movie. So glad I wasn't the only one screaming at the TV screen.

Did you feel a sudden sense of foreboding for Autumn at the end, too, or was that just me?

[soignee]

Sarah1281 wrote...

soignee wrote...

Oh god that movie. So glad I wasn't the only one screaming at the TV screen.

Did you feel a sudden sense of foreboding for Autumn at the end, too, or was that just me?

I think he Learns From His Mistakes, but the little look he gives to the camera of "she's called what?" makes it all ambiguous

[Herr Uhl]

soignee wrote...

Sarah1281 wrote...

soignee wrote...

Oh god that movie. So glad I wasn't the only one screaming at the TV screen.

Did you feel a sudden sense of foreboding for Autumn at the end, too, or was that just me?

I think he Learns From His Mistakes, but the little look he gives to the camera of "she's called what?" makes it all ambiguous

Is it the story of a stalker or what?

[soignee]

Herr Uhl wrote...

soignee wrote...

Sarah1281 wrote...

soignee wrote...

Oh god that movie. So glad I wasn't the only one screaming at the TV screen.

Did you feel a sudden sense of foreboding for Autumn at the end, too, or was that just me?

I think he Learns From His Mistakes, but the little look he gives to the camera of "she's called what?" makes it all ambiguous

Is it the story of a stalker or what?

No, more a story of A Nice Guy and the Nice Guy liking a girl who only wanted a casual hookup/friendship thing. He does get obsessive though.

[Sarah1281]

soignee wrote...

Herr Uhl wrote...

soignee wrote...

Sarah1281 wrote...

soignee wrote...

Oh god that movie. So glad I wasn't the only one screaming at the TV screen.

Did you feel a sudden sense of foreboding for Autumn at the end, too, or was that just me?

I think he Learns From His Mistakes, but the little look he gives to the camera of "she's called what?" makes it all ambiguous

Is it the story of a stalker or what?

No, more a story of A Nice Guy and the Nice Guy liking a girl who only wanted a casual hookup/friendship thing. He does get obsessive though.

And then 'OMG, she talked to me for the first time in months! I knew we were soulmates!'

[Herr Uhl]

And the movie makes him look like the bad guy or is it sympathetic to him?

[soignee]

Herr Uhl wrote...

And the movie makes him look like the bad guy or is it sympathetic to him?

I got some sympathy, to be honest. That was more from me as a vaguely creative type, as he ditches his "safe" job to persue something a little more risky. When you have an art degree there's always this thing of "well I have a job, I shouldn't try to rock the boat and aim for something else," especially if the 'safe' job is also creative.

[Sarah1281]

Herr Uhl wrote...

And the movie makes him look like the bad guy or is it sympathetic to him?

It's from his point of view. His little sister is just a kid but she's all 'Dude, just because you both like weird art stuff doesn't mean you're soulmates' but he only realizes that after moping around for awhile being emo because she got engaged. And then...Autumn.

[sleepingbelow]

soignee wrote...
Out of curiosity, was there a point where you thought, "well I suppose a tumble is a tumble?" Even if you shoved it down to a place of NO THE CRAZY WOULD BR STRONG NOOOO

Haha, I had a terrible conversation like this with my younger brother in the middle of the whole ordeal.

HIM: "Dude, you should look at this as an opportunity"
ME: "What?"
HIM:  "Y'know.  To do the really weird stuff."  *raises eyebrows*
ME: "You are at least the fourth worst human being I know."

Sarah1281 wrote...
The Poster Boy for Nice Guys. 
 

Wait, is that from that movie 500 Days of Summer?  I sort of wanted to see that.  Is that what that movie is about?  Does it suck?  Dammit, I wanted to see that.  Does it suck?

[Sarah1281]

Wait, is that from that movie 500 Days of Summer? I sort of wanted to see that. Is that what that movie is about? Does it suck? Dammit, I wanted to see that. Does it suck?

It is. It doesn't suck but the entire relationship Summer makes it clear to her would-be soulmate she's not looking for a boyfriend or love and only wants to have fun right now so he turns into the Nice Guy, pretends to be okay with that, and then flips out when other guys are interested in her even though he's claimed he's fine with a casual fling.



He's not.

[Herr Uhl]

sleepingbelow wrote...

soignee wrote...
Out of curiosity, was there a point where you thought, "well I suppose a tumble is a tumble?" Even if you shoved it down to a place of NO THE CRAZY WOULD BR STRONG NOOOO

Haha, I had a terrible conversation like this with my younger brother in the middle of the whole ordeal.

HIM: "Dude, you should look at this as an opportunity"
ME: "What?"
HIM:  "Y'know.  To do the really weird stuff."  *raises eyebrows*
ME: "You are at least the fourth worst human being I know."

I like him.

[Sarah1281]

Herr Uhl wrote...

sleepingbelow wrote...

soignee wrote...
Out of curiosity, was there a point where you thought, "well I suppose a tumble is a tumble?" Even if you shoved it down to a place of NO THE CRAZY WOULD BR STRONG NOOOO

Haha, I had a terrible conversation like this with my younger brother in the middle of the whole ordeal.

HIM: "Dude, you should look at this as an opportunity"
ME: "What?"
HIM:  "Y'know.  To do the really weird stuff."  *raises eyebrows*
ME: "You are at least the fourth worst human being I know."

I like him.

You would.

[Herr Uhl]

Just to be clear, that was sarcasm.

[SurrealSadi]

Aimo posted new art!

[TanithAeyrs]

OMG sleeping, what an awful story. I'm sure someday you'll meet a nice girl as opposed to a Nice Girl and things will go better. For the record my hubby probably deserves some kind of medal, I turned down his proposals for 3 years (we were living together, I just wasn't into committment).